Anywhere But Here

by Paul, JL

  “Today we’re going to work on word exercises,” Mr. Ellis announced, clapping his hands together. His eyes swept my face but he didn’t acknowledge me or my absence. For that, I was also grateful. I’d have to see him after class and find out if I owed him any assignments, but I’d deal with that then. I’d already fabricated an excuse to give my teachers should they ask what happened Friday and I’d rehearsed it so much Sunday night that even I was starting to believe it.

  “I want you to pair up,” he said, indicating that the students in the first row should partner with their neighbor and so forth. My heart fell as I closed my eyes. Of course I’d be stuck with Fin. “I’ll hand out a sheet of words and I want you to work together and come up with at least five synonyms without using your thesauruses.”

  Fin grabbed the corner of my desk and yanked until it butted with his. He took me totally by surprise so that I wasn’t able to shoot him a dirty look. He accepted the sheet of paper from Mr. Ellis and dug a pencil out of his backpack.

  “I’ll do it myself, if you want,” he grumbled.

  “No, I’m perfectly capable of helping,” I said, stung. “I’m not totally stupid.”

  “Never said you were,” he replied as his eyes raced over the list of words. “The first one is ‘happy’.”

  I snorted. “Ecstatic, delirious, on cloud nine…”

  “Hold on,” he complained as he scribbled quickly. He added a few of his own and I waited for him to read the next word. “What the hell? Does he think this is some sort of therapy session?”

  I blanched, panic seizing my heart. Did Fin know? Did Mr. Ellis? Maybe the whole school – that would explain the looks. “What?” I choked.

  Fin shoved the paper under my eyes. “Look, every word is a feeling.”

  My heart slowed as I glanced at the list. I released a weak giggle. “Maybe.” I pointed at the second word. “Sad.”

  “This class,” he said, drawing a tiny smile to my face. He winked at me and my heart vaulted to my throat. “Depressed. Unhappy.”

  “Miserable, gloomy, blue,” I added, a little too easily.

  Fin merely glanced at me as he scrawled the words on our paper. “Angry.”

  My fists clenched but my anger-demon was the one to roll its eyes. “Livid. Furious. Incensed. Outraged. Irate. Fuming. Mad.”

  “I got it, I got it,” he said, shooting me an apprehensive look. “You okay?”

  “Fine,” I said, my teeth clenched. I took in air through my nose, hoping to calm my thundering heart. “What’s next?”

  “Useless.”

  “Is he trying to tell us something?” I asked, the exercise grating on my raw nerves. Sweat collected on the back of my neck, behind my hair, and in my palms, which had relaxed, and started to shake. “This is stupid.”

  “I told you that I’d do it,” he reminded me, his voice soft.

  “Inept, hopeless, bleak, impossible,” I began.

  But instead of writing, he stared at me, his eyes digging into mine. “Rena…”

  “Just write,” I ordered, turning my head to avoid his eyes. I noticed the other pairs in the class either laughing or grimacing, all concentrating on the simple assignment. It wasn’t a drill from the pits of Hades for them so why should it be for me? Why was it that Mr. Ellis seemed to know exactly how I was feeling? Why was he insisting that I jot down every emotion I’d experienced in the past five or six months?

  When class ended, I escaped as quickly as possible, not even bothering to talk to Mr. Ellis. I just wanted to get to my free period and rest my head. I was desperate to beat back the impending headache I could feel forming behind my eyes.

  But it wasn’t to be so. Gina approached me immediately, caution in her eyes and her friends lurking in the background.

  “I didn’t do that to your locker, Rena,” she said firmly.

  “I don’t give a damn,” I said as I rubbed my temples. “I don’t care who did it or why.”

  Shock flittered across her face as she moved closer. “Look, I don’t like you and I can’t stand that Fin can’t seem to stay away from you, but I’m not that type of person.”

  “You threatened me last week,” I pointed out.

