Tears began to fall down Nicole's cheeks. She hadn't thought of forgiving, but she knew Joel was right and that she needed to. She closed her eyes and thought about all the wrong that had been done to her. She would not give an answer that did not come from her heart.
Psalm 139:23-24 came to her mind, "Search me O God and know my heart; Try me and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." The wicked way of unforgiveness would lead to bondage. Forgiveness would lead to complete freedom.
She took a deep breath. "I know I haven't processed all the emotions that will most likely come. But forgiveness is not an emotion, it is a choice of the will, and I do choose the way of forgiveness. I know that I will live with the consequences of their sin. Forgiveness will not erase the past, but it will release me from the bondage of it, and it will free the Holy Spirit to take these ashes and make them into something useful and beautiful. I don't know how or what that could possibly be, but I know it's true.
"Yes, Joel, I do forgive you and I choose to forgive those who really abused me. All of us do." She reached down and touched his face. "Thank you for this sir."
"For what?"
"For helping me to find the missing parts that I needed in order to be completely healed. I had no idea there were more, and as much as I dreaded knowing about them at first, I feel so complete now and it feels so good! Like I am the way I'm supposed to be. Does this mean that I'm all deprogrammed now?"
"You're welcome. And I think so. Now will you do something for me?"
"Certainly. What?"
"Help me get up!"
Jemima suddenly laughed and said, "I was just awaitin' for that, Mister Joel! You been on your knees more this mornin' than a house wife scrubbin' her kitchen floor!" Then together she and Nicole helped him to his feet.
"We've been in here so long I forgot what day this is," Joel said.
"The third day," Nicole answered without thinking.
Joel and Jemima both turned to her and one of Jemima's conspiratorial smiles broke out on her beautiful face. "It be that indeed, honey chile. It be that indeed."
CHAPTER 23
VISITATION
Nicole was exhausted! In spite of Jemima's promptings to eat something before she went to her room, she didn't listen. Her head was pounding and all she could think of was bed, and yet she had trouble falling asleep. Something was bothering her.
"Jesus, I know that You showed me the room of my past and I thought it was free from demons and bad memories and little girls and all that kind of stuff. I don't understand!"
God had certainly helped her work through the process much more quickly than before, but Nicole was feeling uncertain, confused, and a little bit betrayed. "How much more stuff is there?" she cried out?
"Nicole," came the familiar Voice. "Trust Me. Yes, I showed you the room the way I see it. You are no longer hindered from walking in the plans I have for you by the things of the past, and now you are equipped for every good work. You have assumed that meant that you were done. How many times in the past have you thought that?"
She smiled. "You're right Lord; I have thought that I was done after every victory." She was sure He was smiling with her.
"And what have I told you every time you have been disappointed that there is more?"
"That I am in process of becoming like You and that I don't need to worry about the future or where You lead me as long as I follow You one step at a time."
"That's right. This truth has not changed. Don't allow fear, disappointment or worry to line your thoughts. The future is in My hands and as long as You allow Me to lead you, you are safe."
A quote from Corrie Ten Boom's sister, Betsy, came to her mind. After one particularly frightening episode, she had asked Corrie, "Don't you know that the safest place to be is in the center of God's will?"
The words comforted Nicole and she settled into peaceful sleep.
She had no idea how much time had passed, but she was suddenly awakened by a presence in her room. And not just a presence, but a familiar voice! She sat up and saw him standing at the foot of her bed. "Jake?"
"Nicole?"
"JAKE!" She jumped out of bed and into his arms. She realized that she was doing all the hugging and took a step back as she looked at him.
"Jake? That is you, isn't it? How did you get here? Am I dreaming?" She pinched herself and it hurt. So she pinched his arm.
"Ouch! Why'd you do that?" he questioned.
"I wanted to see if you were dreaming."
A smile played at the corners of his mouth. "Now that sounds like my Nicole. Is it really you?"
"Of course it's really me…Oh! Oh hon, of course you're confused. I'm not Megan, I'm me. There's so much to tell you! But first, aren't you going to hug me?"
He looked into her eyes for a moment and saw his wife. "Nicole. It's really you!" He took a deep breath and sighed with relief. Then he pulled her into his embrace and held her like he would never let her go.
"I thought you were dead," he whispered into her hair. "And then I thought you were just affected by the trauma you had gone through, but when I looked into your eyes, it wasn't you. Now here you are. Alive! Are you ok? Are you safe?" He let go of his grip but held her at arms length and looked her up and down.
"I'm fine Jake. And yes, I'm safe."
He looked around the room. "Where are we?"
Nicole drew him over to the bed and said, "You better sit down. Right now we're in a safe house in Washington D.C.," she said as they cuddled up together in each other's arms. "There's a lot to explain. But first, tell me how you found me."
"Washington D.C.! What?!"
"I'll explain later. Keep going."
He shook his head as if trying to clear it. "I had just called you…I mean her, to tell her that I was going to work late. I didn't want to go home. You have no idea how relieved I am that she's not you! Wait, so who is she anyways?"
"One thing at a time. Tell me quickly."
