Ryder

by Wilson, Yumoyori

  She continued, "Better yet, the multiple times I spoke out loud instead of being able to distinguish between the thoughts in my crowded head versus the world around me! Just because you knew someone when they were what, four or five cycles, you simply think you can just assume I’m the same naive little girl? I’ve changed, Ryder! I’ve seen things...I’ve witnessed shifters destroy one another to receive a plate of food. I’ve watched girls get beaten and raped by the guards for refusing to reveal their bodies to them. I was compelled to stand and watch my...best friend, my sister, release her spirit before her head was sliced off her body just because she deserved to be taught a lesson! I am a shattered mess, Ryder. I’m not the innocent Rosalina you once knew. I’m the girl who screams herself awake from nightmares that plague me any chance they get. I’m the girl who hides a side of myself that...if revealed, could destroy whatever’s dear to me with a snap of a finger.”

  I feel the rage trying to consume her— wanting some type of release.

  “I’m broken, Ryder! An unsalvageable mess. Knowing all this, would you still want to accept such a person...as a friend, as a princess to serve and protect?”

  “Mako,” I whispered, taking in everything she said.

  She didn't see what I saw. The strong woman she'd become without anyone’s guidance or help. She didn't see her strengths or how humble she was. She didn't understand.

  How can I make her realize that she doesn't need to be perfect? That we all have flaws we struggle to deal with every day?

  She pulled out of my embrace, my eyes catching a glimpse of tears that rolled down her cheeks before she turned away as she tightened the blanket around her.

  “I’ll return to my room. Sorry for waking you, it won’t happen again,” she whispered.

  I wouldn't let her walk away, to leave my grasp without understanding what she wasn't able to see. She only made one step forward before my arms wrapped around her— stopping her attempt to flee.

  “You think we’re perfect, Makoto?” I whispered in her ear, trying my hardest not to sound upset, but my aggravation at her blind-sightedness leaked from my low voice.

  “Every day I walk with my head up high, giving off the impression that all is well, but when the lights go off and I lay in my bed, I’m haunted by the stricken expressions on your parent’s faces when they discovered you were stolen. I despise the younger me, who didn’t clue in on the fact you weren’t in bed next to me that morning. Maybe, if I had acted upon that revelation and investigated...you would have never lived such a pain-stricken life. Those agonizing memories will never fade away, Makoto. I’ll always put the blame on myself for failing you,” I confessed.

  I tightened my embrace around her— afraid I'd somehow lost her, yet again. I took a deep breath, trying to hold back my tears as I trembled against her.

  I hadn't realized how much I'd come to love her. The thought of her lingered in my mind over and over again, wondering how life would have been if she hadn't been taken— if I hadn't failed her.

  Even if she didn't remember me, just the thought that she could be in my arms again for just this point of time helped me on so many levels, some I couldn't yet describe in words.

  “You can’t beat yourself up for that. Only the Starlight gods can determine our fates. If this was how my life was supposed to blossom, to make me a stronger individual, then you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it,” she admitted.

  I could feel the overflowing waves of anger lessen, becoming smaller and smaller till it was difficult for my gift to pick up.

  “Then why is it okay for me to forgive my shortcomings, but watch you refuse to forgive yours? I can’t say everything that happens in this universe happens with a purpose. I understand you’ve seen things and have lost people you cared about, but so have I. We’ve all lost people. Losing someone dear to you creates an unfillable black hole within your heart...but we can’t continue to move forward with the intention of living up to their names if we don’t commit to trying our best to do so. That starts with you, forgiving yourself and accepting the person you’ve become due to such an upbringing,” I concluded, hoping my words could reach her— to help her see the bigger picture.

  Silence descended around us as we stood in place— the wind continued to blow into the room, causing the shutters to clatter against the windowsill.

  She took a deep breath— her confusion apparent from the wave of emotion hitting me.

  "Can they all accept me? The broken defective me?" she pondered, a thought meant to be inner rather than outer.

