Given

by Riley, Lisa G.

  Jacob shook his head with a laugh. “You would ask me that. No one else ever has.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I never gave it much thought, but we all have totems, our preferred animal forms.”

  “We? You mean there are more of you?”

  “Of course. Did you think I was some type of freak of nature?”

  Mary Katherine didn’t answer, given that was precisely what she’d thought, and from his thunderous expression, she knew it wouldn’t be prudent to tell him that. It probably wasn’t a good idea to mention that she’d immediately thought about the P.T. Barnum curiosity museums and wondered if any of his people were in them. “Your father?” Jacob nodded. “And Grace?” Mary Katherine had a sinking feeling as she realized that her friend had lied as well. “How many others?”

  “There are a few others in this area, but none here in Gist,” Jacob said.

  “Oh my God. I can’t believe you married me without telling me about this. What about our children? Will they be”—she struggled with the word—“Eshu as well?”

  Jacob lowered his head. For the first time, he actually looked ashamed. “Well, that’s another matter.”

  Mary Katherine leaned forward, alarmed by his demeanor. “What do you mean? Even I know that people who have relations, especially as much as we do, eventually have children.”

  “Well, of course, but Eshu—we don’t breed well with humans.”

  “What?” Dear God. Surely he wasn’t saying—

  “We’re mostly barren with humans, and when we do have children, they’re usually wholly human, with no Eshu traits.” Jacob said the words as though they were being pulled out his throat one syllable at a time.

  “You mean, we’ll not have children?”

  “It’s not unheard-of, but it’s unlikely. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t think you’d ever find out since we wouldn’t have any children. I had planned to tell you if you’d ever gotten with child, though it probably wouldn’t have been Eshu.”

  “That’s awfully generous of you, Jacob. You didn’t think it was important to tell me that you, my husband, can turn into an animal at will?”

  “Think about the first thing you said when you found out, Mary Katherine. You accused me of being an animal.”

  “That would be because I saw you as a four-hundred-pound black bear. I would think that qualifies as an animal.”

  “But I’m not an animal,” Jacob said through gritted teeth. “I’m Eshu.”

  “I can’t believe you lied to me this way.”

  “I never lied. I just didn’t tell you certain things.”

  “You’re splitting hairs, Jacob, and you know it. Certain things? You didn’t tell me you were an—”

  “Eshu.”

  “Yes, Eshu. Definitely not an animal. And don’t you think it was only fair to tell me that you’d condemned me to a life without children?” Suddenly taking strength from her seething anger, Mary Katherine rose to her feet with every intention of brushing past him to get out of the barn, but she hadn’t factored in his uncanny speed. Before she reached the door, he was in front of her, seizing both her shoulders, somehow holding her in place without hurting her in the least.

  “You’ve got to listen to me. Don’t you understand? I wanted to be with you, and I knew you’d never marry me if you knew.”

  “Don’t you think I had the right to know that beforehand?”

  “No. You think I’m an animal.”

  “I never said that. I don’t know what I think, but I had the right. I knew something was wrong; I never could fully trust you. Now I know you’ve been lying to me all along. Stay away from me, Jacob Adams. Just stay away from me.” And with that, she pulled out of his grasp and walked out of the barn. The howl she heard when she was halfway across the field behind the barn was human, but animal as well. The sound was so agonizing that she had to pause as it pierced her heart in response. Then she remembered the lies. Loving Jacob was the biggest mistake of her life; the only thing that could make it worse would be to return to that barn offering the forgiveness that he was too proud to even ask for.

  *

  Mary Katherine looked up from her desk, where she was going over accounts. As she wanted to maximize revenues, most of the large house was used as public space, so her father had converted a sizable closet behind the back stairs into a very small office. Nothing had been changed since his death, so the room had a decidedly masculine feel. The dark wood desk, an office chair, and an oak filing cabinet were the only furnishings. There was no second chair, because she didn’t typically receive guests there.

