Familiar Ground

by Michelle Lynn

“He thinks your parents will want to take her away from him. He’s just worried. He wants them to have a relationship with Dani, but…” Her statement fades with the unspoken fear; he’s afraid they’ll try to take her from him.

  Placing my finger up to her lips, she quiets. “Relax. I promise, I won’t let it happen. Just let them get to know her.” She slowly nods while chewing on her lip.

  “Promise?” she asks in the most innocent childlike voice. I think I’d try to rope the damn moon if she uses it again.

  “Yes. Just have fun today,” I say, winking and a small tentative smile crosses her face.

  “Okay, we have everything,” Mom announces their presence, and Leah snaps her hand back from mine. My mom catches the fast flicker and rests her eyes on me before leading Dani to the table.

  My dad joins us and lines the table with newspaper and then cuts the top open.

  “Gross,” Dani exclaims when she reaches her hand into the pumpkin, pulling out a few seeds.

  Both my parents laugh, and then my dad digs his hand in, grabbing a big chunk and tossing it on the newspaper. Dani begins picking through it, placing the seeds in the bowl my mom brought out. While Dani and my mom stay busy with that, my dad continues gutting the pumpkin.

  “How old are you Dani?” my mom asks, and I patiently wait to see if Dani will answer her.

  “Three,” she says softly.

  “Three, you’re a big girl. Do you use the potty?” my mom asks.

  “Yep. Daddy was so proud of me. Sometimes I pee in my bed, though.” Her eyes fall to the table, and then she peers over to Leah out of the corner of her eye, who just gives a pretend pouty look but then smiles.

  “I told her it happens. We watch what we drink before bed now, right?” Leah adds, and Dani nods.

  “Yep. Aunt Leah says it even happens to big girls.” I’m surprised she’s talking so much.

  “Really?” I cock an eyebrow to Leah, and she shoves my shoulder.

  “Oh Adam,” my mom says, waving her hand my way. “Aunt Leah’s right, accidents happen.” My mom grins to Leah, and Leah’s body seems to ease into her chair a little.

  We finish the pumpkin, and Dani’s beginning to talk even more about some kids in her daycare and how she and Leah made cookies last night. You’d think she was some sort of comedian the way my parents laugh at every single thing that comes out of her mouth. They’re enjoying her, though, so it’s a pretty great day in the McAllister house. The kind we haven’t had in a while.

  They leave it to me to carve the pumpkin, and I end up doing a face, silly with round eyes and a tongue sticking out the side. Dani giggles at it and helps me place it on my parents’ stair.

  My mom directs us into their house, and she sets us out an early dinner of sub sandwiches, chips, and an olive tray. Leah has begun to warm up slightly, and Dani’s loving all the attention. After dinner my mom takes Dani into the family room, where she’s laid out some old toys of Cassi’s. Dani picks up a Barbie doll and starts touching her hair when she stands up and walks over to the side table. “Mommy.” She points at the picture of me and Cassi at my high school graduation.

  My mom’s eyes shift over to me, almost frozen in her spot. “That’s right, that’s your mommy,” my dad agrees with her, taking the picture and bringing it over for Dani to hold.

  She hugs it. “Miss Mommy,” she whines, and my mom clasps her hand to her mouth and whimpers slightly, beginning to lose her composure.

  “Me too,” my dad says, pulling Dani into him, “me too.” With that, my mom gets up and exits the room as she stifles her cries. A few seconds later, we all hear shutters of breath coming from the kitchen.

  I’m unsure what makes me check on Adam’s mother, Jan. Sympathy of having been where she is early in my life, I assume. Although I’ve never lost a child, I’ve grieved two parents. By the time I get into the kitchen, Jane is sitting down with her head in her hands. I place the box of Kleenex I’d grabbed from the family room on the kitchen table and take a seat next to her.

  “I’m very sorry, Jan,” I tell her. She looks up at me with puffy red eyes. Wiping a tear away, she gives me the smallest polite smile.

