by R H Tucker
“What are you doing?” EJ whispers over to me, climbing up.
“Hey,” I reply without answering.
He doesn’t say anything. Taking a seat next to me, he pulls up his knees and hangs his arms over them. In just over six hours, this parking lot is going to be packed. We’re going to be performing in front of thousands of fans. Danica will no doubt be sprinkling compliments over us online, and we’ll sell records and merchandise. We’ll be right in the middle of the life I envisioned when this entire thing started a few years ago. Back when EJ and I invited a few of our friends to come over to our garage and rock out to Pearl Jam. Now look at us.
Even with all of that, I’m still thinking about Zoey. And as if he can read my mind, EJ bumps my arm with his elbow. When I look over at him, he doesn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he gazes out across the same parking lot. “You need to get over it, man.”
I let out an incredulous chuckle. “You don’t think I know that?”
“You don’t …” He trails off. When I glance over at him, he finally meets my eyes. “Don’t get mad, okay?” I nod. “You don’t think you feel like you do … that you can’t get over her is maybe because … she was your first?”
I let out a scoff. It’s not at his question, but at myself. “Believe me, I’ve spent months thinking that. Why do you think I hung out so much with Maddox last year? All that did was reinforce that it’s not.”
“Even with any of those other girls—”
“There were no other girls.”
He gives me a blank stare. Blinking once, he cocks his head to the side. “But … you and Maddox kept urging me to go out with you guys. Maddox was bragging how much of a good time you were having.”
Another scoff. Only this one isn’t apathetic. It’s sad. Desperate and pitiful. “We lied.” His eyes bulge open. “After a show, I’d go out with him. We’d get in the car and head to a club, or some other party someone was putting on. If it was a club, I’d get out with him, head to the back, and sneak out somewhere, then wander around the city. If it was a night we had a hotel room, I’d sleep on the bus. And the other times, I’d show up, play the part, and disappear for the night. Usually in a bathroom room.”
A chuckle finally floats out of him. His eyes are still full, and he’s looking at me like he can’t believe it.
“I know, pretty pathetic. I couldn’t do it, EJ. I’d be hanging out with another girl, but I’d see Zoey. I didn’t want to be with any of them. Maddox really tried the first couple of times. But after it wasn’t happening, I asked him not to say anything. It made me look like the stupid heartthrob moniker that’s been cooked up.”
The silence drifts between us again. He doesn’t say it, but I feel like a basket case. Like I’m literally out of my mind. What eighteen-year-old guy with the world at his fingertips, forgoes every vice he could easily have, pining over a girl he fell in love with two years ago? Even thinking it now, I know it’s insane.
“She has a boyfriend,” EJ finally speaks up, ending my thoughts.
“They aren’t in love,” I counter.
To be honest, I have no idea whether they are or not. I don’t think they are, but I could be totally wrong. It’s what I’ve told myself since I found out, and what I’ll keep telling myself. Because if I let myself think she is in love, if I let myself believe she feels for someone else the way I’ve felt about her since before we started going out, I know it’ll be over. Because no matter how much I love her, if she is genuinely in love with some other guy, I won’t take that from her. I can’t. She deserves way more than something like the necklace I bought for her. More than feeling like I’m forcing her to choose between me and someone she loves. That’s why I won’t let myself believe it.
EJ hasn’t responded. I glance over, and his stare drills a hole through me. I don’t know if he really believes she’s in love any more than I’m forcing myself not to believe it, but that’s what makes EJ, EJ. He respects those boundaries. Sometimes too much, but I can’t fault him for that. In my eyes, he’s not the King of Nice because he’s the shy guy of the band. Not because he’s the cute one, or the little brother, even though he’s only three months younger than me. To me, he’s the King of Nice because he has a good heart. And as much as I admire that about him, right now, I’m glad I’m selfish because I’m still not giving up on winning Zoey over.
18
Zoey
Landon: Whatchya doin?
I stare at my phone, reading Landon’s text message. Becca and I just strolled through the Chihuly Garden, and now we’re walking toward the Space Needle to go up to the top. I’ve done everything possible to focus on the here and now. With my best friend. And even though I feel like I might be coming off harsh to Derrik, it’s for the best. So, seeing Landon’s text makes me smile. I make a mental note that Becca was right; I don’t get excited enough when he text messages me and will now try to remember to do just that. Because he’s my boyfriend. Not out of necessity, but because I want him to be my boyfriend. That’s how relationships are supposed to work, right?
Me: Hey, we just got done seeing all the glass exhibits at Chihuly Garden
Landon: Oh, cool! So you’re close to the Space Needle?
Me: Yeah, Becca and I are walking there now. We’re gonna go to the top.
Landon: Awesome. Strange request: Can you buy me something from the gift shop?
I giggle, which earns a look from Becca. “Who is that?”
“Landon,” I answer and return to the text conversation.
Me: Not that strange. What do you want?
Landon: There’s this small pewter Space Needle keychain, but it’s specific. It has a green emerald on top of the statue.
I laugh again.
Me: That is specific.
