Her Silent Burden (Seeing Ranch series) (A Western Historical Romance Book)

by Florence Linnington

  Rosalie pressed her palm to her mouth. “He doesn’t even know where he’s going. Where does he think he’s going?”

  “It’s going to be fine,” Noah said. “I’ll go and fetch him.”

  “But you don’t know where he is. He didn’t tell the others where he was off to.” Rosalie was aware of her voice shaking. Other than that, nothing else existed but the fear in her heart and Jacob’s absence.

  She could not lose him. Her sweet boy. Her smart boy.

  Had things really become so awful that he thought his only option was running away?

  Tears filled Rosalie’s eyes. This was her fault. As his mother, it was her job to take care of him, to make him feel safe and loved. Somewhere along the way, she had failed at all that.

  “He could be anywhere, Noah. He could go into the woods and get lost. He could never come back.” Rosalie pressed her lips together hard. The children were staring at her, and she knew she must not scare them. Perhaps it was too late for that, though.

  “What’s going on?” one of the older boys asked from behind Rosalie. Noah looked past her. “Go and make an announcement. The play is postponed. Jacob is missing, and we need to find him.”

  “He’s missing?” the boy shrieked.

  “Go,” Noah said. “Tell everyone we’ll do the play when we can.”

  “And to look for him,” Rosalie added.

  Noah led Rosalie away from the canvas, closer to the woods. She could hear exclamations rising from in front of the stage, but everything sounded blurred. It was impossible to make out any specific words.

  Guiding her into the shade, Noah turned her to face him. “Are you all right?”

  “I need to go and find him.”

  Rosalie started to walk away, but Noah’s hands held her firm. “Hold on,” he said. “We can’ just run off and look for him in any random direction. Do you have any idea where he might have gone?”

  “No,” Rosalie said. “He never talked about going anywhere. He never even said he wanted to leave here.”

  Noah nodded, his lips drawn into a thin line. “Do you think he might have gotten it in his mind to go back to Wisconsin?”

  “I don’t know. There’s no family left there. He didn’t really have any friends.” Rosalie pressed her trembling fingers to her chin. “I made this happen, Noah. I should have fixed everything between us. I was foolish to think Jacob would change on his own. He’s not like other children. He never has been.”

  “I know this is hard, Rosalie, but think back to today. Did anything out of the ordinary happen?”

  Rosalie racked her mind. She’d been busy running around all day, getting everything ready for the play. Had she even looked directly at Jacob once?

  “I don’t know,” she admitted.

  Noah nodded. “Do you think he might have overheard our conversation earlier?”

  “What?” Rosalie gasped.

  “That has got to be it. And he would have had time to run home and grab a rucksack. It’s close enough.”

  “Noah.” She grabbed at his shirt. “We’re wasting time. What if he took a horse? He could be miles away.”

  His hand closed over hers, and, despite the fear racing through her, Rosalie felt a small bit of comfort.

  “He can’t have gotten that far,” Noah answered. “Besides, I’m not so bad at tracking, remember?”

  Rosalie laughed at the same time a fresh wave of tears spilled down her cheeks.

  “Hey, now.” Noah pressed his forehead against hers. “Don’t you worry. I’m going now. In no time at all, he’ll be back here. And then you can yell at him or kiss and hug him all you want. Tan his hide, even.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “No. Stay here. In case he comes back.”

  “I can’t just wait around, Noah,” Rosalie cried, stepping away from the tree.

  “Darling, I mean this in the best way, but you won’t be any extra help to me. In fact, once I do find Jacob, it might be best if I speak to him alone. Man to man.”

  “He’s not a man,” she protested.

  Noah cupped her face. “He’s not a little boy, either.”

  Rosalie bit painfully into her bottom lip, knowing he was right. Noah had spoken the truth, and it made her feel unbelievably helpless.

  “Don’t worry.” Noah’s gaze pierced hers. “I’m bringing him back, Rosalie. I promise.”

  Chapter 15

  guided him for home

  15. Noah

  Chapter fifteen

  Wakefield went north, in the direction of most of the cabins and the mine, and Noah took Tiny south, in the direction he figured Jacob was most likely to have run off in.

  Dusk settled in around the mountain as Noah rode his horse down the steep road. He searched the dirt for signs, hoping there might be some fresh boot prints to give Jacob away.

  It was a dry week, though, and nothing other than hoof prints were visible. If Jacob had decided to steal a horse, that would make things more complicated. He could be miles away from town right now.

  Noah was counting on Jacob not being gutsy enough to resort to horse thievery. If he knew Jacob’s type well, he’d set off on foot and probably keep away from other people.