  “Thank you. You know before last week, I was numb to it all. The first year she left, I probably cried every night. Our holidays and family events always seemed to be missing something. But over time, although she would always cross my mind, you grow used to it. Don’t get me wrong, I thought about her constantly and prayed she’d come home. Get her life back on track.” She takes a Kleenex and blows her nose. “Now, it’s over. She’s not out there to come back to me anymore. I’m not crying for me, though, I’m crying because that little girl out there will always miss her mother. She’ll never remember her.” I place my hand over hers and squeeze it. “All the memories she has now will slowly disappear.”

  “We can help her remember them. By being with you, Steve, and Adam, she’ll hear about her mother, and, hopefully, the memories Dani has of Cassi will stay with her.” I try to give her peace of mind.

  “Will you allow us to?” Her face rises up from the table and she studies my eyes, gauging my sincerity, I think.

  “Um…” I hesitate, I’m only the temporary custodian. “Jan, Shane wants you and Steve to be a part of her life. He’s just worried you want to take her away from him.” I decide honesty has to be the right option.

  “I can’t say we haven’t thought about it. But, Adam tells us Dani is very comfortable with you. Steve and I are worried about Shane. What Dani’s life will become if he doesn’t clean himself up.” Her straight forwardness is refreshing to me.

  “I have no problem with you guys visiting her and spending time. She’s really enjoying herself today.” I notice her tears have subsided somewhat. “We’ll just take steps.” I can’t believe I’m the one who appears to have it all together.

  As though the little girl has some psychic sense, she runs in. “Aunt Leah and—,” she hesitates for a moment, “Grandma, do you want to go to the park?” she asks, and Jan’s face beams with happiness at Dani’s reference to her. Jan glances back at me and then stands up.

  “I’d love to,” she says, taking Dani’s hand in hers.

  Standing up, I’m finally at ease being here. I had so many fears about how this would go. If they were going to fight me or Shane. Maybe we all can raise this little girl together.

  Steve and Jan lead the way with Dani between them to the park. Adam and I follow behind them. His cologne seems to become stronger with every step. It’s a crisp citrusy smell that has my mouth watering and my mind wondering what it would feel like to be wrapped in those arms. Crap, there goes my mind again.

  It just so happens that the park is only a street over from Jan and Steve’s. We have the park to ourselves, which is nice since I’m not actually sure if Dani has been to one prior.

  She starts going up the stairs of the slide immediately, but looks wary when she sees how high it is. I have to admit for a park slide, it’s pretty high. It seems more suitable for older children. “Come on, Dani, I’ll catch you,” Steve urges her, but from her scrunched up forehead and worried eyes, I’m almost positive she’ll be climbing down the staircase she just climbed up.

  I’m concentrating on Dani so hard, I don’t notice that Adam’s climbed the stairs himself and is now positioning her in his lap. Before Dani can argue, Adam grips the sides of the plastic, and they slide down. “Again!” Dani exclaims once they get to the bottom, and Adam follows her up again.

  After two more times, Dani begins going by herself while Steve and Jan take turns catching her. “Hey, you swing?” Adam asks me, and I peer over at him from the corner of eyes.

  “Exactly what are you referring to when you say swing?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

  “Get that pretty mind of yours out of the gutter and join me.” He nods his head in the direction of the swings and starts walking.

  “You’re the one that puts my mind in the gutter,” I add, following him.

 
; “Oh, if I had the chance, you’d be begging me to keep your mind there,” he flirts, and I shake my head, most likely blushing.

  He sits on the black plastic seat and pushes off the woodchips. “Are you going to join me, or are you afraid?” he teases.

  I sit on the seat and mimic his take off. Pumping my legs hard, I eventually catch up to him. We’re even when I think this whole bet will be called off. “Ready?” he asks, smirking my way.

  “For?” I question, keeping my pace with his.

  “Jumping, of course,” he says as though I should know this playground game.

  “Never played that. I’m supposed to jump from the swing?” I ask, fearful I’ll break a limb.

  “Yeah. Whoever gets further is the winner.”

  “Winner of what?”

  “We can wager, or you can just claim the title.”

  “From this height?” I clarify again, because I’m pretty sure I look very similar to Dani on the slide earlier.

  “On the count of three,” he continues, ignoring my apprehension.

  Never turning down a dare in my life, I buck up and go for it.

