Me Tarzan, You Jane

by Camelia Miron Skiba

  Around 10:30 P.M. a short, heavy nurse comes in to remove the IV line. Her shoes make funky noises on the linoleum, as if gum is stuck to her soles. She’s not very talkative and I’m grateful; the last thing on my mind right now is making small talk. Despite heavy painkillers my shoulder still hurts and the sling is uncomfortable.

  Free of the IV line I get out of bed and stretch a little. I walk back and forth to the window. I know Lucas entered the room before I even glance his way. He comes toward me and takes my hand. Rubbing his thumb over the back of my palm he brushes the other along my jaw.

  I want to be mad at him, but seeing him and feeling his touch sure makes it hard. I do love this man with all my heart, with all that I am, but is my love strong enough to forgive him for endangering my daughter’s life?

  “What did the police say?”

  He sighs. “I got a ticket for speeding, but the driver who hit us ran the stop sign. We’ll have to wait for the final report.”

  I do remember parts of the accident but some parts are very confusing. I don’t recall if the paparazzi’s car caught up with us or if other cars were involved in the accident. Maybe a concussion is not totally excluded. Almost as if knowing my dilemma, Lucas’s words shed some light onto it.

  “The paparazzi were a short distance behind us and saw everything. They confirmed the other driver didn’t stop.” He pauses to look at his right palm closing into a fist several times. “I sure wanted to punch those idiots; it was because of them I drove like a maniac.”

  “You scared us. Your insane driving got us almost killed.”

  “I’m sorry, Jane.” Lucas bites his lower lip, takes a deep breath and lets out the air with a whoosh. He touches the side of his left cheek where there are two pieces of clear tape over a two-inch cut then drops his hand next to mine. “I could never live with myself if something were to happen to you and Ella. I’m sorry,” he says in a tired voice. “I’m sorry for putting your life and Ella’s in danger. I really am.”

  Deep down I know he wouldn’t hurt us intentionally. I’ve no doubt he means every word he says and his apology comes from the heart. I reach to stroke his face, “You should go home. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

  Lucas shakes his head. He sighs once, twice, and opens his mouth as if trying to speak but each time he stops before talking. Several long moments later he says, “There’s been something I’ve been putting off telling you, but I might as well do it now because dragging it out won’t help, and sooner or later you need to know.” He walks to the window, pushing both hands in his pockets. Staring into the night and keeping his back to me Lucas says, “I might be the father of Raven’s baby.”

  I can’t form one word and the back of my throat constricts, threatening to cut the air to my lungs. The simple task of breathing becomes difficult and I’m pretty sure it’s only a matter of time until my heart will give out and I’ll fall to the ground.

  Gravity.

  It always works for us, but in this very moment it doesn’t. At least this is how I feel right now, as if I’m spinning out of control, the bed’s metal frame not strong enough to support me.

  “You told me when I asked that you didn’t sleep with her. Did you sleep with her?”

  Turning to face me, Lucas crosses both hands over his chest, leaning against the windowsill. “I don’t know.” He avoids my eyes then repeats in a smaller voice. “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know?” Frustration comes to topple my glass. “Did you or did you not sleep with Raven?”

  With another long exhale, Lucas says, “We broke up before I went to France, but remained friends. Last I saw her was in New York at the final party for the magazine launch, back in May.” Lucas rubs his neck, looking down the entire time. He sighs, “I remember it was morning when the crowd dispersed, but a few of the guys said we should move the party to my suite. Raven tagged along. Other girls, too. After that I don’t remember much, but I do remember waking up sometime in the afternoon with a blistering headache.”

  I don’t care when he last saw her. Nor how long he partied or slept. Or how blistering the pain was. As mad as I am right now I wish the headache would blister his head this very moment—and it would still not make up for the heartache I feel.

  Lucas bites the inside of his cheek and finally looks at me. Shadows crinkle his forehead and darken his green eyes. Drawn to a thin line, his lips turn into a frown. Even though he’s only steps away from me, a ravine forms between us, every second, every minute deeper and wider, longer and further. I almost reach for him, but anger and hurt stop me.

