Level Zero

by Jaron Lee Knuth

  I feel my heart sink into my stomach. The breath in my lungs isn't pushed out, it simply evaporates. I can't turn around, even though I know his monk avatar just spawned behind me.

  “I knew it,” he says. “I knew you were still in here. You are actually that big of a-”

  I spin around and cut him off. “Oh man. Oh wow. I am so sorry. I totally forgot. I got caught up in questing, and I lost track of-”

  This time, he cuts me off, holding up his hand and turning his head away as if he can't face my excuses. “Do not bother. I should have known better.”

  “It's not like that.”

  “It is exactly like that.”

  “Xen. I'm sorry.”

  “Do you know how long Raev and I waited for you? We missed the first three songs because I kept telling her not to worry. I kept telling her you would be there. Because you promised.”

  I rub my forehead, feeling a headache coming on already. I hate stress, and I hate confrontation even more. Social confrontation anyway. If we could settle this with battleaxes, I'd be much happier.

  “I'll make it up to you. And Raev. When is the next concert?”

  “I do not want you to come to the next concert.”

  I cringe, but manage to weakly ask, “What do you mean?”

  “I do not want you there, Kade. You embarrassed me tonight. You made me look like a fool in front of the girl I love. I sat there and felt the need to explain to her why I am your friend. I had to make excuses for you. I never want to do that again. Omniversalism teaches us to always forgive, but to never forget.”

  I mumble, “I'm sorry,” again and look at the floor, wishing I knew how to make everything better.

  “Stop saying that.”

  “I don't know what else to say.”

  “But I know you do not mean it.”

  “I do.”

  “No, you do not. Do you really wish you had spent time at the concert with me instead of leveling your character? Do you actually regret all the fun you had tonight?”

  I'm silent. I'm pondering his question and trying to force myself to lie, but he sees it in my eyes. My incredibly well-designed, highly detailed eyes.

  “That is what I figured.”

  “It's not like that, Xen. This is... this game world is my life. It's all I have.”

  “No. You are wrong. Right now you have a lot more. But this game is all you want. And if this is all you want, then pretty soon this will be all you have.”

  Now he's making me angry. Now he's trying to hurt me as much as I hurt him. I speak without thinking. “Maybe this game is all I need.”

  As soon as I say it, I feel the burn on my tongue. My words are like a flaming sword, and I stabbed my best friend in the chest.

  “Fine, Kade. I am truly sorry you feel that way. I wish you could find a balance, like me. But I can see now that you do not really need me. Not in this game, and not in your life.”

  He gestures in the air, and I know he's opening his log out window. I open my mouth to say something, to make him stay, but my brain can't come up with anything. I see him glance at me one last time, then select the log out button.

  But nothing happens.

  010001

  I don't hear the announcer tell me that Xen has left the game, and his avatar remains in the room. I see him frown in frustration, and he pushes the log out button again. But nothing happens, again.

  “Is there a reason I can not log out?”

  “Are you selecting the right thing?” I ask, unable to see his screen.

  “Of course I am.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “There is one giant button that says LOG OUT, so I am guessing that is the button I am supposed to push.”

  “Close all the windows and try it again.”

  He lets out a strained sigh and swipes the windows shut with his hand. With another few swipes, he reopens them and gestures through the menus. I see him reach out and touch the button again, but he doesn't disappear.

  “Kade. What is going on?”

  “I don't know.”

  He keeps jamming on the button.

  “What is it doing? Is it registering your selection at all?”

  “Yes,” he says and I can hear a twinge of panic in his voice. “The button sinks in like it is being selected, but...”

  He punches the button with his fist. Over and over again. “Come on!” he yells. “Let me out of this stupid game!”

  “Settle down.”

  “No!” he actually growls the word. “I will not settle down. I want to get out of here. I want to go spend time with someone who actually appreciates me. I do not even want to look at you, Kade.”