  “We’re all broken, Mako. All of us have a story to tell. Just because Marcus laughs constantly, doesn’t mean he hasn’t struggled in this life. Just because Daniel looks calm all the time, doesn’t mean he doesn’t become aggravated or upset. Elias projects himself as a stuck up know it all without a care in the world, but don’t you wonder what made him become that way in the first place? We all have our inner demons. It comes down to whether you succumb to them or fight to become victorious.”

  She turned in my embrace to face me, her cheeks stained with tears. But when her eyes locked on mine I didn't see sadness. No, I saw a new found determination flickering in those blue jewels. She smiled.

  “I’ll accept you and the others. I won't judge you guys either. I don’t know what the gods have in store for us on this apparent journey. To be honest, the unknown frightens me — unaware of when we’ll have to face these foretold dark times, but if you all are willing to stay with me, through thick and thin, I’ll give it a shot,” she vowed.

  I smiled, pleased with her answer and happy to have helped her realize her worth. I wanted to be the person who stopped her from giving up, and I was glad my words got through to her.

  “Tomorrow’s a new beginning. Let’s make it count,” I proclaimed.

  Time went by as we laid there and talked. We discussed about our lives, and the cycles we'd missed thanks to Aspen.

  She talked about her time at the facility and how she met a girl named Lily.

  She'd been her very first friend and known her for two cycles— until her last moments when she'd been murdered. It was Mako's punishment for participating in the escape plot, even though she was only eight cycles at the time.

  She talked about Lily's phoenix, who was now her third spirit— naming her in Lily's memory. It was difficult to listen to the entire story without getting emotional.

  It was extra difficult for Stryker, who lingered in my mind to listen to her tale. I could feel her sadness and regret. Even after all these cycles she still felt it was her fault for Lily's death.

  I listened, doing my best to comfort her when she struggled to finish a certain part of her story. Overall, she confessed that even with all the hardships she experienced, she didn't feel bad for herself.

  It had helped her become the shifter she was now and as she claimed, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

  It amazed me how she could be so open-minded and accepting of her past and the circumstances she'd faced. Others would complain and emphasize how hard their lives were and that they deserved to be pampered with money and service for their past struggles.

  Makoto didn't want sympathy. She simply wanted to share her story and move forward. She had finally obtained freedom and didn't want the past pulling her down.

  I knew it would be difficult to forget the past and move forward and enjoy the present. But I would be here, and so would the others. We'd make sure she knew she was loved and adored.

  I watched her fight to stay awake— her head resting against my chest before she'd lift it up, trying not to fall asleep.

  I eventually let my hand press gently against her head, encouraging her to lay it down. My hand began to stroke her hair as I absentmindedly stared at the ceiling. I could hear her breathing slow as her body relaxed, falling asleep. I smiled down at her, moving a few strands of her hair to kiss her temple.

  My first love was back in my arms, and I would fight to keep her in our gras
p.

  I relaxed in the single corner chair in my sanctuary— the library. I don't remember what made me fall in love with the bundle of papers.

  I guess ever since my long reading sessions in my father's study I'd come to appreciate the various amount of knowledge hidden within books.

  I wasn't picky about what I read. As long as it was interesting and grasped my attention. The type of reading material I chose shifted depending on how I felt and current circumstances.

  There would be days where I would read for pleasure while others I had to focus on researching the other realms. I personally enjoyed downtime better, always ending up reading the next book in the current series I was reading— Sherlock Holmes.

  I'd come to love the series in my teens, having bumped into a private investigator on Earthala by accident.

  Long story short, I'd knocked him out, thinking he was a part of the crew who wanted to pick a fight with me while I simply wanted to enjoy a moment by myself with a drink.

  The private investigator's name was Jaxson White, and he was a part of a criminal investigation organization called Paranormal INC. We'd ended up becoming friends and got drinks— my apology for hitting him.

