The Rush

by Rachel Higginson

Page 25

 

  “Scared you?” Ryder glanced over at me, his charcoal eyes darkened to black in this light and his eyebrows pulled together in concern. I wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to tell him the truth.

  See? Dangerous.

  “I like you,” I admitted out loud and then realized what that sounded like. “Shoot. I mean, I like you as a friend. You’re a…. friend. And I don’t have many of those. I just don’t want to jeopardize what we have here. ”

  “Oh you mean the constant bickering and fighting? Me either. I love that,” Ryder half laughed, half winced.

  “Yes,” I smiled at him. “I don’t get to do this with anybody else. Nobody else…. fights with me. ”

  They control me. Or they use me. But I wasn’t about to say that either.

  “And me writing a song about you is going to change that? You know it wasn’t like a love song or anything, right?” Ryder asked, his gravelly voice deep with concern.

  “Please, I know that. You practically called me an evil bitch on stage to a room full of people. I am perfectly aware of how lacking in love that song was,” I rolled my eyes even though he was watching the road.

  “So what’s the problem?”

  Before I could stop myself I opened my mouth and spewed…. truth. “I just want to make sure we stay friends. If you haven’t guessed, I have kind of an… f-ed up home life. And…. if we were anything more, anything like… together, I would have to give this up. Not that we would be or anything. I mean, not that you’re interested. But as long as we remain just friends, it doesn’t really matter. Friends is fine. But never anything more. ”

  “Ivy, I only like you as a friend,” he promised with heavy tones of sadness.

  “This isn’t reverse psychology, Ryder,” I snapped, angry that he thought this was my plea for attention. “I’m serious. I can be friends with you but nothing more. You might not like me now or even ever, but I just want you to know if there is ever anything between us, I mean, even the smallest spark I am walking away from you immediately. There can’t be anything, ever, or I will never see you again. ”

  “Ok, yeesh. I got it! It’s not something we need to worry about right now anyway,” he said carefully. He glanced over at me again, but I was too embarrassed to look at him to see what his expression was doing now. Finally, after several long minutes he asked quietly, “What about Chase?”

  I took even longer to answer, digging deep for courage. This would be a lie, but a necessary one. “Things aren’t really working out for Chase and me. He’s a really nice guy and all, but-“

  Ryder fell back against his seat like I knocked the wind out of him. His jaw turned to stone and his hands gripped at the steering wheel angrily. Finally when we pulled up to the full block long circular drive in front of my apartment building Ryder threw the Bronco into park and looked over at me.

  His narrowed eyes were calculating and made me shrink under their intensity. He was pissed. So much more than pissed. There was a muscle ticking in his jaw and his intensity radiated off him like heat.

  “You know I’m going to have to tell him,” he finally announced with deadly calm. “He’s my friend. And he likes you Ivy. ”

  “You don’t understand,” I mumbled weakly. And he never would.

  “I guess I don’t,” he grunted. “Want to explain it to me?”

  “I can’t,” I practically whimpered.

  Never before had I felt this bad. Well, except for Sam, but that wasn’t until the night of the accident, until after our relationship screwed up his entire future. But this had to be worse. This was judgment, cold, hard and final. I didn’t even need to go through the whole “stay away from me” speech. Ryder would have no problems keeping his distance after this conversation.

  “Blackheart?” he mumbled into the awkward silence.

  “Blackheart,” I confirmed. He finally got it at least. Well, his song proved that he understood, but now he got it, it would settle into whatever left over good thoughts he had about me and ruin them.

  “I wanted to be wrong. ” His words were soft and sad in his voice, but dug into my heart like a dagger.

  “But you weren’t,” I mumbled. Unwanted tears started to prick at the backs of my eyes and I willed myself not to show emotion in front of Ryder. He couldn’t get it. He wouldn’t get it, if I was honest with myself. Nobody could.

  A sharp rapping on the window caused us both to jump in our seats. Ryder’s window was being assaulted by angry pounding and I leaned forward so I could see around him, see why somebody was so desperate to get our attention.

