Freefall

by Robin Brande

  “Now let’s see you really cut loose, El. I want the neighbors to call and complain.”

  She felt different with David. From the very start. Once she dropped the T-shirt she’d been modestly holding, and they made love against the garden window, something clicked in her, a switch was flipped. We can do whatever we want. Magical words. Backed up by a man who really did do what he wanted, lived the way he was comfortable, expected Eliza to do the same.

  She trailed her fingers up his bare thigh. Stopped before she got where he wanted. David moaned. He sat up and tried again to pull off her shirt. When that didn’t work, he shifted his groin closer to hers.

  Eliza scooted back further on the bench. “If you try anything, I’ll only make you wait longer.”

  David promptly lay flat again.

  She liked the blond hair on his legs. The way it grew lighter, and softer, the higher up she explored on his thighs. Jamey’s was so dark and thick. “If we ever have a girl,” Eliza had told him, “she’ll probably have to start shaving her legs when she’s five.”

  “I had a mustache in junior high,” he told her.

  “Then pray you have a son.”

  Eliza stroked David’s calves. He didn’t moan this time, but she didn’t care. She was feeling them for her, not for him.

  “You’re really sturdy,” she told him. “I like that.”

  “Thank you, but can you hurry up?” He reached for her hand, tried to move it to a better position.

  Eliza took off her shirt. That ought to distract him for a while. She left on her black bra—the closest thing to sexy lingerie she owned—and let him stare at her erect nipples through the lace while she continued to admire his body.

  His chest and arms were muscular, but not too. He wasn’t one of those men who spent hours every day standing in front of a mirror watching himself pump dumbbells. He had a modest collection of weights in there, just enough to keep a person occupied a few hours a week. David hadn’t worked out once while she’d been with him, but Eliza imagined it was because she’d been sapping him of all his strength. He’d certainly done that for her.

  She reached back and undid the clasp on her bra. Let the fabric fall to the floor.

  “Happy?” she asked.

  “Oh, yes.”

  He reached out both hands for her, but she pushed them away. “Hold still.”

  She got up off the bench and moved around to the side. She bent over his mouth. She teased his lips just lightly with her tongue, then glided forward until her breast hovered above him. She closed her eyes as he teased her in return, hands at his side, just using his mouth.

  “Ohh...okay, that’s enough.”

  He protested as she stood back up, but she silenced him by shimmying out of her shorts. She left the matching black lace panties on. She hardly ever wore them. Not the least bit practical.

  This time when she straddled the bench, she moved close enough to touch. She leaned back and pressed against him, let him feel her through the thin cloth. To know how wet she was, how near he was to entering her, but still she made him wait.

  “David?”

  “Hm?” His eyes seemed glazed, his breath shallow, his mind both a million miles away and intensely focused on her breasts and the particular torture she was practicing between his thighs.

  “David?”

  “Yes?”

  “Are you ready?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Eliza!”

  “Then touch me.”

  * * *

  He managed to salvage the dinner. Or at least enough of it that they could sit upstairs on his bed eating sautéed mushrooms and shallots over Walsh’s Select Organic Spinach Pasta.

  Eliza set her bowl down on one of the bedside tables and leaned back and patted her stomach. David reached under the Walsh’s Fine Foods T-shirt of his that she wore and stroked her bare belly.

  “I told someone about you today,” she said. “See? I’m going public.”

  “Who was it?”

  “Carolyn Jackson. She said she knows you.”

  “She does know me. She used to be Carolyn Ryder.”

  David’s hand made wider circles now, still stroking Eliza’s belly, but also venturing higher.

  “What did she say?” he asked.

  “That you’re very nice. Which I agreed with. Mm, that’s very nice. Be careful, I just ate.”

  He set aside his bowl, too, and stretched out beside Eliza. She closed her eyes while he continued to lightly stroke her body.

  “She said something...else,” Eliza said. A cold clamminess erupted on her skin, signaling she was about to do something dangerous. She had felt it so many times on expeditions with Jamey—that warning that she was about to go where she shouldn’t.

  “Come on, Liz, you’ve got this,” Jamey would coax her, and inevitably she’d come out on the other side of some experience feeling proud that she’d mastered her fear.

  Eliza controlled her breath. With David’s hand now concentrating on her chest, he’d feel it if she started breathing too hard.

  “What did she say?” David prompted her when too much time had gone by.

  Eliza tried to make her voice sound light. “She said you and your brother were notoriously at each other’s throats when you were kids.”

  David’s hand paused. He said, “Hm,” and then went on stroking.

  “And she said...” The pulse of cold along her nerves was stronger now, centered on the back of her neck, and Eliza knew it was her body’s way of trying to stop her, but her mouth continued anyway. She had thought about it too much that afternoon, and didn’t know where else to go for the answer.

  She sat up and took David’s wandering hand between hers. She stretched out his fingers and slipped her own between the joints.

  “I’m only going to ask you this,” she said, “because I don’t want there to be any lingering doubts between us.” She couldn’t meet his eye, but continued looking down at their joined hands. “Carolyn said...you and Ted are always competing. Would you say that’s true?”

