Anywhere But Here

by Paul, JL

  Plenty of our classmates had stopped in for coffee, and a few of them even joined our table briefly, chatting about whatever was going on around town that night. None of them seemed surprised to see us together, sitting closely in a booth. No one noticed that he held my hand under the table, giving my fingers a gentle squeeze from time to time. And no one even mentioned the goofy look that had to be plastered on my face. I was immensely grateful for that.

  When he drove me home, I nibbled on my lip, wondering if he’d kiss me again. He stopped in the driveway and switched off the lights before turning to me.

  “I probably won’t be back until late tomorrow night – like ten or so. If you want, I can call you then,” he said, his eyes searching my face in the dark.

  “That’s fine,” I said as I gave him my cell number. “I’ll probably be awake.”

  “Great,” he said as he inched closer. “Thanks for coming with me tonight.”

  “Thanks for taking me,” I said as I leaned toward him.

  Reaching for me, he cupped my cheek as he pressed his lips gently against mine. My eyes fluttered shut as he applied more pressure. My lips parted and he took advantage, deepening the kiss and stealing my breath. When he pulled back, his hand still resting on my cheek, he smiled.

  “Good night, Rena. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Good night,” I whispered as I reached for the door handle. “Good luck tomorrow.”

  “Thanks,” he said as he pecked my lips once more.

  I floated inside the house, grinning like an idiot at Aunt Franki, who was sitting on the sofa, bowl of popcorn in her lap. Her answering smile made my heart flutter as I remembered her earlier teasing.

  “Yes, it ended up being a date,” I said, still smiling. “Let’s leave it at that.” I squeezed her shoulder as I breezed past her toward the basement.

  “I wasn’t going to say a word,” she laughed.

  I closed my bedroom door and fell on my bed, Fin’s face floating in my mind. My eyes shut as I counted down the hours until he’d call, feeling freer than I had in months.

  Chapter Eleven

  I spent most of Saturday cleaning and rearranging my room since I really didn’t have anything else to do. Aunt Franki had already made plans to meet some of her artist friends in Oakton for lunch and some shopping so I had the place to myself.

  My thoughts constantly drifted back to Fin. I wondered how things were going, if he was practicing or thinking about me. A small smile would flitter across my lips and I was glad that Aunt Franki wasn’t home to see it.

  I stripped my bed, intending to wash my sheets, and found the BoyzTown CD and the peace sign pencil I’d tucked under my pillow last week when I’d performed the same chore. I plopped to the mattress as I held the items close to my heart, a little guilt building inside. I carefully set the pencil and CD on the bedside table as I finished with my bedding and took it to the laundry room.

  As I worked, Camille pranced through my brain, pushing Fin to the side. I tried desperately not to think about what could have possibly happened to her. My heart couldn’t take it. Instead, memories of happier times flooded my thoughts and I leaned against the dryer, queer smile on my lips.

  A trip to the zoo when Camille was just six surfaced to the top of my brain. How delighted she’d been in the petting zoo – until a bold pygmy goat chased her around the little paddock, hell bent on munching on the colorful map in Camille’s chubby fingers. She had finally ducked behind Jared’s legs, sobbing hysterically until my father swept her up in his arms and offered to buy her ice cream.

  And then there was the time that Dad had surprised us all by renting an RV the week after school let out the summer before I entered high school. Mom had protested the expense at first until Dad reasoned that Jared would be graduating the next year and it was our last chance to do a family vacation. Mom had relented and we’d traveled the country for two weeks, stopping whenever we felt like it.

  I slid to the floor, my head humming along with the dryer, as more and more memories invaded my mind, bringing smiles and tears. Loneliness engulfed me as I hugged my knees and wished fervently for my family. I missed them. I missed the easy laughter and the casual dinners. I missed the friends that used to gather at our house – not only mine but Jared’s and Camille’s as well. My mother had baked and cooked and had always welcomed the neighborhood kids. Our house had overflowed with laughter and love.

