The Triad

by Sarah Ettritch

  In addition to Mo, Lesley had something else she hadn’t had when they were separated: control. Last time, their fate was in the hands of the Chosen Council; all she and Mo could do was hope. This time, their fate was in their own hands. They were at a critical crossroads; the path they would take was up to them, but every direction could lead to disaster. The best they could do was choose what they believed was the least hazardous route, then work together to overcome the obstacles they met along the way.

  Lesley had meant it when she’d said that she’d love Mo no matter what, and that the only way she could see the triad working was to accept Mo’s feelings for Jayne. That was the path she had to take, but could she do it without resenting Mo and Jayne, without wanting to make them hurt as much as she hurt?

  At the moment, she wasn’t sure she could, but she’d have to try, starting with their upcoming supper with Jayne. Lesley remembered the palpable awkwardness at their last lunch, when she’d only suspected that Mo had feelings for Jayne. Now that she knew for sure... The supper would be the first test of many, one she hoped she wouldn’t fail.

  *****

  Jayne lifted her mug and tried not to stare when Mo grabbed Lesley’s arm and laughed. Mo’s mirth sounded forced; Jayne didn’t see it in her eyes. The entire supper had felt weird. Usually Lesley and Mo were relaxed with each other; they bickered and teased and sometimes completed each other’s sentences. Tonight, despite their frequent outward displays of affection, they were choosing their words carefully, and one often looked at the other after speaking, as if seeking reassurance. They might be fooling everyone else in the eatery, but not Jayne. She’d spent enough time with them to know that something was wrong

  The way they were interacting with her was also different. They were distant, polite, wary—how she’d expected them to behave when they’d first found out about the triad. The three of them had grown more comfortable with each other—especially her and Mo—but tonight it felt as if they’d gone back to when they first met. Though, back then, Lesley and Mo hadn’t worked so hard to put on a show. There was no need; they’d felt secure and confident about their relationship.

  Jayne almost dropped her mug when it suddenly hit her. They no longer were.

  Her mind raced. What had happened? The last time she’d seen them together, after the appointment with Nolan, they hadn’t behaved like this. Lesley had been quieter than usual, and Jayne’s lunch with her had been more strained than the first one, but Mo had been her usual self.

  Mo had just come back from 72. Had they argued before they’d picked Jayne up, and were still angry with each other? No, a simple argument wouldn’t have them pretending to be a lovesick couple because they were worried about their relationship.

  Worried about their relationship... Fear tightened her throat just as she swallowed some tziva. She grabbed her napkin, pressed it against her mouth, and coughed into it. “Sorry,” she said hoarsely. “Wrong way.” She didn’t mind that her face was probably red and her eyes watery. Now they wouldn’t see her panic.

  Mo and Lesley’s relationship was the triad’s foundation. What happened? She had to somehow find out, see if there was anything she could do to support them. She couldn’t stand by and watch them fall apart. She would not be involved in a failed Joining! And she cared about them; they cared about each other. They were good together! What had come between them, to the point that they couldn’t act naturally with each other?

  Jayne tried to calm herself. Before she blundered in like an elephant, she should give them time, see if they resolved whatever it was on their own. But she wasn’t going to sit in her apartment and wonder how they were doing. She’d last seen them over a week ago, and had been content to let them decide when they’d get together. Now she needed to see them more often, so she’d know whether things between them were improving or, if they weren’t, know when to help them.

  The supper at Mo’s was coming up, but everybody would be formal and polite then. Jayne needed to see them alone. Mo had advised her to hold off on asking Lesley about coming over to her apartment for supper, that they’d talk about it next time they were together—and here they were. Usually she’d wait for Mo to bring it up, but... Jayne cleared her throat. “I mentioned to Mo that I’m almost finished my painting for my application. I’d like to show it to you and...well, you’ve had me over for supper, and taken me out several times. I’d like to invite you and Mo for supper at my apartment. Maybe next Sunday?”

