Familiar Ground

by Michelle Lynn

  I’m grateful to have only one class today, since I’m exhausted from last night. In desperate need for caffeine, I head to the Student Center after class to grab a Diet Coke. When I walk inside the center is overflowing with noise, filled with numerous conversations from students discussing their weekend activities. Some students appear to be studying quietly. How they can concentrate in such a loud environment is beyond me?

  Sipping my soda, I glance around, and my eyes find my friend Meghan sitting quietly by herself in the corner with her earbuds in, sketching on her notepad. We were college friends until Jason came into my life. I haven’t kept in touch very well. We have different majors, and we don’t have any classes together, which makes it even harder. It makes me upset that most likely it was because of me that we lost touch. I hesitate about walking over to her, not sure if she’ll welcome me or turn a cold shoulder. There’s no way I could blame her if she did. But with the way my life is going right now, I need her; her brutal honestly will be refreshing.

  I silently walk over to her and place my hand on her shoulder. She jumps and turns around. When she sees it’s me, her eyebrows furrow with curiosity.

  “Hey, Meghan,” I say hesitantly.

  “Leah?” she questions.

  “Oh, that’s amazing.” I point to her sketch. Probably changing the subject with the hopes she’ll forget the distance that’s been our friendship lately.

  “Thanks.”

  “Do you mind if I sit down?”

  “The table doesn’t belong to me.” Her blue eyes follow me as I take the seat across from her.

  I notice she has a strip of dyed red strands in her chestnut colored hair. We use to get the strangest looks; people always wondering how such opposites could be friends. From the moment I walked into my algebra class my freshman year, we just clicked. Meghan dyed her hair unusual colors and bought a lot of her clothes at thrift stores; whereas, I preferred designer from the mall, underneath it all, we had a lot of similarities.

  “I’m sorry, Meghan, I know I haven’t been there lately.” I sip my soda and focus down at the table.

  “No, you haven’t,” she agrees. “How is what’s his name?”

  “Jason?” She nods her head. “Good.”

  “I was hoping you would tell me you broke up.” Her face straight-laced. Meghan hates Jason. From the first time he picked me up at Bar Louie, she told me to stay away from him. Now that I think about it, maybe that’s the reason we stopped talking.

  “Sorry.” I smile at her, and we both start laughing.

  Meghan and I talk for the next half hour about what we’ve been doing with our lives. I truthfully tell her about Shane in rehab and Dani coming to live with me. She informs me that the sketches she did this past summer during her internship in Ireland are being displayed at the local art gallery downtown in a couple weeks. I touch a little on the Adam situation, but don’t dwell on it, but from her one raised eyebrow when I mentioned him coming with me this weekend she knows something is up. Once we’re done catching up, we make plans to get together next week after I return from Minnesota.

  I hug Meghan goodbye hopeful we’ll reclaim the friendship we had before. As our arms are wrapped around one another, I spot Adam sitting at a table a couple rows away with a stunning brunette. She has long shiny dark hair and is smiling up at him with her perfectly white teeth. Her attentive wide dark eyes with mile length lashes zeroed on him solely. She’s stunning, an exotic beauty. She laughs at something he says, and her body turns to him while she crosses her long legs to face him.

  Adam is wearing his dirty jeans, beige work boots, and Carhart jacket. Obviously, he’s come right from work. I see the side of his face, but I know he doesn’t see me. Is that his girlfriend, a date, or maybe just a hook up?

  “What’s wrong, Leah? You just got pale. Do you feel okay?” Meghan asks once she pulls away from our hug.

  “Um…no, I’m fine.” I can’t take my eyes off the two of them, and Meghan notices.

  Following my line of vision. “Who is that?” she asks.

  “Adam, Dani’s uncle,” I answer, my eyes fixed on them. Every laugh and shared touch making me cringe.

  “Ohhh,” Meghan draws out. Instantly she knows my secret; that I’m falling for Adam, and, of course, she’s more than thrilled. “He’s a fine specimen, huh?”

