by Jen Andrews
What in the hell? I have lost my freaking mind!
Not only could I not keep my hands off him while I was awake, I couldn’t keep them off him while I was asleep either.
Fan-fucking-tastic! I was definitely going out to sleep on the couch!
Very carefully, I moved backward, slowly pulling my arm off him, once again, praying I didn’t wake him. Too late, he was awake. I almost had my arm back to myself, when he caught my hand and pulled my arm back around him.
“Stay,” he groaned sleepily. He raised his elbow just enough to cradle my arm beneath his so it rested on his side. Andy kissed my hand and fell back to sleep with it clutched in his.
I didn’t try to move away again. Frankly, I didn’t want to, so I snuggled closer to him. I fell asleep like that and did not wake again until the morning.
When my alarm went off, I tossed the blankets off me and rolled over to hit the snooze button. Andy rolled over behind me, resting his head on my pillow.
“Good morning,” he murmured lazily, smoothing my hair down with his hand. Perfect, I have bedhead. I am sure he still looked gorgeous.
He pulled the blankets back over us and placed his big hand on my hip. The heat from his hand radiated through my shorts, warming my skin. I was beginning to freak out about where this may be headed. I cannot do this. He works for my dad.
“Andy,” I whispered. “What are we doing?”
“I’m not sure what you mean, Zoey.”
I rolled onto my back, which caused his hand to slide across my lower stomach to my other hipbone. Every nerve ending in my body suddenly ignited. He left his hand there. Holy shit.
“Talk to me,” he said quietly.
I didn’t even know how to start the conversation, so I said nothing.
“Look, I think I know what you’re gonna say. Correct me if I’m wrong, but there is some sort of connection here between us, right?” He was staring at me intently, and I knew he wasn’t going to let me off the hook. He wanted answers.
Unable to deny my attraction or lie to him, I simply nodded.
“I think we should go with the flow and see what happens,” he said with a hint of hope in his voice.
His fingers started tracing tiny figure eights on my belly. I felt all the blood rush through my body and pool about six inches away from where his hand was moving. I was having a hard time concentrating with him touching me. I wanted to agree with him so badly, but I knew I couldn’t.
“I can’t do this with you. I’m sorry,” I said with so much regret that it physically hurt.
His hand stilled on my stomach, and then he pulled it away. My body instantly missed his touch.
“Why not?” He sat up to look at me while waiting for my answer.
I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I sat up too and hugged my knees to my chest.
“You work for my dad,” I finally said. “This can’t happen between us. I’m sorry, but we can only be friends.”
He propped himself up on his elbow and waited for me to say something, but I couldn’t speak. I felt like a bitch.
“Right, then. I get it now.”
He got out of my bed, wearing nothing but black boxer briefs, and got dressed.
“See you at work later,” he said. Then he was gone.
I wanted to call him back, to tell him to strip back down and make me forget all about Rob and the reasons why there could never be anything between us.
I was so fucked.
There was no way in hell I was stepping foot in the shop after that. I would work at the store all day. I felt horrible about what had happened and could not face Andy. My stomach was in knots, and I was getting a stress headache.
Admittedly, we both felt the undeniable connection between us, but I was so opposed to being anything other than his friend, it was making me physically and mentally sick.
All because of Rob.
Of all the freaking reasons to push someone away. Rob made my life a living hell while we were married, and he was still doing it years after our divorce.
With all of my issues, Andy never stood a chance. What was I supposed to do? He worked for my dad, and I was not breaking my rule.
Would I be willing to see where things went with him if he didn’t work for my dad? Hell yes, I would.
That morning, I made calls to the window and door company, who came out and fixed the door quickly. I called our security company, and they came and installed new security cameras all over the building. The inside and the outside of the store now had video surveillance all around for protection.
I also asked the security technician to move the video recorder to the second bedroom in my apartment, so it wasn’t inside the store. I did not want to risk someone stealing the security footage to cover their tracks if they broke in.
After finishing with the security tech, I went back inside to find my very anxious dad waiting for me.
“Zoey, what happened?”
We went into the office, and I told him everything. And I do mean everything; from the incident with Rob at Target, to the calls, and obviously, the brick through the door. I also told him I’d become close with Andy, and that he stayed the night after the brick incident, because he didn’t want to leave me alone in case Rob came back.
“Dad, I’m sorry. I feel like this is all my fault. I told Andy this morning that we could only be friends.”
He put his hand up to prevent me from going any further. “Zoey, do you like him as more than a friend?”
It felt like I was literally about to break. I nodded, and then immediately started to cry.
“Dad, why does this have to be so hard? Why does Rob ruin everything?” I sobbed and plucked a tissue from the box on my desk and dried my eyes.
“Because you’re letting him, baby girl,” my dad stated as he rested his forearms on the desk. “You can’t let him control your life. It’s time to do what you want. You deserve to be happy, and I cannot stand to see you like this anymore. You haven’t dated anyone in who knows how long, you don’t go out with your friends, you barely leave your apartment, and all you do is work.”