  “One…two…” he starts counting, and I imitate his form of moving arms out and palms the opposite way to push off the chains. Oh shit, I’m actually going to break my ankle. “Three,” he finishes, and we both jump from the swings.

  Wood chips fly everywhere around me as my feet dig into the ground. Losing my footing immediately, I fall forward. Knowing I’m about to hit the playground, I put my hands out in front of me, but they hit flesh instead of wood. When I get my bearings and look down, a pair of honey-colored irises are staring right at me. Laughing of course. At some point, our lines must have both veered in the middle, leaving me on top of him.

  Stretching his arm above his head and padding the woodchips. “I win,” he says.

  “Cheater,” I joke, and he chuckles.

  “Never!” He winks, and I’m about to respond when we hear Steve talking to Dani.

  “Get ‘em,” he says, and she runs over jumping on top of me.

  As Dani and I tickle Adam, we laugh and enjoy our day at the park. My eye flick up, and I find Jan and Steve staring down at us with their eyes scrunched in confusion. Quickly, I stand up, brushing the wood chips from my clothes, and allow Dani to take over. Then Adam tags her and says she’s it. She chases him around the park until finally exhaustion hits her.

  Propped on Adam’s shoulders on the way back to the house, her head bobs up and down, and I’m afraid she’s going to fall asleep any second. Once we’re back, we say good-bye to Steve and Jan as we strap Dani into her car seat. I promise Jan we’ll plan something for this week or next weekend, and she seems good with it.

  Adam opens my door, and I get in. After a few words to his parents, he enters the driver’s side and takes us home.

  I drop Leah and Dani off at her house. Although I wish I could stay, she didn’t ask, and I’m not about to push myself into her life. Not to mention, I’m supposed to meet Marcus tonight at Bender’s, the sports bar by my apartment. The Bears verses the Packers are playing tonight. Since Marcus is from the cheese country, we have a pretty big wager on this game. Actually, it’s the same wager we’ve had since our freshman year, whoever wins has to wear the wining team’s jersey the next day. Last year I wore green and yellow more days than I would’ve preferred.

  Parking my Challenger down from my apartment, I decide to walk to the bar, zipping up my jacket to protect me from the crisp fall night. I shove my hands in my pockets and walk down the two blocks. Passing by a few smokers on the corner, I enter an energetic Bender’s. People mill around the bar, bearing their favorite blue and orange shirts, hats, and even a few pajama pants. Neon lights occupy every inch of wall space with every type of beer and Chicago sports team. Giving a nod to Ted, the owner, I sit down at our usual table.

  “Hey, Adam,” Polly says, already holding a pitcher of Miller Lite and two frosted mugs.

  “Hi, Polly. How are you?” I say, shrugging off my jacket and getting comfortable on the wooden stool.

  “Same.” She smiles and shrugs. “Where’s your sidekick?”

  Just then hollers of, “Boo,” roar throughout the bar. “I’m pretty sure he just arrived.” I take a sip of my beer, and Polly giggles.

  “Let’s hear it after we beat your asses, mother fuckers,” Marcus shouts back while walking backward toward us. “Hey, Polly,” he says, squeezing her into a tight hug while she smacks his back. “Thanks for the pitcher.” He places her feet back down to the floor.

  “I’ll check on you guys in a little bit,” she says, hurrying over to the other patrons.

  “Be back in five with another pitcher,” Marcus hollers, and Polly flips him off behind his back.

  Chuckling, I twirl my beer mug around in my hands. “When will you ever learn?”

  “What?” He holds his hands in the air. “Anyway, you got your jersey ready for tomorrow?” He leans back in his chair, eyeing all the televisions around the room.

  “First off, you’ll probably never get a girlfriend with the lines you use on woman. Second, it’s ready, but I won’t need it.”

  “Why would I want some nagging, controlling chick that thinks I should be so grateful when she gets down on her knees to suck me off when I can probably pick up at least two tonight that will happily agree without complaining about my dirty clothes thrown around the room or that I should clean the damn toilet.” He leans in with his elbows on the lacquered wood table, picking up his beer and downing half of it.