  Their faces froze; they looked at each other. Jayne had the feeling she’d said something terribly wrong. “You don’t have to. I just thought—”

  “I was going to mention it to you.” Mo lifted her hand to touch Lesley’s cheek, then hesitated.

  Mo’s fear, her uncertainty about how Lesley would react if she touched her, spoke volumes to Jayne. She didn’t understand what was causing the tension between them, but her gut told her that her supper invitation should wait. “I’m sorry. Mo told me to wait until you weren’t as busy. We can talk about it another time. It’s not urgent.”

  Lesley grasped Mo’s fingers and lowered Mo’s hand to her lap. “Let me check my course schedule.”

  “We’ll let you know.” Mo’s smile didn’t mask her strained tone.

  Jayne wanted to reach out to them, but how? They were both trying so hard to hide their uneasiness with each other—or maybe with her. Was that it? This is how I expected them to behave when they first found out about the triad. Oh, Argamon! Had they changed their minds about her, decided that maybe they didn’t want to be in a triad after all, or couldn’t overlook her family history? What had changed? Had someone said something or threatened them?

  No, that wouldn’t make sense. They’d invited her out to supper tonight, not the other way around. Why would they do that if they were having a change of heart? She’d grown to trust them, to believe that they’d never violate the spirit of the Way. She still believed that, and even if she were wrong, it wouldn’t explain why they were so uncomfortable with each other. Wouldn’t they just be uncomfortable with her? Her first instinct must be right. Something was wrong between them, and being with her was probably the last thing they wanted to be doing right now. They should be talking, sorting out whatever was bothering them.

  Jayne feigned a yawn. They didn’t disappoint her. “I guess we should get going,” Mo said. Lesley was already rising. Jayne nodded and silently followed them to the cloakroom.

  She didn’t try to engage them in conversation in Lesley’s aviacraft; she’d passed the point of worrying that they’d think less of her if she sat quietly. “Thank you for supper,” she said when Lesley landed the craft. She slid the door open.

  Mo glanced over her shoulder, then at Lesley. “Uh...”

  “We’ll walk you to your apartment.” Lesley reached to unfasten her seatbelt.

  “No, I’ll be fine. You have your course tomorrow,” Jayne shifted her attention to Mo, “and I know it’s been a long day for you. Good night.” She hopped off the craft and slid the door shut before they had a chance to protest.

  At the Middleton supper, she’d look for signs that they’d resolved whatever difficulty they were experiencing, but she wouldn’t be surprised if there weren’t any. They weren’t angry with each other, they were floundering. Jayne had to do something, but what? Intervening might make things worse, but she couldn’t stand by and watch them drown.

  *****

  Jayne knocked on the White home’s front door. The moment it swung open, she said, “I’m sorry. I know it’s short notice.”

  “No.” Carol beckoned her inside. “You saved me from a dull afternoon. Ronald’s over at a friend’s, helping him put down new flooring.” She took Jayne’s cloak and sketchbook. “I’d agreed to go with him, even though Martin’s Chosen bores me to tears. So I didn’t mind bowing out at all. Told her I have to deal with a cousin crisis.”

  “You didn’t say that, did you?”

  Carol chuckled. “Of course I didn’t. Come thro
ugh to the kitchen. The tziva’s ready.”

  Jayne sat at the kitchen table and murmured a thank you when Carol set a mug in front of her.

  “So, what’s so important that it couldn’t wait and you wanted to talk about it in person?” Carol asked as she pulled out a chair.

  “It’s Lesley and Mo. Something’s wrong with them.” She curled her hand around her mug for something to hang onto.

  Carol’s brows drew together. “Can you be a little more specific?”

  “They’re having problems. Relationship problems.”

  “So they’ve had an argument. It happens. No relationship is perfect.”

  “It’s more serious than that! They’re acting weird with each other. They’re uncomfortable—they aren’t—they—” Her fear and frustration strangled her.