  Normally she enjoyed the tedious task, finding comfort in balancing her receipts and expenditures. Reconciling the figures, making order out of chaos, gave her a sense of control. But not today. Her nerves were too frazzled for even checks and balances to have an effect. She hadn’t seen Jacob since she’d left him in the barn two days earlier. It simply wasn’t like him to just give up. The man had no quit in him, so she’d spent the last two days dreading his reappearance.

  Now she was starting to wonder if maybe he had given up. The look on his face when he’d said he wasn’t an animal was painful to recall. And his howl as she left had been almost unbearable to hear. In that moment she’d almost given in and gone back to him, but she’d still felt too freshly betrayed. She could almost forgive the Eshu strangeness—she could understand why he would have difficulty telling her about that—but to not tell her they’d never have children… She placed one hand against her narrow waistline. When she had planned to remain single, having children was one of the aspects of marriage that had tempted her to change her attitude. She’d always loved children, and knowing that she would never have any had hurt. Had hurt deeply.

  She looked back down at her account book, hissing in irritation when she realized she’d added up the numbers in the column incorrectly. Forcing herself to focus, she wielded her eraser with a vengeance. This time she managed to concentrate, to the exclusion of everything else, and was startled to look up and see Jacob standing in front of her office door.

  Determined to maintain her dignity, Mary Katherine rose and stood behind her desk. Of course he still towered over her, but it was better than when she was seated. He looked tired. His eyes were slightly reddened, and he obviously hadn’t shaved in several days. It gave him a slightly roguish look, reminding her of those mornings when they’d awakened together. Reminding her? Her problem was in forgetting.

  “I was trying to give you time enough to get over your anger,” he said in typical Jacob fashion. His direct, blunt speech was one of the things that she found so attractive about him most of the time.

  Mary Katherine pursed her lips. “I would imagine it’s going to take more than a couple of days.”

  He nodded in a sharp jerk of his head that was sufficiently different from his usual graceful movements that she paused. He looked so uncomfortable and miserable that her heart softened. How could she hurt him even more? Then she stiffened her resolve, determined to go through with what she’d planned. After all, delaying it would only make the situation worse. Taking a page from his book, she decided to be direct.

  “Jacob, I would like to get a divorce. I don’t feel that I could ever trust you again.” She watched his face go blank as her words sank in. The room was totally quiet for a long moment as he stood before her wordlessly. Before she could think of anything else to say, he finally spoke up.

  “Have you forgotten that one of your businesses is a rooming house? Do you really think any respectable people will stay here once word gets out that you’re divorced?”

  Mary Katherine raised her chin. She had thought about that. “I know, but most of my income is from the store, anyway. I can get by without the rooming house.”

  “What if they stop patronizing the store as well?”

  “It’s the only one in town.”

  “But it’s a small town. People are already talking about my being back at my papa’s house.”

&nb
sp; Mary Katherine sighed. “Yes, Coraline was telling me all about it.”

  “Look, Kate. There’s no reason for us to divorce, at least not right now. If you lose your business because of what I’ve done, I’ll feel horrible. I simply didn’t think about the consequences.”

  “No reason to get divorced? Jacob, you lied to me.” He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off. “And don’t you dare say that you didn’t.” Jacob set his chin mutinously but said nothing more. After waiting several long seconds for him to speak again, Mary Katherine stopped to think about what he’d just said. Not get a divorce? She ignored the way her heart skipped a beat at the notion. She had to think about this from a purely practical standpoint. So far, the gossip wasn’t so bad. Most folks just assumed they’d had a fight. Fights were fairly commonplace among the newly wed. Folks were mostly speculating, but if it came to a divorce, there was no telling what people might think. It wasn’t as though she could tell people why she was divorcing him. For one thing, she couldn’t bear the thought of hurting his family, not to mention destroying the entire Gist line of the Underground Railroad. Even worse, if people didn’t believe her… And what sane person would believe that there were people who could turn into animals? She shook her head. She could very well end up in a lunatic asylum. So he was right: a divorce was probably not her best option, but what about—

  “I won’t continue to have relations with you,” she said flatly. That got a reaction. First he laughed. The deep creases around his mouth showed quite attractively when he was amused. While Mary Katherine was distracted by that, he suddenly walked around her desk. She turned to face him, then began backing away.