  “What? Yeah, I guess,” I say as I try to peel my eyes away.

  “You guess? Sweetie, he puts that jackass you date to shame, and even though I hate your boyfriend, he’s hotter than some of the nude models I sketch in class.”

  Needing to flee the scene unfolding in front of my eyes. “Well, I better get going. I have to pick up Dani,” I say turning around to grab my drink.

  “Aren’t you going to say hello? You can introduce me.” Meghan knocks me with her hip and winks.

  “No, he is…busy, and I don’t want to intrude.” I scramble to gather my things. Just as I grab all of my stuff, I hear his laugh, making me remember last night, and I lose grip of my drink, but Meghan reflexively grabs it.

  “Whatever you say, Leah.” Meghan hands me my drink and sits back down with her sketchbook.

  “I’ll call you next week, okay?” I double check with her.

  “Don’t do anything I would do this weekend,” she calls out, waving her hand.

  Not being able to stop myself, I allow myself one last look at Adam and the drop dead gorgeous girl before I leave. Adam starts to stand up and then leans in to give her a hug. Exotic girl goes up on her tiptoes, wraps her arms around his neck and nuzzles her head into his neck. With a startle, I turn the opposite direction to get out of dodge as fast I can.

  I push the doors of the student center open and a swoosh of cold air pricks at my face. I wrap my coat around me tighter, adjust my messenger bag across my body, and head for the train. The image of Adam’s face laughing with exotic girl replays over and over in my head. Did he lie last night? Was that his girlfriend? Am I falling for a liar, just like every other male in my life has been? Well, except for Jason, he’s never lied to me. I can’t believe I was about to throw all that away for Adam.

  “Leah!” a male screams.

  I turn around and find Adam, jogging toward me. He’s breathless when he finally reaches me, and I stare at him while he catches his breath. “I thought that was you,” he says, giving me his crazy sexy smile.

  “Yep,” I say, and he inches his head back and cocks his head to the side.

  “Where you off to? Home?”

  “I have to grab Dani and go to the dance studio.”

  “Come on, I’ll take you.” He motions with his head.

  “Nah, I’m fine.” I stand there with a bitchy expression across my face.

  “Okay, let’s tone down the attitude and tell me what the hell is really the matter?”

  My eyes search around campus and I spy a few of Jason’s frat brothers milling around. “Let’s go, you can take me to get Dani.” I start walking to the parking lot I’m pretty sure his car is in. It’s the only one not labeled for faculty or employees around here.

  He follows me down the steps and quickly starts walking next to me. “I don’t usually give rides to girls who treat me like crap,” he remarks, chuckling. “But, I’ll make an exception for you.” When I turn toward him, he’s smirking at me.

  “We need to talk first. Can we stop somewhere before we pick up Dani? I have about an hour before dance.”

  He seems surprised. “Yeah, do you want to come to my apartment? I wouldn’t mind showering, anyways.”

  Bad idea, I say to myself. VERY bad idea. “Sure,” I answer, my desire overpowering my brain once again when it comes to Adam McAllister.

  Leah is pissed about something, and I won’t be able to wait until we get to my apartment to find out. I’m pretty sure she only agreed for me to take her because of those preppy dickheads peering over at us. Most likely, they’re jackass’s friends. He probably has some kind of bodyguard rotation on her.

&nb
sp; Once we’re in the car, and I’ve pulled out of the lot, I’m unable to handle the deafening silence in the car. “Let’s talk,” I say, and as though I just turned on a faucet, all these thoughts burst out of her mouth.

  “I’m so confused, Adam. Maybe it’s my nerves about seeing Shane sober for the first time in years this weekend. We have to think about Dani. I have Jason, and you clearly have a girlfriend. There are your parents to consider, Adam. It’s not just you and me, there are a million different things pinging around us that could all shatter.”

  “Whoa—wait.” I pull the car over to a side street and park. Her hand is holding up her tremendously overused head. “Let’s take this one step at a time. What are you confused about?”

