Seizing Control

by Kylie Hillman

  I try to protest but he places a finger on my lips and pulls me tighter to him. I acquiesce, for now, only because I can sense that he needs to get this off his chest. There have been a few moments throughout the years where Mik has hinted that he feels he’s to blame but I have always shut him down before he could completely express it because he's wrong.

  “Angel, I need you to take your anger out on me. I know I deserve your anger so hit me with it, I can handle it. I only ask that you also let me help you with your sadness and your fears as well. It’s my job as your man to get you through this!”

  I jump at the vehemence in his voice and he quickly soothes me.

  “It’s not your fault, Mik. You had no idea what he was planning either time...” I try to tell him before he continues but he cuts me off.

  “No, I didn’t but I should have been able to keep you safe both times anyway. I pussied out yesterday and let you go to work instead of making you stay with me. I let the bomb squad keep me from getting to you even though my gut told me it was fucked. And four years ago I just shut you out because my feelings were hurt. Instead of fighting for you, I ran back home and ignored you. I acted like a little bitch. I only pulled my head out my arse when Benji gave me the heads up. I’m supposed to be some big, bad ass biker but I can’t keep the most important person in my life safe.”

  His chest starts to shake as he finishes and I feel warm drops of liquid fall onto my cheek. Looking up, I see my fiancé is crying. This shocks me to the bottom of my heart. I haven't seen Mik cry since we were kids, although I thought I heard him crying once when I was waking from the surgery to try to fix my uterus and hopefully preserve our chance of having kids.

  Scrambling to my knees, I pull his head to my chest. He moves me until I’m straddling his lap, wrapping his arms around me and holding me to him tightly with his head burrowed in my chest. I place kisses on the top of his head while he tearfully chants two sentences over and over.

  “I’m so sorry, Lainey. So fucking sorry.”

  I try to calm him. Try to tell him it’s not his fault, but he has lost control of himself. He’s squeezing me to him tighter and tighter and my ribs are starting to protest with throbs of pain.

  “MIK!” I call loudly in his ear.

  Tears are streaming down my face at his evident pain. He's breaking my heart.

  “Mik, stop it! It’s not your fault.”

  I wrench his head back and kiss him hard on the mouth, finally silencing him.

  “It’s not your fault.” I tell him again before bringing our mouths back together in a passionate, tear-filled kiss. I wind my fingers through his hair and he does the same with mine, each pulling the other closer. As we kiss, our bodies begin undulating together. My nipples harden as they rub against the sparse hair on his chest, the friction arousing me. His cock starts to rise between my thighs and once erect rubs against my pussy. I’m so horny that I think I could come from one hard thrust.

  “Oh fuck, Angel. I want you so fucking bad.” Mik moans against my mouth before bending down to suck my right nipple into his hot mouth. I pull my hands from his hair and tweak his peaked nipples—just the way he likes it—before reaching between us to stroke his cock up and down. He lovingly kisses every bruise he can reach on my torso and my face before alternating between sucking and gently nibbling my nipples.

  “Please make love to me, Mo Ghrá,” I implore him.

  Pulling his mouth from my nipple with a pop, he kisses me roughly and picks me up from his lap. Using the hand I’m already fondling him with, I hold his cock in place as he slides me down over him. As he enters me, I move my hands into his hair and pull, making him moan. The stretching and sliding of my channel as he sits me back on his lap is nearly enough to send me over the edge. Using my knees I take charge, lifting myself up and down on his cock in a steady rhythm that has us both panting in minutes.

  “Fuck, Angel. I’m not gonna last long…” he groans against my neck.

  Reaching between us he rubs my clit, making me gasp as I near the cusp of my orgasm.

  “I’m about to come. Come on, Angel, come with me,” he grunts before he bites down on my shoulder as he increases his manipulations of my sensitive nub. I feel myself edge into the abyss just as he swells inside me. As I ride my own orgasm and my body spasms around him, Mik lifts me up and down frantically over his straining cock as his own climax overcomes him.

