Give The Devil His Due

by H G White

  ***

  It was very early morning when we arrived. We'd had to stop for coffee because I’d nearly fallen asleep at the wheel. Neil was given a quick guided tour after which he headed straight for the bathroom to shower. I took the dog outside for a pee and sat on the little patio wall in the front garden while he performed. The sky was clear and you could see the stars; it was cold. Everything was quiet; mine was the only house in the street with any lights on.

  We went back inside. I sat down on the lounge sofa. His ablutions over, Neil appeared wearing my old dressing gown. One of the good things about our meeting with Alan was that we didn't have to see him until the afternoon. We had a lot to do before then, and the night had been seriously stressful for both of us. Although it was late and I knew I shouldn't, I poured out two small Scotches and put the bottle away. Giving one to Neil, I looked at him and said, ‘A fresh start.’

  Neil repeated it and we clinked glasses and drank the whisky. I was shattered.

  ‘Right, I'm off up.’ It was time to get some shut-eye.

  Chapter 8

  Thursday 8 a.m. South Wales

  Considering I hadn't got to bed much before 3 a.m. I woke up pretty early. My bedside clock said 8.02. I pulled on jeans and T-shirt and went downstairs. No milk again ... shit!

  I let the dog out, leaving him in the garden while nipping to the shop. The ‘James Dean Appreciation Society’ hadn't congregated yet. School time wasn't until a little later. I bought milk and biscuits. Returning, I'd just about got to the garden gate when I heard a familiar voice.

  ‘You were out late last night, weren't you? What's the matter? Couldn't you sleep?’

  ‘Tegan, I'd never in a million years have you down as a curtain twitcher!’

  She smiled. ‘I couldn't sleep either.’

  ‘Yesterday was a really heavy day. It's a long story. I'll have to tell you some other time.’

  ‘OK. You haven't forgotten about Saturday have you?’

  ‘Saturday?’

  ‘Yes, the house warming.’

  I bloody-well had forgotten. ‘No, I'm really looking forward to it.’

  ‘Well, before I forget, it's turned into a fancy dress.’

  Shit bricks. I bet that was ‘Dave-the-Tail's’ idea. With everything going on, this was all I needed. He's probably going as James ‘Bond’ I thought.

  ‘Who are you going to be?’ I asked her.

  ‘It's top secret, can't tell you.’

  ‘I'll have to surprise you too then.’ I said.

  She looked at her watch. ‘I've got to go, going to be late again. See you Saturday if I don't see you before.’

  ‘I should think you'll see me before then.’

  ‘I hope so!’

  She got in her car and drove off. The ‘I hope so’ bit sounded promising. I went back into the house. Neil was still snoring away upstairs. Time for a quick call to Peach just to let him know I'd got Neil home.

  I dialled Peachy's number.

  ‘Senior Archivist Kozen’s phone. May I help you?’ It was The Headmistress.

  ‘It's Will Rees here. Can I speak to Mr Kozen?’

  ‘I’m afraid he’s in a meeting Mr Rees.’

  ‘Can I leave him a message then please?’

  ‘You may, Mr Rees.’

  ‘Er, can you tell Pea ... I mean Mr Kozen that the bun is in the oven.’

  ‘You can rest assured I shall relay your message to Senior Archivist Kozen verbatim, Mr Rees. Good day.’

  Tosspot. Why did I say that? Why not just ‘Neil's here’? Trev'd wonder what the hell I was on about. After thinking about it for a while, I came to the conclusion it didn’t matter. Trev was no mug, he'd work it out. Couldn't speak for the Headmistress though. She probably thought Peachy had knocked up my sister or something.

  I turned on the TV and started to make coffee. Within five minutes Neil had surfaced. Was it the smell of coffee or the TV that woke him? It didn't really matter which. Even with the bruising he was starting to look much better.

  ‘Fancy a bacon sandwich?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  It was a stupid question to ask a man that had been living on the streets since who knew when. I made a double round. Neil ate the lot. Maybe this was the answer to my lack of dedication towards the diet. If every time hunger came-a-calling I made something and gave it to Neil instead of eating it myself, I'd be losing weight pretty fast.

