by Lelly Hughes
But I can see it in his eyes that he wants to kiss me, and that makes the urge to follow through so much heavier.
The horses make my decision easier with their neighing. Once eye contact is broken with Levi, I swim back toward the shore, angry at myself for putting either of us in this position. It’s not long that I can hear him behind me as I struggle to put my shorts on over my wet underwear and pull my shirt over my head. Levi is there to help, though. I turn to face him and step back. He looks hurt and I know I’m the one that made him feel this way.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him as I shake my head. “Are you ready to go?” he asks. His voice is sweet and calm without a hint of anger toward me for ruining the mood. I don’t know what I was thinking, stripping down in front of him to go for a swim. I put us in an awkward situation that will likely be hard to overcome.
I nod and step back into my shoes, pocketing my socks. I am doing everything I can to hold back my tears. They’re out of frustration more than anything. It’s easy to say that I know better, but the truth is, I don’t. I have never been put in a situation like this because I have always been with Van.
Levi dresses as fast as he can, but since he has to put his boots on, it’s taking him a bit longer. I have to turn my back on him. I can’t watch him struggle with putting dry clothes on over his wet body especially when it’s my fault that he’s now in this position.
“I’ll help you up,” he says from behind me. As much as I want to tell him that I can do it myself, the truth is I can’t. There is no way I can get up on the horse or find my way back to his property without his help.
Levi instructs me to put my foot in the stirrup and to hold onto the horn like I did last time. I try to pull myself up, but my body is dead weight, and each time I try, Abby seems to want to move away from me, causing my legs to do the splits.
“Let’s try again,” Levi says patiently. We try multiple times until I inadvertently fall to the ground in a heap. There is no holding back the tears now though as I bury my face in my hands and sob as quietly as possible.
His strong arms wrap around me and pull me to his chest. Levi cradles me, keeping his hand pressed to my head as I cry into his shoulder. I can’t even begin to explain what has come over me other than frustration.
Yet, Levi doesn’t seem to see it that way. He maneuvers me onto his lap and rocks us back and forth, telling me that everything is going to be okay. He doesn’t even know what’s wrong with me and yet, he’s here, reassuring me that I’m going to be fine.
I wish I could believe him, but I can’t. Any day now Van is going to enter his rehab program, and people are going to start looking for me. They’re going to wonder where I am and when they don’t find me at home, the rumors will start flying. Coming here was the right decision, but being this close to Levi is not.
When my tears have stopped I pull myself away from him. I’m unable to look him in the eye as I stand and wipe the dirt off my now wet shorts.
“I’m sorry.”
Levi steps in front of me, so I have no choice but to look at him. “For what, Zara? Are you sorry that you’re goin' through a divorce? For hurting because the man you trusted destroyed the life you had built? I’ve been there before. I watched my high school sweetheart accuse me of ruinin' her life. I let her go because I loved her. She never saw my tears or cared that I went days without sleepin'. I know our situations aren’t the same, but the pain is or was. I was heartbroken when Iris left and downright sick when I made the decision that the girls would go live with her. I get that you’re hurtin', but you don’t have to hide it from me.”
He leaves me standing there, wishing I could tell him that not only am I hurting because of Van but that I’m also hurting because I’m attracted to him, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. My life… for what it’s worth, is a mess. It’s in shambles, and likely won’t be put back together anytime soon.
So why is my heart telling me to move on with Levi? Shouldn’t it be shutting down or putting a wall up? Instead, it beats excitedly when he’s near. My skin prickles with anticipation that he’s going to touch me with the words I want to say to him getting caught in my throat. These are not the signs of a woman who should be nursing a broken heart by taking time away for herself.
I find Levi petting the horses when I have finally gathered my wits about me. Maybe I should’ve followed Van’s path and checked myself into some sort of rehab, although there really isn’t one that helps you heal a broken heart. But is it broken?
I don’t feel like I did when I first found Van cheating on me. Those days that followed were my worst and brought up so many memories of my father walking out on us. I finally understood what my mother went through, how much pain she was in and why she couldn’t eat or sleep.
I definitely don’t feel like that anymore, and I haven’t since I met Levi. It’s almost as if he’s opened my eyes to something better, greater even. And maybe it’s because we have nothing in common that I feel this way and this could be my mind telling me that Levi is the one for me, the one that is going to help me heal and move on from Van.
“That breakdown you witnessed…” I start to say but pause when he looks at me. One would think that he’d be angry that I ruined the moment, but he’s not. He’s concerned, and it shows in his eyes and the way his stance softens when I’m near. “I think it was a combination of heat, exhaustion and--”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Zara. I’m here for you, just like I told you I would be.” He doesn’t let me finish, and I’m fine with that because it’s clear that I’m in the friend zone with him. That is probably the safest place for me to be.
“Thanks, Levi.” I step into him and wrap my arms around his waist, not giving him a chance to push me away. It’s an eternity before his arms cocoon me. I feel safe and warm and feel like this is where I’m meant to be.