  “Oh my God... Mik…” I groan against his shoulder.

  I can hardly breathe, let alone hold my own body up, so I slump against him and let my full weight fall into his lap.

  “You okay, my love? I didn’t hurt you?”

  He lifts me off of him, sliding us both down the bed until we’re lying next to each other. He clasps me to his heaving chest. I love how even after all this time, we can still take each other's breath away.

  “I’m fine.” I give him a sly smile. “Better than fine, actually. That’s exactly what I needed after yesterday.”

  I can see that he doesn’t believe me entirely but it’s the truth. I was so scared I would end up back where I was, scared of intimacy and being touched, and that Mik wouldn’t want me anymore. I needed it proven that our need for each other wasn’t going to be lost in the chaos Brendan causes.

  “As long as you’re sure…” Mik starts to question me but he is interrupted by loud knocking on our door. Whoever it is starts turning the handle to get in, but thankfully it's locked.

  “Mad Dog, we’ve gotta go now. Shit’s going down. Bring Princess, Beast wants her too,” Timber yells at us before he runs back down the hallway. I can hear loud footsteps following him and voices being raised. Something big is happening.

  “Shit. Quick. Get dressed,” Mik orders as he bounds from the bed and pulls his jeans on, swiping the t-shirt he stripped off of me and throwing it over his head before shrugging on his cut. I watch him run from the room before I head to the bathroom to clean up and dress.

  I hope all this urgency means Brendan's been located.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Lainey

  Present Day

  The bar is full of brothers by the time I enter, dressed in clean clothes and my riding boots. The only other non-patch in the room apart from me is Wendy and she’s being very discreet about her presence by sitting in a quiet corner near the bar. Mik is in the middle of things with my Dad and the other officers, everyone looking pretty tense, so I move quickly to Wendy’s side instead of interrupting him.

  “Do you know what’s going on?” I ask her quietly.

  Looking at me with a glee, she replies, “They’ve got their hands on Brendan. He was heading back home but the Emerald chapter intercepted them on the road.”

  My head is spinning, trying to make sense of this turn of events. I didn’t expect it to play out this easily. My nightmare might finally be over.

  “Them?” I ask. She nods at me as if I should understand.

  “Apparently the man who was at the house with you both was driving. Sounds like Brendan is in a pretty bad way since you shot him…” Wendy trails off as Dad approaches with Mik close behind him. The grin on Dad’s face tells me that Wendy has her facts right. They definitely have him.

  “Are you talking out of school again, Wendy?” Dad asks her gruffly. She rolls her eyes at him and he chuckles. Someone's happy.

  Throwing his arm over my shoulders, Dad continues. “We’ve gotta head out right now, baby girl. I want you to come.”

  Dad looks at me with excited expectation but Mik shakes his head, frowning deeply. He’s not happy about the offer.

  “What do you mean?”

  “We have that motherfucker and one of his men. Our Emerald brothers are holding them at a safe location for us but we need to move quickly before any alarms are raised. I want you to come and end him. End this fucking shit. Get your own back, baby girl.”

  The smile that lights up Dad’s face leaves no illusion as to what he hopes I will decide to do. This is what my Dad does
best; protect his MC and exact revenge and payback by hurting those who have hurt his. It’s been years since my teenage belief that the Shamrocks were only a ‘little bit’ outlaw was dispelled and in times like this I really wish I could hide from that knowledge.

  “No fucking way, Beast. Lainey doesn’t need to be anywhere near him. I won’t allow it.” Mik interjects strenuously. Wendy nods in agreement while I stare at them all, mouth open in shock.

  Mik grabs my arm and pulls me away from my father. Dad tightens his grip on my shoulders, not allowing me to move. I’m stunned at his offer and most of me automatically dismisses it as crazy. The small, bloodthirsty part of me that remembers what it felt like to shoot Brendan in the leg thinks it’s a brilliant idea.