  ‘Can you give your mother a ring and tell her I'll be over for the licence in the next hour and a half? Dial 141 before the number so she can't see you're calling from a local phone.’

  ‘Yeah, no problem.’

  Neil's parents lived about thirty minutes drive away so that would give me plenty of time.

  ‘Once I get back we'll have to go shopping. Sort you out with some tidy clothes.’

  ‘Great.’ He smiled.

  ***

  By about one o'clock we'd nearly got everything done. We only had Alan to deal with but I needn't have worried. We went to see him about 2.30 p.m. and he was eager to get home. He made a comment about Neil's black eye; Neil told him he'd slipped on a bar of soap. I could see Alan was in a good mood and so asked him if he could rush the app through. He said if it was returned by Friday lunchtime Neil could have a badge by close of business that same afternoon.

  We paid the fee and took the app with us. The only things left to do now were arrange Neil's medical and get the paperwork back to Alan. I'd already contacted an owner that had several vehicles, so there’d be a car ready for Neil as soon as he was licensed.

  A friend of mine was a doctor. It took a case of decent wine but Neil managed to get registered with her practice and a medical booked for Friday morning. Things were going better than we could have hoped for.

  We decided to have a celebratory pot of tea. Like Alan I was also in a good mood and I could see Neil was enjoying himself.

  ‘How does going to a housewarming on Saturday grab you, Mr Fairburn?’

  I hadn't asked Tegan if I could bring somebody along, but I was pretty sure she wouldn't object. Neil was undecided. Maybe he felt self-conscious about his bruises.

  ‘Er ...’

  I tried to reassure him. ‘Don't worry about your eye. It's fancy dress. You can pick a costume of someone with an injury, like a boxer or something.’

  ‘I can't Will. I've still got flea bite marks all over me from sleeping rough.’

  I hadn't realised this. ‘We'll come up with something else then.’

  ‘I could go as a wounded soldier.’

  ‘Have you got a uniform?’ I asked.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well I'm not fucking-well hiring one; they cost fortunes. Besides it's only a neighbour's do.’

  Then ... give my balls the night off! I'd got it. Two birds with one stone.

  ‘I know, we'll go as a doctor and his patient. I'll be the doctor. We can get some pyjamas for you, the dressing gown we've got. My mother used to work in the hospital. She’s still got friends there. If she can't get hold of a white coat and stethoscope for me, then birds don't shit in the woods. Job done!’

  ‘It's “bears”, Will.’

  ‘Bears?’

  ‘Yeah, bears that shit in woods.’

  ‘Whatever.’

  I phoned my mother and informed her of our requirements. I told her to get it sorted by Saturday lunchtime at the latest. I told her I'd be holding the cream cakes in her fridge hostage. I also told her that once the deadline had expired, on the hour, every hour, one cake would be summarily eaten until my demands were met in full. There was to be no negotiation. She said she would see what she could do.

  I hung up. I dialled her again.

  She picked up. ‘Yes, what is it?’

  ‘I want one of those plastic clipboards too; the type that have the patient's chart attached.’

  ‘Goodbye Will.’

  ***

  It was now getting on for 6 p.m. Tegan's car was across the street. I decided to pop over a
nd inform her of Neil's intended gate-crashing. I'd already told Neil about Tegan, and even though I'd said to Phil I wasn't going to get involved, I now wanted to get involved. He also had a quick rundown on Dave-the-Tail's’ snakey behaviour. Neil was really starting to look forward to the party.

  ‘I'm nipping over the road to have a word with Tegan. While I'm over there, do me a favour – phone Peach and let him know you're doing alright.’

  ‘OK.’

  I could tell Neil had felt embarrassed and ashamed about his situation, but it was Trev's concern for him that was turning his life around. It was a sure thing that once they got talking things would be alright. I left Neil to make the call.

  As I walked to Tegan's, I had a quick glance round. No sign of ‘The Tail’; good. I knocked on her door. The Wig was yapping in the background. The door opened and there stood a smiling Tegan.