  As he rode, Noah kept seeing Rosalie’s face. The anguish in her eyes. He’d never seen pain like that before, and he couldn’t imagine what it felt like.

  The promise he’d given her hadn’t been empty. Noah meant what he said. He was going to find Jacob, and he was going to bring him home.

  Along with his eyes, Noah kept his ears sharp. He was listening for a whistle from the direction of town, one that would signal Jacob had been found.

  As he rode on, though, the likelihood of hearing a whistle became less and less. Noah was getting closer to the bottom of the mountain. Still, there was no sign of Jacob.

  To make matters worse, night was falling, the landscape around Noah becoming nothing more than gray shapes. He was almost to the bottom of the mountain. He had a choice to make. Continue on and search for Jacob outside of Pathways or head back up the mountain?

  Jacob could be back home already. But, if he wasn’t, Noah didn’t want to show up there empty handed. He couldn’t bear the thought of Rosalie’s face when he came home without her son, and he couldn’t bear the thought of Jacob lost in the wilderness, scared and regretting his decision to flee.

  A noise ahead made Noah freeze in the saddle. Pulling on Tiny’s reins, he forced the horse to a stop.

  There it was again. The sound of footsteps.

  Noah smiled to himself and took Tiny on a slow walk in the direction of the footsteps. A small figure emerged from the dark. Noah could see the rucksack on his back and the hat pushed low on his head.

  The little figure said nothing, just stood there watching him.

  “It’s me, Jacob,” Noah said.

  “I know,” Jacob grumpily answered. “And I’m not going back.”

  Noah was ready for that response. “I’d be stupid to think me just showing up would make you. Your ma is about to faint from panic, though.”

  There was a short silence.

  “I left a note,” Jacob finally said. “It’s at home, saying I was leaving and she doesn’t need to worry about me.”

  “You really think a note is going to make her feel better?”

  More hesitation. “No,” Jacob grumbled.

  “Where are you headed?”

  “The train station.”

  “Ah. And which train are you hopping on?”

  “The first one that comes through.” Jacob said shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I don’t care. I don’t have a home anywhere, so whatever place I end up in is as good as the last.”

  Noah thought carefully. He wanted to say the right thing, to keep the conversation going. He could always pick Jacob up, tie his wrists, lay him across Tiny’s saddle, and ride him back up the mountain, but that wouldn’t be a long-term solution. He’d probably run off again the next time no one
was looking.

  If Noah really wanted to change things, he had to find some way to reach Jacob.

  Sighing, Noah slid off of Tiny. “Listen, Jacob…”

  “No,” Jacob snapped. “You have no right!”

  “All right. I hear you.” Noah raised a hand up, afraid Jacob would suddenly run off into the dark night. If he left the road, Noah would have very little chance of finding him again.

  Jacob’s heavy breathing filled the air. Noah could practically feel the rage. It crackled off the boy like lightning.

  “You hate me,” Noah said, “I get that. I’d hate any man too who was taking my mother’s attention.”

  Jacob said nothing, but his frantic breathing lessened.

  “Think about your mother, though,” Noah said. “About how much your leaving will hurt her.”

  “She has you. She doesn’t need me anymore.”

  An aching pain filled Noah’s chest. Jacob really believed what he was saying. He thought Rosalie had no more need for him.

  “Your ma loves you, Jacob.”

  “Not as much as she used to. Things were different in Wisconsin. Here… here she’s got you.”

  “She has both of us,” Noah corrected. “Is that such a bad thing?”

  “It was fine when it was me and her. We didn’t need anyone else.”

  “You never thought that she might want to get married? That she wants another adult around? Or that you might want a father?”

  “What are you talking about?” Jacob demanded. “You’re not my father.”

  Noah swallowed hard. “I could be one day. If both you and your mother want it.”

  “We don’t.”

  Noah bit back a groan. “Come now, Jacob. You don’t want someone to go fishing and hunting with? A pa to care for you?”

  “I don’t like doing those things.”

  “What about someone to teach you tracking skills?”

  Jacob said nothing, and his silence betrayed what he really thought. “When your mother found you gone,” Noah slowly said, “she could barely stand up. That’s how terrified she was. You get that? You mean everything to her.”

  Through the dark, Noah could just make out Jacob hanging his head.

  “What about you?” the boy asked. “She cares about you even more than she does me.”

  “No, she doesn’t.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because the love a woman has for a man is different than the love she has for her child. Now, clearly, I ain’t no woman. But I did have a ma myself, and she would have done anything in the world for me. What’s more, I’ve seen the stress your ma has been going through the last few weeks. Seeing you this unhappy has been eating her up inside. She can’t be fully happy when you’re not, Jacob. That’s how much she loves you. Do you believe that?”

