Anywhere But Here

by Paul, JL

  "I'll take her car to your house," Fin offered. "Grant rode with me this morning and he can follow in my car."

  "Thanks, Fin," Aunt Frankie said as we moved to my locker so I could fish my keys out of my bag.

  My hand shook as I dropped the keys in his palm then gathered my belongings. "Thank you," I said, my voice a whisper. "Um, sorry about tonight. I'll try to call later."

  He nodded and gave me a quick hug. The warning bell rang and the principal ordered him to class. I slammed my locker and followed my aunt out the front door to her car. Once I was belted and we were tearing out of the drive, I finally plucked the courage to ask. "Is it Camille?"

  She released a long, shaky breath. "The authorities don't know for sure. Some men found a body in the woods about fifteen miles from your subdivision. They're waiting for dental records to identify her."

  I closed my eyes as my heart ached and my lungs shriveled. I searched my feelings to find some sort of emotion and was horrified that I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be Camille or not.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The drive was excruciating, to say the least, and I had a hard time sitting still as the miles flew past my window. So many questions flooded my mind and ached to fall out of my mouth but I was too afraid to voice them. I didn't know if I wanted answers.

  "They should know soon if it's Camille or not," Aunt Franki said, her hands gripping the wheel so tightly her knuckles were as white as the snow.

  I nodded, my body numb and my heart beating frantic rhythms. I longed to call Fin and hear his soothing voice but I didn't know what I'd tell him. I wasn't ready to reveal this whole mess just yet - things were far too new. And as much as I fought it, I really, really liked him and didn't want to scare him off with my family problems. I could hardly deal with them - what would they do to him?

  The trip seemed to take forever and yet when we finally pulled into my drive, it had seemed like it had taken no time at all. Leaping from the car, I dashed up the walk, ripping the door open in my haste to see my family.

  "Easy, Rena," Jared said with a forced smile as he grabbed my arms. "How are you?"

  I fell into him, wrapping my arms around his waist as the sobs I'd been holding back in the car finally erupted. Jared smoothed my hair, murmuring words of nonsense to me as Aunt Franki crept inside, slipping past us in search of my mother.

  "What do we know?" I asked as I pulled away to wipe my face.

  "Nothing, yet," Jared said as he took my hand and led me into the dining room. "The police are in the living room with the parents. Mom's pretty wired but Dad is preparing himself for the worst, I think."

  "I should see them," I said, though my stomach clenched at the idea. What if the blame was in their eyes? What if neither one of them could look at me?

  "Let's get your emotions under control, first," Jared said, forcing me into a chair. "I'll tell you everything I know."

  I dropped my hands to my lap, folding and unfolding them as I waited for Jared to collect his thoughts and arrange them in a way that he could relate without totally upsetting me. He drew a couple breaths and blew puffs of air at his bangs. I took a long look at him, really noticing him, and was surprised at how different he looked. He was only twenty yet he had a sort of maturity etched in his face. He appeared to be a man of the world, not a college student. His blond hair, so like mine, was a bit longer, not nearly as tidy as he usually kept it. And his big green eyes, also like mine, were dull and lifeless, as if they'd seen too much.

  "My class was canceled this morning so I decided to come home and check on Mom and Dad," he explained. "I'd only been here an hour when the police knocked on the door. They said they'd received a call from some men who'd stumbled upon a body in the woods up near Willow Creek." He took another breath, I think to chase away his own tears, and continued. "They said it was a girl who they guessed to be about ten years old and they suspect it could be Camille."

  Swallowing a huge lump, I nodded. "Um, how come someone can't just go down and identify the body?"

  "Well," Jared said as his eyes avoided my face. "Um, this girl's face is ... um ... unrecognizable. You know, being outside for a long time and stuff."

  My stomach churned, threatening to reject what little I had eaten that morning. I squeezed my right hand with my left as I tried to digest everything. I still didn't know if I wanted it to be my sister or not. On the one hand, at least we'd all have some closure and eventually, maybe we could somehow be a family again. But on the other hand, I still wished fervently for my little sister to come home. I didn't want her to be dead. I wanted her here, with us.