  “Are you afraid that the big bad bear will sully your pristine white drawers, Lady Kate? I told you Eshu is not an animal.”

  “And I told you that’s not the problem, and it never was. I didn’t think you were an animal—at least not when you’re not a bear.” Mary Katherine shook her head. Try as she might, she couldn’t see him as an animal. Goodness knows her life would be considerably simpler if she did. Despite everything, she still saw and responded to Jacob as a man. Even now, as angry and hurt as she was, it was a struggle not to press her body against his in answer to the ever-present invitation between them. And from the speculative look in his eyes, he knew it. Damn him.

  Jacob’s lips curved into a smug smile. “I seem to recall a young lady who has more than a passing fondness for relations. Are you sure you’re not cutting off your nose to spite your… Well, it wouldn’t exactly be your face, now would it?” he asked in a cajoling tone. Mary Katherine felt every word sizzling along her nerve endings, and when he reached out to stroke one long finger along her jawline, she shivered in response and swayed toward him in an unconscious invitation.

  “I’m thinking you might have gotten a bit lonely these past few nights. Have you, sweet Kate?” he murmured softly as his lips followed his finger. His kisses were will-o’-the-wisp soft, almost as though she’d imagined them. Yet somehow they were like adding fuel to the fire that was already smoldering between her legs. Her drawers were already damp, and more than anything she just wanted to grind herself against him until she found relief. She refused to answer his question. Still, she was afraid that her facial expression must have given her away, because he raised her chin with one finger and lowered his mouth to hers. The first kiss was soft, almost tentative, but before long the usual conflagration followed from the low, intense heat between them.

  He pulled her closer, and she could feel his hard cock pressing against her. Oh God, she wanted him so much. She began to grind against him, and he lifted her up onto the desk, his lips never leaving hers. He pressed her legs apart and moved between them. Their tongues tangled as the kiss grew more carnal, sliding together in a sensual rhythm that mimicked the feel of him deep inside her. Jacob groaned into her mouth when she began sucking on his tongue the way she had on his cock just a few days before. Then his mouth was on her neck, the soft, warm kisses broken up by slight love bites that were so unbearably arousing that Mary Katherine couldn’t stop her answering groans of response. When he pressed her legs farther apart and pulled her closer against him, Mary Katherine could barely contain herself.

  “Hurry. Please hurry,” she whispered against the warm skin of his throat before taking a soft bite. His fingers slipped through the convenience panel in her drawers to find the throbbing wetness of her pussy. He slid one finger and then two into her slippery channel, and she wanted to scream her response. Her hips arched off the desk, and then he was there. His cock pressed deep on the first stroke, and Mary Katherine parted her legs even farther so he could thrust deeper. She buried her face in the curve of his neck to muffle her screams of pleasure, and his scent filled her nostrils.

  His tangy, masculine aroma heightened the intensity of her excitement. When she thought about the scandal of what they were doing, she became almost unbearably aroused. Then Jacob placed his hands under her bottom and raised her off the desk, leaving her at the mercy of his deep, penetrating thrusts. He drove into her again and again, their bodies crashing together, and with each movement, the coil of pleasure tightened more and more. He slammed into her, his movements punctuated by his increasingly loud groans. Then suddenly it was too much, and ecstasy exploded over her, spreading out from her spine and through her nerve endings. But he wasn’t finished. His hips moved with increasing speed. Then his body stiffened, his neck arched back, and he made an almost inhuman sound as he came with a rush.