  I try to keep my voice calm as I say, “Okay. Fine. Let me help you. Just back out of that menu and open the instant message menu. You can talk to one of the system operators. They should be able to help you.”

  He growls in response and swipes in the air, doing what I said. He opens a video-cast and records a message.

  “My avatar name is Xen, and I can't log out of your stupid game. Get me out of here as soon as possible. I don't care how. Reboot me, delete me, whatever. I will not be playing anymore.” He selects the send button and crosses his arms. A few seconds later he throws his hands into the air and screams. “Message cannot be sent!”

  “What the heck is going on?”

  “You tell me!”

  I open my own menus and decide to try the log out button myself. The button appears in front of me, and I gently push it in. It sinks into the air, lighting up to signify my choice, but nothing happens. When I let go, the button returns to its previous position, waiting to be pushed again.

  “Xen, something is messed up with game.”

  “I can see that.”

  “It's not working for me either.”

  “So we are trapped in here?”

  I shrug my shoulders and look at him, feeling a certain amount of dread. “I'm sure it will be fine. They're probably trying to fix the problem right now, and they're getting flooded with messages, which is why they shut down their mailbox.”

  “Now what? I have to sit here and wait?”

  “I'm sure we'll get a world-wide announcement soon. We just need to be patient.”

  Xen sits down on the floor and leans up against the wall behind him. “Well, this is perfect. Fitting though.”

  “How so?”

  He laughs to himself in a way that lets me know he's the only one who finds it amusing. “It is a perfect ending to this night, in that ironically painful kind of way.” He then looks directly into my eyes and says, “Do you not agree?”

  I'm trying to think of something witty to say back, some sort of comeback that will turn this all around, but if I'm being honest, all I can think about is trying out the new explosive rounds I purchased.

  Xen catches me glancing at the door, and he laughs.

  “Please do not tell me that you want to play right now?”

  “No,” I say, too quickly to be honest. “I mean, that's not-”

  “I am stuck here in your stupid game, and all you can think about is getting back out there and earning more Koins.”

  I shrug my shoulders, and with very little enthusiasm I say, “Well... I mean... if we're stuck here, we might as well not waste our time.”

  Xen's face shows no emotion. He's studying me like I'm some sort of science experiment that has gone terribly wrong.

  “Is that what this is to you?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “This. Right now. Talking to me. This is a waste of time to you?”

  I roll my eyes. “We're not talking, Xen. You're talking. You're telling me how horrible of a friend I am, over and over. You're saying it in different ways, but you're saying the same thing. I get it. I suck.”

  My words are energetic now. I'm able to turn this around on him, though I know I'm in the wrong. I feel worse about this action, but my mouth keeps moving.

  “So yes, Xen. If you real
ly want to know the truth, I would absolutely rather be out there, having fun with you, working together, killing bad guys, than sitting in here and listening to you tell me how badly I screwed up tonight.”

  “You know very well that this is about more than just tonight.”

  I scream through my teeth. “Fine! Whatever! Sit in here and do nothing. I don't care. But I'm going out there, and I'm going to have fun.”

  I walk toward the door, and Xen stands up.

  “Wait.”

  I freeze, but I don't look at him.

  “Look,” he says, “I know I am letting my emotions get the best of me. This is... the way I am reacting right now... this is not how my religion teaches me to react. Omniversalism is about acceptance of everyone, no matter what their choices in life. It is about the balance between right and wrong, and being the counterweight when one outweighs the other.”

  I rub my forehead and groan out the words, “Do you actually think you make sense when you talk like that?”

  He smiles calmly and says, “What I am trying to say is that Omniversalism teaches me that if I think you are being a bad friend, then I need to be a better friend. This will balance the flow. If your grip is loose, I must squeeze even tighter.”

  “And I suppose that was meant to be the simplified version?”

  “Just accept my apology, Kade.”