“Selfie before we go in,” Becca calls out and pulls at my shoulder. I hear my phone ding again and look up, and she turns us around so the colossal structure is behind us. She moves the camera around, and we have to twist our heads so we can squeeze into the picture without blocking the building, while still trying to see all the way to the top. It’s a horrible angle for a photo. We both start laughing at the look of it, then turn back to head into the gift shop.
Landon: Yeah. It’s at the register. Not the one you see when you first walk in, but the one toward the left.
“What?” I say myself, staring at the text message. Looking up, I see the first counter and a small line of customers waiting to pay for their novelties. Glancing around, I see the register he’s talking about with someone standing in front of it.
Wait a minute.
I do a double take, and the person in front of it is him! He offers me a small wave, and I’m stuck. My feet don’t move. Becca sees my face, and her brows come together. “What’s wrong?”
“Landon,” I whisper.
She rolls her eyes. “What’d he say this time? He better stop with all the cheating stuff. He can’t possibly be that insecure—”
“No,” I say, pointing across the room. “He’s here.”
“What?” She spins around, now just as shocked as I am. He lets out a laugh and starts walking over to me.
“Hey, you.” He reaches out, taking my hand, and it seems to finally get me to break my frozen stupor.
But it doesn’t do anything for my speech. “You … how … what are you doing here?”
“Remember, my aunt and uncle live in Seattle?”
“Right …” I do remember him telling me that once. “But still …”
He chuckles. “I thought I’d surprise you.”
“Sure,” Becca responds. Her shock has worn off faster than mine, and her eyes narrow.
He lifts his hands in defense. “No, seriously. I’m only here for today. I flew in late last night, and I’m flying out tonight.” Turning serious, the laughter in his voice evaporates. He takes hold of both my hands. “Zoey, I know I was acting like a jerk. I’m sorry. I’m not here because … because of anything. I just wanted to see my girlfriend.�
�
Even though we’ve only been going out for a couple of months, we’ve known one another throughout high school. He’s always been cute. His hair is longer than Derrik’s buzzcut look. It’s also lighter and styled, so it’s combed forward and slightly to the side, with the front sticking up. With dark caramel eyes, his posh but sporty look has always made people think he’s preppy. That he’s too stuck-up for other people around him. I mean, I get it, he looks the part. And he comes from money, so that’s never been a concern of his. I don’t believe he flaunts it on purpose, I think it’s something he’s never been concerned with.
His eyes pull me in, and even if I haven’t told him I love him and I haven’t felt head over heels for him since we started dating, his gesture pulls at my heartstrings. A warm feeling spreads in my chest, and I grin. “Really?”
“Yeah,” he confirms, nodding. “I wasn’t sure where you were at, but I was hoping you’d meet me here today. Thankfully you were already in the neighborhood.”
I look over at Becca. She seems to be deciding if she believes him or not. Since we’ve been going out, he was never extremely jealous. I mean, he was normal jealous, the dumb way guys get, but he’s never been overbearing. It was only when Derrik sent me the ticket to the talk show that he started getting antsy about things. But he seems sincere right now. Genuine. And maybe I’m a fool, but I want to believe him.
“Well …” I glance again over at Becca. “We were just going to the top. Um …”
She smiles, but shrugs. “You guys go. I’ll—”
“What, no,” Landon speaks up. “Come on, we’ll all go up. I’ll get the tickets.”
“No, you don’t have to—” Becca tries to stop him, but he counters her, waving his hand.
“It’s cool, Becca. Let’s go.”
Holding his hand out, he waits, and after another second, I take it. As we start walking, Becca gives me one final unsure expression, before following us as we go and purchase tickets and head to the top. We listen as the tour guide explains how long the Space Needle has been in operation, how it was built for the World’s Fair, and other little tidbits of info. Landon keeps his hand around mine and looks over every couple of minutes, smiling.
Maybe it’s because I’ve finally decided that there can’t be anything between Derrik and me, but whatever the reason, I feel like this is right. This is where I’m supposed to be. Not with a celebrity who travels the world, but with a guy I’m going to school with.
When the elevator dings, we step off and make our way out to the barrier to overlook the city. As we stroll along the outside, there’s a small commotion, with a group of people all crowding around.
“What’s going on over there?” Becca asks and walks ahead of us.
Landon ignores it, turning to me. “So, how’s everything been so far?”
“Fun,” I answer with a smile. “When we were in Portland, we visited this cute little amusement park. And in San Francisco, we got chowder.”
“Chowder,” he replies with a Boston accent, then laughs.
“Your accent is still horrible,” I tease him, poking him in the side.
“Aw, come on. I’ve been working on it.” He chuckles again, wrapping an arm around me.
It’s nice. He hasn’t brought up the band, or his concerns that I heard when he called me. It’s like we’re on our own little vacation, and I’d be content with this. Contentment. Yeah, that’s what I need. I don’t need a rush of electricity or a flurry of nerves every time I’m around someone. I just need contentment.
Becca hurries over, yanking on my free arm. “It’s the band,” she hisses.
The contentment vanishes, and my stomach drops.