  Long minutes later Mary Katherine sat on the edge of the desk, stunned about what had just happened. Jacob’s words came to her as if from a distance, and it took her a moment to understand what he had said.

  “What were you saying about our not having relations, sweet Kate?”

  He stepped back, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a large handkerchief, which he handed to her. She took it thankfully and used it to clean up as he fastened his pants. When she finished, she placed the handkerchief in her pocket. Then she rose from the desk and adjusted her dress.

  “That must never happen again.”

  “What?

  “I’m furious with you, Jacob.”

  “And you demonstrate it so well. Besides, in case you haven’t heard, it’s better when you’re angry.”

  “That’s neither here nor there. It won’t happen again.”

  Jacob gave her a frustrated look; then his face smoothed into blankness as he walked toward the door. “Well, we’ll just have to see about that. Oh, and consider your drawers properly sullied.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jacob raised the glass to his mouth and drained it. Matthew, sitting across the table from him, studied him with a frown.

  “Are you going to tell me what we’re doing in this place drinking when you should be at home with your lovely wife?” His gesture encompassed the confines of the rather seedy establishment.

  “My lovely wife won’t have anything to do with me,” Jacob said as he picked up the bottle of whiskey and poured another drink.

  “Well, Jake, you can hardly blame her. I can’t believe you didn’t tell her what we are.”

  Jake gritted his teeth in frustration. “Not you too, Matt. I’ve heard enough of this from Grace, not to mention Papa.” He took another long swallow of the potent liquor.

  Matthew frowned in concern. “Hey, old man. Don’t you think you need to slow down? You’ve already had enough to float a steamer. Besides, why don’t you try sparking her again? You’re good at that.”

  Jacob rubbed his forehead, feeling the first indicators of what he knew would be an awful headache the next day. The only thing more frustrating than dealing with Mary Katherine was talking about dealing with her. Despite his best efforts, her bedroom door remained firmly closed. She’d consigned him to the guest bedroom down the hall for the past month. “What the hell do you think I’ve been doing?”

  “Well, you could always avail yourself of the fancy ladies,” Matthew said, nod
ding toward the front of the room, where several women of that profession perched at the bar like bright birds in their gaudy costumes. They looked particularly incongruous in the dimly lit interior of the saloon.

  Despite his sexual frustration, the thought of lying with another woman made the probability of the harsh liquor remaining in his stomach even less certain. He shook his head at his brother. “I’m not that drunk.”

  *

  Mary Katherine walked out onto the porch of the rooming house. It was a typical boxy Ohio farmhouse with white Dutchlap siding. When her father bought it, he’d immediately added the wraparound porch he’d always promised her mother, and they’d spent many warm summer evenings in cane-backed rocking chairs, enjoying the occasional breeze. Their rockers were still there, and as always Mary Katherine had a brief moment of sadness when she saw them. However, today she didn’t have much time for reflection. New guests were arriving, and she wanted to ensure that everything was in order. The porch would have to be swept, but at least the windows still sparkled in the early-morning sunlight.

  She stopped, puzzled as she realized that the low rumbling sounds she was hearing were loud snores. She walked around the corner and stopped short when she found Jacob sprawled on the porch swing, sound asleep. His chambray shirt was unbuttoned nearly to the waist, showing off his heavily muscled chest; the first button of his button-fly pants was undone as well. Several days’ growth of beard darkened his face, and he stank of stale whiskey. Yet somehow she was still drawn to his potent masculinity. To distract herself from those treacherous feelings, she reached out and pushed the swing sharply with her foot, hoping to dislodge him onto the floor. Her plan didn’t work, but it did startle him awake. With instincts honed by working on the underground, Jacob immediately sprang to his feet.

  “What? What are you doing?” he asked, blinking at her owlishly.

  “I can’t believe you asked me that. What are you doing sleeping out here?” she demanded.

  Both hands immediately went to his head. “Please don’t yell. Obviously I was too drunk last night to unlock the door,” he said with a dignity that belied his disreputable appearance.