  ‘Hello, what can I do for you?’

  I wanted to tell her, but I thought she'd slap my face. ‘Er, can I ask a favour?’

  ‘Well, I don't know about that. Do you want to come in?’

  ‘Yes I do, but that's not the favour I want to ask.’

  She put her hand out in a right-this-way kind of gesture. I entered; she closed the door and walked past me, as I stood there briefly, waiting to be escorted into the inner sanctum, I wondered if Dave had got this far. Tegan opened another door and led the way towards the back of the house and into the kitchen.

  It was swish; it oozed taste. The ceiling had exposed beams and looked something like the country kitchens you see in magazines. She had a Rayburn and the flooring was some sort of flagstone; probably reclaimed from an old building.

  ‘I bet this cost a bit.’ I remarked.

  ‘Yes, and I'll still be paying for it for many years to come. Coffee?’

  ‘Yeah, why not.’

  Tegan grabbed two mugs from one of the cupboards and started pouring. ‘There you go.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  She passed me the mug; ‘Now what is this favour you want to ask?’

  ‘It’s the party you're having, I wondered if it would be possible for me to bring a friend?’

  ‘Male or female?’

  ‘Male.’

  ‘Mmm … I think I can allow that.’

  ‘What if he had been a she?’

  She laughed. ‘Ah, but he isn't. What does he do, this friend of yours?’

  ‘Well, he's had a run of bad luck lately, but he's just going to start cabbing in the next week or so and he'll be staying with me for a while.’ She mulled this over.

  ‘Is he good looking?’

  ‘I've never fancied him myself, but I'm sure there are uglier people out there, me for one.’

  ‘Then I'll have to introduce him to Denise.’

  ‘Denise?’

  ‘My best friend. She's young, free and single and she'll be at the party. She's on the prowl for a man.’

  I didn't say anything about Neil's recent problems. He might not thank me for it.

  ‘Are you all set for Saturday?’

  ‘Not really. I’m not sure what kind of theme to go for with the food.’

  While she was talking I could see through the kitchen window into her back garden. The Wig was out there having its dinner. I noticed she had a good-sized patio area.

  ‘Do you want to borrow my barbecue? I’ve got a really big one.’

  She smiled, but didn't rise to my smutty bait. ‘Are you nominating yourself as Head Burger Flipper? Because I don't want to be handcuffed to a pair of tongs all evening.’

  ‘Yeah, I'll help you out and cook the first quota. We can enlist the services of someone else after that. I’d like to enjoy the party too.’

  She had a thought. ‘I'm not an expert at barbecuing. I wouldn't know what’s best to buy.’

  Will to the rescue. ‘Don't worry, I'll sort that out. You can thank me for it at a later date.’ She gave me another knowing look.

  ‘What time are you thinking of kicking off on Saturday?’ I asked.

  ‘About half six should be OK.’

  ‘Right. Neil can give me a hand in the afternoon. We'll bring it over. I've got a gas heater for sitting outside if it gets chilly. Want me to bring that too?’

  ‘Yeah great. It'll help stop everybody staying indoors. Look, just in case I'm out getting last minute bits and pieces, have my spare set of keys.’ She handed me a small bunch. ‘The key to the back gate is on there and this one's for the kitchen door.’

  ‘Are you sure you want to entrust me with the keys to the castle?’ I asked.

  ‘I'm confident I can trust you.’

  I don't know how she worked that one out; I didn't even know whether I could trust myself. I made a mental note: must try to resist the temptation of boasting to ‘The Tail’ that I had the keys to Tegan's place!

  The Wig had finished eating and was scratching the back door to come in. I thought Play it cool Will and leave now.

  ‘I'd better go Tegan; Neil'll think I'm being funny with him.’

  ‘If you have to, then you have to.’

  We both got up and walked through the house to the hallway.

  ‘Thanks for doing this, Will.’

  She leaned over and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. It wasn't a peck, it was definitely a kiss. My face became flushed and Little Buddha stirred. I hoped she hadn’t noticed my over-enthusiasm down below.