  Carol lifted her hands. “Slow down, okay? Start from the beginning. When did you notice it?”

  Jayne took a deep breath. “Last night. I had supper with them. Mo had just come back from 72 and I guess they figured we hadn’t seen each other for a while. I knew something was off right away. They were too affectionate, too...happy. Every action came across exaggerated, as if they were putting on a show. They seemed uncomfortable with each other.” Actually, Mo had been the more ill at ease of the two. Her behaviour had been too exuberant when responding to Lesley, and less spontaneous than usual with Jayne. “Lesley was quiet, withdrawn, almost,” as she’d been at their lunch together, “and Mo almost seemed afraid to say anything. I’ve got to do something, Carol. Their relationship can’t fail!”

  Carol pensively sipped her tziva. “And you have no idea what the problem might be?”

  “No. It crossed my mind that maybe I’m the problem, that they’ve had a change of heart and now we’re back to how it was right after we met. But if that were the case, I could see them being uncomfortable with me, but not with each other. They’ve never acted this way before.”

  “Maybe they’re uncomfortable with you for another reason. Maybe—” Carol’s eyes widened.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” she said quickly, then gulped down some tziva.

  “What?” Jayne repeated.

  “Nothing. I suddenly had a catch in my throat I needed to moisten.”

  “Carol.”

  “Jayne, whatever it is, it’s up to them to sort it out. It’s their relationship.”

  “Their relationship is the foundation of the triad! I can’t just sit by and do nothing!”

  “You’re overreacting. So they had an off night. That doesn’t mean—”

  An off night? It was more than that! “Carol—”

  “Or maybe they’re going through a rough patch. It doesn’t mean their relationship is falling apart. They’re Chosens. They’ll work it out.”

  “Like Mama and Papa did?” Jayne’s heart pounded.

  “Is that why you’re in such a panic? Because you think the triad will fall apart?” Carol’s forehead creased. “Jayne, your parents were an exception.”

  She picked up her mug with a shaking hand, then quickly put it down when the tziva almost slopped over the mug’s edge. “I know Joinings can fail.”

  “They were an exception,” Carol repeated. “You can’t think that way. You can’t take everything on yourself, including all the responsibility for the triad, because of what your parents did.”

  Jayne groaned and buried her head in her hands, then forced herself to look up. Hiding wouldn’t help.

  “Is that the only reason you’re so upset about this?”

  “Why else would I be upset?” Jayne asked dully.

  Carol eyed her over the rim of her mug. “Because you care about Lesley and Mo?”

  Heat travelled up Jayne’s neck to her face.

  Carol’s eyes brightened. “Which one? Or is it both?”

  “Of course I care about them. I’m in a triad with them. I have to care about what happens to them.”

  “I meant—”

  “No. Not at all.” She hated lying to Carol, but it was the only way to ensure that Lesley and Mo would never find out about her feelings.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes! Even if I did care—in that way—nothing could ever happen.”

  Carol drew back in surprise. “Why not?”

  Why did she have to explain the obvious? “Because they’re a couple, and have been a couple for thirteen years. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that they’ll never be interested in me. Not only that, I’d never do anything to threaten their relationship. We have an arrangement, one that makes sense.”

  “Jayne, you’re all Chosens. Your arrangement won’t last.”

  “We’re not Chosens.”

  “Yes, you are,” Carol said firmly. “The Chosen Council says you are. Why aren’t you accepting that?”

  Her head felt as if it would explode. “I’m not weak in the Way,” she said through clenched teeth.

  “I know,” Carol said evenly. “So why? Is it because you feel you don’t deserve anyone?”

  “No!”

  “Isn’t it? You’ve convinced yourself that nobody could possibly be a match because you’re not good enough for any of them.”

  “No.” But her voice lacked conviction. She sighed.

  Carol patted her hand. “You’re all Chosens. That’s something to celebrate and be happy about.”