  “A million things. Three weeks ago, my life was simple and drama free.”

  “I know Shane coming back has turned it upside down, but we’ll get through this.”

  “It’s not just Shane. He brought all these other factors and people with him. Dani, your parents—you,” she says, turning directly to me, making me her sole focus.

  “Leah. I want to help you, but you aren’t making any sense.”

  She sharply turns her attention out the window for a few seconds and then shoots it back to me. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  “No. Why?”

  “I saw you at the student center with that girl,” she says, and now it’s all clicking together. Unfortunately, I can’t hold my pleasure that she’s jealous hidden. A smirk forms across my face, and she takes a deep breath when she sees it.

  “Jealous?” I ask her with humor etched in my voice.

  “No. Just curious why you wouldn’t have mentioned it.” She attempts to play it off, but those rosy cheeks say different.

  “Seems more like jealousy,” I continue to tease her, but with an exasperated sigh she’s coming close to falling apart, so I change course. “She’s an ex,” I admit.

  “My ex’s don’t usually have coffee with me.” She scrunches her forehead, and I’m still reeling from the fact she’s jealous. That’s gotta say something.

  “We were really close friends before that. One of those kinds of friends who think they should date when in reality it’s the worse idea they’ve had.”

  “Oh,” she quietly replies, and I wait for more, but she just plays with her fingers in her lap.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I hesitantly ask, running my own finger along the steering wheel.

  “I’m not sure. It’s just all so crazy in my head. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is going as I’ve planned.”

  “Sometimes the best things that happen are the ones you least expect,” I say, like some damn philosophy professor.

  She turns to me with a serious face. “Adam, what if Shane doesn’t get clean? What if he can’t do it?” A tear falls from her eye and down her cheek.

  “Hey,” I say softly. “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there. I know it’s hard, but don’t worry about it for now.”

  “You don’t understand, Adam. I stopped letting Shane’s addiction control my life a long time ago. Him coming back and adding Dani pulls me into his life, which ultimately has me ignoring any of the paths I’d been thinking about following, because if he relapses, his addiction will eventually take precedence over everything I want. Especially now…with Dani.”

  “Complicates what exactly?” I swear she’s talking in some sort of code.

  “I’m starting to think I need to change my course again, but if things go south like they usually do with Shane, I’ll be left alone.” Her voice shaking as more tears burst out of her eyes, like a dam breaking. “I’ll risk everything.”

  “Do you trust me?” I ask her, starting the car. She nods. “Do you have twenty minutes?”

  “Yes, dance starts at six, but we have to get Dani beforehand.” I check the dash, and it reads five, so I know we have time.

  It only takes ten minutes to get there, and she shifts and straightens her body, the minute my car drives through the gates. “Adam,” she sighs.

  “Please,” I beg, glancing over at her. She doesn’t say anything more, so I figure it’s okay.

  Parking the car, I climb out and go over to open the door for Leah, but she’s already stepping out of the car. I offer my hand, and she accepts it, entwining our fingers steadfastly together. In that moment, warmth spreads all the way up my arm. We walk up the hill, passing the tombstones of the long dead and the newly deceased. The freshly placed soil shows the newest graves amongst the others. The wooden cross with Cassi engraved lays on top.

  My heart breaks all over again, imaging her body lying still in the coffin below all the dirt. “I let Cassi go, too. Never attempting to make her get help. I beat myself up every day for not trying to do more.” I stare at the cross and swallow to push back the tears that want to flee. “I brought you here because I want you to see the alternative, Leah. If Shane can’t get clean, this is where he’ll end up sooner or later. I know it’s scary to place your faith in him, but the alternative is even more frightening.”