  Lucas shrugs. “When I got up I found a lace bra in my bed, a shirt on the sofa, a tie around a bottle of champagne. I didn’t bother to find out who lost those items. On the mirror in the bathroom was written with lipstick ‘Thank You’ and a kiss. I didn’t make anything of it, back then, but a few days ago Raven sent me some pictures of us . . . in bed . . . I’m sorry.” Lucas takes one step toward me.

  By reflex I lift my hand to stop him. The room felt warm until a few seconds ago but now I’m cold to the marrow, rubbing my injured arm in an attempt to warm up. When Lucas reaches for me, I say, “Don’t touch me.” My plea doesn’t stop him. With his legs grounded on both sides he grabs my upper arms and squeezes, which causes the pain to drill deep into my brain. Dipping his head toward mine, his breath breezes over my face.

  “Jane. I. Love. You. If I slept with Raven, as crazy as it is, I don’t remember for sure. You have to believe me. I’m so, so sorry. Please.”

  “This is insane.” I shake his hands off and walk away, turning my back to him. Stupid tears. I won’t cry. “This is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard. If you would’ve told me that you’re still having feelings for her, maybe I could’ve understood that. Not like it, but understand it since you were together for a long time. You remained friends. That’s okay. But to sleep with her after we became exclusive and not know it? How is this even possible? What—you’re not in control of your own body? Suffer amnesia for exactly one night? Actually, don’t bother answering this question because honestly I don’t care.”

  I’m lying through my teeth. I do care, but I won’t let him see how much or how badly he hurts me. Since getting admitted into the hospital a lot of thoughts crowded my muddled brain, thoughts of us continuing to be together or breaking up. I felt guilty and unable to choose between keeping my daughter safe and continuing my relationship with Lucas. Somehow his actions make my decision not easier, but rather paramount. I’ve broken a lot of my rules for him, to be with him, but I can’t and won’t accept cheating. Not now, not in a million years.

  I march to the door and swing it open. “You need to go,” I say in a small but steady voice, feeling a chill rising from my toes up my legs, up my body until it freezes around my heart.

  Lucas reaches to cup my face but drops the hand an inch away. He swallows hard and looks down before lifting his eyes back to mine.

  “I’m sorry,” are his last words before he walks out of my room.

  With shaky hand I close the door, drag my feet to my bed, pull the covers over my head and finally free my tears.

  I don’t know what hurts more—my heart or my shoulder—but I know for sure this very moment I’d give anything to erase the past nine months of my life. Because I’ve no idea how am I going to make it through another day, so broken, so hurt, so devastated.

  “Second chances don’t exist,” I mutter to myself before giving in to blessed sleep.

  Chapter 27

  “Good night, Ella,” I juggle the phone and rummage through tools and lotions I must pack for a commercial. It’s the first makeup session I’ve booked since my shoulder was dislocated during the accident a month ago. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay,” Ella says, her sweet voice warming my heart as always. “Grams is gonna read me a story,” she adds. “Lub you, Mommy.”

  “Love you too, honey pea. Love you too.” I hang up and cont
inue sorting through boxes until everything I need is packed in one wheeled case.

  My eyes bother me and I decide to remove my makeup all together, and switch contacts for glasses. I don’t wear them very often, especially not when I’m working, but for tonight it’ll have to do. Hopefully it won’t be a long session. If I’m lucky I’ll be home by midnight and able to catch a few hours sleep before my departure for the Phoenix writers’ conference.

  My cell phone rings as I pull out of my driveway. “Hey, Alexis,” I press the hands-free button after seeing my agent’s number on the screen. “What a surprise!”