  Since our confrontation, I'd been interested in the crime scene world, falling in love with the fictitious world of Sherlock and his partner Watson.

  I was reading another novel in the series, helping me relax after the issue with Makoto and a teacher named Professor Sepherant. I didn't know what their relationship was or why Makoto had reacted the way she had for EliaseAnne to resort to erasing her memories, but I wouldn't linger on the dilemma any longer.

  Elias and EliaseAnne didn't make irrational decisions and after Elias' explanation, I most likely would have done the same. It didn’t sit well with me that her memories were erased, but we couldn't afford Mako having a panic attack in the middle of a busy hall due to a professor who may look like someone from her past.

  Either way, the number of emotions flowing in the living room was irritating me and I needed an escape. Sitting in my black suede chair and reading a good book always calmed my nerves.

  "Are you guys going to tell Makoto eventually?" Stryker questioned.

  I sighed, leaning into the cushion as I placed the book in my lap.

  Yes. I would like to inform her when we reach Heila. Maybe even earlier if we can figure out what's going on. Exams are approaching. I'll tell her when she won't need to have any interaction with Professor Sepherant. Till then, we'll keep it to ourselves. EliaseAnne would want to tell her, but you know how hesitant she gets with those things.

  "Hmm. True. As long as you have plans to disclose what Eli did. Shouldn't you inform Mako about Eli's predicament?"

  I closed my eyes, needing a second to think. I think we should hold off for now. I don't like keeping it hidden, but she's dealing with a lot. We've dumped a bunch of information in her lap and she needs time to adapt to everything. She's been doing a good job, but I don't want her breaking down. For now, we'll keep it on the down low and Elias should tell her if the opportunity arises.

  "Very well. You should go sleep in your room," Stryker suggested.

  I'm not tired.

  "You always say that and then end up passed out wherever you are until one of the others has to wake you up," Stryker pointed out.

  I frowned, a yawn escaped me. I do not...

  "Uh huh," Stryker mumbled, the sound within my mind seemed further away.

  "Goodnight, Ryder."

  The smell of vanilla greeted me— its rich fragrance was mixed with the soft scent of cherry blossoms. I smiled, still in a foggy daze as I tried to ignore the temptation to fall back asleep.

  The combined fragrance reminded me of Rosalina— her vanilla scent still lingered in my memory after all these cycles.

  I assumed if it was Makoto, the cherry blossom scent would be due to her using EliaseAnne's shampoo. She had stated that it was her favorite, the night we'd spent catching up and talking about multiple things.

  I tried to shift my position, my body feeling stiff from sleeping in the chair, but it felt like I had something on my lap and laid against my chest.

  I reluctantly opened my eyes, peering down to find the culprit of my struggle— Makoto curled up in my lap.

  I stilled, afraid to wake her up.

  "Mako?" I whispered.

  She didn't move— her chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm. I brushed away a few strands of her brown locks from her face, wanting to have a few minutes to appreciate her peaceful expression as she slept.

  It was fifteen minutes before she stirred, opening her eyes to slowly glance up and noticing my gaze.

  “Hey, I was supposed to watch you wake up,” she complained, her voice barely audible.

  I grinned. “You snooze, you lose,” I hummed.

  "Ryder. Can you tell me more about you guys? You said you were royalty like me. If so, aren’t you supposed to rule or learn the ropes to prepare yourself to rule?” she asked.

  I could see her curiosity as she peered up at me, relaxing in my hold. I relaxed my head against the back of the chair, taking a moment to stare at the ceiling above.

  “I’m the son of King Carter. He’s the ruler of Minato. Daniel is the second son of King Moore, ruler of Realm Ten, ArchAilennia. Elias is the only child of King Kingsley, ruler of Realm Nine. Marcus is the only child of King Hunt, ruler of Realm Seven and Kai is the son of King Akiyama, ruler of Realm Four. We all were separated, living in our own realms, till the Starlight gods appointed us as your star knights. Once that happened, we kind of drifted to Heila; each of us had our own reasons to be in Realm Eight at the time. We didn’t understand the details until we all gathered with a strong fortune teller, the same one who professed your awakening,” I disclosed.