  “Back off, Mad Dog. This is family shit. Doesn’t fucking concern you. You’re responsible for the shit that went down four years ago and now you've stood by with your balls in your hand and watched my baby girl get hurt again. No fucking way do you deserve a say in anything that happens from now.” I gasp at his nasty statements and pull away from him towards Mik. Dad holds tight, refusing to let me anywhere near my fiancé. What the hell is going on?

  “I’m helping her do what should have been done four years ago. What you should have had the balls to get done four fucking years ago!”

  Dad pushes Mik in the chest and he staggers back. This time I manage to pull away from him, and face him angrily. I don't know what has gotten into him but he needs to shut it down now.

  “Dad, that’s not how it was and you know it!” I shout in his face. “Apologize now.”

  I move to Mik and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him to me.

  “It’s not your fault,” I whisper in his ear. “Don’t listen to him.”

  Mik doesn’t acknowledge my words but he does wraps his arms around my waist tightly. Once he has me pulled against him, I can feel his hard body shaking. I don’t know if it is with rage or pain from Dad’s harsh words.

  Peering over Mik’s shoulder, I see that everyone is staring at the showdown taking place. It’s not every day that the President and the VP go at it in front of them. Mik and Dad are usually on the same page by the time they bring anything to the Club. It breaks my heart that I am the cause of this.

  What upsets me further is that a lot of the older members are nodding in agreement with Dad while Timber, Kyle and the younger contingent look ready to raise hell if Mik says the word. The MC is being split down the middle over my problem.

  “Patrick! You stop this now. I know this is only your stubborn pride and anger talking. You know Madelaine is safe with Mikhail and he’d sacrifice his own life before he would let her get hurt.” Wendy moves to smooth the situation over. She is normally the voice of reason my father needs, but I don't think it's going to work this time.

  “But I have let her get hurt, haven’t I?” Mik asks her, his voice full of pain. He moves me away from him as he eyeballs my Dad with a dangerous glint in his eye. I struggle to stay holding onto him but he backs me into Dad’s chest and starts walking towards the main exit. Dad wraps his arm around my waist to prevent me from following.

  “Would anyone else like to lay on me anymore shit I already know or can we get the fuck out of here and deal with this fucking situation?”

  Nobody even breathes until Mik is outside, let alone answers the dangerous question he has posed. It hangs in the air like a noxious gas, daring us to take a deep breath of the tainted air.

  Dad turns me around and tilts my head back so he can eyeball me.

  “You coming?” he asks, gently but firmly.

  I glare at him. I want to tear shreds off of him for what he just said to Mik. He has just undone everything we worked through today and he deserves to know that. Now is not the time or the place though. In the Clubhouse, I don't get a say in how he handles affairs because I'm not a brother.

  “I am but not for you. I’m going because I want to see this through to the end and because my Old Man needs me.” He blanches at the fury in my tone for a quick second before his expression turns business-like again. “You need to back off today, Dad. I know this is your Club but you're messing with my relationship. I’m furious with you right now.”

  “We will discuss this when you all get back,” Wendy states flatly and Dad glances at her sternly, not impressed by her daring to tell him what to do. She’s blinking back tears but I can see by her steely expression that she’s as pissed at Dad as I am.

  “We heading out, Prez?” Timber asks, breaking the tension that fills the room. He eyeballs Dad hard, making his displeasure at what Dad said to his best friend known without words. I hope this isn’t going to cause a permanent divide in the Club.

  Dad nods, breaking eye contact with Timber first before striding out the door without another word. All the other brothers follow behind, murmuring amongst themselves.

  Timber grabs my hand and pulls me towards the exit with him.

  “You should go on Mad Dog’s bike. Don’t take no for an answer from the stubborn ass,” he coaches, passing me a pair of wrap-around sunglasses. “He's not going to like this and I fucking agree with him but we need you to come now, so you can stop this turning into a shit fight that fucks this Club.”