  Sighing, she pulled a chair up to my desk. “I say stuff like that all the time. But I never follow through.” She shook her head slightly, disgust washing over her face. “I have no power here – this school isn’t like the ones in the movies. I’m not some sort of queen that has the whole school at my feet.”

  “I don’t care,” I reiterated, pronouncing every word as crisp and clean as possible. “I don’t care what you or your friends do. I don’t care if you and Fin elope. I just don’t care.”

  “Fine,” she said as she jumped to her feet. “Just so you know.”

  She returned to her normal seat, turning her back on me. I dropped my head to my arms that were folded on my desk and let the whole matter slide off my back and to the floor. Petty, immature games were beyond me and I had no desire to engage in them.

  I had other things to deal with at the moment.

  ***

  “So,” Damon said as he tossed a dollar to me and opened a candy bar. “I thought I’d let you know what seems to going on at school since you disappeared at lunch.”

  I rang up his candy bar and shoved the money in the till. “Oh?”

  “Apparently someone let it slip that you’re from a Chicago suburb,” he said as he crunched on his candy.

  “So?” I said with lifted brow. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “So everyone thinks you’re one of those second homers that pollute our fair town in the summer. They all think you fell in love with the town and decided to move here permanently.”

  My brows slammed together as I settled on the rusty stool behind the counter. “So what? I mean, it’s not true but so what if it was?”

  “Rena, Rena, Rena,” Damon said, amusement lighting his eyes. “You are so uneducated when it comes to the workings of this town.”

  “So educate me already and drop the drama act,” I said, slightly perturbed. Why did it matter where I came from? I kept to myself and left everyone alone.

  “You’ve obviously never been here during the summer,” he said. “When the second homers invade our little town and you can hardly move. They pack our beaches and restaurants and drive like maniacs. It’s total chaos.”

  “Yeah,” I said, seeing his point, but having one of my own. “They also frequent your shops and stores and help the economy of this town.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, probably so, but folks around here sort of resent the second homers. Perhaps it’s jealousy or just annoyance but either way, it’s a fact of life.”

  “No one’s given Aunt Franki a hard time,” I said, wondering if that were true. I’d never really taken the time to talk to her about her life.

  “She’s a special case. Franki took care of Mathilda when she was ill and her own family didn’t bother with her. Everyone around here loved Mathilda.” He grinned. “Franki inherited the house and decided to settle here. She’s made a point of getting to know her neighbors and even helps out the ones who need it.”

  “Okay,” I conceded. “So what about this Sabrina that you date?”

  He scowled. “I don’t share the same philosophy as a lot of folks do. Not everyone here hates the second homers – but there are quite a few that do. And they raise their kids to hate them. Hence, the trouble you’re having at school.”

  I digested his theories and sipped a soda. “So, you don’t think Gina stuck the syrup in my locker, either, do you?”

  “Not really,” Damon admitted. “I think it was one of those second homer haters.”

  “Wonderful,” I groaned. “So, now I have a whole slew of enemies and I don’t even know who they are.”

  Damon grinned as he leaned over the counter and tossed his waded up wrapper at the wastebasket. “Don’t worry about it – it’ll die down. Reg is already spreading a counter rumor – the tru
th.”

  My eyes grew as panic nibbled at my heart. “What truth?”

  Damon’s brows dipped. “That you came here to live with your aunt – not that you’re a second homer.”

  “Oh,” I said, relieved. “Okay. But I don’t really care.”

  “Didn’t figure you did,” Damon grinned as he slapped the counter. “I’m outta here. See you tomorrow.”

  I waved absently as I pushed off the stool to straighten the shelves and mull over this new information. When I really thought about it, it seemed like some strange sort of discrimination. But I wouldn’t dwell – I just didn’t really want to care what people thought of me.

  I puttered around the little store, dusting shelves and restocking the dairy cooler, keeping my mind blank. I didn’t want to think about anything because no matter what thought struck my head, it always drifted to somewhere that I didn’t want to go.

  Right around 8:30, the little bell tinkled above the door and an excited shiver shot up my spine. I knew it was Fin and his friend, Isaiah. And I was right.