  Jacob kicked his boot against the dirt. “Yes,” he grudgingly admitted.

  “You do?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Good.” Noah nodded in satisfaction. “Now there’s more I want to tell you.”

  “What’s that?” Jacob asked, skepticism in his voice.

  “First of all, you overheard your ma and me talking earlier, didn’t you? And that’s why you left?”

  “Maybe.”

  “So you know how serious I am about her.”

  “Yes,” Jacob grumbled.

  “Good. What I think you don’t know yet is how serious I am about you too.”

  “Huh?”

  “I’m gonna give it to you straight up, Jacob. I love your ma. What’s more is I love you, too. I think your ma is a strong and amazing woman, and I think you’re a smart and deep young man.”

  Noah let those words settle in the stunned silence.

  “Why are you telling me this?” Jacob asked.

  Noah tried not to laugh. No matter what he said, the boy had to push back. Had he been this way when he was ten?

  “Because me coming after you isn’t only about your ma,” Noah answered. “It’s about me, as well. I don’t want you to go.”

  “You… don’t?”

  “That’s right. I don’t.”

  “Why,” Jacob asked quietly said.

  “Because I care about you. I want you to stay in Whiteridge, Jacob. I can teach you all I know about tracking and you can teach me all you know about trees. What do you say?”

  “I guess I… I could do that.”

  Noah’s throat burned, and he swallowed hard. “Good.”

  “Ma’s gonna be so mad.”

  “I think she’ll mostly be relieved that you’re safe and that you’re coming home,” Noah said.

  “Mr. Hahn?”

  “Uh-huh?”

  “Can I, um, ride on your horse? My feet are kinda tired.”

  Noah wanted to laugh but he didn’t want to ruin the headway with the boy. Stinging his pride, wouldn’t do well to build the tenuous bond they had just built. “Yes, you can,” Noah answered. “Come on over here.”

  Right before Jacob climbed into the saddle, Noah stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. They were close enough that he could see the slightest bit of the boy’s face.

  “There’s something I’d like to ask you before we go back, Jacob,” Noah said. He felt surprisingly nervous, despite the fact that he was speaking with a ten year old.

  “What’s that?” Jacob asked.

  “Since you’re coming back to Whiteridge, well, you know, you’re the man of your house…”

  Jacob waited for more.

  “And I’d like to ask your permission to ask your ma to marry me,” Noah finished.

  “Oh.”

  There was no readable tone in Jacob’s voice, and Noah hurried to explain further.

  “I love you both, Jacob. I’ve been looking at a plot of land. I’d like to buy it and build a nice house on it. It’s right up the road from town, and it has a stream running through it. What do you say? Can I offer your ma my ma’s ring?”

  “I… guess.”

  Noah’s stomach sank. “You guess?”

  “Well… I don’t think we need to move, Mr. Hahn. The cabin Mr. Zimmerman put us up in is real nice. It has plenty of room, too. Enough for three people.”

  Noah laughed. “So you’re telling me yes, right? Because I just need to check.”

  “Yes, Mr. Hahn,” Jacob seriously said. “You can ask Mother to marry you. Now can I ask you a question?”

  “Anything.”

  “If you’re gonna be my stepfather, can I call you Noah?”

  Noah clapped Jacob on the shoulder. “I would like that. But, you know, I haven’t asked your mother yet. I don’t know what she’s going to say.”

  “I thought you both were serious about each other. Isn’t that what you were saying before the play?”

  Noah inhaled long. “Yes, that’s right. But talking about getting engaged someday and then actually getting engaged are two different things. It could be that, faced with the decision, she changes her mind.”

  “No, I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  “You don’t, huh? How do you know?”

  “Trust me,” Jacob said. “Mother won’t change her mind about you.”

  “I hope you’re right,” Noah said.

  Jacob climbed into the saddle. “I am.”

  Hauling himself up behind Jacob, Noah took Tiny’s reins and guided him for home.

  Chapter 16

  joy of fairytales

  16. Rosalie

  Chapter sixteen

  Rosalie paced across her cabin floor, the knot in her stomach tightening with each step. At her kitchen table, Thea Briggs sat with her sleeping baby in her arms.

  “The men will find him,” Thea said.

  “How do you know?” Rosalie asked in worry.

  “Because I know Noah and Wakefield. They do not give up. Ever.”

  Rosalie stopped pacing and took in the first deep breath of the evening. There was truth in that statement. She barely knew Thea’s husband, Wakefield
, but he was clearly a man who stuck to his word. And Noah himself had promised he would return with Jacob.