  I nod in agreement, grabbing a spare helmet and leather jacket from the shelves near the exit. I’m not looking forward to seeing how Mik reacts to my decision to come with them but it's obvious I'm needed to stop them from getting physical with each other.

  I stalk with purpose towards where Mik is sitting on one of his favourite bikes already helmeted and jacketed, having a smoke. He rarely smokes, usually only lighting up when he is really drunk or extremely stressed. Smoking during the day is not a good sign since it means his head is in a worse place than I thought it was.

  He points his chin towards the Club’s van as I approach but I ignore him, zipping up the borrowed jacket and pulling on my helmet before I set the pillion pegs down and climb on behind him. I pull myself hard against his back and slide my hands under his shirt so I can hold on against his bare abdomen, which how we always ride together.

  “Why are you doing this?” he asks me. His voice is harsh, his eyes stony, and I'm worried I've made the wrong move. It's too late to back out now.

  “What this?” I feign innocence as I rub my hands against his taut stomach. His muscles clench and I grin behind his back.

  “You know what I mean, Madelaine,” he deadpans and my heart skips a beat at his unemotional tone and use of my given name. I don't understand why he’s so against having me see them deal with Brendan. I know it's not ideal and I probably wouldn't have come if Dad hadn't basically forced it, but my presence doesn't warrant the way he’s treating me. His behaviour is beginning to piss me off. I'm not his enemy.

  I eyeball him in his side view mirror, pretending to be blasé to his disapproval, as he stares at me with a hard unreadable expression.

  “I need to see this to the end, Mik but I don’t want to be the one who ends him. I’m not that tough. I want to be there when you do it.” His gaze softens at my words and he places his gloved hand on my thigh. “I need you to support me being there though.”

  “I want to be the one that puts an end to him for you but I don’t think it is the right move for you to be anywhere near him when it happens. He’s gonna try and fuck with your head once he sees it’s over.” I nod in agreement because he’s right. Brendan will want to go out with a bang and what better way to do that than to mess with me. I've come to believe that torturing me physically and emotionally is his favourite pastime.

  “I can try and support you but I don't see how you can deal with this fucking shit. I know you're strong but confronting him might be the thing that breaks you,” he warns me, worriedly.

  “I can deal with anything if you have my back.”

  “I hope I'm enough. But I’m not fucking ready for you to see the side of me that’s gonna surface when I am dealing with this shit. I’m a fucking dangerous man, Lainey. Yo
u have no idea the shit I am capable of and I couldn’t handle it if you look at me differently afterwards.” He shakes his head at me. Finally we’re getting to bottom of his objections.

  “Oh, I know who you are and what you do. I’ve always known. I grew up with this Club, remember?”

  I’m not sure how to allay his fears. I know some of what he has done when he was SAA. No matter how much they embrace their code of silence, things have a way of getting around the Club and we women hear about them. Some of what I hear horrifies me but this is the life I chose when I fell in love with an outlaw so I take the good with the bad. With my past, it's somewhat comforting to know that my man doesn't let the laws of normal society dictate his actions.

  “Nothing you do today is going to change how I feel about you. I love you, Mik. Heart, body and soul.” I’m not exaggerating in the slightest to placate him. I love this man with every part of me and still can’t believe that he chose me as his Old Lady after everything I’ve put him through.

  When I was a child, I could tell when Dad and my uncles had been involved in something hardcore because the exteriors that they presented to the world would become that little bit harder with each incident. At the same time, they would hold their Old Ladies a little bit tighter and dote on us children a little bit more, as if they appreciated that they had just dodged another bullet.

  “I hope it never a changes, Angel,” Mik answers my declaration softly, flipping his sunglasses into place before I can decipher what he is trying to tell me with his worried eyes.

  “MOVE OUT!” Dad commands, effectively ending our conversation.

  The Harley’s roar to life. The sound is deafening but revitalising at the same time. I place Timber’s spare sunglasses over my eyes, hug Mik as tight as I can and settle in for the ride.