  The Wig's scratching had turned into maniacal yapping. Tegan glanced back towards the kitchen. ‘I'd better let her in before the neighbours start complaining.’

  ‘If they do, withdraw their invites.’

  She giggled. It was time to go and check on Neil.

  When I arrived back at the house, Neil was still on the phone to Peach. He was laughing at something. I went to the kitchen, fed the dog, grabbed an open bottle of claret, poured two large glasses and then wrote Neil a note: Fancy a Ruby 2nite?

  Back in the lounge, Neil was still energetically chatting away. I passed him a glass and pushed the note into a prominent position. He scanned it, then started to nod like one of those little plastic dogs you see on the back shelf of cars. Neil finished his conversation and hung up.

  ‘Houston, we don't have a problem!’ I said.

  ‘She's OK about me coming then?’

  ‘She certainly is. And it doesn’t end there. She's planning to line you up with a hot date, the lovely Denise!’

  ‘You’re forgetting about my flea bites.’

  ‘They’ll go – given time. Besides, nobody's saying you have to strip off on Saturday and show her your peanut. Anyway, you might not be each other's cup of tea.’

  ‘Yeah, she might be a right burglar's dog!’

  ‘She might think the same about you, you big-headed bastard.’

  ‘Changing the subject Will, Peach said you're a cock for not inviting him to the party.’

  ‘Not my party mate. You're only coming because you're on barbecue duty after the first hour. Which reminds me, we'll have to drop the barbie and patio heater over Saturday afternoon.’

  ‘Peach also said that just because you're a cock doesn't mean to say he has to be one. He's invited you, me and Phil down for the weekend after this.’

  My social calendar was filling up nicely. ‘Excellent.’ It’d be interesting to see what the other two made of Trev's place.

  ‘Are you hungry then?’

  ‘Famished.’

  ‘Drink up and let's go.’

  We left the house and walked to the pub for a swift half; it wasn’t long before we were enjoying the delights of the Tandoori Palace. Beer and curry what a fabulous combination!

  Chapter 9

  Friday 9 a.m. South Wales

  Friday came and went. Neil managed to get his medical sorted. The doctor certified his health to be good. We got the paperwork to the licensing office only to find that Alan had already left and would be back on Monday at the earliest. We just had to take it on the chin.

  I tried to lift Neil’s spirits.
‘Let’s focus on the positives. We've got a party to go to.’

  ‘I'm trying to focus on the positives, but I feel financially embarrassed all the time.’

  ‘Look don't worry, after next week that’ll have changed.’

  I lent Neil £150. It would tide him over until he started earning. He seemed a bit happier after that. With all the disruption I hadn't worked much during the week. Once Neil was granted his badge, things would settle down. I’d then be able to pull my finger out and get some Xs in.

  We spent what seemed like most of Friday evening shopping and marinating different meats. Gone were the days I'd make up special sauces. It was much easier just to buy the stuff ready-bottled.

  Tegan had given me some rough numbers to play with. She was expecting around forty to fifty; several people from the street she'd befriended, and a few I’d advised her were worth getting to know. The rest of the list was made up of Tegan's friends including the lovely Denise. We retired early that night, conserving our energy for the following day's festivities.

  Saturday 1.30 p.m. South Wales

  I phoned my mother: ‘Mother, it's moi. Have you done what was required of you?’

  ‘Your party props will be here around 4.30 p.m.’

  ‘I do believe you were told lunchtime mother.’

  ‘Well I have my lunch late!’

  ‘Mother, I'm running to a strict timetable here. Anyone who fails to adhere to said timetable is likely to incur my displeasure.’ That was telling her!

  ‘Goodbye William.’

  I came off the phone. Neil sensed the old bat had got the last word in before she hung up.

  ‘Everything going swimmingly is it, Will?’

  ‘Zip it Burnsie, and put the kettle on.’ I was wondering whether to enter panic mode. ‘She's holding out until the last minute; she'd better deliver. You're all right. All you need are pyjamas and a couple of red stained bandages.’

  ‘Don't sweat. You're helping out with the food. Besides, it is, as you said only a neighbour's do.’