  “Hey Jane, I’m so sorry to call so late, but I’ve news for you.” Alexis speaks fast, the connection crystal clear. “Guess what? Girl, I think we nailed it. So, last night I went to a reception and someone introduces me to this guy, a producer and we talk and drink and he asks how’s the publishing going, if I’ve new things going and yada, yada, yada. But anyway, I mention your manuscript and he says it sounds intriguing and I should send him a copy, which I did as soon as I got home even though it was close to midnight. And anyway, I go to sleep, get up with this tremendous headache and go to work, not thinking much about the guy, but rather how am I going to make it through the day without my head exploding.

  “I just hung up with Brian, the producer from last night who told me once he started reading your manuscript he was hooked. He wants to talk about a possible movie. He thinks it has great potential. Is this crazy or what? I mean for almost a year now I tried to sell your book and I couldn’t get any publishing house interested enough to do it and here we are about to score a movie. Is this crazy or what?”

  I’m speechless. I pull over at the end of the street before exiting my neighborhood. I’m too shaken by Alexis’s news to drive. The street lamp floods the inside of my car and I stare in the darkness unable to utter one word. I hold onto the steering wheel with both hands, my fingers digging into my palm, the sharp sensation the only one my brain is capable of registering aside from my rapid heartbeat.

  “Jane are you still there? Did I lose you?” Alexis asks. “Hello?”

  “I’m here,” I clear my voice. “I’m here, sorry. Oh my God. Oh my God.” I wish for a paper bag to breathe in.

  Alexis laughs. “I know right? I think we have a winner, Jane. It’s rare that I get one of my authors such a deal before a book contract, but I’ve a really good feeling about it.”

  “Wow!” I let out a loud giggle. “A movie, I can’t believe it. What do you need from me? What’s next?” Excitement takes over and I forget I’m confined in my car and kick a fist up in its top hurting my knuckles in the process.

  “We’ll see,” Alexis says. “Not sure but I’ll let you know once I confirm the meeting with Brian. He said he’ll call by the end of next week.”

  “Great. I should be back from the writers’ conference by then. Let me know when you need me and I’ll be there.”

  “Cool. We’ll celebrate when you come. Congrats, Jane. See you soon!”

  “Thanks so much, Alexis. You’re the best agent ever!”

  She laughs. “I sure feel like one. Good night, Jane!”

  “Good night, Alexis.”

  I hang up and replay in my head the conversation with Alexis. A movie. Out of all the things that could’ve happen with my manuscript a movie was not something I thought possible. A contract with a publishing house was more in line with what I expected, but a movie? How long would the filming last? Who will be picked for the cast? Am I going to be involved in its production? Would I have to make changes to the book?

  So many questions pop in my head and my first reaction is to write them down, but one glance at my watch tells me I must hurry or I’ll be late for the makeup session. I’m so excited, I keep humming all the way to the mall, making my way through the food court. I never drink coffee at night but the smell of fresh coffee just tickles my sense. A Carmel Macchiato isn’t gonna kill me, right? If anything it’ll keep me perky for the next few hours of work.

  “Jane, Jane is that you?” I hear someone to my right as I stand in line at Starbucks.

  “Oh my gosh, Sarah, Cameron, what are you guys doing here?” I hug first Sarah then Cameron. Both look really tanned.

  “I almost didn’t recognize you,” Sarah blinks fast and smiles. “You cut your hair but you look fabulous. I love the color too. And the glasses, I didn’t know you wear glasses.”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t stand my contacts tonight,” I push tapered layers behind my ear, and then fluff my hair again self-conscious about my looks.

  “Hotter than ever.” Cameron smiles, then leans closer to my ear and says, “It’s Lucas’s loss.”

  I’m not surprised he knows we are no longer together. Everyone knows it. The newspaper stand down the street from my neighborhood still has a few magazines with Lucas and my picture split in two and still making the headlines. It’s been a month since the breakup and I’m ready for the media to find something more interesting to write about.

  “Thanks, Cameron. You’re sweet. So, how are you guys? How was the honeymoon?”

  “We had a blast,” Sarah lifts one strap of her turquoise summer dress. “We want to go back next year, the beach, the water was perfect.”