  I scooted behind the counter, waiting for them to bring their sports drinks and other purchases to me.

  “Rena,” Isaiah said with a smile. “How are you?”

  “Fine,” I said as I watched Fin dig in his pockets to produce a wad of crumpled bills. “How was practice?”

  “Tiring,” Isaiah said, his lips peeling back from straight, white teeth. “How’s the job?”

  “Boring,” I replied as I shot quick glances at Fin. His stiff posture and clenched jaw screamed of his obvious displeasure with me. I swallowed a sigh and lifted a brow at him. “Still mad at me?”

  His head shook slowly, back and forth, his bangs barely moving. “I don’t know what I am when it comes to you, Rena.”

  Isaiah’s eyes darted between Fin and I, his discomfort becoming more and more apparent as the tension thickened. “Hey, Fin – I’ll catch you later, dude. I gotta jet. I’ll see you around, Rena.”

  “Sure,” I said, my eyes not leaving Fin. The bell tinkled again and once the door shut, I slid my elbows on the counter. “Okay, look, I have issues. I don’t want to talk about them but I guess you deserve to know why I’m so…”

  “Mental?” Fin supplied.

  I would have smiled but for the seriousness on his face. “Yeah, I guess,” I conceded. “I’m sorry I keep getting all moody and stuff on you but I’m working on it.”

  He set his sports drink on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes narrowed, scrutinizing the honesty that I hoped was on my face, and his shoulders relaxed a smidgen. “I don’t know what to think about you.”

  “I don’t know what to think about you, either,” I shot back, fury building. “Look, I’m trying to be on the level, here.” Frustration gripped me as I struggled to explain myself – to make amends. I dropped my head, my nose pressing against the counter. “I seem to be constantly apologizing to you, huh?”

  To my amazement, he chuckled. “Yeah, we definitely have some kind of … weird … friendship…thing going on here.”

  I lifted my head a few inches to gape at him. “You think?”

  “How about we start over – try again?” he suggested with such innocent vulnerability all over his face, I couldn’t resist.

  “Okay.”

  “Great,” he said as a huge grin broke out on his mouth. He handed me some cash as I rang up his drink. “I’ll meet you at your locker in the morning.” He winked and my heart did a silly little dance.

  “Sure.”

  Once he left, I finished my duties in a better frame of mind, a little anxious to see him in the morning.

  ***

  I was actually looking forward to school Tuesday morning when I nosed my car into a parking place. I snatched my backpack from the passenger’s seat and hurried into the building. It was quite early but a few students wandered the halls, congregating near lockers to gossip or exchange class notes. Heads turned my way and the whispering started, but I was growing used to it.

  I opened my locker and emptied the books from my bag, exchanging them for the ones I’d need for my morning classes. Just as I slammed the door shut, Fin arrived.

  “Hey,” he said, his mood buoyant but still a little leery.

  “Hey, yourself,” I said with a smile. I leaned against my locker and took in his appearance as my heart began to beat a little faster. He was dressed in jeans and black sneakers. His long sleeved t-shirt stretched across his chest and I couldn’t help but realize just how attracted I was to him.

  “I have to be honest with you,” he said as he rested his back against the locker next to mine, “I wasn’t sure what sort of mood you’d be in today and if last night was actually a fluke.”

  I snorted, a tiny bit put out by his comment, but, whatever - I’d earned it. “Yeah, well, maybe I decided to try.”

  “Good,” he smiled, his eyes lighting up. “So, do you have to go home again this weekend?”

  “No,” I said as my lips pulled into a frown. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

  “Great. I don’t have practice Friday night – do you want to hang out or something?”

  I prickled, instantly defensive. Did I want this…friendship, or whatever it was, to move so quickly? Wouldn’t it be best if we just talked at school and let things go from there?

  But his earnest face was my undoing. And what would it hurt? It wasn’t like he was asking me to the prom or anything. “Yeah, I guess. What do you have in mind?”