“Are you ready to head back?” he asks as his hands rub up and down my arms.
I nod against his chest and slowly peel myself away, but don’t fully step out of his grasp.
The sun continues to blaze on behind him, and the horses stand next to us. Levi looks down at me, and that’s when I know it’s now, or never, friend zone be damned.
I rise up on my tippy toes and press my lips to his. His lips don’t pucker by the time I pull away, but the back of his hand brushes lightly against my cheek, and he bends slightly, letting his nose ghost against mine until he finally kisses me.
His lips are soft, yet firm and his mouth covers mine hungrily. A wave of heat spreads through me when his tongue touches mine causing a desire that I haven’t felt in so long. My fingers push into his hair, knocking his hat to the ground, to feel the silky locks that I have been thinking about since I met him. Levi’s hands trail down my sides until they hook under my legs and I’m suddenly wrapped around his waist as he lowers us to the ground with me sitting on his lap.
His hand pulls on my ponytail, bringing my head back and my lips away from his. I’d cry out in protest, but he’s kissing my neck, and while he’s surprisingly gentle the roughness of his stubble is not. It burns, and the sensation causes a deep ache in my core. I’m tempted to move closer to him, to rub myself against him, but I hold back so I can enjoy his masterful lips against my heated flesh.
He stops and slowly looks at me. His eyelids are hooded, hiding the lust in his brown orbs. Levi runs his thumb over my lower lip before using the strength in his hand to open my mouth full for him. I rejoice fully when he plunges his tongue back into my mouth not because he’s kissing me but because he wants this too.
Once again, the horses interrupt us, but this time they’re stomping their hooves, and we’re right in their path if they decide they’ve had enough. Levi kisses me softly before he helps me stand and follows suit immediately.
There’s an awkwardness surrounding us, neither of us knowing what to say. I feel like it should be me to speak since I made the first move, but words escape me. I want to thank him,
mostly for not shunning or turning away from me or reminding me that we can only be friends.
I don’t know that I’m looking for anything other than friendship right now, but knew I had to kiss him to answer the questions in my mind. I was right to make that move.
“I’m not sorry that I did that,” I blurt out.
Levi smiles, and again it’s that shy one that has been making me weak in the knees.
“I’m not sorry either, Zara.” He pulls me to him and kisses me again. This time it’s chaste, but could be seen as a sign of things to come later.
Levi helps me back onto Willow’s horse and much like the ride out here, he’s right by my side. Before his house comes into view, though, he takes Abby’s reins and holds on to them. I look at him questioningly, wondering why he would do that.
“They tend to pick up speed once they see the barn. I don’t want Abby to start running. You’ll likely get scared and spook her, which will make her buck and run faster.”
“Thank you for looking out for me.”
“Of course. Do you want to go a bit faster?”
I think about it for a minute knowing that if we did we’d get back to the house sooner, but the thought of falling off scares me. I shake my head, and he laughs.
“Maybe next time you can ride with me, and I’ll show you what Night can really do,” he says, winking at me.
“I’d like that.” It’s not that I’m looking forward to letting his horse run while I’m sitting on it, but looking forward to riding with Levi. The way I see it, we’ll ride out into the sunset with him sitting behind me. That is the type of romance that songs are made from.
Chapter 18
Levi
As soon as we get back to the barn, I tell Zara that I can take care of the horse if she wants to go inside and freshen up. She takes me up on the offer and quickly rushes back to the house, but not before I stand and watch her leave.
Truth is, I need some time to comprehend what just happened. I’m beyond thrilled that she kissed me but don’t want to assume that this means anything. She’s hurting, her life has been flipped upside down, and her wounds are fresh. Not that there is any predetermined time limit on when you think you’re ready to move on, but I’m the type of guy who doesn’t throw caution to the wind because I have too much at stake. My daughters are always my number one priority, and they just lost their mother. Somehow, I think that jumping into a relationship might not be the best idea right now.
I take my time with the horses, making sure they are hosed down, brushed, and fed. I even go as far as taking Stormy’s girl out and giving her the same treatment, minus the long ride she’s probably been missing. What she really wants is Stormy to come home, and I know that I have to make that happen.
It’s well after dinner when I finally make my way into the house. There’s a note on the counter from June saying my dinner is in the refrigerator and that she’ll see me in the morning. The rest of the house is quiet, making me feel like the biggest dick in the world.
Any man would be blessed to have a woman like Zara kiss him, to make the first move, and believe me I was until my brain started warning me about rebound sex and the complications of screwing your houseguest.
With my dinner now warming up in the microwave, I pull out my cell and call the girls.
“Hi, Daddy,” Willow says on the first ring. It warms my heart knowing that she was waiting for me to call and hearing her voice really puts me at ease.
“Hey, baby girl. What are you doing?”
“Watching Memaw try to dance. Stormy is teaching her some hip-hop moves.” She laughs, and it’s the most calming sound in the world.
“Oh boy,” I say, laughing right along with her.
“What’d you do today?”