  "So, what happens next?" I asked.

  "Dr. Lloyd's office sent the coroner Camille's dental records and I guess we just wait to see if they match," Jared said as if explaining a simple addition problem to me. "Someone put a rush on it so we should know soon."

  I sighed, letting the air slowly breeze past my lips. I strained to hear what was going on in the other room, summoning the courage to face my parents.

  It didn't really matter, actually, because they needed me and I needed to see them. I needed to put my own feelings aside and be there for my family. I stood on jelly legs, giving my brother a feeble smile.

  "I'm going to see Mom and Dad," I announced, briefly wondering why they hadn't inquired after me already. Perhaps Aunt Franki had told them I was with Jared and they figured he'd bring me up to speed.

  "Okay," he said as he, too, rose and followed me toward the living room. Seated close together on the couch were my parents, Aunt Franki sitting on the arm closest to Mom. Two police officers sat across from them on the loveseat, their badges glimmering in the low light from a nearby lamp.

  Aunt Franki was speaking in a quiet voice as I ambled into the room. My dad spotted me and flashed a brief smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Rising, he crossed the room to wrap me in an embrace. I sank into him, relishing the strength I knew he possessed somewhere inside, as I inhaled his scent. He ran his hands up and down my back before dropping a kiss to the top of my head.

  "How are you, kiddo?" he whispered.

  I edged back to nod at him, clearing my throat to speak. "Fine. Um, how are you and Mom doing?"

  "Oh, we're fine, honey. Just, waiting, you know. Come on and have a seat."

  I followed him to the sofa and bent to kiss my mother's cheek. Her lips twitched as she spared me a quick glance then turned her attention back to the police officers. I sat between my parents and waited, like everyone else, for something to happen.

  Around six that evening, Jared mentioned something about dinner and left the room to order pizzas none of us would probably eat. While Jared was in the dining room speaking into his cell phone, the doorbell rang. Dad dashed off to answer it, the police officers on his trail. I exchanged a glance with Aunt Franki before following.

  "Mr. Hamilton," a man said as Dad allowed him into the house. I recognized him as Don Luther, the detective in charge of my sister's case. My knees knocked as I leaned against the wall for support, holding my breath.

  "Thanks for coming by, Don," Dad said in a wavering voice. "Do you know anything yet?"

  Detective Luther closed the door and gripped my dad's arm. "The dental records don't match."

  I sagged in relief against the wall, slipping slowly to the floor as my heart danced in jubilation. My mother wrapped her arms around Aunt Franki as a gasp of joy slipped through her lips.

  "I knew it wasn't my baby," Mom cried, hugging Aunt Franki fiercely. "I just knew it."

  Aunt Franki managed a weak smile in my direction as she returned Mom's embrace. I remained on the floor while my father and the police officers quietly discussed some details that I couldn't quite make out. Jared joined the celebration, his face somber despite the good news. Unfortunately, I knew exactly how he was feeling: his emotions all jumbled because although we knew this unfortunate girl was not our sister, we were back to square one. And I didn't know how to feel about it.

  ***

>   Everyone went to bed early that night. As I curled up in my old bed, I just couldn't relax and allow myself to fall asleep. Images of Camille swirled through my head along with all sorts of theories about her disappearance.

  And Guilt returned to keep me company.

  Was I happy that the discovered body wasn't Camille? I didn't know. The guilt was tearing me up inside. I longed desperately for answers - for closure.

  I kicked the blankets off my body, padded silently out of my room, and down the hall. I paused at a closed door. Tracing the wood carefully with the tips of my fingers, I rested my forehead on the smooth grain. Fumbling in the dimly lit hallway, I found the doorknob and twisted it, surprised it was unlocked. I pushed it open and crept inside, flipping the light switch after I closed the door.

  The room was a horrid bright pink with an equally horrid pink and purple polka-dotted comforter and curtain set. A student desk was shoved in the corner, a stack of overdue library books piled on top. The BoyzTown guys and other kids’ show stars smiled at me, their faces frozen on the posters that hid some of the horrid pink paint.