  Desperate and hurting, I dug my cell phone out of the front pocket of my jeans and dialed a number, crossing my fingers that it wouldn’t go to voice mail. I was immediately rewarded.

  “Hey, Rena,” my brother’s upbeat voice greeted, warming my heart. “What’s up?”

  I opened my mouth to speak but could only croak an indiscernible word.

  “Rena?” he asked, his light voice immediately morphing to one of worry. “Are you all right? Do you need help?”

  “I…” I swallowed, took a breath, and tried again. “I miss you.”

  His silence frightened me more than anything and I wondered if I’d scared him with my admission. He’d always been a decent, tolerant big brother but we’d never been what most would classify as ‘close.’

  “Yeah,” he finally sighed. “I miss you, too, sis.”

  “I was thinking about the time Dad rented the RV and…well…I just needed to talk to you.”

  “Hey, um, I was tossing around the idea of coming up there for a weekend. What do you think?”

  A reluctant smile spread across my lips as I pictured Jared’s tall frame walking through the door. He was a handsome brother – over six feet tall with broad shoulders and the Hamilton signature blond hair and green eyes. He had played football in high school and even though he didn’t continue in college, he still managed to keep in shape. Many of my former friends had had crushes on him at one time or another and it always filled my heart with pride.

  “I think it would be great,” I said. “Aunt Franki would love it. Of course, you might have to crash on the sofa.”

  He laughed and even though it wasn’t the deep laughter that used to reverberate off the walls, it was still nice. “I don’t mind.”

  “Cool,” I said. “So, what weekend?”

  “I don’t know yet,” he sighed. “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”

  I rolled my eyes, a goofy grin on my face. My big brother – so busy he actually had a schedule. My smile fell along with my heart. Maybe it was an excuse. Maybe he was avoiding me just like I was avoiding my parents. Maybe he was putting me off – trying to come up with a feasible reason. “So, you have a schedule now, huh?”

  He grunted. “Class projects and papers due soon. I need to check the dates and stuff.”

  “Sure. Just let me know,” I said, the wind leaving my sail. The dryer buzzed, signaling the end of the drying cycle and startling me out of my morose mood. “Hey, um, I gotta go. My laundry is done. Just call me when you know what weekend you can come.”

  “Sure, sis,” he said. “Take care and stay out of trouble.”

  Agreeing, I ended the conversation. Loneliness blanketed me again as I crammed my phone back into my pocket and grabbed my bedding from the dryer. I made my bed, returning the CD and pencil to their rightful place under my pillow. I fell on the lilac-scented bedspread and stared at the ceiling, my mind whirling a hundred miles a minute. Just when things seemed to be righting themselves, a whole slew of confusing emotions invaded my body. Now I just didn’t know what to feel.

  That night, after dinner, I logged onto the Internet and surfed aimlessly in a desperate attempt to kill time. My eyes kept wandering to the little clock on the bottom right hand corner of my screen. I wondered what time Fin would get back in town and if he’d call. I wondered if he'd won. I wondered if he’d thought at all about our non-date that had turned into a date. And I wondered, mostly, what it meant for us. Were we a couple now? Or still friends? So many questions to ask but not enough guts to ask them.

  I checked
my email but had nothing but spam. With a sigh, I signed into an instant messaging program, invisible of course, and counted all my former friends who’d logged on, too. I didn’t message any of them, just stared at their names like an idiot, imagining what they were talking about. I remembered being in the middle of all the discussions – having tons of windows opened at once.

  Disheartened and feeling quite foolish, I closed it out and sat like a lump at the desk, staring at the monitor and wondering what to do just as my cell phone rang.

  “Hello?” I answered quickly.

  “Hey,” Fin rumbled in my ear. “Did I wake you?”

  “Nope. I was just messing around on the computer.” A smile engulfed my face. “Did you win?”

  “Yeah, we did,” he said, weariness in his voice. “I scored a goal, too.”

  “Great,” I said. “Congratulations.”

  “So, what did you do today?”

  “Nothing, really. Laundry.” I bit my lip as the tension seeped through the phone line. This was far too hard. “Um, so, do you practice tomorrow?”

