I scanned the coffee shop, which was very contemporary, with purple and silver and black and lots of chrome and wood. “Cool place.”
Peter nodded. “It’s one of my favorites.”
“Oh, so you go to coffee shops a lot?”
Peter lifted his mug. “It’s my drug of choice, I suppose.”
“I’m opening up a coffee shop and vintage boutique.”
“Really? I’d love to hear about it.”
“It will have a very vintage feel, inspired by my grandmother’s kitchen. I loved going to her house and we spent a lot of time in her kitchen baking. She made the best pies and her cookies were to die for.”
“I can tell you have happy memories.”
“It’s weird how I can see a retro cherry print or smell a pie baking and it takes me right back to that kitchen. It was comfortable and inviting. Pastel-blue cabinets and linoleum flooring. And this big chrome-legged table with a Formica top that came with matching chairs in blue and white vinyl.”
Peter laughed. “I think my grandmother had the same kitchen, only hers was mint green. I guess the pastel colors were all the rage then.”
“And the cherry prints!”
“So, are you thinking pastel?”
“Not sure if I’ll go with pastel or black and red color scheme. I’ve been thinking about white cabinets with a red countertop and a chrome band along the edge. And a black and white checkered floor. But I’m still not one hundred percent sure.”
Peter and I were on our second cup of coffee before the conversation turned to his wife. I listened as he shared her battle with uterine cancer and how helpless he had felt. It was obvious he’d loved her very much.
“To be honest,” he said. “You’re the first woman I’ve liked enough to ask out.”
I sipped my coffee. “Thanks. I haven’t been out on too many dates myself.”
“Really?” Peter said. “I’d have thought you’d have men knocking down your door.”
I laughed. “I guess I’m particular.”
Peter’s eyes widened. “Well, then, I guess I should feel honored you accepted my coffee invitation.”
We talked some more. About my kids and my divorce. About his two daughters, both of whom lived locally, and his grandson. Three hours later, the coffee shop was closing and it was time for us to say goodbye.
Peter held open the door as we walked out. “Maybe you’d like to go to dinner sometime?”
I turned to Peter, aware I was lost in his eyes. “I’d like that, Peter. I’d like that very much.”
Chapter 29
I felt like a teenager with a major crush. I couldn’t stop thinking about Peter. And he was the first guy since Mike I’d considered the possibility of sharing more with. At the same time, I was scared. Scared of falling for a guy who’d never love me as much as he’d loved his wife. Afraid to put myself out there only to have my heart broken again. I knew there were no guarantees in life, but I’d gotten to the point where I only took calculated risks.
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to love fully once again, to run the risk of heartbreak. But I also knew holding back and condemning my heart to darkness meant a life spent alone. And the older I became, the more I realized I didn’t want to end this life without someone by my side. I’d already proven to myself that I didn’t need a man, but I wanted one. I could sit in the dark and wait for the light of dawn, or I could flip on the light switch. Which would it be?
That week, I’d increased my mileage to seven and I knew I’d be able to run the 10K with David easily. I felt proud to have accomplished something I never thought I could. I returned to working out with Renee and even took one of Peter’s cycle classes.
I was wiping the sweat off the bike after class when Peter walked up to me. Only Renee and I were left in the room and she promptly disappeared.
“I was wondering if you’d like to go out to dinner on Saturday?” Peter asked. “There’s a new steak place I heard about and it would be nice to have some company.”
There I stood in a sweaty T-shirt with my hair pasted to my face looking into the eyes of a man who was as drenched and smelly as I was. It definitely wasn’t the most romantic of moments and yet it felt real, genuine. And I couldn’t help thinking that a man who’d seen me at my worst and still asked me out was a man I wanted to get to know better. “I’d love to, Peter.”
I told him I’d text him my address. He had given me his phone number in case I needed it when we went for coffee.
Renee followed me into the locker room. “Did he ask you out?”
I nodded.
She rubbed her hands together. “I told you he likes you.”
I held up my hand. “Whoa! Not so fast. It’s just dinner.”
“I think it’s great, Scarlett. I’m happy for both of you.”
I scrambled home, remembering Mike was stopping by. He’d said there was something he wanted to talk to me about. I figured it was about moving back in. He’d soon start a new cycle of chemo.
I jumped in the shower and had barely got dressed when I heard the doorbell ring. I’d forgotten Mike had given back his key before returning to his apartment. I combed my hair and ran to get the door.
“Hi, Mike. Come in.”
He handed me a bouquet of fresh flowers and it didn’t escape me that it included daisies. “I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay here.”
He followed me into the kitchen and sat down while I put the flowers in a vase. I turned around. “Would you like something to drink?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t plan to stay long, but I wanted to stop by and tell you this in person.”
“Is everything all right?” I pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down across from him. My heart started racing, fearing Mike was going to tell me he was sicker than any of us had thought.
“I hired someone to take care of things while I undergo chemo. Laundry, make meals, that sort of thing. Gloria’s decided to stay at her daughter’s another month so I figured I’d contract with an agency until she returns. The woman I’ve hired will also transport me to and from chemo. She’s an older woman, like Gloria, and comes highly recommended.”
