Kiss Cam

by Kiara London

  “For what?” I repeat shakily. My mind is drifting into dangerous territory, and this time Lenny won’t be here to stop us from getting too carried away with this game.

  His mouth latches onto my skin then, leaving a kiss burning into my collarbone. I let out a shaky breath that causes me to flush in embarrassment. But he doesn’t stop, and I don’t want him to. He starts leading a trail of kisses up the column of my throat. My hands clench and unclench in his until he releases them, and they immediately go to grab the front of his T-shirt. He moves himself closer to me on my lap, keeping his face close to mine until he’s settled and then drops another light, open-mouth kiss to my jaw. It’s horrible how badly I want him to just kiss my lips and be done with it. I can’t even deny how much it aches to be this way. My mind seems drowned in want and guilty pleasure. It’s unfortunate that the kiss I want so badly is from Jasper.

  Then Jasper pulls my hands off his shirt and simply rolls off my lap. My body tingles with the loss of his body heat and unfulfilled wishes. I’m completely thrown off, admittedly angry that he’s pulled away so suddenly and for no reason at all. I was urging him on.

  I look sideways at him, my hands still halfway suspended in the place where he’d removed them from his shirt. He sees the confusion, the furious blush that sets my whole face and neck on fire.

  He raises an eyebrow in a suggestive way and kicks his feet up onto the coffee table. “For leaving me hot and bothered,” he finally answers with a cheeky grin.

  I’ve never wanted to punch him more in my life.

  “Well, at least I actually kissed you,” I groan moodily, and resituate myself on the cushions. He just shakes his head and lets out a small chuckle.

  Jasper got me on the next Kiss Cam. Lenny and I came over to Jasper’s house after school on Friday—which should have been suspicious because Lenny never comes over Fridays. Anyway, I was caught off guard when Jasper appeared out of nowhere and planted one on me.

  The Kiss Cam request: Smack Cam meets Kiss Cam.

  I got him back, though, the following Wednesday. I really got him. I set up the camera by myself—no Lenny needed—and got him the moment we walked in the front door.

  Kiss Cam request: Wall-slamming.

  I’m still surprised I was strong enough to tug him back and push him in place.

  Things are different but the same with us after those Kiss Cams. There’s an edgy uncertainty to each of our actions, skepticism toward every move the other makes. It’s a game to see who can push the other over the edge. While it’s friendly, there’s something extra that we put into each of our kisses—as if we’re somehow trying to trick the other into thinking there’s something more.

  Lenny helps Jasper and me set each other up and cheerleads us into doing more and more outrageous stunts. And, at this point, Allison just smiles and shakes her head, like she wants to tell me something but she can’t.

  THE AISLE I walk down smells like artificial pine trees and that musty smell decorations get when they’ve been stored away all year. “Jingle Bells” plays on an endless loop, red and silver bulbs shine under the fluorescent lights of the superstore, and giant plastic snowmen fall into my path every couple of steps.

  It’s that odd time of the year, when every store in town—at the exact same time—stocks up for the holiday. This year’s date of choice ends up being a Saturday. It was just last Thursday that turkey and cranberry sauce were on sale and Jasper and his mom were helping my family make Thanksgiving dinner.

  It was the day after the wall-slamming Kiss Cam, and Jasper kept giving me suggestive looks across the table that I had to pretend weren’t making my stomach knot. There is no way my dad would be finding out about Kiss Cam. That would only give him the wrong idea, and the next thing I knew he’d be giving me condoms for Christmas.

  Anyway, I have this sneaking suspicion that Jasper will be getting me back very soon. For right now, though, I can walk through this giant superstore with Allison, Lenny, and Jasper and be completely relaxed.

  “Hey—hey, guys . . . Look!” Lenny’s voice is a pathetic sort of excited, and I have to smile to myself before I even turn around and see he’s got a red bulb stuck to his nose and an antler headband atop his head. Jasper has the video camera in hand and turns it on him.