  It terrified her. “If I ever develop feelings for them, I’ll never act on them.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I wouldn’t want to be responsible for destroying the triad.” And if she were to give herself permission to act on her feelings, she wouldn’t know how. Why bother, when Lesley and Mo would be horrified? Perhaps she’d convinced herself the triad was a sham so she’d never have to seriously consider a relationship with them. She could dismiss her feelings, push them down, pretend they weren’t there. Did it matter? If she admitted they were Chosens, she’d handle her feelings in the same way. Lesley and Mo’s relationship was the foundation. She would do everything she had to, including locking away her feelings for them, to support their relationship. “I won’t do anything that could hurt their relationship. I won’t allow this Joining to fail.”

  Carol’s voice grew gentle. “Jayne, don’t deprive yourself because of what your parents did. If you do care for your Chosens...deeply care for them...you’re not doing anything wrong. And if you were to want a relationship with them, that wouldn’t be wrong, either. Don’t twist what you think the Tradition expects of you because of your parents. It’ll only lead to grief.”

  Jayne would prefer the grief of unrequited love to that of losing her Chosens at an execution site.

  “If they’d been in a triad with anyone else, that other Chosen would have expected relationships with them. And you can’t control what Lesley and Mo do. They’re your Chosens.” Carol paused. “You’re not the only one who can develop feelings.”

  Now Carol was being silly. “Forget about what could happen. I care about what is happening. They’re having a problem, and I need to know how to help them.”

  Carol leaned back in her chair and folded her arms. “I already told you what to do. Nothing.”

  “But—”

  “You asked for my advice, so listen to it! Don’t do a thing. You have no idea what’s going on. Depending on what the problem is, you might be the last person they’d want interfering.”

  Something in Carol’s voice piqued Jayne’s curiosity. “Why?”

  “Trust me on this, Jayne. You’re panicking. If you only just noticed, it’s too early to get involved. So let them deal with it, all right?”

  “But what if it keeps up? What if they’re not dealing with it?”

  Carol’s brows shot up. “I thought you wanted to talk about what is happening.”

  “You’re right,” Jayne admitted. She’d follow Carol’s advice—for now. But she suspected that Carol had a theory about what might be wrong between Lesley and Mo. She wished she had practical experience
with relationships! Since Carol could be stubborn, Jayne would let her keep her secret for today. But if the situation between her Chosens didn’t improve, she’d badger Carol, beep her relentlessly, until Carol voiced her suspicion.

  *****

  Mo unbuckled her seatbelt when the aviacraft touched down in the Middleton estate’s holding area. Les had seemed okay with her picking Jayne up, and should be at the house by now. Mo looked forward to seeing Les; if it was up to her, she’d beep ten times a day and be over at the Thompsons’ every night. But since their supper with Jayne, which had been difficult for both of them, Mo hadn’t wanted to push Les.

  When she followed Jayne off the aviacraft, she was surprised to see Les waiting for them, shielding her eyes against the glare. “I thought since it’s a big family supper, we should make our entrance together.”

  Or was Les keeping an eye on them? Mo felt as if Les was scrutinizing her every word and action—not that she blamed her. If she were Les, she’d do the same, and she wouldn’t be so rational about it.

  “No sketchbook?” Les said to Jayne.

  Jayne pointed over her shoulder. “It’s in the craft.”

  Les grunted and slipped her hand into Mo’s. “Mo says you’ll be going with her to the audition.”

  Mo tensed. Less than a minute together and she was already worried that Jayne would say something to inadvertently upset Les. At least Mo knew she was being scrutinized. Poor Jayne didn’t. “I told Les you’d offered to come with me,” she supplied quickly, then squeezed Les’s hand and said to her, “It’s too bad you can’t come too.”

  “Having both of us there might make you nervous,” Les said.

  Mo gave her a sidelong glance, but Les’s expression offered no clue about what she’d meant.

  “Did Mo tell you we’ll come to your apartment for supper on Sunday?” Les asked as they walked to the house.