  It seemed like only yesterday when we'd ended up in the hidden sanctuary attached to the library in Heila and met Saikikku, who later explained the meaning of our gathering.

  I could see Mako was deep in thought, biting her lip. I licked my lips, unable to ignore my growing hardness. It was as if my body had just realized the woman I'd loved for cycles was sitting on my lap and those luscious, plump, pink lips were mere inches away from mine.

  My body moved before I could stop myself, my hand brushed against her cheek. She glanced into my eyes— her gaze lowered to my lips.

  I couldn't determine if that was a sign— telling me I could lay my lips on hers. I needed to be sure— to not push her away from me.

  “Mako...can I kiss you?” I whispered.

  My heart was beating so fast, while my hand that rested against her cheek felt sweaty.

  I never felt so nervous in my life, usually feeling confident in my actions. Yet, I was so afraid to fuck this moment up.

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  I leaned forward, taking my time as I allowed my eyes to close— pressing my lips lightly against hers.

  They were so smooth and moist, making me want to indulge in them and deepen the kiss, but I pulled back— leaving only a little gap to wait and see if she'd want me to stop.

  She didn't move, giving me enough confidence to kiss her again, this time firmer before I deepened the kiss.

  She tasted magnificent, her arms roamed over my torso and up my chest. I craved to feel her hands against my bare flesh, wishing I could remove my shirt and hopefully remove hers too.

  Her arms ended up wrapping around my neck as we pressed against one another. She began to kiss me back, letting me know she wanted more.

  I didn't need her cues; I could feel the love swarming my senses— making it difficult for me to not get lost in her attraction for me. I could feel her growing lust and the way my body was making her feel.

  She moaned against my mouth as my hand ventured to her bare thigh, making her shiver before she gasped between our passionate kisses. I could feel her hardened nipples press against me. I ached to pinch and suck them; I wanted to fondle those beautiful breasts.

  We broke apar
t to gather some air— Makoto’s lips trailed down my neck. I groaned, enjoying every suck and bite. I couldn't stand to not return the gesture, lifting her chin with my hand before I lowered my lips to her neck— leaving a trail of kisses until I reached her collarbone.

  I noticed the way she squeezed her legs together; an obvious attempt to ignore her growing arousal as I continued to tease her flesh with my teeth. My hands roamed to her waist, slipping beneath her shirt. I lifted my head, claiming her lips once more in a deep, long kiss. We finally pulled apart and my tongue brushed lightly across her lower lip.

  I stared into her eyes as we both panted. We didn't need to exchange words. I'd had more than enough time to feel her growing love and passion that was all aimed toward me.

  We pressed our foreheads together as we worked to catch our breath. Her arms rested on my shoulders while my arms were wrapped around her— holding her in place.

  I never expected my first kiss to be like this. Since losing Rosalina, I hadn't thought of dating anyone else. She had been the center of my attention and the only person who'd I dreamt about. I would imagine how'd she be as a teenager and eventually as I reached adulthood, that image morphed into how she would look as a woman.

  Even when there were days I needed some type of sexual relief, I could only imagine her when I stroked myself and came. I just never grasped that one day, my wish to have her as my first would come true.

  I leaned forward, ready to kiss her once more while my hand began to lift her shirt when a knock came from the doorway.

  “As much as I would love to continue watching your make-out session, food is ready,” Elias announced, his voice filled with amusement as he grinned.

  "I so fucking hate you right now," I announced in our knight bond.

  I had sensed he was close by, but I didn't think he'd interrupt us. With our bond, if we got aroused the others could feel the same sensation, just to a lesser degree.

  It was a pain in the ass during puberty, all of us were dealing with wet dreams and feeling attracted to the opposite sex.