Familiar Ground

by Michelle Lynn

  As we uncomfortably stand on the porch, she looks from me to Adam and back to me again, noticing his arm around me. I swear I spot a frown, but she instantly replaces it with a smile. Then she peers down at Dani. “Dani, I was just about to frost a cake for dessert. Did you want to come help me and maybe lick a spoon?”

  “YES!” she screams and eagerly nods her head up and down, looking up at her grandmother. Jan sure knows how to get a kid to like her. The two of them scurry into the house in the direction of the kitchen while Adam and I move to follow, but he grabs my hand, leading me to family room.

  “Where is your dad?” I ask, walking around the room, perusing all the family pictures.

  “Probably at work still.” He flops down on the couch, turning the television on.

  “What does he do?” How can I love this man and still know hardly anything about him?

  “Architect—commercial.” I hear sports in the background, and I realize Adam is paying more attention to who will be going to World Series than to me.

  I turn and give him my best mad look, but there’s still a huge smile across my face.

  “Oh sorry, babe.” He chuckles, getting up and coming over to me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he yanks me toward him and begins kissing my neck.

  I attempt to scoot away from him, but he locks his arms around me. We both start laughing with me trying to wiggle out of his hold and him not letting me go while trying to attack my neck like a vampire.

  “Come on, just one. It’s been hours since I tasted these lips.” I decide to let him, and as he bends down to my lips, we’re interrupted.

  “Uh hmm,” we hear a deep voice from the hallway.

  Instantly, I pop up straight as a pin while Adam laughs and releases me only to take me by the hand and lead me to an older version of him. Go forward twenty years, and this is how Adam will look. Good news for me, he’ll still be really handsome.

  “Hey, Dad.” He again places his hand on the small of my back.

  Steve quickly greets me with a hug. “It’s nice to see you again, Leah.”

  “You too, Mr. McAllister. Thank you for having me in your home again.”

  “Steve, remember? You’re more than welcome anytime. Now, where is my granddaughter?”

  Adam and I laugh. “In the kitchen with Mom,” Adam exclaims.

  I see why Adam is the way he is. His dad is genuine and gracious, just like him. I worry that our relationship will break up this little family we’re growing. I worry they won’t accept it, or think we shouldn’t continue it. Like always, Adam reads my mind and squeezes my hand tight. “It’s going to be fine, Leah. Let’s go check on Dani.”

  When we enter the kitchen, tears prick my eyes. Dani’s laughing with Jan and Steve, licking a spatula with chocolate frosting on it. Remains of frosting rim her lips and even some on her cheek. She’s so happy, and I love seeing that wide smile across her face. Those rosy cheeks so full of life. I never knew her with her mother, but I never thought someone else’s happiness could fulfill my own need for it. Seeing Dani like this makes my heart sore to heights I never thought it could reach.

  “Auntie Leah, do you want a lick?” she asks me, waving the spatula up in the air as chocolate frosting falls to the table and floor.

  “That’s okay, sweetheart, you enjoy,” I respond, leaning against the wall, content with watching her.

  Adam runs over there and grabs her wrist, bringing her hand with the spatula towards him. Taking a big lick from it, my insides tingle thinking about that tongue licking other places. “Yummy, thanks, Dani.” He kisses her on the cheek.

  “Uncle Adam!” she screams.

  “What?” he asks her.

  “I didn’t ask you. I asked Auntie Leah.” She pouts.

  “No love for your uncle?” He tickles her, and she belts out peals of laughter.

  “Stop…Uncle…Adam,” she repeats over and over again.

  Jan slaps Adam on the back “That’s enough. Leave my granddaughter alone.” She laughs, picking up Dani, wrapping her arms around the little girl and turning away from him.

  I lean against the doorframe in the kitchen, feeling like the outsider I am. They are all blood related. Dani is an extension of their normal, All-American family, and I’m just Dani’s aunt from the messed up side of her life. What if Adam’s parents ask me about my family, what will I say? My father was a habitual adulterer, and my mother was a recovering alcoholic, but please don’t take that little girl away from me or her father. Oh and FYI, I love your son, but don’t worry, I already know I’m not good enough for him.