  She silently stares down at the ground and nods her head. “That’s it, it isn’t just him now, it’s Dani, too. She’ll always be a part of my life, and I’ll protect her with everything I have.” She pauses. “Adam, I want to be honest with you.” She takes her hand out of mine and turns her body toward me. “I’m thinking about breaking up with Jason. He’s like a safety net that I’m not sure I can do without. But, he doesn’t seem to embrace Dani or understand the situation I’m in. Nor does he care about Shane. I know this is selfish, but if I leave him, I’m alone without a support system again, except for my elderly grandmother who can’t care for a child, and then I’ll have a child to take care of as well. I don’t know if I can handle all of this by myself.” My hands cup her cheeks, unable to refrain upon watching the despair fill them. I catch the tears breaking through her barriers. “I just don’t want to be alone anymore.” Her head falls, but I press on her cheeks until she raises it again.

  “You’re not alone, Leah. You’ll always have me, Dani, even my parents, and if Shane gets healthy, you’ll have him, too,” I assure her, but she shakes her head.

  “That’s my biggest fear, Adam. I feel it, and I know you do to. Lines are blurring. When I saw you with that girl today, I was so mad, so hurt. This common bond with each other is turning into more, and eventually…” Her voice trails off.

  We stand there together, my thumbs trying to catch every tear she sheds. I understand what she’s saying. If something happens and it doesn’t work out, it’s horrible for everyone involved. But I agree, I’m not sure we will succeed in ignoring our pull to one another.

  “I wish I had a crystal ball and could see into our future, tell you Shane will get clean, Dani will grow up fine, and that things will work with us. But, I can’t, Leah. It’s a decision we have to decide together. If you don’t want to take the chance, I’ll back off and attempt to keep this platonic.” Her green eyes stare up at me, almost pleading.

  “I’m not sure what I want. I just feel so damn lost—lost in the world and so alone.” She backs up and places her head in her hands. “Adam, I don’t think I’ve ever felt my body respond to someone like it does yours. No one has ever understood what I go through, the trials of enabling an addict.” Her eyes fill with determination. “I need you. So can we please support each other as friends.”

  My shoulders slump. This is not how I thought this conversation would end, but what choice do I have? “Of course,” I agree and step forward, taking her into my arms. I’ll give her time to come to terms. Break-up with Jason and ease into us.

  She shutters against my chest, her breath hiccupping while I lay my hands on her lower back and my fingers brush her blonde curls. “I’ll always be here, Leah. No matter what happens, you have me,” I whisper, and she shivers in my arms. God, her body feels so damn good up against mine. We could be one of those couples that are sculpted together the way we fit so perfectly.

  Eventually
, she calms down and pulls away from me, but I hold her cheeks with my hands again. “You lead this relationship, Leah. I’ll follow your lead.” I give her all the control, and she looks at me, just as torn as before. If anything should happen to us, I want her to be one hundred percent sure this is what she wants. So, I leave it at that.

  We walk back down to my car and drive off to pick-up Dani. The car ride is quiet, but I grab her hand midway through to reassure her. I meant what I said, I’m here for her and that will never change. She squeezes it back, and I wonder how my life got so damn complicated in only weeks.

  Adam might just be the most patient man I’ve ever met. Yesterday, he took Dani back to my house after dropping me off at the dance studio. By the time I got home, she was bathed and in bed, and he was sprawled out on my couch watching football. The most heartwarming image I could think of pops in my head as I took him in; coming home to that and being able to squeeze in between him and the back of the couch while he holds me and kisses the top of my head was appealing, making it hard to stay on the other side of the room while he got ready to leave. Saying good-bye was harder, though. An awkward hug, saying we’d see each other in a few days at the train station. Similar to every other night, I shut my eyes, thinking of him and how his touch could fuel me in ways I never imagined.

  On my way to the student center, my stomach is in knots. As much I need to do this, I worry how Jason will take it. Will he accept it? Scary as it is that I’m about to break-up with Jason, it’s nice to know Adam is willing to be there in any capacity I need him. I enter the noisy room and spot Jason immediately. Since he’s taller than most the other students, he’s never hard to find. Of course, he’s at a table full of his fraternity brothers and a few girls from their sister sorority. I walk up to the group and everyone goes silent. I hate that I have this effect on them. None of them believe I’m good enough for the all mighty Jason Bridges.