  The funny thing is, he’s right. Two girls with blue and orange ribbon pigtails with the number six painted on both their cheeks are checking him out as the shit leaves his mouth. “I guess when you put it that way,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.

  “I knew you’d cross over eventually. Which brings up, what’s up with that girl from last week? She was so smokin’ I almost stole her.”

  “Um…she wouldn’t have chosen you’re chubby ass over my chiseled one.” He narrows his eyes at me. “I don’t know, we left, and I almost took her back to my place, but then she started hanging on me like some drunk ditsy girl. Just couldn’t do it.” I down the rest of my beer and pour another.

  “Those are the best ones. Seriously, did Ava castrate you?”

  “No, jackass, I’m ready to grow the fuck up.” Marcus stares at me like he has no idea who I am. Honestly, it’s not his fault. I’ve been his ‘wingman’ for three years, other than the brief stint with Ava, which really was more like two friends who thought maybe it could work as a couple before quickly realizing maybe not. Not that I’ve ever resembled Marcus with his assortment of woman, but I didn’t turn many down that were ready and willing.

  Polly thankfully interrupts us, “Hey, guys, what do you want?” She takes the seat next to me with her notepad and pen out.

  “Nachos and ten wings, medium.” I order my usual, and she jots it down, giving me a big smile.

  “Hello!” Marcus snaps his fingers in front of Polly to get her attention. She snaps her eyes to him, and he smirks. “Yeah, I’m here too.”

  “How could I ever forget? You never stop flapping your jaw,” Polly replies, and I almost choke on my beer.

  “Haha…don’t hate, Polly. There’s enough for you too.” He raises his eyebrows three times fast, as though to say come on over and sit on my lap. Polly continues to stare back with a deadpan face, and he finally relents. “Fine, twenty hot wings and an onion ring basket,” he reluctantly tells her.

  “Okay, boys, I’ll get it in.” She stands up and places her hand on my arm before walking away from the table.

  “Shit, take that home tonight.” His vision follows Polly’s ass until she disappears through the kitchen doors.

  “I told you, I’m done with that shit. I want something…” I purposely don’t finish because Marcus won’t understand. Not to sound like some sappy shit, but losing Cassi was like an awakening of sorts. The choices she made stopped her from livi
ng a happy life with fulfillment. Sure, she thought she was happy, but she spent more than half her time devising a plan to find her happiness, which always ended up in an exchange of money and a foil packet.

  So, here I sit next to my best friend, the only person who understands what I went through with Cassi, other than my parents. Once Jimmy was out of my life, Marcus had taken his place as my confidant and trusted friend. The problem that keeps consuming my brain is the other person that relates to what I’ve lived with the past five years, but she’s not mine and never can be. We’re bonded forever by a little blonde haired girl, and I won’t risk losing Dani for whatever this is between me and Leah. Now, I just need to keep knocking it into my head, so it can override my dick’s decisions.

  “Spill it,” Marcus says, waking me up from my rambled thoughts.

  “Nothing, man.”

  “Are you seriously going to make me get you hammered just so you talk?” He jokingly grabs the pitcher and begins refilling my glass. “Come on,” he eggs on.

  I sigh and waver my head back and forth, debating. “Remember how my sister had that daughter I never knew about?” Marcus sits up straighter and nods his head. “Well, you’ll never believe who her aunt is?” I smirk, and he cocks his head to the side. “Remember that girl from Friday?” He shakes his head. I shouldn’t be surprised, there were probably about ten girls he hollered out at that day. “The one with the brown boots, blonde curls…” His eyes squint, and I can see he still can’t recall. “Tight jeans with a great apple shaped ass.”

  His head slowly nods in recollection. “Yeah, I remember that one. With the smart ass mouth?”

  “Yeah.” I widen my eyes.

  “What about her?” he asks dead serious.

  I scrunch my eyebrows. “Um…that’s her aunt. Turns out I’m related to her.”

  “Shut-up.” He starts uncontrollably laughing. “She’s like the damn ice queen. You met with her yesterday, right?” I nod. “Man, was she a gigantic bitch or what?”

  “No, she wasn’t. Just because she didn’t like your sorry ass doesn’t mean that she’s a bitch.” I shake my head and take a sip of my beer.