"I was in my office, sitting at my desk. My heart was so heavy and I was praying, and suddenly Jesus was there beside me. He just smiled and said, 'You won't have much time. Hang on.' And then I was here, standing at the foot of your bed watching you sleep."
"Wow! Ok. You got transported faster than I did. I had to walk all night, but I'll tell you about that later. I don't know how much time we have, so I'll get down to the important facts.
"Megan is my clone. She's the first in a mass production to be let out into society as far as we know, and the Illuminati's goal is for clones that have been programmed to destroy Christians and the church, and to usher in the New World Order."
"I've always said you were obnoxiously different and daring in your faith. But this, Nicole? You've got to be kidding!" Jake said.
Nicole turned so she could look at him. "You'd think so, wouldn't ya? But look at who's living in our home? That's not me. And look where you are right now and how you got here. That's not normal."
He leaned his head back against the head board and closed his eyes. "You're right. So what do we do?"
"Sam is on his way to see you right now. He'll explain things better than I can and help you know what to do."
"Sam? Who's that?"
"Another long story for later. Just know that you can trust him. He's actually a second cousin of mine that I didn't know about until this happened. He used to work for the Washington D.C. police as a detective and stumbled onto this stuff, and now he's an undercover agent working for those in the government who are going against the mainstream secret plans of one world rule."
"How will I know him?"
"He'll find you. You'll like him Jake."
"When can you come home?"
"I don't know, but we're working on this as fast as we can. In the mean time, the one thing they keep telling me is to be patient. We don't want to let Megan know that we are on to her, so you've got to play along…not too much though…."
Tears began to seep d
own Nicole's cheeks. Jake squeezed her tightly, knowing what she was thinking. "No worries sweetheart. I haven't had sex with her and you can be sure that that's not going to happen! I knew right away that something was wrong."
"Thank you Jesus!" Nicole said. "I prayed that you'd have discernment."
"I did call Casie and she came over to pray for you…I mean her. She was very disturbed."
"Well when you see Sam, ask him if you can tell Gary and Casie what's going on so that the intercessors will know how to pray. In fact, I'll try to call him before he meets up with you and let him know that you were here…"
At that moment, they both saw Jesus standing at the door of the room. "It's time, Jake."
Jake and Nicole were both crying as they hugged each other one last time.
Jake said, "It's going to be ok, honey. Now that I've seen you, I know we're going to be ok." He kissed her long and hard.
"The Lord bless you and keep you until we meet again," he whispered as he unwrapped Nicole's clinging arms from around his neck. He kissed her once again, then stood and began walking toward Jesus, and then they were both suddenly gone.
Nicole watched the place where they had disappeared for several minutes. Had she been dreaming? The bed was still warm with the memory of Jake's body. She bounded up off the bed and out the door as she called, "Joel! Joel!!!" She ran down the hall and into the kitchen.
Jemima was drying dishes and looked up with concern on her face. "What's the matter, chile?"
"Where's Joel?"
"In his study."
Nicole was out the door before Jemima had a chance to say another word. She found him sitting groggily in his chair in the room where they had first met. "What's all the commotion? Is the house on fire?"
His wording reminded her of Jake when she woke him up in the middle of the night, and she smiled. "No, it's even better than that!" she gushed. "Jake was just here!"
"Who's Jake?"
"My husband! Jesus brought him to see me!"
Joel straightened himself up in his chair then took a deep breath. "Maybe you were dreaming."
"I thought that at first too, but I pinched myself, and the bed was warm where he had been sitting! We need to call Sam. I've got to tell him that Jake knows that he's coming and that he knows about Megan and… Do you know his phone number?"
"What do you think about this Jemima?" Joel asked without moving.
Nicole turned to see her friend standing in the doorway. "I be thinkin' that the Lawd is good! I'll go get that number for you missy."
"Don't bother. I've got it right here." Joel handed the phone to Nicole. "I guess if God can move you in one night of walking from California to Wyoming, then He could move Jake here to talk to you. Press 5. That will connect you to Sam. And by the way, you've got only 20 seconds to relay your message because his phone is in an unprotected area."
"Thank you," she said as she pressed the button and waited for Sam's voice. "I got his voicemail. Should I leave a message?"
"No. He'll see that I called and will call back as soon as possible." Joel looked at his watch. "He's probably still in the air."
Nicole handed the phone back to Joel and began to pace. He watched her for a moment and then Jemima came in with a fresh pot of tea and some finger sandwiches.
"Now I want you to sit right here Missy," the older lady said. "You gonna put something in that empty stomach of yours while I watch. If I didn't know the good Lawd better'n I do, I'd say you was delirious with hunger!"
Nicole laughed and sat down. "Now that you mention it, I am hungry. Thank you for taking care of me Jemima. My mother would be happy to know that I'm in such good hands."
She had eaten about half of the sandwiches and drank almost a cup of tea before she noticed that Jemima and Joel were both watching her.
"I'm sorry. Would you care for a sandwich?" she asked as she offered the plate to them both. "They are delicious! Thank you Jemima."
"No, thank you, honey chile. Old Jemima's a happy woman now that you done put some nourishment in that scrawny body of yours. I'll be finishin' up my dishes now."