  “Sweet!” Jasper chuckles. “Where’d you find those?” Lenny takes a few steps back and shows him the bucket of red noses and headbands. Jasper trots over and begins digging through the box, showing the camera elf ears and jingle bells. They start trying on different looks for the vlog.

  They’re completely enthralled, and I shake my head in disbelief. My eyes have already gone back to looking up at the wreaths and Christmas lights on the top shelf. I don’t even remember why we came down this aisle. Maybe Jasper dragged us over.

  “What’s the big Christmas special going to be this year?” Allison’s rich voice turns scratchy this time of year from the cold, and I almost don’t recognize it’s her speaking until I glance sideways and find semi-interest in her face.

  Every Christmas on VlogIt the boys and I find something grand to do. Three years ago, we opened fan-mail Christmas gifts on camera. The year after that, we reenacted a modern-day Nativity story. Last year, we live-streamed a Christmas-special questions video, since Christmas landed on a Thursday. This year is yet to be decided. However, we asked our subscribers what they wanted to see, and I have yet to check the comments.

  I shrug. “Not sure yet.”

  “Well, didn’t you give your viewers options?” Allison wonders while she reaches for various Christmas decorations and inspects them.

  I shove my hands in my coat pockets and look back at the boys. “Usually, if someone makes a good suggestion it’ll get a couple hundred likes. That’s how we narrow it down.”

  “Are you nervous for what it might end up being?” Allison asks curiously, and I know she’s being genuine by the softness of her usually sharp features.

  “I trust the viewers,” I tell her. She nods, but doesn’t quite meet my eyes.

  There’s a loud crash behind us, and we both swivel around to find that the boys have managed to knock down a dancing Santa Claus from a couple of shelves up. Before I know what’s happening, Jasper’s ordering us to run, and we’re being pushed out of the aisle and dragged to a new part of the store. I pretend not to notice the way Allison smiles at me when Jasper grabs my hand.

  Later that evening, I lay back against Jasper’s pillows with my computer open in my lap. It’s my turn to narrow down the options for the Christmas special video. This job is the worst, because you have to sift through hundreds of top comments and pull out the ones with the most likes. I’ve already been working on it for a half hour and have a list of ten options. I should be less surprised that most of the suggestions are different Christmas special Kiss Cams.

  Lenny sits at my feet with his computer open as well. He’s been spending more and more time with Jasper and me since Kiss Cam started, and my theory is that he’s here for paranoia purposes only. However, he’s editing our shopping vlog right now with headphones on, so I don’t think he’s up to any funny business.

  I’m not quite sure what Jasper is doing. His computer is open, too, and I think he might be replying to comments and e-mails. He’s annoying when he does this, because he laughs out loud and types exaggeratedly. Even his facial expressions fluctuate, as though he’s having an animated conversation.

  I look up at them. Both have their eyebrows scrunched in concentration—each for different reasons. Bored, I sigh as I scroll through another page of comments. Most of the comments are different variations of one another. Some tell us how much they love our vlog, others say they want to marry Lenny or Jas or me, but most of them go like this:

  Christmas Kiss Cam! (Wouldn’t be opposed to some Leniper or Jenny action, too, you know! Wink, wink.)

  Mistletoe Kiss!

  Jasiper Comes Out for Christmas!

  They all tell Jasper and me to attach our lips t
o each other or finally reveal our secret love affair. I’m quite amused that some people’s biggest Christmas wish is to see Jasper and me as a couple, but also bored with cheesy requests. I feel a little bad when we can’t fulfill the Leniper requests, but also grateful that Lenny would never let that happen.

  And as I scroll through, it reminds me that Jasper and Lenny owe me an onscreen Jenny moment. I make a mental note of that for later.

  Our Kiss Cams aren’t simply there to be boring. Jasper and I try to make them as ridiculous and surprising as possible. If our Christmas special is going to feature Jasper and me locking lips, then our viewers better come up with something more creative than a smooch under some mistletoe.

  It’s not until thirty-five pages into our top comments that I finally find something worth a second glance—and it’s worth a second glance for more than one reason. Not only is it ingenious and perfectly festive, but it has three hundred plus likes.