  “Shit,” I groaned. “Shit. Shit. Shit. ” Not very ladylike, I know.

  Ryder rolled down his window to address the angry man standing outside. “Can I help you?”

  “Ivy?” Nix demanded, panicked and mad as hell. “What are you doing in this car? Are you Ok?”

  I bit back a thousand sarcastic remarks. Of course a car like this would startle Nix. He probably thought the driver was some homicidal maniac trying to kidnap me. Or he sensed the difference in Ryder from wherever the hell he was before now and had to come investigate what was up.

  Or maybe he just saw me with another guy and transformed into the possessive psychopath he really was.

  Had he been waiting for me? Or was this a coincidence?

  “Uh, Nix, this is my friend Ryder. He gave me a ride home tonight,” I explained in my softest, most patient voice ever. I shot Ryder a calming smile and willed him to return it.

  “I hope this car is safe, young man,” Nix turned his blindingly handsome face on Ryder and his voice turned cold and authoritative. Nix was just crazy enough to believe Ryder would be his competition and if I didn’t separate them soon, Nix would also be holding a verbal pissing contest. Not really fair for an ancient douchebag to go up against an innocent-vaguely-naïve-high-school-kid…. But that was Nix. Nothing stood in the way of what was his.

  “Absolutely,” Ryder answered. “I would never intentionally hurt Ivy, Sir. ”

  I bit back a groan and then had to sit on my hands to keep from slapping them over my eyes. I could not watch this. This was going to end badly.

  First the song and now this? I was not sure the night could get worse.

  “Well, since you’re her friend, why don’t you join us upstairs for a while? Ivy’s mother and I would love to get to know one of her school friends better. Especially one she trusts to drive her home. ”

  Ryder sent me an encouraging smile, probably hoping he was doing me a favor. Holy, hell he probably thought Nix was dating my mom…. Probably some father-figure in my life.

  I was wrong. So wrong. This night could definitely end worse.

  And why was Ryder suddenly being nice to me? I so wished he would have just told me to piss off and then left me on the sidewalk.

  “Sure, I have a few minutes before curfew,” Ryder answered with a friendly-love-me smile, totally the polite gentleman.

  Oh, no! He was actually going to try to win Nix over.

  Cheese and rice, this was going to be a disaster.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The elevator ride to the apartment was silent and awkward. I felt Ryder trying to catch my eye while Nix stared straight ahead, his jaw tight with agitation. I simply watched my shoes, unable to bare Nix’s frustration or Ryder’s curiosity.

  “This way,” Nix instructed once the elevators opened.

  We followed dutifully behind. Ryder cleared his throat, still trying to get my attention.

  “This is a really nice building, Ivy,” he announced, no longer trying to be discreet. Not that he would see a reason to be anything but normal.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled. My body was rigid with anxiety, my stomach flipped riotously as I waited for the blade to drop on this guillotine.

  “My dad and I live in a loft downtown, but it’s an older building so it’s not nearly as nice,” Ryder went on.

  Nix opened the door
to the apartment and held it for us. “Is it one of those with all the exposed brick?”

  Ryder sounded more confident when he answered, “Yes, it is. My dad loves the architecture downtown. ”

  “I do too,” Nix replied sounding deceptively friendly. “I recently rented one off thirteenth. ”

  “Ours is closer to tenth, but we looked at ones over there,” Ryder explained. I met his eyes then and he sent the question of who Nix was through his stare.

  “Ava,” Nix called out when the door closed behind us. “Ivy brought a friend. ”

  My mother appeared in the foyer with a plastic smile on her face. Her eyes darted to Nix when she realized my friend was a boy. I looked back to the ground completely ashamed of the situation for everyone.

  “I’m Ava, Ivy’s mother,” my mom introduced herself to Ryder casually. “You are?”

  Ryder took in my mother with widened eyes. She was gorgeous as ever, with her auburn hair down and soft around her shoulders, her tight pencil skirt and silk blouse. She was perfection and Ryder could easily see that. “I’m Ryder Sutton. Ivy and I go to school together. ”

  “How nice,” my mom murmured, narrowing her forest green eyes just a bit. “Why don’t you come in?”