  “What are you doing here so late?” Cameron asks after I order my coffee and we move to the side.

  “Makeup for a commercial. Cameron, are you coming to Phoenix? I can’t believe a year’s passed by since we met at the writers’ conference. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

  “Both Lucas and I were supposed to come but tomorrow morning at ten he signs the agreement with Raven,” Cameron shoves both hands in his beige cargo pants. “The conference was something we both were looking forward to, but the timing is off.”

  Hearing Lucas’s name makes my stomach twist. Dear God, how I miss him. How I wish he were only a touch away. How I wish I could run into his arms and stay there forever.

  Raven has my forever now.

  “Wow, I thought that happened a while ago, signing the agreement I mean.”

  “Well,” Cameron clears his throat, “Lucas fought for shared custody and Raven didn’t want to so there was a lot of back and forth but now I guess both parties are tired of arguing. Everyone’s ready to move on.”

  I hear my name once more, this time the Starbucks employee calls it. My hand shakes a bit when I reach for my coffee.

  “Well then,” I glance at my watch, “Was nice seeing you guys, I gotta go.” I hug Sarah and Cameron.

  “We should get together when you’re back,” Cameron waves and walks backward, holding Sarah’s hand. “We moved out of Lucas’s house. I’ll text you the address.”

  “Sounds good. See you soon,” I turn and rush away. The news of Lucas signing the agreement with Raven has my head spinning. I feel like a door is closing before it had the chance to fully open, my hopes and dreams locked behind it along with my love for Lucas.

  I shouldn’t think of him right now. I need my hand steady and my mind clear. I arrive in the community room with beige walls that has been already divided into wardrobe on the right side and makeup and hair on the opposite wall. A caterer brings in food and arranges it on the gray countertop to the right of the door, the smell of coffee overpowering the smell of pineapple.

  I don’t know the hair stylist. Molly she introduces herself, a robust but younger version of Halle Berry. In fact I don’t know anyone in the crew except Theresa, the producer who comes in, red headphones around her neck and a clipboard she writes on at the same time she tells me what she wants in terms of makeup.

  “I want the blond model with smoky eyes and nude gloss. Use double layers of silver eyelashes, feathered ones and insist on the gloss. The brunette model on the other hand go all natural but give me red lips, like—she fumbles through my lipsticks and finds two shades of red, “try these ones, no gloss though, okay?”

  I nod and Theresa pats my shoulder before moving onto giving directions to Molly. I arrange my brus
hes and makeup and pay little attention to what’s happening in the room. Until the models come from behind the partition where they change their clothes. My world comes crushing down, seeing the one woman that I hate twice: once for what she’d done, secondly for making me hate her, a sin I was sure it’ll never be written on my afterlife transcripts.

  Raven.

  My stomach clenches so hard I reach for the table’s edge and take little breaths to ease the pain. While the blond woman says, “Hi, I’m Sam,” and sits in the high chair before the three mirrors set up for the makeup session, Raven sits in the chair nearby.

  I steal glances at her. She’s beyond gorgeous, and I bet somewhere in her DNA there’s a unique combination of Eskimo and black ancestry. Aside from being tall and lean her skin has that glow that reminds me of diamonds. Her black hair—a ton of it, runs in waves down to her waist and Molly will need twice as much time to finish her hairdo than the time I’ll need to apply her makeup. I can’t tell what color her eyes are, not without staring, and I force myself to look away before I make a fool of myself.

  Typing fast on her phone, she doesn’t lift her head while Molly brushes her hair. Nor when she divides it and pins it up and begins curling the back of it. Too absorbed by whatever message she types, Raven makes no effort to respond to Sam, the blond model, who talks nonstop since she sat.

  “We should still try to go to the party after this shoot,” Sam says.

  Beats me how I manage to work on her face, running moist towlettes to remove the oils off her skin. I’m grateful for the autopilot kicking in, otherwise I’d be still gawking at Raven.

  “Did you hear me? I’m talking to you,” Sam reaches to slap Raven’s shoulder.