  Christmas Special Request: Twelve Days of Kissmas

  There’s not a second of hesitation. I reach over and tug on Jasper’s sweater a couple of times to get his attention. He lacks excitement when he turns to me, but I don’t care if I’ve interrupted him reading a hilarious e-mail from one of his VlogIt friends.

  “Can I help you, Juniper, dear?” he asks in mild amusement once he notices how eager I am.

  “I think I found our Christmas special.” His eyes widen a little at this, and he sits up as though he’s going to peek over at my screen. I turn my screen away from him, though, and hug it close to my chest. “Guess,” I order.

  “What kind of special is it?” he wonders. “I need to be able to narrow it down.”

  “Kiss Cam,” I tell him, and that’s all he needs to hear, because he shoots an answer back instantly.

  “Mistletoe.”

  I shake my head, lips turning up into a toothy grin. He purses his lips, thinks for a second, and then shrugs helplessly. “I have no idea.”

  Lenny looks at us and pulls off his headphones. “What’s going on?”

  “Juniper thinks she’s found us a Christmas special,” Jasper fills him in.

  They both look to me expectantly.

  “Think puns,” I say, leaning forward a bit and waiting to see if they’ll catch on, but they only continue to look at me blankly. “Twelve Days of Kissmas.”

  Lenny’s face lights up, and he nods enthusiastically.

  It takes Jasper a moment to register, but when he does, he bolts straight up and smiles at me, eyes going wide in amazement. “That’s brilliant!”

  “Isn’t it?” I agree eagerly, and swing my laptop around to show them. They crowd around to read the full request.

  Jasper tilts his head from side to side as though trying to decide what he thinks of the request before saying, “It’s not really a Kiss Cam, though. I mean, we’re both going to know about them.”

  “Who ever said the kisses had to be a surprise?” I ask. I thought the same thing when I read the request. We could have staged a kiss together. It was never in the rules that a Kiss Cam had to be a surprise. We’ve just been making it a competition.

  He seems to agree with me and nods slowly after a few seconds. “It—uh—you wouldn’t find it weird if we actually planned them?”

  “Nothing changes,” I say, completely brushing off his worries. I don’t see any reason for him to be uneasy about it.

  “Except that it’s a conscious decision to kiss each other instead of stealing kisses from each other.” He bites his lip after he says this, and I don’t really understand what he’s getting at. In fact, I find this to be the better option. We’ll know what to expect. It’ll be a little like our first kiss on camera.

  “It’s not a big deal,” I laugh, but his brows furrow. “Seriously, it’s probably better that we both know.”

  “She’s right,” Lenny says. “It would be way easier for me, too.”

  I nod and gesture at Lenny. “See?”

  “Yeah,” he says, and his eyes seem to reflect some internal calculations. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  “One condition, though,” Lenny pipes up. “I get to plan this Kissmas thing. I’ve had it up to here with taking orders from you two.”

  “Deal,” I say easily, and Jasper follows suit.

  “Awesome,” Lenny says, and rubs his hands together like a mad scientist in the lab contemplating the purpose of his freaky monster creation. “Your fate is in my hands now.”

  Jasper shoves him. “Oh, get back to editing, Leonard.”

  “That is not my name!”

  “Oh.” Allison’s eyebrows shoot up her forehead when I tell her about the Twelve Days of Kissmas on Monday morning. She flips her dark hair over her shoulder and leans forward on her desk with her head in her hands. “How festive.”

  “It’s kind of fitting, isn’t it?” I wonder aloud while we talk quietly in the last few minutes of class. I get a nervous flutter in my stomach just thinking about it.

  “Uh-huh, because best friends usually go around playing an aggressive game of tonsil hockey around this time of year,” she points out with a puckered smile. I catch a flash of amusement in her tone, but also that same guarded indifference to the idea of Jasper and me kissing for VlogIt.

  I scrunch my nose up and reach across the aisle to nudge her. “Jealous?”