  I stood before the bookshelf my father and Jared had built that housed a menagerie of stuffed lions and bears and dogs. I touched many of them, not at all surprised that none of them had collected dust - Mom was obsessive about keeping the room perfect.

  Tons of photos were tucked into the frame of the mirror above the dresser - pictures of Camille and her friends smiling and posing for the camera. Happy faces of ten and eleven year old girls with their entire lives ahead of them - looking forward to their teen years and the excitement of high school. I remembered Camille shadowing me and my friends, listening with rapt attention when we talked about dances or football games.

  I glanced around the room at the posters and the stuffed animals and realized that my little sister had been caught in that awkward period - not quite a mature young lady but no longer a little girl. She had only been ten when she'd been taken, a month from her eleventh birthday, and never had the chance to grow and become a teenager or a young adult. Who knew if she'd ever come back. Who knew if she'd ever be a bride or a mother or even the Homecoming Queen.

  I sank to the bed, cuddling the tattered white teddy bear that Jared had won at the county fair years ago - the one I longed to stuff into my bag and take back to Dunewood with me. But Mom would notice and probably go ballistic.

  I fell onto the pillows, holding the bear to my chest as my dancing emotions kicked up a notch and exploded. Tears sprang from my eyes, landing in my hair and in the fur of the poor bear. I stifled my sobs as my eyes closed and eventually, sometime before dawn, I slipped into an uneasy sleep.

  ***

  "What are you doing?"

  The screeching voice aroused me from slumber. I shot straight up, a bit disoriented by the sunlight streaming through the polka-dotted curtains and the angry woman looming over me.

  "Huh?" came my befuddled response.

  "Why are you in here?" Mom demanded, her face pulled into a horrified grimace, her hands flying in every direction.

  "I...um...fell asleep," I said feebly.

  "You should not be in here," she said, her eyes glazed with a thin layer of insanity. "Get out, now!"

  I jumped to my feet, the battered teddy bear tumbling to the ground, and trembled with fear and uncertainty. "Mom?"

  "Out!" she shouted, pointing to the door.

  I scrambled toward it quickly but was stopped by my dad's bulky body. "What is going on in here?" he asked, his hair tousled and sleep still lingering in his eyes. "Rena?"

  I shook my head, tears coursing down my cheeks. I wanted to escape but he obstructed freedom and wasn't about to move without answers.

  "She shouldn't be in here," Mom said, her voice teetering on the edge of normal and enraged. "No one is allowed in here."

  "April, get a hold of yourself," Dad ordered as he took my hand. "Rena didn't hurt anything."

  "I want her out of here! And you, too!"

  "April!" Aunt Franki shouted as she pushed past my father and grabbed Mom's shoulders. "Stop this nonsense, now!"

  Dad released me as Mom's hands flayed out, nearly knocking Aunt Franki to the floor. I scooted around him and fled, bumping into Jared on the way to my own room.

  "What the hell is going on?" Jared demanded, stopping my progress.

  I couldn't speak, the tears were choking me while my lungs constricted, blazing inside my chest. My head pounded as my hands trembled. I just wanted to run and bury my face in my own pillow. I wanted to wallow in self-pity and mourn my broken family. I wanted to hide.

  "This room is off limits and you know it, William!" Mom's voice rose higher and higher, making Jared wince. He gently shoved me aside so he could join the fray. I didn't wait around - I fled to my room as the argument continued.

  "I know, I know, April, but perhaps Rena just forgot," Dad cooed.

  I slammed my door, not waiting to hear Mom's response. Perhaps I was too afraid. I cowered in my bed, yanking my blankets over my head as I continued to cry and curse the world with all its cruelties and evilness.

  I finally settled enough to hear someone slip into the room and sit on the edge of my bed. I sighed heavily, knowing it was one of the adults here to console me and feed me lots of grown up advice.

  "Rena, sweetheart," Dad said in a soft voice. I pulled the blanket back a touch to peek at him. He tried to smile but it was warbled. His sad eyes were bloodshot and his hair grayer than the last time I'd been home. "Honey, about your mom..."

  "What about her? That's she's turning into a freak?" I shot, regretting the words almost immediately.