He paused and took a breath, and I could tell he was getting angry. He continued, “It’s no way to live your life, and if you found someone you want to spend time with, then you should do it. You can’t live your life in the past, Zoey. You, of all people, should know that.”
I remained quiet while I let his words sink in. In the end, I still refused.
“I just can’t, Dad. He works for you. I will not drag this family into anymore shit like what happened with Rob. He could have really screwed everything up for you and the shop. I don’t care what he did to me, but if you had lost the shop because of me, I’d never forgive myself.” I wiped my eyes again with the tissue.
“Zoey, he’s nothing like Rob, and you know it,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Don’t even compare the two of them. I realize we haven’t known Andy very long, but you know how you get a gut feeling about people? Well, he is a good person according to my gut. He’s already fitting in like one of the family over there,” he said, pointing toward the shop.
I was happy to hear that, but I didn’t want to tell my dad that what he said only made it worse. Andy fit in over at the shop, and my dad needed him. The last three mechanics, including Rob, had been useless. My mind knew I shouldn’t risk it, but my heart said differently. I was determined to listen to my mind.
“Think about it, baby girl. You have my blessing if you want to date him. I don’t like seeing you so lonely all the time.” He hugged me and left.
Business was a little slow after lunch, so we took our time and restocked the shelves in the store. I noticed I really needed to do inventory, so I placed a few orders, and then checked out front in the store to see if anyone needed any help.
We had no customers in the store at the time, so I met with our three employees: Jerry, Tara, and Josh. I let them know what happened to the door and that extra security cameras had been installed. I asked
them to keep an eye out for Rob and to let me know if they noticed anything, or anyone, suspicious around the store.
They were very understanding and concerned for my safety, and they held no judgment at all over the whole situation. I also let them know there was a new mechanic next door, so they would be seeing him around. I showed them Andy’s picture on my phone, so they knew what he looked like until I could introduce him to them. He would be at the store occasionally to pick up parts and other items he needed for the shop.
When four-thirty rolled around, I decided to stop working for the day. I went upstairs to my apartment, changed in to my pajamas, and climbed into my bed. I rested my head on the pillow Andy had slept on the previous night. It still smelled like him. I couldn’t get away from him, even in my own apartment.
Sleep continued to evade me, even after I laid there for nearly an hour trying to take a nap. My mind was wandering through everything that had transpired that morning and my conversation with my dad.
Frustrated, I rolled over and faced the windows that overlooked the back of the shop. My brothers were outside at the back of Andy’s shiny, black, enclosed car trailer, lowering the door ramp down. It appeared that they’d stopped working for the day but stayed after to check out Andy’s car.
A few minutes later, a flat-black colored ‘69 Camaro slowly started rolling backward down the ramp. Once it was off the ramp, they pushed it forward a bit and unhooked the winch cable from underneath. Andy came out of the trailer, hopped into the car, and fired up the engine.
I dragged myself out of bed, changed back into my clothes, and pulled a James Racing sweatshirt over my head to go next door to the shop. I wanted to check out the Camaro, but I also wanted to see him. I could not stand it any longer and needed to know if he was mad at me.
When I arrived in the parking area, I found the car trailer closed and locked. The guys and the Camaro were gone. I began to wonder where they had gone so quickly, but then I heard the unmistakable sound of the dyno bay door rolling up on the other side of the shop. It had an ear-piercing squeal to it when it was rolling up, so I waited outside until the door stopped moving.
After I entered the shop, I made my way to the dyno bay windows. Our customers loved the fact they could watch the mechanics run their cars on the dyno. It was a ‘man thing’, according to Jeremy, and something I wouldn’t understand.
From the outside of the dyno bay, I observed through the window as my dad showed Andy how to hook up the dyno to his car and then how to work the machine itself.
Andy eventually glanced over to the window and saw me standing there. He gave me a slight wave and went back to concentrating on what he was doing. I watched as they ran the car through its paces on the dyno machine and made slight adjustments under the hood.
I also couldn’t help but notice that the relationship between Andy, Dad, and my brothers was very natural. They talked and acted as if they had known each other for a lot longer than they did. My dad was right. Andy was already fitting in with my family. I was very attracted to him, but could I risk everything all over again?
My stomach started to rumble, so I waved goodbye and headed home. I wasn’t even sure if anyone noticed me leave.
That night was the first dance class with Jess and Sasha, so I needed to go home to eat and change my clothes. Thank God Jess had sent me a text earlier to remind me, because I had forgotten about it. Because I didn’t feel like cooking anything, I fixed a cold sandwich for dinner.
I made a mental note to stop at the store on the way home from class to pick up a few groceries I needed. I didn’t know I would be grocery shopping with Andy the weekend before, so I hadn’t taken my list when we went shopping.
My fridge and pantry were reminding me of the movie Friday. I had peanut butter, but no jelly; Kool-Aid, but no sugar; and ham, but no burger. I chuckled to myself at my Friday comparisons and finished my dry sandwich.
For class, I pulled on some stretchy, black yoga pants I could dance easily in and a black tank top. Luckily, we were having a warm winter in Nor Cal, so I would not freeze my ass off. We’d barely had any rain this year, and it wasn’t too cold yet.
