A Mother's Dilemma
Page 28
‘I don’t believe you.’ Jewel’s devastation had reached manic proportions. ‘I weren’t nowt special. You were just desperate forra child. Any child would have done.’
‘You …’ Flora’s eyes burned with passion. ‘You are Jewel Nightingale. Do you hear me? Well, do yer? You are my child. I am your mother. Not you, nor Minnie, nor any swine else can claim different. Never. You’re my own precious jewel, same as you’ve allus been. Then, now, always. Right?’ She grasped Jewel by her upper arms and shook her hard in desperation. ‘Right?’
‘Mam.’ She exhaled the word on a tortured breath. ‘Oh, Mam!’
‘Oh, my lass!’
Sobbing, they hugged tightly. For the next few minutes, neither spoke, simply poured out their grief and pain and love, feeding each other’s souls with proof – truth – of their unbreakable bond.
‘Who am I, Mam? Who am I really?’ She felt Flora shake her head against her. ‘Please. I have to know.’
‘I don’t know, and that’s the truth.’
Crushing uncertainty left her desolate. She wept anew.
‘You poor, poor lass.’
‘Oh, Mam.’
‘I’m so sorry, Jewel. I’d take this hurt off you in a heartbeat if I could. Eeh, dearest daughter.’
‘“Dearest daughter”,’ she repeated in a whisper. In that moment, she thought the pain would kill her. ‘Mam, there’s summat I’ve not told thee.’
She must. How could she continue to keep her secret after all she’d just said to Flora? She was a hypocrite of the highest order, wasn’t she? Blasting this woman for concealing the truth, when all the time … If there was one thing she’d learned this day, it was the importance of trust. Without it, what was the point in anything?
In broken snatches, Jewel told her mother everything. The ale, the trees. Benji. The shame, terror. Her plan to seduce Jem Wicks. The horse and cart and what she’d intended. The bribery and the scissors, the taking of Bernard’s money. Bickerstaff. Canal Street and its occupants, the horrific birth. And her precious offspring. Her agony at the parting, and how much she missed her. She left out nothing.
‘There’s summat else – tha might as well hear it all,’ Jewel continued when Flora had stumbled to her chair and was sitting, staring into space. ‘I think I’m in love with my master, Mr Birch. He’s thrice my age and a gentleman, to boot, and I’ve fallen for him.’ Shrugging, she laughed mirthlessly. ‘My life is a shambles. I’m a sodding shambles. So there you have it. I bet now you’re wishing Mrs Maddox had given you another babby instead of me, ain’t yer?’
For an age, Flora seemed incapable of speech. Then, voice flat: ‘Come to me, lass.’
Jewel flew to her. Falling to her knees by her feet, she rested her head in her mother’s lap. Flora stroked her hair and she closed her eyes. ‘I’ve made a mess of everything.’
‘Not thee. He’s to blame for this, that foul young dog across the way.’
‘What am I going to do, Mam?’
‘We, my lass. You ain’t alone with this burden any longer.’
‘Eeh, Mam. I wish I’d come to thee sooner. I were just … so ashamed and … I just couldn’t find the words—’
‘I know, I know.’
‘I’ve been that scared.’
Flora breathed slowly and her next words came through gritted teeth. ‘Don’t tha fear a thing, not no more.’
‘What will happen now, with Benji?’
‘Shh. That’ll come later.’
‘And … what I said about Mr Birch?’
To this, Flora made no comment. Instead, she nodded decisively. ‘First things first …’
‘Aye?’
‘First things first,’ the woman said again, straightening her shoulders. ‘We fetch your babby home.’
Jewel’s head snapped back to gape at her. ‘Mam?’
‘Is it what tha wants?’
‘Yes! Oh, yes, more than owt, but …? What will folk say?’
‘I care naught for that, and nor should thee. You’ve nowt to be ashamed for.’
‘How would I manage, what with work and money; husbandless into the bargain—’
‘We. Remember?’
Eyes swimming, Jewel crushed a hand to her mouth. ‘You really mean it, Mam? Thank you. I love thee, I do. Eeh, Mam, wait ’til you see her. She’s an angel from heaven, really. When can we …?’
