Freefall

by Robin Brande

  Eliza’s teeth chattered. She was not cold.

  “Tell me something,” Ted said. “Tell me the truth. Will you ever be ready?”

  Eliza’s skin warmed with embarrassment. “I-I think so. I really do.” She waited a second, then added, “Eventually.”

  Ted reached for her hand and stroked his thumb across her knuckles. It was a touch Eliza knew, and one that always seemed to travel straight from her hand to her core. Her breathing grew shallow, her cheeks hot.

  “How ‘eventually’?” Ted asked. “This year? Five years? Tomorrow night?”

  “Not...tomorrow. But maybe soon.”

  “Soon.” Ted stroked her fingers. “Okay, soon...”

  He kissed her on the cheek. “Look at me.” When she did, Ted brushed his lips against hers, softly, chastely. Maddeningly.

  “I guess soon will have to be good enough,” Ted whispered. “Until then I can wait.”

  Eliza nodded slowly, as if she had been drugged. “But you can’t keep kissing me like that,” she murmured sleepily. “I have no will power.”

  “Good. I’m counting on it.”

  That had been a month ago, and although they hadn’t spoken of it since then, Eliza knew it was always in the air. It was in the way he looked at her sometimes, his eyes narrowing seductively as he studied her face, her eyes, her mouth. It was in the way he stroked her back when they hugged goodnight, and the light touch of his thumb against her palm when they held hands. It could send jolts of electricity through her limbs, and make her palms sweat and her mouth go dry.

  But it still wasn’t enough to overcome that essential fear of one day making love to someone other than the love of her life. She had been old-fashioned when she met Jamey, and still was. She had to believe—to know—that the man she shared her body with loved her with all of his heart, and that she loved him in return. So far, as much as she liked Ted, she couldn’t claim she felt love.

  Maybe liking someone—a strong like—was as much as she’d ever feel toward any man, Eliza thought. Maybe love was out of the question anymore.

  “...then when Suzy said you were all coming up here,” Livia was saying, “I finally convinced David it was time to show me the infamous Walsh summer camp. I told him he doesn’t have to work every weekend—the stores won’t fold just because he isn’t there to keep his eye on them every minute.”

  Eliza decided it was time to seize control of the conversation and give her ears a break from Livia’s voice.

  “What do you usually do up here?” she asked Ted.

  “Fish, kayak, lounge in the hammock—all your gentleman’s sports.”

  “Where do you kayak?”

  “On the lake. There are some islands out in the middle that are fun to cruise around. Or I can find you some white water, if you’re interested.”

  “No thanks. It’s been too long. I wouldn’t really trust myself in rapids.”

  “What’s the hardest you did?” Ted asked.

  “Class five.”

  “Oh, tough girl, huh?”

  “More like tricked. Jamey didn’t tell me until we were already through them.”

  The subject died there. Eliza could feel everyone’s discomfort as they rode along in silence.

  Can’t you keep your big mouth shut? Eliza thought. People don’t always want to hear about your dead husband.

  The problem was, so much of her life—all of it since she was eighteen—bore Jamey’s fingerprints. She could hardly tell an interesting story that didn’t include him.

  A voice came from the back, and for once it wasn’t Livia’s. “On the S-Salmon.”

  Eliza turned. David quickly looked out the side window again, as if he hadn’t spoken.

  “Yes,” she said, “how did you know?”

  “What salmon?” Livia asked. “I suppose you fish, too?”

  “No, the Salmon River in Idaho,” Eliza said. “It’s where we did the rapids. Seriously, David, how did you know?”

  “It was a good article,” he mumbled without looking at her.

  Eliza turned back to face the front. Once again, she felt how little she understood David Walsh.

  Livia must have felt the same way, because she couldn’t leave the subject alone. “You read some article about it? When?”

  When David didn’t answer right away, Eliza jumped in to help. She felt embarrassed for him—maybe even a little protective—even though she wasn’t sure why. “It must have been about five years ago. We did a whole backpacking and rafting tour of the state. I wrote several articles about it.”

  “And you read one of them? How sweet,” Livia said, her tone conveying just the opposite.