  “No, not until Monday night,” he said, a frown in his voice. “I have a Physics test Tuesday so I’m not sure when I’m going to study. It really sucks.”

  “It does,” I said, my heart falling. “Guess you’ll have to study tomorrow.”

  “Sounds like you missed me and you’re disappointed you can’t see me tomorrow,” he chuckled. “And by the way, last night was a date, you know. Our first.”

  “Whatever,” I grumbled, although my heart secretly cheered. “Keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night.”

  “Okay, then, how about if I take you out Friday night on an official date? We’ll do the whole, dinner-movie whatever thing. What do you say?”

  “Yeah, sure, but only if get to pick the movie,” I said, fighting a smile. “I’m not into hockey flicks.”

  His laugh rumbled through the phone, tickling my ear. I snuggled under my blankets, weariness seeping into my bones. He took a breath. “I don’t think there are any hockey flicks out at the moment, anyway. But go ahead and pick.”

  My eyes started drooping but I wasn’t ready to end the conversation despite the growing lateness. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

  He chuckled again. “So, you missed me that much that you want to see me tomorrow, huh?”

  I snorted. “Not really – just making small talk.”

  “Whatever. You keep telling yourself that, babe, if it helps you sleep at night,” he said, chuckling as he mimicked me.

  I snorted again, not deigning to answer.

  “Actually, I have a family thing tomorrow in Oakton. It’ll take all day, probably.”

  “Sucks to be you,” I mumbled over a yawn. “Guess I’ll see you in school on Monday.”

  “Dream about me,” he said then hung up. I laughed as I closed my phone and slid it on the night stand.

  ***

  As I wandered to my locker Monday morning, I pondered my relationship with Fin. Were we in a relationship? Were we exclusive or just dating? Were we still just friends?

  “How was the weekend?” Damon asked, moseying over to lean on the neighboring locker. “Anything interesting happen?”

  I squinted at him, my eyes narrowed in suspicion. Did he know about Friday night? Did someone see us and already start the gossip chain? “Not really.”

  He nodded, a faraway look in his eyes. “Cool.”

  “What’s up?” I asked as I took a better, deeper look at him. His usually bright eyes were dull and his shoulders slumped. I gathered my books and slammed my locker, leaning against it to face him fully.

  “Nothing, man. Just a minor disagreement between me and Sabrina, that’s all,” he said. He took a deep breath that puffed out his chest then released it real slow so that it tousled the fringe of bangs peeking out from under his black beanie. “We’ve had ‘em before but it’s tough, you know, when she lives so far away.”

  “Sorry, Damon,” I said in all sincerity. “Anything I can do?”

  “Nah,” he said with a ghost of a smile. He tugged my sleeve and forced me to walk with him through the fairly quiet halls.

  It was still early and very few students were milling about lockers or classrooms, talking or reading. I liked coming to school early when there weren’t a lot of people loitering or yelling loudly to their friends. You could move through the halls at your leisure and not have to worry about jostling elbows or raucous horseplay. Plus, you could hear yourself think and when I wasn’t roaming the halls with Fin or Damon, I liked to sit in the library and read or browse on the library computers.

  But Damon had serious issues on his mind no matter how he downplayed his ‘disagreement’. I hoped, for his sake, that he wasn’t on the verge of a breakup – but it had to be tough to maintain a long-distance relationship.

  “So, what happened?” I prodded gently.

  “Oh, we were just arguing about the same thing,” he said, a flash of irritation crossing his face. “She thinks I’m all upset and stuff because her family has some dough, you know? I mean, my old man doesn’t do too badly but we don’t have the cash her family does.” He paused, stopping in the middle of the hallway. “I swear I could care less. It doesn’t matter to me how much money her father makes – it ain’t like if we ever get married or something he’s going to give it all to us.”

  I just nodded, tight-lipped. He nudged me and we continued to walk.

  “Her old man is cool. He expects her and her siblings to get jobs, go to college, all that stuff. He doesn’t want them to expect a hand out or anything.”