  Adam walks over to me after his comedic act. He must notice the look on my face because his smile quickly falters and turns to a concerned frown.

  “What’s wrong?” he whispers in my ear.

  “Nothing” I put on my fakest smile and hope like hell it works.

  “You sure?” he asks again.

  “Yeah.” I place my hand on his cheek.

  Adam seems to let it go, which I’m thankful for because I was about two seconds away from crumbling to the floor in a fit of tears. We sit down at the kitchen table, and Jan lays out all the food family style in the middle.

  Adam squeezes my knee under the table and gets my plate ready for me, putting whatever he’s having on my plate, as well. I’m positive he feels my anxiety with this intimate dinner. Not sure why now, since I’ve already met them once, but this time I’m their son’s love interest, making it different than before.

  “Before I forget, Adam, I might have a lead for you. Let’s talk after dinner,” Steve mentions off-handedly while he casually places mashed potatoes on his plate.

  “Okay, Dad,” Adam replies.

  I look at Adam, questioning what his dad is talking about, and then I have to remind myself that there’s still a lot I don’t know about him.

  After that, most of the conversation is Jan and Steve talking to Dani about what she likes and doesn’t. If she likes daycare, which I’m thankful when she says she loves it and talks about some of the kids she plays with the most. They ask her what her room is like at my apartment and what she enjoys for breakfast and dinner. I want to scream, yes, I feed her and she has a great princess bedroom to sleep in, and I bath her every day, do her hair, and get her to the preschool that she likes. She eats all three meals, plus snacks, and I give her a vitamin, too. Instead of that insanity, I sit quietly eating and only chime in when Dani can’t remember something.

  As soon as I finish my meal, Adam clears my plate and takes it to the sink with his, following with everyone else’s. He starts cleaning the dishes, so I get up offering to help. I can’t sit there one more minute and have them ask Dani questions about her hygiene habits. Again, yes, she brushes her teeth twice a day, plus flossing and mouthwash. I consciously have to remind myself that they don’t want to take her away, and they’re just her grandparents trying to get to know her. The feeling of doom, since they’re such a perfect family and mine isn’t, brings a threatening defensive stance to my demeanor.

  “Can we have cake, now?” Dani asks. One thing she gets from my side, a sweet tooth.

  “Of course,” Steve says. “Your mom always loved her sweets, too.”

  I freeze and place my hand on Adam’s forearm. We don’t talk about Cassi much in front of Dani. Whether that’s good or bad I don’t know, it’s just a fact. Mostly because I worry how she’ll react. Again, like everything else about her, her resilience surprises me.

  “Really?” she asks.

  “Yes, didn’t you guys ever have cake or candy?” he asks her.

  “No. Daddy got me a cake for my birthday this year. It was pink and purple with princesses on it. Uncle Jimmy gave me candy when mommy would leave me with him.” Dani spits everything out so matter of fact it probably surprises her when the rest of us stand there speechless.

  Adam and his dad share a look of disgust between them. Jan appears as though she’s staring at a Mack truck’s headlights headed her way. I know Jimmy
is the drug dealer, but how much do Jan and Steve know about him.

  “Well, let’s get this cake cut, huh Dani?” I say, taking the cake off the counter and bringing it over to the table. Following my lead, Adam brings over a knife. Taking a fork, he pretends to stab the cake to eat the whole thing, making Dani giggle.

  “Uncle Adam, you can’t eat it all yourself,” she whines.

  “Why not?” he asks with the fork right about to dig in.

  “You have to share,” she dictates. The room starts to laugh, diminishing the tense vibe.

  “Oh, you’re so smart!” He pushes the cake his mom’s way.

  Adam is so great at making everyone’s anxiety disappear with his humor. Just one of the reasons I love him. I hate to turn my dreamy eyes away when his mom asks me the question I’m dreading.

  “So, it must be hard for you Leah, going from single woman with no strings to taking care of a three-year-old,” Jan questions.

  “It was an adjustment, but I think we have it figured out, now. We’re on a good schedule, and Adam helps out, as well,” I answer, and he wraps that warm comfortable arm about my waist.