  Now it was Ted’s turn to join in. “Yeah, Davey’s read quite a bit of Eliza’s stuff, haven’t you, Davey?”

  Eliza turned just enough to see the elder brother shrug. He kept his eyes focused out the window.

  Eliza had had enough of the strained, puzzling conversation. “That’s nice. Thank you,” she told David, then turned to Ted. “I meant to ask you, are there any antique stores up here? I’d love to look around.”

  “Loads of them, I’m sure,” Livia answered. “What else would all us city girls do up here? We’re not all Class Five sportswomen like you.” She reached forward to pat Eliza on the shoulder. “Let’s have a date tomorrow. I’ve been looking for hooks for my bathroom. If you think Teddy can spare you.”

  15

  The sign above the porch said Camp Walsh. Behind it rose two stories of a stunning wood and glass house, mounted on top of a layer of large gray and white stone. It looked like every lake house Eliza had ever admired in an architecture or decorating magazine. And she was about to walk into one.

  Bear had vaulted from the car as soon as David opened the back door, and was now racing toward the water. Livia stood and slapped the black hair from her sundress. She pushed her sunglasses up into her hair and gazed at the house in front of them.

  “Not too shabby, Walshes,” she said.

  “This is just the servants’ quarters,” Ted answered.

  Sue and her husband and their two boys were already relaxing on the porch, sprawled out in the wide Adirondack chairs, contentedly sipping iced tea and sodas.

  “Help yourself,” Sue told the arriving guests. “This place is completely self-serve. I’m on strike all weekend long.”

  “She’s been telling us that since we got here,” her oldest, Mike, complained. “Can you make her stop?”

  “I will not stop,” Sue said. “Do you understand that I have spent the last month cooped up with a hundred and fifty wild savages, trying to teach them advanced algebra when all they wanted was for me to shut up and let them text or listen to their music until it was finally time for summer vacation? As if every teacher in that place wasn’t dying to get rid of them! And the only thing—I mean the only thing—that kept me going was knowing I’d be sitting right here, right now, enjoying a delicious raspberry tea, waiting for my husband and sons and brothers to wait on me hand and foot.”

  “Nice fantasy, Sue,” Ted said. “Hate to burst your bubble.”

  She pointed at her little brother. “Listen here, mister. I busted my butt doing all the shopping these past few nights so I could stock this place with everything we might possibly need for the next three days. But I am done now—done. I have served my last meal until I get home, and I’ll be damned if anyone here even dares to ask me to lift a finger.”

  “See?” Mike appealed to his uncles.

  “It’s how she gets,” Ted answered. “That’s why we don’t let her come up here too often.”

  “My life doesn’t let me come up here too often,” Sue corrected him. “But now I’m going to savor every single second.”

  “So let me get this straight,” Ted said. “This is our vacation, too, but we’re not supposed to enjoy it—only you are.”

  “Enjoy it as much as you want,” his sister answered. She tipped her head back, closed her eyes, and rested her legs on footstool in fro
nt of her. “But I’m expecting three delicious meals a day out of all of you—and not just burgers on the grill. I mean something good—and you might as well get started with lunch. I’m starving.”

  Eliza wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be concerned. This was a side of Sue she hadn’t seen. Eliza widened her eyes at Ted, who answered her with a wink.

  “I can help,” Eliza said. “Just tell me where my room is, and I’ll drop my bag off and come back.”

  “Don’t you dare,” Sue said, her eyes flying open again. She snapped her fingers at her little brother. “Ted, you take her bags up. She’s in the lavender room. David, Livia’s in the rose. You two,” she said, pointing to Eliza and Livia, “are our guests. You come sit over here with me. The men can take care of everything else.”

  “Sounds heavenly,” Livia said, immediately taking her up on her offer. She settled into one of the chairs near Sue and stretched her feet out onto the porch railing. “David, I’d love some tea.”

  Eliza stole a look at David to see his reaction. In fact, she’d been secretly watching him on and off ever since they got out of the car. She wondered if he would be as cold and closed off on vacation, around his family, as he was every other time she saw him.