‘There’s no time like the present.’ Rising, Flora inclined her head across the room. ‘Fetch me my shawl, lass.’
Jewel’s joy was almost too much. How had she ever doubted this woman her pure and selfless heart? Why hadn’t she confessed all to her sooner? She’d been such a coward, such a fool. But, God above, was this happening? She was to keep her daughter? The child was coming home? Jewel couldn’t believe it, wouldn’t until she was safely in her arms again. Please don’t let this all be a dream, sweet Lord.
‘Now I don’t want thee fretting but I must say this, so take heed,’ announced Flora, pausing by the door.
‘What is it?’
‘Yon babby might not still be where tha left her. Minnie could have found new parents for her already.’
The terrible prospect turned the blood in her veins to ice. With all the strength she could muster, she nodded bravely. ‘I understand, Mam. But we must try.’
‘That we must, and the sooner the better. Make haste, lass, come on.’
*
‘Mam?’
‘I’m all right. Just the memories, Jewel, you know?’
‘Nay, I don’t,’ she answered truthfully – what did she know of anything any more? – and Flora winced.
‘Course, aye. Sorry, my lass.’ She nodded to the imposing building that she’d halted by. ‘This here glassworks was where my Fred toiled many moons ago, along with Minnie’s husband. The candlestick back home, it were presented when he passed away for his service to the company. All employees received one. I never mentioned that – Manchester, nor the rest – lest you probed further and my lies tripped me up,’ she admitted.
Jewel nodded slowly in understanding. That explained then why Mrs Maddox owned the same one. The old woman, clearly sensing that the facts had been bent regarding how her mother came by hers, had withheld the truth, likely hadn’t wanted to involve herself in the matter. All this information only now coming to light … What else had she yet to discover?
‘Eeh, but I miss him.’
‘Mam, did Father know … about me?’
‘Nay. I think it were for the best, an’ all. Now then,’ she continued, fixing her stare on Minnie’s dwelling. ‘Let’s do what we came here to.’
‘You’ll not be angry with her, will you? Mrs Maddox, I mean? She did the right thing in telling me; I did have a right to know. Besides, we’d not be here now, come to take my daughter home, if not for her confessing. I’d likely not ever have plucked up courage to tell thee had we not argued about my beginnings.’
‘I’m not angry, lass. Truth be told, I’ve missed the wench deeply. I just couldn’t … thought it best to put that part of my life behind me upon arriving in Bolton, didn’t want to risk you finding out … Aye well. It came out in t’ wash in t’ end, eh, as things allus do.’
Mother and daughter trained their gazes back on the house. They took a simultaneous breath and crossed the street to Minnie’s door.
‘Hello, Eliza, love.’
‘Flora? By!’ Her amazement slipped. ‘Will tha come in?’ she asked hesitantly.
Flora nodded, and Jewel eagerly followed her inside, eyes darting straight to the bed, desperate for a glimpse of her daughter.
Minnie rose slowly from her chair, her dread-filled gaze locking with Flora’s. ‘Wench … Wench, I—’
‘Hello, Minnie.’ Flora held out her arms. After a long and confused hesitation, a stunned Minnie ambled into them.
‘Oh. Eeh, love, I’ve missed thee. I had to tell Jewel, lass. I had to, for the act has ate away at me each day since. I believed it the right thing to do, I did, I—’<
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‘It’s all right, wench. I allus knew it would come out some day. You’re right. Jewel deserved the truth. I were just too much of a coward to reveal it myself.’
‘Mrs Maddox?’ Scanning the infants for a third time, Jewel was becoming frantic. ‘Where’s my child? She ain’t here. Where is she?’
Minnie and Eliza exchanged puzzled looks. ‘You know where,’ remarked the latter. ‘You gave your consent, after all.’
Jewel couldn’t breathe. ‘She’s gone?’
‘Aye.’
She was too late. No, no. ‘You’ve found new parents for her already?’
Minnie was frowning deeply. ‘Sit down, lass.’
‘Nay! Nay, I have to know where she is, I … I want her back. Mam knows everything, has vowed to support me … I want my daughter!’
‘Sit down,’ repeated the old woman. Her expression was serious. She nodded forcefully to a chair at the table. ‘Seems I’ve been hoodwinked, and we need to figure out why … Please, Jewel.’
