Anywhere But Here
Page 29
But sometimes, a horror like the one my family went through pulls things back together again. Maybe they’re not perfect like they used to be – maybe they’re stronger. And maybe you realize that sometimes bad, horrible things happen for a reason and no matter how much you blame yourself, you have no control over such things.
I don’t know why such a horrendous thing happened to my family. I don’t know why it had to happen to Camille who was a sweet, beautiful girl – innocent and naïve. She’d only wanted to dance on stage and enter high school so she could imitate me and get involved with all that high school has to offer. She’d had dreams and hopes and wishes. And she had tons of love to give.
Although I know I may never forgive myself, a part of me knows that Camille has already forgiven me. She loved me, after all, and even though we’ve fought in the past, hurled ugly words at each other, that love will never, ever die. I know, deep in my heart, that my baby sister loved me so very much until that moment when her life was snatched from her – just as I will love her until I take my last breath.
Maybe this essay doesn’t make much sense to anyone, but it makes perfect sense to me. This essay is a small token of my love for the little girl that used to tagalong behind me, hanging on my every word. This essay is to honor the girl who might have grown up to be a famous ballerina, married to a Jonas brother. But mostly, this essay is a tribute to a special person who will always hold a place in my heart.
So, Camille, this essay is my promise to you that I will do everything in my power to help our family heal and to come to terms with your death. This is my vow that I will allow myself to heal and to live a life – my life, not yours, because that’s how you’d want it.
In conclusion, I guess what I’m trying to say here is that family is more than just parents and children, aunts and uncles, cousins and nephews and nieces. Families struggle, fall apart, come together. Some families are different than others. Some families are large while others are small. No family is perfect but when there’s love, the family is strong. And they can make it through anything.
Smiling, I marched through the crowd of students hurrying toward the exits until I reached Mr. Ellis’s classroom. He stood at his desk, packing books and folders into his briefcase but paused to smile at me.
“Rena, what are you still doing here? It’s Friday and I thought you’d be in a hurry to escape this place for the weekend,” he teased, a touch of concern flickering in his eyes.
I thrust the paper at him. “Um, I wanted to give you my essay. I spent Free Period in the computer lab so I could touch it up and I wanted to turn it in before the weekend.”
“Great,” he said as he tucked it gently into a file folder. “Thanks.”
“Have a nice weekend,” I said, waving as I bolted from the classroom, eager to do as he said and escape for a few days – to just be a teenager.
I spotted Fin leaning against his car, waiting for me. I ran to him, hurling my body into his arms. Catching me, he kissed me sweetly. “Are you finally finished with that essay you’ve been obsessing over?”
I nodded, my heart strangely free. “Yes, I am. And I’m yours for the evening, though we can’t be too late – you have a playoff game tomorrow.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, grinning. He kissed me again as he opened the door.
We discussed ideas for our evening together until he parked in front of Aunt Franki’s. He glanced curiously at the quiet little house before looking at me. His brow furrowed as he reached out to trace my jaw line.
“What?” I asked, my heart thundering in my chest. “What’s the matter?”
He lifted a shoulder. “I was thinking that, well, after your sister’s death that you might move back in with your parents.”
My face screwed up in concentration. “I thought a lot about it while I was there after the funeral,” I admitted. “I do think I need to spend more time with them than I have in the past, especially once I finish school. My family needs to work through all of this and we will – Roberta has us meeting once a month for some family counseling.”
Confusion grew on his face. “But, don’t you belong with your family?”
Smiling, I leaned over the console to kiss him softly. “I love my family very much and I’m committed to helping all of us heal and reconnect, but I don’t feel like I belong in that town anymore.” My smile widened as I gazed out the windows at the neat houses lining Aunt Franki’s street. “I have family here, now, too - family that helped me through a rough time in my life – even though they might not have known it. Honestly, Fin, I don’t think I belong anywhere but here.”
Tugging me closer, he pressed his lips to mine. I knew, in that moment, that I was absolutely right. As I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck, I was sure that Camille was somewhere watching, clapping her hands and squealing with glee. And that was all the approval I needed.