  True to form, he hadn’t said a word so far, but Eliza did notice him smiling several times while his sister went off on her tirade. So maybe there was a personality inside there after all, Eliza thought. It would be interesting to see if any more of it might sneak out over the next few days.

  For now, he hoisted his own bag and two of Livia’s three. “Where am I?” he asked Sue.

  “You and your wet dog, if he ever comes back, are in the blue room downstairs, next to the boys.”

  David nodded and disappeared into the house.

  “Where am I, sister dear?” Ted asked.

  “Upstairs,” she said. “White room. Hurry back. I wasn’t kidding about being hungry. I’d like some chips and salsa, pronto. Wedge of lime on the side.”

  “Now, are we supposed to cut the lime lengthwise or widthwise?” Sue’s husband, John, asked. “I wouldn’t want any of us to get into trouble.”

  “It’s a good thing I’m here,” Ted told his brother-in-law. “Your wife is seriously out of hand. I’ll have to set her straight right away.”

  “Just try it,” Sue warned him. “I’m not above embarrassing you in front of your girlfriend.”

  Eliza smiled a little more nervously than she meant to. Sue must have noticed.

  “Come on, Eliza, sit. Relax. This place is beautiful. You’ll love it here. These will be the best three days of your whole summer.”

  * * *

  Not a bad start, Eliza thought. Not only did the men produce a generous spread of chips, salsa, crackers, cheese, grapes, olives, and assorted nuts, they also managed to come up with a few ideas for the dinners they’d make over the next two nights. Even Danny and Mike would have roles as prep cooks, assigned all the peeling and knife work so their elders could concentrate on being chefs.

  “We can trust you with the knives, can’t we?” Ted asked his younger nephew.

  “Come on,” Danny answered. “You know my ninja skills.” He pretended to throw an imaginary knife at one of the wooden porch beams. He gave it the sound effect of thwick, and said, “Deadly.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” Ted said. “Your uncle David once sliced a man’s ear off. Coordination only runs on one side of the family.”

  “Mine,” Sue said.

  “And mine,” Ted added. He picked up one of the grapes, positioned it between his thumb and third finger, then expertly flicked it in a perfect arc that landed on his brother’s lap. “See? First time.”

  David didn’t bother looking up from his phone, but merely brushed the grape aside.

  Eliza couldn’t figure the two of them out. For the past hour or so, she’d watched Ted try to bait his older brother over and over. David rarely even acknowledged it. He was like a water buffalo ignoring the fly buzzing in and out of his nose.

  Which seemed to make Ted try all the harder.

  “Whatcha working on there, Davey?” he asked, throwing another grape. “Don’t suppose you noticed your entire family—well, the good parts—are here right now. And you have a lady friend—did you notice that? I noticed,” Ted added, giving Livia the once-over. “Nice legs, Keane.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Walsh. Please include that on my performance review.”

  Eliza and Sue exchanged a glance. Sue rolled her eyes.

  “I have a lady friend here, too,” Ted said, pushing out of his chair. “Come on, Shepherd, I heard you’re a kayaker.”

  Eliza raised an eyebrow. “Yes...”

  “Time to put some boats in the water. What do you say we paddle out to an island?”

  Eliza smiled. It had been years—probably three, if she remembered right—since she’d been in a kayak. The last time was with Jamey on the Salt River. Just the thought of moving her arms like that again made her muscles itch in anticipation. “I’d actually...love that.”

  “I love what you love,” Ted answered. “Let’s do it.”

  “Can I go?” Danny asked.

  “No,” Ted answered immediately.

  “Me, too,” Mike said. “Come on, Uncle Ted.”

  Ted sighed. “Fine. Everybody who wants to ruin my romantic kayaking date with Eliza, raise your hand.”

  The two nephews and their father raised theirs.

  And a few seconds later, so did David.

  Livia let out a tinkling laugh. Then she raised her hand, too.

  Ted looked around in disgust. “Have any of you ever heard of taking a hint?”

  “Do you have that many kayaks for everybody?” Eliza asked him.

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  * * *

  Livia surveyed Eliza’s outfit. “Aren’t you going to change?” While the men retrieved kayaks from the boathouse, Livia disappeared into her room—the rose room, as Sue had called it—and emerged twenty minutes later wearing a tight red tank top, short khaki shorts, and black leather flip flops.