  “Nothing fancy,” he said, delighted. His face turned mysterious. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

  “Oh, no,” I said, pushing away from the locker to stand in front of him. “No. Don’t pull that crap on me.”

  He chuckled and ruffled my hair. “Sorry, but I’m not saying a word.”

  “Wonderful,” I groaned. “Is it too late to back out?”

  “Most definitely,” he grinned as he nudged me into walking down the hall. “Don’t worry – it won’t be too bad. I promise not to let you have too much fun.”

  “Sure,” I grumbled good-naturedly. “That’s what they all say.”

  He laughed and the sound did funny things to my insides. I didn’t want to like him for anything more than a friend but I could already feel the electricity flowing between us as we strolled down the hall.

  He was taller than me - my head barely clearing his shoulder – and his legs were long. But he adjusted his stride to match mine as he teased me, making me laugh.

  We walked in a square, just meandering and talking before the warning bell, and I barely noticed the pointed looks of the other students - until we passed Gina and her friends. She glared accusingly at me and I remembered telling her that I didn’t care if she and Fin eloped. My heart clenched in my chest as I glanced at his profile. No, I did care even though I hadn’t wanted to in the past.

  My morning classes seemed to take forever – the clock refusing to lend a hand and speed up a bit – but finally, the lunch bell rang and I hurried to my locker to deposit my books before meeting Fin.

  I grinned wryly as I thought about how my feelings had taken a one-eighty in such a short time. What was it about him that made me suddenly eager to be in his company when just last week I’d thought him an arrogant pest?

  Maybe because Roberta is right – you really need someone. You need someone to yank you out of the despair and gloom of your family life. You need a real, true friend.

  I pondered that thought as I stood before my open locker. Maybe I did need a friend. Sure, I had Damon and his buddies, but I couldn’t see myself confiding in them. I wasn’t ready to confide in Fin, either, but I could see the potential.

  “I thought you didn’t like Fin,” a voice growled behind me.

  I shoved my stuff into my locker, shut it, and turned around slowly. “Excuse me?”

  Gina, alone for once, stood before me, her spine rigid, her eyes filled with fury. “You said you didn’t like him yet you were all over him this morni
ng.”

  “We’re friends,” I said.

  “What changed that?”

  Rolling my eyes, I jutted my left hip out so as to rest my balled fist on it. The anger-demon was frothing at the mouth, ready to let her have it. “I don’t have to explain anything to you. Fin and I are friends now and that’s that. If you don’t like it, sorry for your luck.”

  “Are you dating him?”

  “No,” I said too quickly, but my mind turned to our plans for Friday night. Was it a date or just two friends hanging out? “And so what if I did happen to date him? What are you going to do – threaten me again?”

  “No,” she said, her eyes mere slits. “I just want to know what he sees in you, that’s all.” To prove her point, her eyes roved up and down my body. Mine followed. I wasn’t dressed as fashionably as she was as I’d chosen to wear my usual jeans and sweatshirt with my favorite pair of sneakers. I’d tossed my hair into a ponytail and didn’t bother with makeup.

  “I can’t answer that,” I said with a shrug. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

  “Maybe I will,” she said as she stepped away. “And I’ll give you a little friendly advice. Fin may be showering you with all this attention now but it will die down. He’s all about hockey and nothing else. He wants a hockey scholarship and won’t let anything stand in his way. If I were you, I’d bow out now before he crushes you.”

  So that was it. He’d rejected her for hockey. I fought to keep the amusement off my face – why revel in someone else’s pain? “Yeah, sure. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  I watched her scurry down the hall, no doubt eager to regale the entire conversation to her friends. But my mind rewound and replayed her words. I wondered if maybe her warning had some merit. Was I making a mistake in dropping my guard for him? I was determined to keep things on a friendship level – no matter what my heart said – but what if I slipped? I wasn’t so much worried about him throwing me over for hockey – I’d dealt with worse heartbreak than that. I was worried that I’d let myself get lost in my own social life again – and what would happen this time?