  There is guilt in my stomach. He's taking the higher road, and I'm not even on the map. Of course I feel bad for what I've done, but I'll feel bad if I accept his apology, and I'll feel bad if I don't. Maybe this is his point. Maybe this is part of his plan. Or maybe he's not as conniving as I am. Maybe he really is as naïve as he wants to be.

  “You don't need to apologize, Xen.”

  “And I am telling you, Kade, that neither do you. Let us move beyond this.”

  I nod and turn around, meeting his gaze. He's smiling, and I can't help but mirror his image. I don't want to accept his friendship. I think I'm better off without it. I'm safer. It's easier. I don't want to worry about anyone but myself. It's too complex. But Xen is persistent.

  “Thank you, Xen,” I say through my smile.

  He steps toward me and opens his thin arms. He wraps his skeletal biceps around me and squeezes. I find no comfort in the expression, only awkwardness. I feel confined. I feel misplaced.

  “Okay, okay,” I say from strained lungs. “Stop before this hug becomes PvP.”

  He laughs a hearty laugh, a laugh like the Xen I've always known. He lets go and slaps both my shoulders. “You are right, my friend. If we are stuck here for a while, I might as well try and enjoy myself. Omniversalism teaches us that we should take advantage of all that life has to offer us. Pleasure is not evil, and we should not feel guilty about partaking in it.”

  “You don't have to join me.”

  “We make a good team, do we not?”

  I want to point out the fact that we only played together for a minimal amount of time. I want to point out the fact that he's Level 3 and I'm Level 20, so either we play quests that are worth nothing to me, or I spend all my time keeping him alive. But I do neither.

  “Yeah, Xen. We make a good team.”

  He summons a ball of green fire in his hand and says, “Then what are we waiting for?”

  I nod my head and turn back toward the entrance. The armored door slides up, and the outside street is revealed.

  All I see is violence.

  The sound is what overtakes me first. The sound of gunfire pours inside the equipment shop. Explosions erupt from down the street. The screams of the dying barely break through the pounding noises of weaponry and magic. The flares from muzzles are constant, but between the nearly hypnotic strobe effect, I see the red sports car that Fantom and Ekko drove off in earlier that afternoon—now filled with bullet holes and smoke pouring out of the hood—come to a screeching halt right in front of my door. I see one figure firing from the window of the vehicle, but through the haze of smoke and debris, I can't tell who it is. Gunfire is coming from down the street, and it never stops.

  I yell out a simple, “Hey!” trying my hardest to raise my voice above the cacophony of violence.

  The driver looks in my direction, and when our eyes lock, I recognize her as Fantom. She screams something to the figures in the car. The short wooden boy named Ekko that I met earlier opens the passenger side door and fires toward the hail of bullets coming at them. A female avatar steps out of the back seat, dragging something behind her, but I still can't see any details in the smoldering darkness.

  “What is going on?” Xen yells over the cracking sounds of war.

  “I don't know,” I manage to say, stunned by what I'm seeing.

  “Do you know those people?”

  I pause for a second, trying to put an explanation into my mouth, but all I'm able to say is, “Yes.”

  Xen doesn't hesitate, stepping past me and saying, “We have got to help them.”

  “Wait!” I yell, expecting his low level avatar to be chewed to pieces by the crossfire, but somehow he manages to hurl his spells at the unseen attackers without being mowed down instantly.

  I hesitate for far too long, and it's only when a bullet strikes Xen's leg and drops him to one knee that I finally leap out from the safety of my doorway. I glance both ways and see the pulsating flares of gunfire, with the occasional brightness of a magical spell, but through the cloud of smoke I can't see who's attacking. It feels like an army. A very big army. I fire both pistols, targeting the muzzle flashes, hoping to hit whatever is holding the weapons that are causing them.