  “Then don’t worry about it,” I said, not quite sure what else to say. “It will blow over.”

  “Yeah, probably,” he said, still a bit grim. He screwed his face up in concentration then perked. “I’m sure of it.”

  “Hey, there you are!”

  Damon and I turned to find Fin striding toward us. My heart quivered as my lips fought to curl across my face in a dopey grin. I fixed him with an aloof look instead.

  “Hey, Fin,” Damon said with more animation. “Heard you guys won the game.”

  “Yeah,” Fin said with a smirk. “It was a great game.” His eyes drifted to me and his smirk deepened into a challenge, daring me to contradict his next statement. “So, did Rena tell you about our non-date?”

  “Huh?” Damon asked as his befuddled eyes darted between the two of us. “What?”

  With an exasperated groan, I gave Fin a one-armed shove, shooting him a dirty look. “He made me go ice skating Friday night and tried to call it a date. I said it wasn’t.”

  Damon’s brow furrowed as he continued to gape at us. “What the hell? Was it a date or not?”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  I huffed and glared at Fin. He just chuckled and captured my hand in his. “It was a date, she even admitted it later, but for some reason, she’s reneging.”

  I tried to shake my hand free but he held it tighter. Damon’s face lit up as he nudged me with his shoulder. “You two are like a couple, huh? Cool.”

  “We are not a couple,” I said through clenched teeth as I struggled to loosen Fin’s hold.

  “We’re not?” Fin asked as he lifted a brow in mock confusion. “Hmm. Maybe after our real date this Friday we will be.”

  I growled at him as Damon draped an arm over my shoulders. “Chill out, Rena – it’s cool. I sort of figured you two would hook up sooner or later.”

  I surrendered with a heavy sigh and shrugged out from under Damon’s arm. I began my trek through the halls, hand still trapped in Fin’s. It was sort of nice, even though as more people appeared in the halls, the more curious looks we received. I just ignored them like I had in the past and concentrated on the sport-filled conversation between Damon and Fin.

  My morning classes flew by as it seemed every one of my teachers wanted to take out their frustrations on what must have been a miserable weekend on all of us. My right hand started to
cramp from constant note taking.

  It must have been all of the intense assignments and lectures that kept me from paying any attention to the whispers and texting all morning. It wasn’t until Reg mentioned it during casual conversation at lunch that I realized what had been going on all around me.

  Reg’s friendly demeanor had returned – toward our table, anyway. She still had an outward annoyance for the rest of the school population and showed her disgust by glaring at anyone who dared look our way.

  Shane was quizzing Fin on Saturday’s game, leaning across the table, greedily digesting every detail while the rest of us nibbled on our lunch.

  “Did you go to the game, Rena?” Reg asked.

  I shook my head, brows dipping over my eyes. “No.”

  “Oh,” she said as she unwrapped a brownie. “I was just wondering because everyone is talking about you again.”

  A sliver of carrot stuck in my suddenly dry throat and I coughed until Fin thumped me on the back. He eyed me in concern but I was intent only on what Reg had to say. “What are they saying?”

  She lifted a shoulder. “Just talking about how friendly you and Fin are now, that’s all. Wondering if you two are a couple or not. You know how the rumors are in this school.”

  “Unfortunately,” I grumbled.

  “At least it’s not something bad this time,” Fin said with a smile.

  “So says you,” I muttered but couldn’t help but return his smile.

  He leaned over and pecked my cheek, just as Gina walked by on her way to her table. Her eyes glazed over us, a nonchalant mask on her face. But I could read the tension in her shoulders like a dog-eared book. She wasn’t happy in the least and I’d have to face her wrath – most likely in the form of a tongue lashing – during my free period.

  I pushed Gina out of my mind during Creative Writing as I listened to Mr. Ellis explain the next few assignments we’d have to turn in before the end of the month, including an essay on our families. Great. A sliver of fear sliced my heart and lodged deep inside as I contemplated exactly what I would write.