Jewel sat. She grasped one of Flora’s hands and the two of them awaited Minnie’s explanation with wide-eyed dread.
‘Hoodwinked?’ asked Flora.
‘By who?’ Jewel added.
‘Sarah’s sister came and collected your babby last night.’
‘What?’
‘She said as how you’d agreed, that Sarah was to raise her as her own—’
‘That’s lies!’ Jewel leapt to her feet. ‘Why would you believe that drunken mess? What the hell is her game? How could you hand my child over to her, the state of her. I must go there. I’ll kill her!’
‘Wait.’
Something in Minnie’s tone made Jewel halt by the door. She turned questioningly.
‘I’ll tell thee why I let that woman take off with the child. It’s because I assumed that Sarah, having discovered … I thought she wanted to make things right this time. She has a tie there, after all—’
‘Tie? Discovered what? Tell me!’
‘When your mother—’ Minnie paused and shot Flora an apologetic look. ‘When your birth mother brought you here that day, lass, she were just like you were – hurting. Difference being, she wore an icy mask that never slipped. It’s a common front that a lot of women adopt; self-protection, like, to cover up their true feelings and keep at bay the pain of giving up their child. Anyroad, a few short months after Flora moved with thee to Bolton, your birth mother showed up at my door wanting you back.’ She nodded sadly. ‘I told her you’d gone to a new family already, that it were too late and nowt could be done, that she must believe you’d gone to a good home and to put thee from her mind.
‘She bleated in my arms like a newborn lamb but accepted you would be happy and well cared for, and that this was for the best. It brought her some comfort, you know? Well, from that day, she became a regular visitor, and it grew into a friendship, aye. I were keen to keep an eye on her welfare; she liked the bottle too much, and her family were a no-good lot, with the reputation of it, to boot. I felt sorry for her – and guilty, aye. I couldn’t have her tracking down Flora and demanding thee back, for that would have benefited no one. But by, she never forgot thee, lass. You allus – allus – held a piece of her heart.’
‘Oh, wench.’ Flora had her face in her hand, her sorrow tangible. ‘That poor woman.’
Minnie nodded. ‘As much as my own heart hurt for her, I knew Jewel was better off with thee. What was done was done. Uprooting the lass, wrenching her from you, who she saw as her mam, shattering your life in the process … It wouldn’t have been right, nay. It wouldn’t.’
Jewel had flopped back into her chair. Wordless, head bowed, she tried to process this fresh information. One thing, however, needed no extra thought: Mrs Maddox had done the right thing in leaving her in Flora’s care. Had her birth mother showed up in Bolton, taken her away from Mam … It would have killed Flora, she was certain. Besides, from the little Minnie had just revealed, it was doubtful she’d have fared well in the other woman’s care.
Having been raised by Flora had been a blessing, she realised. Although knowing that her real mother had come back for her, had wanted her after all, hadn’t simply abandoned her without another thought, did make her feel ever so slightly better. She wasn’t the unwanted she’d come to believe she was, not entirely. Oh, but the whole situation was such a sorry bloody mess.
‘What has all this got to do with Sarah’s sister taking my daughter?’ she asked, though, deep down, she already knew the answer.
That Minnie had wanted to tell her something about Sarah the last time she was here … How comfortable she herself had felt from the beginning in Sarah’s presence, like she somehow knew her, though she couldn’t understand why … It all made sense. As if, somehow, fate had finally brought them back together.
All this Jewel processed as though through a sheet of thick glass. Reality was muffled, emotions numbed. The truth was the truth, but it couldn’t penetrate the clogging shock she was shrouded in.
‘Sarah’s your birth mother, lass,’ confirmed Minnie, and Jewel accepted it with a nod. ‘She came here looking for thee that evening after you fled. She’d been expecting thee back, were worried. I revealed who you were – had to – for Sarah deserved the truth, too, once you knew it. She left here promising to find thee, said that she’d put things right. So, when her sister came later for the child, I believed you’d returned to Canal Street, that you and Sarah had talked – though I see now you’re only just hearing of her true identity. I thought Sarah had offered to raise her grandchild for thee, that you were in agreement.’