  She turned on her heel and led us all to the delicate dining table. Nix sat down and the rest of us followed suit, except for my mother who disappeared into the kitchen to make drinks.

  “Ivy is going to have a glass of water,” my mother announced from the other room. “Would you like one, Ryder?”

  “Yes please,” Ryder called back.

  “So what class do you have together?” Nix started the conversation going. He was pushed away from the table with one foot causally resting across his knee. One hand rested on his bent knee, while his other arm draped across the back of my chair. My nerves were strung tight this close to him, but even more so because of Ryder watching me from across the table. It was like he thought he would finally get his answers here. I had just admitted to a bad home life not ten minutes ago and now he had a front row seat to find out why.

  Except he wouldn’t get answers tonight. Just more questions.

  Probably starting with why he thought I lied to him.

  “We’re not actually in any classes together,” Ryder answered.

  When Nix stayed silent, obviously waiting for more I volunteered some information although I knew it would cost me later. “I’m dating one of his really good friends, Chase. ”

  “So you’re a senior?” Nix pressed like he knew all about Chase. I shiver slid across my skin while I wondered exactly what he did know.

  “Yes, he is,” I answered quickly.

  “No, I’m not,” Ryder corrected. My head snapped up to meet his eye then. I realized I always assumed he was a senior but never actually knew whether that was true or not. I felt really stupid. “I’m a junior like Ivy. ”

  A fire of indecision spread through my veins. I had been assuming he would graduate and leave after this year. I hadn’t realized how much I was looking forward to being away from him and all the confusion he brought with him. At the same time unexplainable joy followed quickly in its wake. We would be together for another year. And even if our friendship ended after Chase and we never talked again I knew just being in the same school as him would mean something to me.

  “Honestly, we’re only friends through Chase,” I said quickly, hating how callous I sounded. “Ryder was just nice enough to give me a ride after mom texted. ”

  Ryder looked at me like I just shot his puppy so I sent him a pleading look not to say anything differently. His gaze intensified at the same time his mouth pressed into a grim line. This was important. He needed to leave.

  My mom came back in the room and when Ryder stayed staring at me instead of looking at the perfection that was my mother, I felt Nix tense next to me. Men weren’t supposed to be able to help but look at my mother.

  “What do your parents do?” My mother asked, feeling the same absence of attention Nix noticed.

  Ryder accepted his glass of water from my mom, and then explained, “My mom passed away when I was a baby actually, but my dad is a professor at UNO. ”

  “Oh how sad,” my mom gasped with the appropriate amount of sympathy even though I knew she felt none. “Did Ivy tell you her father also passed away when she was a baby?”

  “She did,” he answered simply.

  “Really? Ivy isn’t usually so open about her past,” Nix’s tone was clipped and reprimanding and I felt every one of my privileges slipping out of my grasp.

  “It’s just something we have in common,” Ryder replied more politely than ever. My eyes flickered over to him and I could tell he was just barely holding onto his control. Something set him off and I had to wonder if it was me or Nix.

  The iciness of controlled anger settled into the atmosphere around us. I hated having Ryder here, having him face my mother and Nix. This was a place I didn’t want anyone to see, least of all him. And when his expression turned from fury to wild concern I wanted to push him out the door and make him promise to never have anything to do with me again.

  At the same time I wanted him to never leave.

  “Ryder has curfew,” I blurted suddenly. “He should probably go. ”

  I stood up before anyone could challenge me and walked straight for the door, hoping Ryder would follow. I pulled frantically on the handle and held it open until he made his stunned appearance around the corner. He was leaving, but it didn’t look like he was happy about it.

  “I’m going to walk him to the elevator,” I called when he was finally through the doorway.

  I shut the door behind me and grasped his wrist with a shaking hand. I needed to act normal, act like everything was fine. Even though it wasn’t. I needed him to believe that it was.