  “No.”

  She looked up and met his gaze. “You wouldn’t say that?”

  “No.”

  “Oh.” She had expected him to admit at least that much. Now she didn’t know how else to move forward.

  “It d-depends on what you mean,” David added. “Ted may compete with me. I don’t compete with him.”

  Eliza noticed the slight stutter. She was making him nervous—she didn’t want that. She shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.

  David let go of her hand. He got up from the bed and began gathering their used dishes. He wore just a pair of loose shorts, and as he bent over her to retrieve her bowl, Eliza trailed her hand down his bare chest.

  “David, I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s a sensitive subject—”

  “Do you know why I asked you that today?” he said.

  “Asked me what?”

  “Whether you and my brother had been lovers.”

  Again the cold chill on her neck. “I assumed you wanted to know.”

  “I wanted to know it from y-you,” he said.

  “Why?”

  “Because I believe you.”

  “Did Ted say something different?” Eliza asked.

  “Ted n...never changes. If he thinks I want something, he tries to take it away.”

  David carried the stack of dishes from the bedroom down the stairs. Eliza stayed where she was, digesting what he’d just said.

  She took her time going downstairs. She didn’t want to sound angry. She wanted a calm, rational—truthful—discussion.

  Because more hinged on this than David knew. If she was wrong about him—wrong about any of it—she needed to know now. Before she fell any further. Before her rope slipped and the anchor broke and she ended up smashed against the rocks.

  “Did Ted sleep with Livia?”

  David continued loading the dishes in his dishwasher and appeare
d not to hear.

  “David.”

  He slammed the dishwasher closed. He turned to her. “Why are we discussing this?”

  “Because I’m trying to understand.”

  “They have nothing to do with us.”

  “I hope that’s true,” Eliza said.

  “Wh...” David paused, took a breath. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because I’d hate to think I’m part of some sick game you and your brother are playing.”

  David seemed genuinely confused. “What sick game?”

  “He steals your girlfriend, you steal his.”

  David’s face reddened. “Is that what you think?”

  “No, I wouldn’t have, but now I’m asking you. Look me in the eye and tell me that’s not what happened.”

  “That’s not what happened,” he said without hesitation, glaring at her. “Y...you have it all wrong.”

  “Then tell me,” Eliza said. “Explain it to me. Why am I here?”

  The question hung in the air for too long.

  Finally David asked, “Why are you here, Eliza? Don’t you want to be?”

  “If it’s real,” she answered. “If I’m here because it happened by accident. Not if it’s some sort of plan of yours.”

  “It’s not a plan,” he said wearily. “It was your dog.”

  Eliza slumped against the nearest wall, feeling just as weary. She looked at the man in front of her, wondering why she was so ready to believe the worst.

  “I need to take Bear out,” he said.

  “Oh, okay.”

  He slipped on a pair of shoes set beside the back door, and took Bear’s leash off a hook. The dog immediately leapt to his feet and joined David.

  “Do you want me to come?” Eliza asked.

  “No, I won’t be very long.”

  Eliza nodded.

  David and the dog went out past the pool, and Eliza could hear the gate slam shut behind them.

  What had just happened?

  She had touched a nerve, obviously, one that she should have understood from Carolyn Jackson would have been better left alone.

  But wasn’t I right to ask? Eliza consoled herself. Wouldn’t I have been wondering otherwise?

  Maybe, but maybe you shouldn’t have been wondering that in the first place. Do you really think David would seduce you—spend all his time with you day and night—treat you with the kind of kindness and tenderness that’s had you falling for him in the first place—if this wasn’t real? If he didn’t really want you?

  Eliza straightened up off the wall and went to the sink to finish cleaning up. David had already done it all. There was nothing left for her to do.

  Eliza wandered into the living room and curled up on the soft brown couch. She stared out the window into the darkness beyond, wondering what she should say when he returned.

  She had worried about the rope failing, the anchor breaking?

  Something was broken, all right. And she was the one who broke it.

  26

  Eliza spent the night, but they were restless hours. Curling against David, wrapping her arms around him, then the two of them shifting positions and him doing the same to her. It might have felt natural, easy, but for the fact that she knew he wasn’t sleeping. She knew because she wasn’t, either.

  In the morning she found him bleary-eyed, sitting behind the computer at his desk. He had a large mug of coffee beside him, and a large black dog lying at his feet.

  “How long have you been up?” Eliza asked, yawning. She had finally fallen asleep some time in the early hours, after she’d already reconciled herself to the fact that sleep would never come.

  “A while,” he said. “Do you want some coffee?”

  “I’ll make it,” she said, motioning for him to stay. He went back to typing on his computer.

  She fixed herself an equally large mug of coffee, and brought it into the living room. She sat in what she considered the Daisy chair, and leaned back and closed her eyes.

  Restart. Rewind. Repair.

  Rather than sit there and wait for him, not knowing if he would even come, Eliza got up from the chair and climbed the stairs again.

  She entered his office and came over to stand beside him. He wrapped an arm around her waist, gave her a quick squeeze, then went back to work.