  “Oh, I can’t be,” she teases. “He’s definitely the Han Solo to your Princess Leia. The Ron to your Hermione. The Peeta to your Katniss—whatever.”

  My face flushes, and I shake my head. “You think you’re real funny.”

  “I’m just sayin’ . . .”

  I glance at the clock, so close yet so far from releasing me from this teasing match. I will the hands to move faster.

  “Don’t you ever get the feeling that maybe something is up between you two?” she asks as she fiddles with the scarf she’s wearing. “I mean, just really think about it. You have to be getting some weird vibes, right?”

  I set my chin in my hand and shake my head. “It’s all in good fun, Allison. We’ve been through this. If something started to feel off, don’t you think I’d have called it off by now?”

  “Not if you like him,” she retorts, and her lips twitch into a small, suggestive smile.

  I feel my face heat for what feels like the hundredth time and clasp my hands under the desk. My stomach always begins to knot at that suggestion. It’s not like that, everybody knows it. And I really don’t like thinking about repeating the past with Jasper. But what if Jasper felt something for me? Allison always seems to be hinting at something.

  But I just can’t let that happen. No matter what, I am going to make sure Jasper and I stay just friends. Nobody will get hurt that way, and I don’t have to worry about losing my best friend in the aftermath.

  “There are no feelings between Jasper and me,” I assure her.

  “Okay,” she sings, but she sounds unconvinced.

  The bell rings then, and I push myself from my desk and hurry out without waiting for her. I just can’t have her putting any more silly ideas about Jasper in my head. That is dangerous, dangerous territory.

  ALLISON’S SUGGESTION ABOUT feelings really starts to get to me as the day goes on, and I fumble with my locker, unable to open it the more flustered I get.

  I do like Jasper, but only as a friend. And we love each other, of course—like family. I know this. My parents know this. My friends know this. Hundreds of people online know this. It’s about as obvious as stating that the grass is green.

  However, we’re not into each other like that, and there’s no way we ever could be, because I like the way we are now. And, hey, when you’ve got a good thing going, why change it?

  Years ago, when I first met Jasper, we were about as insignificant in each other’s lives as silent letters are in the English language. That all changed when we realized that Lenny had a cookie-cutter life with parents who were home by four o’clock and who wanted him home by nine every night. Leeann was rarely home, an
d my parents’ odd work hours kept me from seeing them. That’s when Jasper and I started to seek each other out. While Lenny went home for the night, Jasper and I bonded over strange things like his secret love for oldies music and my dislike of the color yellow.

  Our friendship with each other put to shame the relationship we had with Lenny. We’ve all become tighter knit since VlogIt, of course, but no matter what, there will always be those long nights teaching Jasper how to braid hair and him trying to show me how to effectively read a comic book that make us closer. We’ve invested a lot of time into each other.

  That’s really all there is, though—invested time. It’s a family union between Jasper and me, not a romantic one. Our love is merely platonic—nothing close to the magical sparks of a budding romance.

  So, we kiss . . . a lot these days. Does that really matter in the grand scheme of things? There are no sparks, no shivers of pleasure—at least not on my end. My trembles are the result of nervousness, the shakiness of my breath is inexperience, and the added heat created out of competitiveness.

  Allison knows nothing about Jasper. He’s loud and passionate and extremely unpredictable. He is both easy and hard to read at the same time. There are no boundaries in his mind, no lines that can’t be crossed. If he truly loves me the way she suggests he might, then I would feel it in his kisses, hear it in his voice. But I don’t.

  I feel weak just thinking about Jasper and me together. The awkwardness that would replace the effortlessness. The way his passion would compete with my demure nature. We’d be somewhat of a chaotic couple—always fighting, always searching for the fluidness that used to come without the pressure of commitment. I would want one thing; he’d fight with me for the other.

  Some people just work better as friends, and I think we found that out a long time ago. That’s why my freshman crush faded into nothing but curiosity.

  The flush of panicky nervousness that surged through me minutes earlier now settles into cool composure. My fingers steady on the dial of my locker, and I’m able to open it with relative ease. I even laugh a little in spite of myself.