“But Mike, you didn’t have to do that. I certainly have the room.”
He held up his hand. “I know you have the room, but I think it’s better this way.”
I scratched my wet head. “But I don’t understand. I thought you liked staying here. And it’s no problem for me. I promised Tory and David I’d look after you.”
“Listen, Scarlett. I had a lot of time to think while lying on your couch watching the movies you carted home from the library. I had a lot of time to think while lying in bed late at night watching the hours crawl by. Odd how uncertainty leads to contemplation and contemplation leads to revelation. And what I’ve realized is that I still love you. I guess I never stopped. But I also know, after what I’ve done and how I treated you, that I don’t deserve you. You deserve better and I want you to have that. I don’t want to stay here and have you take care of me out of a sense of duty to the kids. I want you to be free. Free to follow your dreams, free to find love again. I want you to be happy.”
My heart physically hurt as I listened to Mike. He hadn’t put me first in forever. Maybe never. It had taken a serious illness for him to see what he’d lost. “Promise me that if the woman you’ve hired doesn’t work out, you’ll call.”
He nodded.
“And you know I’ll stop by at least once a week to check on you.”
Mike nodded again.
“Get better, Mike. And when you do, remember that life is a gift. Don’t waste it. I hope you find love again, too, and that you’re happy. We have two great kids together. They’re a gift we’ve given each other, and I thank you for that.”
After Mike left, sadness as thick as morning fog settled over me. It wasn’t that I wanted Mike back. It was more of a realization of what might have been had we b
oth made different choices. But it was too late for that now. I wondered if he truly loved me or only thought he did. A serious illness can force us to face the darkness in our lives, but it can also make us cling to slivers of light that become brighter than they actually are. I wondered if I was a sliver and if his feelings for me were fleeting based on the circumstances and would fade with time.
I was jerked out of my funk when my cell phone rang. David was calling to remind me he’d be home in two weeks. “So, you’re ready, right?”
“Yes. Just ran seven miles and it felt great.”
I told David about Mike staying home for the next round of chemo. “But don’t worry, I’ll check on him at least once a week and the agency he contracted with has a great reputation.”
A half hour after I got off the phone with David, Tory called. I figured David would call her right away.
“Like I told David, Tory, your dad will be fine. He wants to stay living in his condo and I understand. He’s more comfortable there. And he’s hired an older woman through an agency to look after him.”
Tory took more convincing than David that their dad would be okay. “Tory, this is your dad’s decision. You might not agree with it, and that’s okay, but you need to respect it. I promise I’ll keep an eye on him and if I see anything to be concerned about, I’ll tell you and David.”
That night, when Muffin and I went to bed, I thought about Peter and Mike. If I had met both of them when I was single and in college, which one would I have picked? I suppose it wasn’t a fair question. I knew Mike better than Peter, but Peter seemed to have an appreciation of life’s little things that Mike was only now beginning to acquire. Maybe it was because Peter had already dealt with the despair that comes from losing someone you love. As for me, I realized I wasn’t the same girl Mike had married anymore than he was the same man. Most times, I guess, a couple grows together, each bending and giving and making things work. The problem begins when you stop bending, when you stop giving. I knew if I ever found a man I could give my heart to again, it would be someone who would stand beside me in the forest and we’d bend and grow toward the sun – together. He’d help me survive as much as I’d help him.
I watched as Muffin went from room to room looking for Mike. It’d been nearly a week since he left and she still looked for him every day. “He’s not here, girl. Maybe we’ll go visit him soon.”
I reached down to scratch her head. “So, how do I look?” I twirled around in a circle. I’d tried on three outfits and felt like a whale in all of them. I finally settled on a black dress with cap sleeves. I twisted my hair into a bun and added the diamond necklace and earrings my parents bought me when I turned sixteen.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten this dressed up. It had to be before my divorce. I found the little black purse I’d almost donated to the thrift shop when I moved. I’d decided to hold on to it at the last minute, stuffing it in a box of sweaters I hadn’t bothered to unpack yet.
I was coming down the steps when I heard the doorbell. Peter was here.
“Would you like to come in for a drink?”
Peter walked in. “You look great.”
I smiled. “Yeah, you don’t look so bad yourself. It’s funny seeing someone in pants and a shirt when you’re used to them in bicycle shorts and a tee.”
I poured two glasses of wine and handed one to Peter. “Would you like a quick tour?”
“I’d love it.”
I gave Peter the grand tour, leaving my store for last. “And this will be my coffee shop and vintage boutique.”
We walked in and Peter scanned the room. “What a wonderful space. Have you thought about the layout yet?”
I walked around, pausing where I planned to put the counter, tables, sofa. “But I might change my mind once I get the counter in.”
Peter smiled. “I can tell the shop means a lot to you. Have you always wanted to own your own business?”
“Oh, yes. When I was a little girl, I had a pop-up boutique. I sold things I made. Like bracelets and magnets.”