Since I hadn’t asked Jess, I was clueless as to what dance we were learning. Honestly, I didn’t even care, because I decided I needed to get out more. I was feeling lonely being by myself at the apartment all the time. I had her sign me up to get me out of my apartment, so I was going to the damn class!
At that point, I was just happy that each night for the rest of the week, I had something planned to keep myself busy. My only free day was going to be Sunday.
I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, put on a jacket, and left.
I found the address for the class and went inside the dance studio, where Jess and Sasha were already waiting for me. I paid the fee for the class at the front desk, and then went over to say hello to my friends.
“Zoey!” Sasha screeched. “Oh, my God! It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.” She hugged me tightly and lifted me off the ground, even though she was shorter than I was.
“Sash, can’t breathe,” I managed to gasp out while being squeezed to death.
“Oh, sorry, Z,” she replied with no hint of a real apology in her tone. “I’ve missed you. By the way, you look like shit. I think I just cracked your ribs, you’re so skinny.”
Leave it to Sasha to tell me the truth…and why was everyone picking on my weight? Did I look that bad?
I chuckled when I realized Sasha hadn’t cracked any ribs, but she had popped several vertebrae in my back, which in turn, began to ease the tension in my muscles. That felt nice.
“Thanks, Sasha. Tell me how you really feel,” I muttered.
“You know I love you, Z, and that’s why I said it. How much weight have you lost? You have dark circles under your eyes, too. Are you not sleeping well?”
I felt like we were playing a game of Twenty Questions. I wasn’t offended. I loved her honesty, and I needed to hear everything she told me. “You know me too well,” I admitted. “It’s been a rough few days.” Rough few days, my ass…it’s been a rough few years…
Right then, the instructor called the class to order. I leaned over to Jess and whispered, “What dance did you sign us up for anyway?”
She smiled sweetly, but I noticed the sneaky gleam in her eyes. “You’ll see…”
This can’t be good.
The instructor greeted us loudly as she stepped in front of the class. “Ladies, my name is Jane. Thank you for joining me tonight.”
Jane was tall and willowy; definitely a dancer. She was wearing what I thought was a black cat suit, so she almost looked like a dominatrix. I fully expected her to be carrying a whip.
“Welcome to Seductive Dance!” she announced as her eyes wandered over the group of us standing in front of her.
Holy fucking shit.
My jaw dropped, and I glared over at Jess, who was bouncing up and down with excitement. She feigned innocence and shrugged her shoulders at me while batting her big brown eyes.
That little shit. I guess next time I’d better ask before agreeing so easily. What did I get myself in to now?
I said yes to Jess so easily about the class. Why couldn’t I agree with Andy so easily? He wanted to take things a day at a time to see where it went. Why was it so hard for me to do that? It’s not as if he would purposely do anything to hurt me. I hadn’t known him very long, but I instinctively knew it wasn’t something he would do.
Sasha elbowed me in the ribs to get my attention. “Ouch, you whore!” I growled. “That hurt!”
She smiled and poked me hard in the ribs, so I slapped her on the butt and then yanked her hair.
“Oh, Z, when did you get to be such a kinky bitch?” she joked. “You smack my ass and pull my hair. What are you gonna do next, whip me?”
I had to cover my mouth to hide a laugh after her comment. It had begun to look like a scene from a Three Stooges movie, and I was fully prepared to block an eye poke f
rom someone.
We missed Jane’s entire opening speech because of our shenanigans. I glanced around the studio and silently cheered because there were no stripper poles in sight. I swore that if I found out our dominatrix dance teacher had a whip somewhere in the vicinity, Sasha would get her ass whipped with it.
Jane asked us to take a chair and line up in rows. She was teaching us dance moves as if we were actually performing a dance for someone sitting on a chair. I guess, for me, it was fitting to be doing a lap dance with an empty chair, since I didn’t have a man and had pushed away the only one who interested me.
We started out with the basics of learning to do a striptease and lap dance. Aside from that, the class and hanging out with my friends was great. The class was actually a lot different from what I was expecting. It was…fun.
Later on, after we were more comfortable with each other and ourselves, Jane began teaching us a routine to a song. Not caring for the song choice, I let my mind drift and thought of a few other songs on my iPod that would be perfect to practice to at home if I wanted.
Awesome. I can dance with a chair in the privacy of my own home. I am living the high life.
Jane encouraged us to embellish our dancing any way we liked. She told the group to do what felt right to us individually, and she assured us there were no wrong moves. She taught us how to incorporate several steps, including seductive walking, body rolls, and hip rolls.
Surprising to me, it was not tacky at all. It gave me a sense of empowerment by the end of the night, and I promised Jess and Sasha that I would continue the class with them.
Now, if I could keep the empowered feeling going in my day-to-day life, I would get myself back on track.
I turned to Jess. “Thanks for not telling me what I was getting into, Jess. I never would have come if I had known. Do I dare ask why you wanted to take this class, though?”