  Eliza still wore what she’d dressed in that morning. Her backpacking pants and sun shirt were perfect for water sports—she’d worn them on dozens of excursions. The only change she made was trading her hiking shoes for a pair of sturdy Teva sandals. “I’ll be fine,” Eliza said.

  Livia had also freshened up her blush and lipstick, Eliza noticed. Eliza had merely smeared on more sunscreen.

  “Ready?” Livia asked, threading her arm inside Eliza’s. “We girls’ll stick together. You’ll coach me if I need it, won’t you? I’d hate to have to ask the men for anything.”

  “Sure,” Eliza answered, wondering when Livia had decided the two of them were so chummy. “Have you ever kayaked before?”

  “No,” Livia scoffed, releasing Eliza and trotting nimbly down the stairs. “But honestly, how hard can it be?”

  * * *

  It was a beautiful afternoon on the water. Eliza had forgotten how free she could feel, gliding along under the power of her own arms, feeling the craft slipping through the waves. There was a slight headwind—not enough to be annoying, but just enough to stir up a few whitecaps and make the effort more of a challenge.

  Eliza glanced to her left. She’d have preferred being alone on the lake, but that wasn’t what she signed up for. This was a group activity, and unfortunately, she was saddled with one particular member of the group.

  “You boys go on ahead,” Livia had told Ted and the others. “Eliza and I are going to practice.”

  “You sure?” Ted asked. “Maybe David should teach you. Then Eliza and I can—”

  “No,” Livia insisted, “it’ll be just us girls for a while, but then we’ll catch up. Then I’ll race you all back to camp. Sound good?”

  Sound bad, Eliza thought, but she wanted to be a good sport. So she, too, had agreed that the men should go on ahead, and she and Livia would catch up when they could.

  Having been alon
e with her now for the past half hour, Eliza realized Livia was smart not to let David teach her—he wouldn’t have liked her very much after the lesson.

  “You’re drifting again,” Eliza called out helpfully. “You need a more even stroke on each side.”

  “I know that,” Livia snapped. “I’m doing that. There’s something wrong with this paddle.”

  Of course there is, Eliza thought. It couldn’t possibly be you.

  “Well, try again,” she said. “Try to get into a rhythm. Watch me: Stro-o-o-ke, stro-o-o-ke, keep your movements nice and smooth...”

  Livia cursed and lifted her paddle out of the water. She rested it on top of the kayak. “Let’s forget it,” she said. “They’re too far ahead of us anyway.”

  They could see the men in the distance, past all the houses lining the shore, and finally out in the open water, heading toward the island. From the look of it, three of them seemed to be racing. Ted and the two nephews, Eliza guessed.

  “Let’s go back,” Livia said. “Nice glass of wine on the porch, maybe lay out on the dock...”

  Eliza forced herself to smile. “Sure, if that’s what you want. I’ll take you back. Watch me and I’ll show you how to turn—”

  “I know how to turn,” Livia said. “It’s not that hard.”

  “Suit yourself,” Eliza muttered as she paddled out ahead.

  * * *

  This is nicer anyway, she thought later. Out on the lake all alone. It might take her an hour to reach the island. A whole hour, all by herself.

  Bliss.

  She studied the houses as she paddled past. Some of them as grand as the Walshes’, some of them very small and modest.

  Jamey and I would have liked one like that, she thought, seeing a little white cottage with shutters painted yellow. Or that one. Green roof, blue wooden sides, a little flower garden in front. Not that one, or that—the fancier mansions that tried too hard to look like cabins. That one. That has Jamey and me written all over it.

  Eliza sighed. What was the point? The point was she did this sort of thing all the time: What would Jamey have said to so-and-so? What would he have thought of this column or that? What would he have said that night after they were snug in the lavender room and they could whisper privately about some of the people on this trip? “If there were some kind of nuclear explosion, and Livia Keane and I were the last two people on Earth, I’d have to say, ‘I’m sorry, the population dies here.’ Because there’s no way I’d ever—”