“Zara and I took the horses out for a walk, and I just finished giving them a bath.”
“I miss Abby.” Her voice changes from chipper to solemn in a second.
“She misses you too, but you’ll be here soon.”
There’s a long pause, and for a minute I fear that Stormy has convinced her that living in California is best for them. Not that I can blame my oldest for thinking that since her career choice is heavily present there, but in my eyes, they’re still growing up and need to be in their home.
“Daddy?” Willow’s voice drops to a whisper.
“What’s wrong, Willow?”
“I want to come home now.” Hearing her say this tugs at my heartstrings. I want nothing more than to bring both my girls home now.
“I know you do, and believe me, Willow; this is where I want you.”
“I won’t bother Zara if that is what you think.”
“It’s not. I promise. I’m trying not to disrupt the lives you’ve been living.” Knowing that Willow is ready to move home is a relief.
“I’ll be there next week. I’ll tell Memaw to have the moving company drop some boxes off, but you start packing.”
“Okay, I will. Who do you want to talk to?”
“Stormy, please.”
Willow pulls the phone away and yells for her sister. There’s laughter in the background, which puts a smile on my face. I’m happy that the girls aren’t wallowing and are enjoying their time with my mother, although I can’t imagine she’d let them mope around all day either.
“Hey, Daddy.”
“Hey, Stormy. So I wanted to talk to you about selling your horse. With me traveling and you living there, she’s not getting the attention that she needs.” I hate saying this to her, but feel that it has to be done. She’s skirted her responsibilities with her horse for far too long, and it’s not fair to the animal, although I can’t imagine I would sell her.
“Um…”
“She needs to be ridden, Stormy, and I just don’t have the time.”
“I don’t want to sell her, though, Daddy. I mean… she’s mine, and I love her.”
“What do you suppose we do?” I ask, putting the ball in her court. I want her to make an adult decision here. Granted, she’s only fifteen.
“Well, you talked about us moving back, right?”
“I did, but you didn’t seem too thrilled with the idea.”
“I’m not, but… you did say we could find a dance company out there.”
“I did. In fact, I believe Barb is already looking.”
“It’s just; I don’t want to be stuck doing country music videos. No offense.”
“None taken, Stormy. I’m sure Barb knows this and considering that she loves you like her own child, she’ll find the best for you. Before I left, I told you that I want you and your sister back here. This is your home, regardless of where you’ve been living. Do you have any auditions coming up or a recital?”
Stormy laughs. “We rehearse a lot, but we don’t have recitals.”
“Oh,” I say, clearly not in the know.
“But I don’t have any auditions coming up either.”
“So maybe now is a good time to move?” I should be ashamed with this tactic, but I’m not. I have no shame when it comes to helping my oldest see that being in Nashville is where she belongs. When she’s done with school, if she wants to move back and pursue dancing, I’ll gladly pay her way, but until then I want her home.
“Stormy, I know you’re having doubts, but look at it as a fresh start. Your mama… she’s not there to help you. I can’t be there all the time and neither can Memaw, and you’re far too young to live by yourself and too old to have a nanny.” The father in me wants to tell her that she doesn’t have a choice, but I can’t bring myself to say those words to her. It’s not her fault that her mother made a bad decision.
“Willow really wants to move back.”
“I know she does.”
“You promise I can still dance?”
“Of course. I would never take that away from you.”
“Okay, Daddy.”
I have no doubt the smile on my face would be classified as super cheesy, but I don’t care.
S
tormy and I say goodbye, and she hands the phone to my mother. I share the good news, much to her enjoyment, not that she doesn’t love being with the girls, but having them home will be so much nicer I tell her that Barb will arrange for a moving company to come in and take care of the house if she can start packing the essentials that the girls will need.
After I hang up, I text Barb the good news, and while I expect her answer to be cheery, she replies that she’ll take care of everything. I know she’s still upset with me about bringing Zara here and know she’s looking out for me. Honestly, even though it’s been a day, I like knowing someone is in my house.
My food is somewhat warm when I pull it out of the microwave. I’m hungry and eat it as is while my mind contemplates knocking on Zara’s door. No sooner do I finish, does my doorbell ring.
Much to my surprise, standing on my front porch are a few of my buddies and their wives.
“We brought beer,” Chet says as he lifts up two cases, one in each hand.
“And food,” his wife Lori adds.
“Come in,” I tell them, slightly upset that they didn’t call first, but why would they? They don’t know that I have a guest here and we often drop in on each other. Roger and Sarah follow in behind Chet and Lori. We all went to high school together, and they are the few that have stuck around because they like me and not my fame. A fifth person walks in, and she’s someone I have never met before.
“Levi, this is my cousin Holly,” Sarah says as she introduces us. We shake hands, and it dawns on me that this is a set-up.
“I’m going to go get the fire started,” Chet says, taking Roger with him and leaving me alone with the women. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but right now I feel a bit awkward.
Sarah and Lori head right to the kitchen and start filtering around in there, leaving Holly and I standing here like two teenagers at a middle school dance.