Peter sipped his wine. “You sound like quite the little entrepreneur.”
“Well, I never made a lot of money, but it kept me in penny candy.”
Peter laughed. “There’s no such thing as penny candy anymore. Those were the days.”
We finished our wine and left for the restaurant, talking the entire way about my ideas for the shop.
“It sounds like you have it all figured out, Scarlett. And I love that you’re going to realize a dream you’ve had for so long. So many people have dreams that never become anything more. They think, but never do. And it takes a lot of doing to be successful.”
I knew Peter owned a business because he’d made a comment when we first met about being the boss and able to make his own schedule. I’d asked Renee what he did but she wasn’t entirely sure. She thought it had something to do with investments.
“So, what exactly do you do?” I asked him.
“I’m a financial planner. Nowhere near as exciting as owning a coffee shop.”
“So, you help people make smarter financial decisions?”
“Yes! I ask a lot of questions and look into the future and give them advice based on what I discover.”
“Like how much income I’ll have in retirement?”
“Exactly.”
Peter pulled into the restaurant parking lot. “Glad I made reservations. It’s looks like they have a nice crowd.”
We were seated at a table tucked into the back corner. It was cozy and private and perfect. “Do you eat out a lot?” I asked.
Peter patted his stomach. “More than I should. It’s just easier than cooking for one. On occasion, I’ll make a batch of soup and freeze it, but not too often.”
“It’s a good thing you cycle, huh?”
Peter nodded. “And I run when I get the chance, but not as much as I once did.”
I told Peter about my plans to run a 10K with David. “When I first started training, which consisted of just walking, I couldn’t imagine being able to run a 10K. But walking eventually turned into running and I kept pushing myself to do more each day and, well, here I am. I’m still not down to the weight I want to be, but I’m making progress.”
“You look beautiful, Scarlett.”
“Thanks.”
The waiter returned with the wine Peter had ordered. “Have you had a chance to look at the menu?”
“I’m sorry,” Peter said. “We’ve been chatting so much we haven’t. Can you give us five minutes?”
“Certainly, sir.”
I scanned the menu, trying to decide what I’d like. Everything sounded delicious. The waiter returned and I ordered prime rib like Peter. Two hours later, long after we’d finished the meal, we were still talking and laughing. I told Peter my life story and he told me his. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this comfortable with a man.
I sipped my coffee, allowing the warmth to slide down my throat, weighing how to respond to what Peter had just shared about his wife and her illness. “Your wife sounds like she was a lovely woman.”
Peter nodded. “She was. We grew up on the same street. She lived on one end of the block and I on the other. I was several years older than her so we never ran in the same circles. Then one night I was out with my buddies and Liz walked in with her girlfriends. Boy, was I shocked to see the little girl I remembered with pigtails and braces had turned into a beautiful young woman.”
I smiled. “That’s a lovely story, Peter.”
Peter rubbed his neck. “I know the last thing Liz would want is for me to be alone, but it’s hard meeting people at my age. My eldest daughter wanted me to do that online dating thing.” He laughed. “She even wrote a profile for me. She made me sound so good I didn’t recognize myself!”
I laughed. “I’d love to read it.”
“Oh, no!” Peter shook his head. “No one is ever going to read
that.”
I shifted in my seat. “I tried the online dating thing and didn’t like it. One guy emailed me and asked if I was into toe sucking!”
Peter laughed.
“I do know a couple of people who met their husbands through a dating website, but they’re half my age,” I said.
We chatted some more before Peter paid the bill and took me home. He walked me to the door and I wished he’d kiss me goodnight, but he didn’t. He thanked me for spending the evening with him. I thought about asking him in, but didn’t want to appear too aggressive. I liked him and the last thing I wanted to do was scare him off.
“Maybe we can do it again sometime,” he said.
I smiled. “I’d like that, Peter. I really would.”
He turned to walk back to his car and I opened the door and walked inside. I closed the door and leaned against it. I wondered what Peter was thinking. Did he like me as much as I liked him? I hoped so.
Chapter 30
I called Shonna as soon as I’d changed into my pajamas.
“I was waiting for you to call,” Shonna said. “Tell me everything. I want all of the details. And don’t leave anything out.”
I started the story with us arriving at the restaurant.
“Did he pick you up?” Shonna asked.
“Well, of course he picked me up.”
“But you didn’t tell me he picked you up. I told you I want details. Tell me the story from the beginning. Like he picked you up. What he was wearing. What you were wearing. If you showed him your place. What he said. What you talked about.”
I inhaled deeply and exhaled, realizing this was going to be an hour-long conversation. “Okay. From the beginning.”
I was wrong about the conversation lasting an hour. It lasted two and by the time we’d finished I could barely keep my eyes open. And I’d forgotten to thank her for the calendar featuring photos from our Route 66 road trip she’d mailed. I turned off my bedroom light and immediately fell asleep.
The next day, Muffin and I went to visit Mike. He’d left a book at the house and I wanted to return it. Plus, it was a good excuse to stop by and check on him.
A Year of Second Chances Page 20