  The wooden boy runs up next to me, his image still shifting and flickering at random. He's firing the opposite direction with an assault rifle that's been upgraded with an unrealistic amount of additions, making it look like it should be impossible to lift. Fantom makes her way to the doorway, but never leaves the side of the other girl's avatar, who is still dragging something large across the street. Fantom is blocking the incoming fire with a glowing shield on her arm—obviously an upgrade she acquired during her higher Levels, and one that negates her motto of, “I don't need armor because I don't plan on getting hit.”

  As I'm watching her, a bullet slams into my chest. My armor absorbs the damage, but it knocks me back a few steps. I keep firing.

  “Everyone inside!” Fantom yells, grabbing me by the collar and tossing me through the doorway.

  I stumble inside, but as soon as I do, I turn around and look back. Ekko is next through the door, his wooden body gasping for air, as if he was only now able to breathe.

  From down the street I hear someone yell, “Don't let them get inside the equipment shop!” and a horrendous sound of growls, screeches, and unearthly gurgling noises follow it in a chant of acknowledgment.

  Xen steps back through the doorway, still tossing green fireballs until the last possible second, his face showing neither anxiety nor fear. Fantom is the last one in, blocking the incoming fire with her shield, but before she steps through the doorway, the third group member enters. The female avatar wrapped in hundreds of leather straps and buckles is dragging the body of yet another avatar. She gives the body one final yank through the doorway, then topples over onto her back. Her hair is a bright yellow, and shaved close to her head, spiky and rough. Her lipstick matches the color of her black leather straps. As easy as it is to see every curve in her outfit, I can't help thinking how sharp her features make her appear. Like the blade of a knife.

  She looks up at me, and I catch myself pausing to admire her. If she designed her avatar herself, she spent an amazing amount of time sculpting her face. There's a perfection to it that comes from the obvious idiosyncratic imperfection. It's the uniqueness of every detail, every line, every mark, that makes it so consuming. It's a brief respite from the chaos that gets brought into the equipment shop from the outside.

  She is a warrior of beauty amongst the ugliness of war.

  010010

  “My... my name is Xen,” the frail monk says.
He sets his hand on Fantom's shoulder and asks, “Are you okay?”

  She doesn't look at him, replying with only a slow nod of her head.

  I step toward the avatar that the leather-strapped girl dragged into the room, but when I do, I immediately step back at the sight of him. Half of his head is gone, and I can see the pixelated insides, drifting around like broken code.

  “What is that?” I ask, taking another step away.

  “That's Klok,” Fantom says. “He's... he was like, part of our group or whatever.”

  “What's wrong with him? What's wrong with his avatar?”

  “We don't know,” Ekko says. “He tried to force a log out.”

  I start to ask, “What do you-” but I realize halfway through the sentence what they mean.

  “He shot himself,” Fantom says. “But he didn't disappear or whatever like he's supposed to.”

  “What was going on out there?” Xen asks. “It looked like a war. More than usual, I mean.”

  “And who is this?” I ask, pointing at the girl in leather straps and buckles, my words sounding more aggressive than I mean them to.

  “I'm Cyren.” Her voice sounds faint, like she barely has the strength left to speak.

  “I'm Arkade.”

  She smiles for the first time, and I'm lost in her for a second, but Ekko starts talking, and I'm broken from the magnetism.

  “It's chaos out there. As soon as word got out that that the log out function wasn't working... people started freaking out.”

  “But it wasn't the players that attacked us,” Fantom says. “It was the NPCs, yo.”

  I'm confused, and I'm sure it shows on my face.

  “The NPCs always attack,” Xen says. “Do they not? I thought that was what questing-”

  I cut him off, embarrassed by his inexperience. “Not out in the streets. It's supposed to be just those civilian NPCs.”

  Fantom shakes her head and says, “The civilians were like, gone. The streets looked empty at first, which was creepy enough. But then the NPCs from the quests started wandering the streets or whatever. Monsters, and wizards, and like, every demented thing this game has in it, yo. They're like, wandering the streets, killing players without any rhyme or reason.”