  “Everything okay?” she asked.

  “Everything’s fine.”

  “I mean...with us.”

  “Everything’s fine,” he repeated.

  “Listen, I’m sorry about last night—”

  “I told you,” he said, not looking up from his computer, “we can do this as long as we want. If we don’t want to do it, we won’t.”

  “Do you...not want to do it?”

  “I didn’t say that. Look,” he said, pausing in his typing to give her his full attention, “can we talk about this later? Something’s come up, and I need to deal with it before I go in.”

  “Oh. Sure.” Eliza backed away from the desk. “Did you want me to go walk Bear?”

  “We already went,” David said. “But thanks.”

  There wasn’t anything about his tone that she could put her finger on, but there was a coldness, a dismissal in what he said that made her know things had changed. The man who had been so open and free with her was now closed.

  Eliza realized she could continue to stand there, bothering him, or she could go.

  And go with her dignity intact.

  “Okay, well, I’ll see you,” she said.

  Say tonight. Say that you’ll see me tonight.

  “See you,” he answered.

  Eliza’s eyes burned as she turned from the room and left.

  * * *

  “Come on, Daisy, let’s go for a walk.” It was early in the morning still, not desperately hot, so Eliza felt safe taking the dog the short distance up to the park.

  She let Daisy pick the pace, sniff whatever she wanted to sniff, pull her in whatever direction the dog wanted.

  If only she hadn’t talked to Carolyn the day before, Eliza thought. If only she hadn’t brought it up to David. For want of a nail... She’d still be at his house, probably making love to him right now. His work would have waited. She would have given him a reason for it to wait.

  “So is that it?” she asked the dog. “Nine days, and it’s over? I guess ten, if we want to count today.”

  Daisy scratched at a wrapper she found under a bush. Eliza let her have her way.

  When they’d made the full circle around the park, Eliza paused at the water fountain and cupped her hand under the stream. Then she poured the water over Daisy’s head. The dog shook it off immediately. “Not taking any chances,” Eliza told her.

  She hadn’t said anything to Hildy yet, but maybe it was time. Including confessing to her how the whole affair had started, with Eliza almost killing her dog.

  Hildy would know what to do. Eliza was counting on it.

  * * *

  “Leave him alone,” Hildy said.

  “For how long?”

  “Men are different. They like to go off in the cave and sulk about things for a while. So let him sulk—you didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Eliza brightened at the news. “You really don’t think so?”

  “No! You heard some rumor that made you think you might be some man’s toy, and you stuck up for yourself. I don’t see anything wrong with that. He should respect you for that.”

  “But I think I hurt his feelings.”

  “He’ll get over it.”

  Eliza shook her head in wonder. “Weren’t you the one who said I had to be careful with him? That I might hurt him?”

  “He’s a big boy,” Hildy said. “And you’re worth it. He should come around saying he’s sorry.”

  “I don’t need him to say he’s sorry,” Eliza said. “I just want things to be all right with us again.”

  “Give him time,” Hildy said. “Let him alone. If he feels about you the way he should feel about you by now, he
won’t last for long.”

  “How should he feel about me?”

  “Same way you do about him. You don’t even have to say it.”

  Eliza sighed. “What if he doesn’t feel that way?”

  “Then he’s a fool and has no business in your life.”

  “It’s all very easy for you to say,” Eliza told her.

  “I had a husband for fifty years and a son for twenty-nine. If I don’t know a few things about men by now, I’m a slow learner.”

  * * *

  “All right,” Eliza told Carolyn Jackson, “I’ll go.”

  “I’ll tell Katie!” she said. “She’ll be so excited.”

  “I’ll see you tonight. But I’m just there to show off my teeth.”

  Carolyn laughed. “And your clothes—don’t forget the clothes. Wear something that tells the girls you’re some brave climber and adventurer—I’m telling you, they’ll really love that.”

  “I’ll see if I have any of my brave climber and adventurer clothes left,” Eliza said. “I may have thrown them all out.”

  “It’s good you’re coming,” Carolyn said. “Thanks a lot.”

  Leave him alone, Eliza thought. Let him miss me.

  “See you tonight.”

  * * *

  The climbing gym was in an industrial district, next to a warehouse that held uncut slabs of granite to be turned into people’s countertops.

  Eliza had done her best with the outfit: khaki-colored hiking pants with cargo pockets, a black tank top, her black boots. She pulled back her shoulder-length hair into a tight ponytail. She hoped she looked like an explorer. Or at least like these 10-year-old girls’ image of one.

  The climbing gym where she and Jamey used to practice back in Henderson was only a third the size of this one. The walls here seemed much higher, too. Someone could spend weeks in this place and never have to repeat the same route.

  The building was packed. But Katie’s group stood out. They were the only people wearing matching yellow T-shirts that said Girls Rock on them. Eliza wouldn’t be surprised if Carolyn and her co-leader had made those T-shirts themselves, especially for the occasion.

  The girls were clustered around a male instructor who was having a hard time getting them to focus. He’d given them all strands of rope so they could practice the essential knots.