19
Derrik
He’s here. What is he doing here? What is she doing here with him?
“Derrik?” I hear someone say my name, but I can’t take my eyes off of them.
Through the crowd, I haven’t made eye contact with either of them. It seems like she’s avoiding it. Becca’s head bobs back and forth, and I see her staring at us, then she looks back at her, whispering something.
“Derrik?”
I feel a jab in my side and flinch, glancing over at EJ. He nods ahead, and I return my vision to the front of us, seeing our interviewer, Megan. After a radio spot earlier today, Peter scheduled an interview with a popular YouTube channel that’s based out of Seattle and covers concerts. It’s actually a pretty cool channel. I’ve seen a few of their videos. They’ve interviewed some of the biggest bands around at different spots in the city. When they told us we were filming on top of the Space Needle, I was excited about it. Now, seeing Zoey and Landon together? I don’t want to be here.
“Sorry,” I’m finally able to spit out something. “What was the question?”
“Once the tour ends in Vancouver, you’re getting right to work on Danica Parker’s show, Parker’s Place. Are you looking forward to that?” Megan asks.
I hear her question. Her camera guy stands next to her, and the rest of the band surrounds me. I know all of this. But my mind is fifteen feet in front of me and over to the right. “Uh … Um …” I stammer, still trying to peek through the crowd. “Yeah.”
Glancing back at Megan, I realize she’s a little older than us, but I think only by a couple of years. She’s been a total pro since the interview began and scans her phone, where she’s been reading her questions, then back up at me.
“Sorry.” I try to compose myself. “Yeah, Danica’s show. It’s gonna be great. Filming in Los Angeles, then after that, we’ve got the King’s Court show. It’ll be awesome.”
My ease seems to transfer over to her, and she turns to Jade, asking about song lyrics. With the attention off of me for the moment, I finally look back over at the spot they were standing and find them gone. I bob around a bit, trying to peer through the heads of the crowd, but don’t see them anywhere.
Trying to pay attention to the rest of the interview, I listen to Megan continue, and after a few more minutes, it’s over. When they take off, the crowd around us lingers, asking for autographs and pictures. Since this wasn’t advertised, and it’s still the middle of the week, the top of the Space Needle isn’t very crowded. After we finish taking pictures with fans, I can’t control myself. I should follow the band over to the elevator and back down to where our car is waiting. But I sneak around to the other side of the viewing platform and see Becca, Zoey, and Landon.
They’re standing next to each other, and he says something, earning a laugh out of her.
No. They’re not in love.
What am I doing? Trying to convince myself she’s not happy with some guy when I can see the evidence in front of me. If that doesn’t look like she’s happy, then what does?
“Hey,” Becca calls over to me, waving.
Before I can think better of it, I wave back, seeing Zoey’s face drop. With no other option, I head over to them. Landon’s smiling for a brief second, but it evaporates. He scans me up and down, which earns an eye roll from me. I want her to be happy, but with this guy? Becca already told me about his history. And if that wasn’t enough, he has “Rich Preppy Guy” written all over him. He’s wearing one of those light blue Lacoste polo shirts, buttoned all the way up to his neck.
I nod at them. “What’s up, guys?”
Zoey’s the first to speak up, seeming as care-free as possible. “I didn’t know you guys were going to be here.”
“Yeah.” I nod, flashing my eyes back to Landon again. He slings his arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer. It’s not an aggressive maneuver, but in my mind, he might as well be proposing to her. Looking back at her, I try to focus. “Megan’s show films at different spots in the city. She asked if we wanted to film here, so … yeah. Here we are.”
“Cool,” she responds. The silence drifts between all of us again. “Oh, um, you remember Landon, right?”
It takes everything in my power to not scoff. “Yeah. I think we had algebra together freshman year.”
Landon nods. “What’s up, man?”
Why do those three words make me want to punch him? He hasn’t done anything to me. He hasn’t done anything to her. But that simple question, even if it’s not said with an air of cockiness, causes bile to rise in my throat. “What are you doing here?” I ask him.
It’s meant to be inquisitive. Like, “Hey, dude. When’d you get here?” Or, “That’s cool you’re here, when’d you get in?” Honest, it is. But I think it comes off as rude because Zoey snaps her eyes toward me, scowling.
He chuckles. “I flew in last night. My aunt and uncle live about ten minutes away. I’m flying out tonight.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. I guess you won’t be able to make the show.”
“Naw, I wasn’t planning on it.” He smirks, then turns his attention to Zoey. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight before I leave.”
“Yeah, that’d be fun,” she replies with a smile.
It triggers something in me. I know she has to feel something for me still. I know it. We were so close the other night. And now not only has she been ignoring me, but she’s gonna miss another show to hang out with this jackhole?
“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t leave him alone. Who knows who he might meet.” The words are out of my mouth before I know it, and it earns me a sharp glare from Zoey.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she fires back.
“Nothing.” I don’t even flinch and flash a smug grin. “I’m just saying, Becca told me the first night on the tour what he did. I probably wouldn’t want to leave him alone for too long, either.”