  “I see, you two must spend a lot of time together.” Her face straight laced, bearing no smile.

  “Yes, lately we have.” I smile at Adam, and he winks at me. My knees go weak for a second, but I control myself before I lose myself too much in him.

  Jan seems to let that be the end of the conversation, but I’m sure she wants more information. She strikes me as the type of person who doesn’t usually hold her tongue, so I’m assuming it’s because Dani’s here that she’s letting us off the hook, for, now.

  Leah’s wrapped so tight, right now, I fear she’s going to snap. When my dad asks me to speak to him in his office, I cringe with the thought of leaving her in a room with my mom. My mom’s displeasure with my relationship won’t be concealed for long. I just hope Dani can keep the peace until I return.

  Her eyes widen when I go to kiss her on the cheek and whisper in her ear, “I’ll be right back. Relax, angel.” Surprisingly, her shoulders do fall, and a small smile appears.

  I enter my dad’s home office, laughing at the disorganization of his sports memorabilia. It’s the one room my mom isn’t allowed to come in and clean. Dad says it’s his space, and he can keep it anyway he wants. He sits down behind his desk and pulls out his phone.

  “So, there’s this office looking for a mechanical engineer. I mentioned you, and they would love to see your resume,” my dad says, widening his eyes at me.

  “That’s great, I will e-mail it over tonight when I get home,” I reply and place my hands on the chair to stand up, eager to return back to Leah.

  “Not so fast, Adam.” He pushes his hands down in the air. “What’s going on with Leah?” His voice low and cautious.

  “What do you mean?” I smirk, trying to bring humor to a discussion that is sure not to be.

  “Adam?” Dad tilts his head to the right. His silent way of saying cut the crap.

  “Okay...Okay. You are probably going to try to talk me out of it, but I love her, Dad.” I figure, why should I beat around the bush?

  “You love her?” he questions, raising both his eyebrows and cupping his chin. “You have known her all of what— three weeks?”

  “Yes and yes,” I answer truthfully.

  “This will only complicate things.”

  “I know, Dad, but I do love her. I’ve never felt like this,” I defend my feelings for her.

  “We like her, too, and want the best for everyone. There are concerns, Adam. If Shane can’t get clean, your mother and I are prepared to take custody. Fight if we have to.”

  “I know, Dad, but I won’t stand by your side if you decide to fight her for custody. I’m sure if Shane can’t clean himself up, Leah will work with you and Mom. If you fight her, though, I’m on her side.” I stand firm.

  “Well, I don’t expect you to side with us over the woman you love. I raised you better than that.”

  “At the family rehab this weekend, I found out some stuff about Cassi from Shane. I want to talk to you and Mom about it.”

  “Can you believe him?” he questions.

  “Yeah, he’s not lying dad. It was the truth.”

  “All addicts lie, Adam. You know that.”

  “It was different. I promise you.”

  I sit with my dad for the next twenty minutes, telling him the story Shane told me. I still tear up, even though I’ve processed the information. The story of his daughter’s death brings tears rolling down his cheeks after I finish. I just told him how his daughter died, alone in a crack house high on heroine. By the end, he believes Shane’s story. I inform him about the family rehab session I think they should attend, and the couple I met while I was up there. He agrees the family rehab sounds like something maybe they should consider and he’ll talk to my mom about everything.

  I know I had it easier with my dad than I will my mom. I’m glad I was upfront with him that I love Leah, and I won’t stand by and let them take Dani away from her if it ever comes to that. Of course, my dad understands; he’s always been devoted to our happiness. Leah is my happiness. I’m thankful to have him as my father, and I wish Cassi would’ve been thankful, too, but all she saw was his control. I have to remember that Cassi and I were different kids, though. Where I was more laid back, she was more manic. I concentrated on my schoolwork and sports, and she was an average student who partied all the time. Dad didn’t have to be strict with me. I knew my boundaries and usually abided by them. Whereas, Cassi constantly broke the rules, resulting in punishment.

  “Thank you, Adam. For taking care of Dani and Leah, and going to the rehab and finding out what happened to Cassi. This family needs closure.” Dad pats me on my back.