‘Nay,’ Jewel murmured flatly. ‘I left Manchester without saying goodbye to her, haven’t seen her since.’ She lifted her eyes to Minnie’s. ‘How did she take the news that I’m her daughter?’
‘As you might expect, lass.’ A tear dripped to the old woman’s cheek. ‘She were beside herself.’
‘She told me she didn’t have children. I asked her once and she said nay.’ Jewel shrugged. ‘Well, she didn’t, did she? She gave up the title of mother the day she left me here with thee.’ She wrapped her arms around herself. ‘Do I deserve my daughter back? Didn’t I forgo all rights, too, when I walked from this house without mine?’
‘Be that as it may – in your mind, at any rate,’ said Flora, squeezing her hand, ‘but the fact remains, lass: these wenches lied. They took your babby without permission. That, they had no right to do. Just ’cause she gave her own child away, and whatever the reasons for it might have been, it don’t give her leave to steal yours. Now I say we go around there and get the mite back.’
Minnie nodded. ‘I’ll come along with thee, see if I can’t talk some sense into her—’
‘Nay.’ Jewel looked to them both. ‘Please. This is summat I must do alone.’
That it wasn’t just her getting the child back that she was referring to, both women seemed to understand. They nodded. Jewel gave them each a sad smile in return, then left the house.
When she reached the familiar dwelling in Canal Street, the front door was swinging wide. She entered, closing it quietly behind her, and climbed the stairs to the sisters’ room. As she neared, she heard the distant sound of a child’s cry – my baby. She cleared the landing in a heartbeat and burst inside.
‘Well, looky here.’
Jewel took in the scene slowly. On a sofa, the griping child clutched protectively in her arms, was Sarah. Standing before the dead fire was her sister and, as Jewel’s gaze settled on the knife in her hand, she swallowed hard.
‘Looky here,’ the woman repeated, stepping forward. Her lip curled. ‘Shut the door. Now.’
Jewel did as she bade. All the while, it took all her strength not to run and snatch up her baby; the crazed look in the slattern’s drunken eye deterred her. She moved gingerly into the room.
‘Stop there,’ the woman snarled, jabbing the blade through the air between them.
‘What’s all this?’ Jewel asked, heart thumping. ‘Sarah?’
‘I have nowt belonging to you—’
‘Liar!’
Jewel glanced once more to Sarah, who stared back desperately, tears coursing down her face. ‘What does she mean?’
‘I had two visitors at yon door on Sunday, not long after you left,’ shot Sarah’s sister before she could speak. Nodding, she took a swig from a bottle of strong spirits then fixed her murderous glare back on Jewel. ‘First ’un were a bobby to say they’d found my Julia. Seems she fell foul to a bad make of customer. Dragged her from the canal, the police did; naked, beaten and lifeless.’
‘Mother of God …’ Jewel covered her mouth with her hand. ‘Eeh, I’m sorry.’
To this, the woman didn’t respond. Again, she took a long draught of alcohol. ‘D’you know who the second visitor were? Go on, guess.’
‘I don’t …’ Frowning, Jewel shook her head.
‘Mr bleedin’ Brown.’
‘Who?’
‘Julia’s lover.’ The woman’s tone was high, mocking. ‘Remember, him what bought her that pretty ring at Christmas?’
‘Him who she were mistress to?’
‘Aye, that’s the one – you catch on quick, don’t yer?’ she sneered with a roll of her eyes. ‘Word soon spread to the inns and alehouses that the police had been here and why, and our Mr Brown heard. Hotfooted it here, he did, broken-hearted. ’Ere, and guess what he told me?’
Clueless still, Jewel shook her head once more.
‘Turns out that snidy bitch daughter of mine were saving. Fancy that, eh? She’d told him months afore, reckoned she fancied herself a nest egg, summat forra rainy day. He thought it only right to make mention of it, reckoned it might aid with the cost of the funeral. And yet …’ Rushing to the painting hanging nearby, she swiped it from the wall, sending it crashing to the ground. ‘What do I find? Nowt. Empty. Gone!’ Nostrils flared, she crept closer to Jewel, the knife’s tip pointed straight at her. ‘You had it away, didn’t yer? You thieving young bitch, yer!’
Jewel’s face was void of blood. ‘Nay. I didn’t.’