As she turned and walked from the room, Nicole noticed a question in Joel's eyes. "What is it sir? Do you think I'm crazy?"
"No," he chuckled. "Just the opposite actually. But you mentioned your mother. I was just wondering what your relationship with her is like…if you don't mind talking about it, that is."
"Not at all." She swallowed and washed the last bite of sandwich down with a sip of tea. "We have a good relationship. We've worked through a lot and I know that she loves me. I love her too and have forgiven her. I have come to understand that she has been a victim in all of this; and in saying that, I'm not excusing her behavior and choices, it's just that there are a lot of things that I don't understand. I've learned to be ok with that." She told him about the tabernacle and the healing room and how her mother was there being cared for by Jesus and angels.
The phone rang and as Joel offered it to Nicole, he said, "Remember, he is Harry and you are Breeze. 20 seconds."
Nicole said, "You talk to him, sir. I'm afraid I'll mess up."
Joel smiled, answered the phone and put it on speakerphone so she could hear. "Hello Harry."
"I landed and the sun is shining here."
"Here too and the curtains are open. Breeze wants you to know that her husband came for a short visit."
Harry asked, "Are you sure?"
"Affirmative. He will be able to explain it further when you see him. He's expecting you."
"Is that all, sir?"
"Yes. Good by Harry." Joel hung up.
Nicole said, "Let me guess…sun shining, curtains open…codes, right?"
"You're a fast learner," Joel smiled. "That basically means that everything is as it should be."
In Nicole's mind, she questioned if things were really as they should be, but she said, "I have some questions. Would now be a good time to ask them?"
Joel nodded, set his tea cup down on the table beside him and folded his hands in his lap like he was ready to listen.
"First, I don't doubt Zera's memory of shooting those people. But I just don't sense any feelings about that. When I first remembered, it was a complete shock to me, but honestly, you'd think that I'd be devastated and I'm not. What's wrong with me?"
Joel was quiet a moment. "I don't believe that there is anything wrong with you, Breeze. As I'm sure you are aware, there are memories of the mind, the body, and the emotions. They are not always retrieved at the same time because in some of these most traumatic situations, it would be too much of an overload to experience that all at once. It sounds to me like you have become aware of the memory in your mind. The emotions may come later or not. Jesus has the keys, right?"
"Right."
"Let me ask you this," Joel said. "How did Zera perceive the people?"
Nicole knew the answer without thinking. "She thought they were card board cut-outs at first. I'm not sure when she realized that they were real people, but she did come to know that. I think that is when so much shame and guilt came on her."
"I'm sure she practiced on card board cut outs previously," Joel said. "That is part of that program's protocol. Practice, never knowing when or if the real will take place."
"Like Jonestown where they had practiced drinking the Kool-aid so many times before it killed them?"
"Exactly. And then add to that the process of dehumanizing the people to the point where she probably saw them as actual card board cut-outs and had a hard time distinguishing between the two."
"That makes sense. I have also been wondering if you can explain to me about markers. I heard Dorothy say that most of the markers were gone, but that she was getting enough info for an upload. What did she mean by that?"
Joel tapped his fingertips together as if he were thinking how to explain it. "Markers are like flags or high places in your brain that are most often created through a traumatic experience. The markers save time and are also helpful in
identifying specific events or time periods during brain searches."
Nicole shivered. "Brain searches. Yuck. She said most of my markers were gone. What does that mean?"
"It means that Jesus has healed you from those specific traumas. While you still have the memory of those events, your mind doesn't see them as "flagged" any more.
"Trauma, pain, torment…these things have to do with fear which sets itself up as a mountain inside the brain. God's love destroys the power of fear and levels those high places, not only in your mind, but also in your physical brain."
"So when Dorothy said that the markers were gone but that she was getting enough info for an upload, that meant that she was still able to access my memories?" Nicole asked.
"That's right. As God brought each memory into the light and you chose to deal with the truth and the emotions of them, Jesus healed you, and those markers no longer stand out to the programmer searching for them. They show up just as any other memory would."
Nicole grabbed her head with both her hands. "This is like science fiction! How in the world is this possible?"
"Yes it is a bit like science fiction, but it's a reality and most people have no idea these things are possible. Do you want me to explain how this works?"
"I guess I do. It's a little hard to believe, but maybe if I understand it better it'll be easier."
Joel nodded. "Technology has progressed at an alarming rate, so the devices they are using now are completely different from your own model."
He saw Nicole wince when he used the word model. "I'm sorry, I do not mean to dehumanize you, I'm just thinking in programming terminology right now."
She nodded and he continued. "I'll explain in very basic terms how they accessed your mind and then how it is being done today." She nodded again.
"There is a device that consists of a cap that is placed on your head and is connected to contact lenses that cover your pupils. Both are linked to a computer. Through the computer, the programmer is able to stimulate certain parts of your brain where memory is stored. The cap picks up your brain waves in the area of stimulation, and the mental pictures that accompany the memories are downloaded through the contacts into the computer. If the programmer is searching for specific things, markers are helpful in locating them."
The Soul Redeemer: From Victim to Victory Page 29