  “You’re welcome,” I say.

  When we leave the confines of his office, I find Leah and my mom talking while Dani plays with the Barbies. The two are carrying on a conversation, and I’m happy that they’ve found some sort of common ground.

  Sitting down next to Leah, I allow my hand to rest across her back, and she instinctively nudges back to snuggle into me.

  “Hey, Dani, you want to go outside?” my dad asks her, and she bolts up.

  “Yes,” she yells and runs over to him.

  We all go to stand up, but my dad shakes his head. “This is grandpa time, you three have a nice conversation.” He turns around, taking the small girl’s hand in his.

  Leah’s body tenses, and I rub her shoulder while my mom peers over at the two of us. Her eyes darting to my hands on Leah. “So, tell me, when did this start?” She crosses her legs and focuses her attention on us.

  “A few days ago,” I answer.

  “While at the family rehab?” she questions.

  “Yes,” I answer again, since Leah doesn’t seem to want to add anything.

  “Okay, well, no hanky panky in front of Dani. Do you both hear me?” she points more at me. “My granddaughter doesn’t need to see that.”

  “Of course,” Leah chimes in, shaking her head frantically.

  “If you ask me, you guys are playing with fire. But, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

  “Thank you,” Leah adds.

  “So help me, though, if this doesn’t work-out between you both, I better not suffer any consequences when it comes to my granddaughter. If you’re grown enough to form a relationship, you’re grown enough to handle a break-up. I won’t tolerate any immature behavior if it doesn’t end happily.”

  The two of us sit there and nod our heads like five-year-olds.

  “Talk to Dani and let her understand as best she can what’s going on. On a side note….” She stands up, and we automatically follow her lead. “Welcome to our crazy family, Leah.” She wraps her arms around Leah, and Leah melts into my mom’s embrace, as though, she’s been waiting for those words the whole day.

  For the next week Adam, Dani, and I are inseparable. I can probably count on one hand
how many times Adam has spent the night at his own place, not that I’m complaining. Our weekends are filled with taking Dani to the zoo, museums, and parks, with his parents joining us a few times. Adam picks Dani up when I’m scheduled to teach, and the two of them have even sat through some of my lessons. Adam clearly enjoys himself much more than Dani. I’d never tell him, but I love when I catch him shifting in his seat from watching me dance. I may purposely bend over right in front of him, just to hear his sharp intake of breath.

  We find some alone time, too. Adam and I take turns bringing coffee or tea to the other, depending on our schedules. We meet me in the student center after he’s off work and I finish classes. The next thing we want is to have Adam’s parents take Dani overnight, so we can have a full night alone, just us. One where Adam doesn’t have to sneak out of my bedroom before Dani wakes up. We’ve been fortunate she’s never wandered in during the middle of the night. She sees us show affection occasionally, but her finding him in my bed, or worse in a compromising position, we just aren’t ready for those questions yet.

  Tonight is the night she’ll have her first sleep over at Jan and Steve’s. It’s perfect timing, because Shane came back to Chicago this afternoon, and we’re all going down there together tomorrow. Adam and I figure having Dani there should soften the tense atmosphere that’s surely going to be present.

  When I talked with Shane last night, I heard the uneasiness of coming back to Chicago. My fears rising that bad memories and nightmares could haunt his healing. Adam reiterated to me again, I can’t control his behavior and I have to stop obsessing. That when and if the time comes, we’ll deal with it together.

  My grandma gave me the riot act that I never made it her way while Shane was in rehab. I assured her that next weekend we’ll all come up. Shane can leave the rehabilitation house on weekends from seven to nine, so we’ll pick him up and spend the day with her. She seemed appeased with that.

  Right now, though, I want to push all that aside and focus on my night with Adam. Rushing home to shave every shaveable inch of my body and lotion my skin in my fresh vanilla scent that he loves so much is priority in order to be ready when he pulls up at six o’clock for our special date. He insists we spend the night at his house. Something about we aren’t used to Dani being there, so our minds might not wander to what she’s doing, which would distract us from what we’re doing. I’m very hopeful he knows what he’s talking about, because I’m crave a night where nothing interferes us.