  "Rena," he said patiently as he awkwardly patted my blanketed knee. "You know how hard this has been on your mother."

  "It's been hard on the rest of us, too," I said as I scooted up the headboard. "And none of us are freaking out on the others."

  "She's under a lot of stress..."

  "And so are you! But you're not exploding at me for entering my little sister's room!"

  "I know, I know," he appeased, lifting his defeated eyes to the ceiling. He took a deep breath before collecting me in his strong arms. "Honey, Mom just...well...she just needs some time. She's a mother and it's really hard on a mother when something happens to one of their children."

  I could see his point - sort of - but I was her child, too, and, even though I was seventeen, I still needed my mother. But I couldn't say that to my father. I didn't want him to feel bad, too. I swallowed my pride and my anger and offered a smile.

  "Yeah, sure. I get it," I said. Dad hugged me, kissed my head, then left. Heaving a sigh, I slipped off my bed to shower. I dressed in clothes that I'd left behind when I'd packed to go to Aunt Franki's. I threw my damp hair in a lumpy ponytail without so much as a second glance in the mirror.

  I joined my subdued family for breakfast in the dreary dining room. Well, my family minus my mother who, I suspected, was back at the computer, monitoring chat rooms and updating her friends on the latest. I slipped into a chair and thanked Aunt Franki when she slid a plate of pancakes in front of me.

  I forced chunks of food into my mouth, chewing automatically without even tasting anything. My father ate with gusto and chatted with faux enthusiasm. I wondered, probably for the first time, how he genuinely felt about this entire situation. Not that I would ask, though. No need to expose his true feelings and put him on the spot. Besides, I wasn't sure that I really wanted to know.

  Mom hurried into the room to fill her coffee cup from the half-full pot on the maker, not bothering with milk, sugar, or conversation. I watched her with wary eyes, anger rising in my throat and effectively blocking my breakfast. I carefully set my fork on the table, next to my plate, and prepared to rip into her as she'd done to me earlier. Jared caught my movements and shook his head at me. With another typical roll of my eyes, I slumped in my seat. I complied with my brother’s silent wishes and kept my mouth shut.

  "Are you going to join us for breakfast, A
pril?" Dad asked as he unfolded the morning paper.

  "No, I have to update Camille's website. I don't want people to stop looking for her," Mom said, her brow furrowed in fright. She shook her head in disgust. "I don't think any of the big city news stations picked up her story. I think the only thing they reported on was the girl's real identity - they didn't mention Camille at all."

  Anger roiled in my stomach, churning up the little bit of pancakes I'd managed to eat, and I slid up in my seat, my hands fisted on either side of my plate. I ignored Jared's pointed looks as I addressed my mother in the cold, stony voice I'd used when I first joined the ranks at Dunewood High School. "What about the family of that poor girl, huh? What about them?"

  "I'm sorry for them, yes," Mom said with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. "But my main concern is for Camille."

  "You mean your only concern," I countered a bit petulantly. Jared groaned and dropped his head in his hands.

  "Enough, Rena," Dad said sternly as he set his paper aside.

  "You're right," I said as I pushed my plate away and shoved my chair back. "It is enough. It's time to put Camille to rest, don't you think?"

  My mother's face fell, her jaw nearly hitting the floor. Her coffee mug slipped from her fingers, shattering and sending drops of coffee and ceramic everywhere. "How dare you? How dare you give up on your sister!"

  Although our voices were rising and there was a huge coffee mess on the floor, the rest of my family seemed frozen and unable to even blink an eye - their tongues stuck to the roof of their mouths.

  But mine wasn't - it was loose and ready to roll. "I haven't given up, Mother. I just think that she's been gone so long that the chances aren't looking too great for her." I swallowed and lifted my chin. "I think she's probably dead. Matter of fact, I think that if she's gone through the horrible things we hear about on television, it's best that she is dead."

  Mom's face paled as all the blood fled to her feet. Her mouth opened and closed as the words she wanted to scream at me worked their way up her throat. Finally, she heaved a huge breath and forced the words in the air. "Get out. Get out of this house! I'm through with you!"