My Husband's Sin

by Mary T Bradford

  “Yes, we met for coffee and he mentioned that Dad left a letter for me, and when I told him I never got it, he was shocked, upset even!” Lacey threw her arms up in the air. “What a family, eh?”

  “Oh God, not more surprises,” Sally groaned.

  There was silence, not a word was spoken, both women lost in thought, their eyes betraying both bewilderment and tiredness. Eventually Sally took the lead.

  “I’m shattered, Lacey, so I’m going to bed. Stay here tonight and things may be clearer in the morning.”

  “Suits me.” Lacey too was weary. She hoped the letter from her father was only misplaced, and not destroyed.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Robert’s life – both at work and at home – was going better. So the latest phone call from Sally, requesting an “urgent meeting”, irritated him. Some recent fallout, no doubt, he thought. He was getting fed up with his bloody family; this would be the last urgent meeting he was agreeing to. Derek had made it clear he was taking charge of Willow, and Lacey was plodding along with her own task. He wanted to make time with Aoife his priority now. He saw her in his future for sure, which pleased him.

  Thinking back, he remembered he had gone running to Sally when he had been annoyed over the antics in Sherman’s office. He owed her this one meeting. But this one, and no more. He wasn’t letting his life get dragged down again.

  Sally greeted him with a warm hug when he arrived, and he followed her through to the kitchen of their old family home.

  “Well, Sal, what’s the latest drama that has unfolded in order for you to summon your brother?” He sat by the door facing the garden window, fingers tapping on the table.

  “Willow.”

  Holding his hands up, Robert protested, “Derek made it clear she was his problem.” His voice was firm. “Next issue on the agenda.” He knew he came across as being mean, but enough was enough.

  “I’m leaving after Christmas,” Sally replied quietly.

  “What? Why?” He hadn’t expected that. His sister pulled out a chair and sat down near him, hugging herself tightly as though she was struggling to speak.

  “I’m drowning here, Rob. I can’t do the normal living-in-one-spot thing. I’m going to rent out this place and head off to pastures new.”

  Seeing her nervous and vulnerable, he softened his tone and nodded gently towards her.

  “Fair enough, Sis. I suppose it was inevitable. Don’t blame you, really. Maybe Aoife and I might visit,” he said, smiling at the thought.

  “Rob, that would be great. She’s a lovely a girl. I’m happy for you, honestly.”

  Even though he didn’t need it, Sal’s approval of Aoife meant a lot to him. It felt good to be part of a couple, to belong somehow.

  “So that leaves Lacey. Any word from her? How’s the hunt for the mother going?”

  “Why not ask her yourself?” Sally answered. “She’s standing behind you.”

  Robert turned in the chair and saw his sister leaning against the kitchen doorway. She looked sleepy and wasn’t even dressed, a dressing-gown wrapped around her.

  “Ask me what?” Lacey said, as she yawned.

  “Lacey, how are you? I haven’t seen you since…” Rob’s voice trailed off as he recalled the restaurant scene.

  Lacey picked the kettle up and went to fill it with water. Making some toast and fresh tea, she busied herself about the kitchen, ignoring their brother.

  Sally pressed on. “Our main concern is Willow right now. I’ve been over to visit and...hang on Rob, let me finish.” He nodded his acceptance to listen. “Like I said, she is in a bad state. Derek is a complete wreck and I’m thinking we need to admit her somewhere for help and counselling.”

  “How do you propose to do that?” Rob asked. Did they not realise Willow was a woman of iron willpower?

  “Shouldn’t Derek be here if we are discussing his wife’s future?” Lacey pulled up a chair to the table and joined the others. Munching on her buttered toast, she looked from one to the other for an answer.

  “Derek is happy to accept whatever we decide. In fairness, Willow isn’t easy to live with when sober, let alone drunk. He really is wiped out with it all,” Sally’s voice was sad.

  “Have you any ideas, Sal?” Rob’s tone was considerate; it was not the time to be selfish.

  This was the big sister who had always led the charge when they were young. The strong, “don’t mess with me” girl who had always guided everyone along the way. Now Willow was a broken woman, as if she too had died along with Lillian. Willow needed them.

  “What about the retreat house in Carlow? A lad I worked with attended there. He had a drink addiction and they really helped sort his life out. It’s called something like Succour House,” Lacey suggested, knowing the difference the treatment centre had made to her work colleague’s life.

  “Perpetual Succour House?” Sally spoke.

  “That’s it. Beautiful grounds, top class doctors and counsellors. Maybe they could help Willow. Will we suggest it to Derek?” Lacey looked at the two of them for their response.

  “I think the three of us should be with him when he talks to Willow about it. A united front, and she might understand we mean it for her own good.” Sally seemed determined that the family should stand and support each other.

  “Okay, let’s do it. Why not today? Get the ball rolling.” Rob stood up, urging the girls to move. They agreed that Rob would contact Derek to make sure to have Willow at home, and they would all meet at four o’clock at Willow’s house.

  * * *

  “Don’t worry, Lacey. We’ll sort you out, too,” Sally hugged her, as they heard the front door close behind Robert.

  “I have a name, Sally,” she whispered, clutching Sally’s arm.

  “Really, that’s great, what is it?” Sally seemed excited to hear the news.

  “Cora Maguire. Oh, Sally, if I could just get Dad’s letter, it might solve everything. I can’t believe Lillian would be so nasty as to destroy it.” Her bottom lip quivered. She didn’t want to cry, not again; her life seemed like an endless river of tears. Anyhow, Willow was the priority for them right now. Her search could keep for a bit longer.

  “No, no, she wouldn’t have done. Look, how about we sort Willow, and then you and I come back here and go through Mum’s stuff together?” It was as though she had read Lacey’s thoughts.

  The sisters knew a tough mission awaited them this afternoon. Their project to sort Willow out would be tricky. Willow might agree, or she could scream her way through their meeting. But whatever they said, they needed to say it together. The united front would prove to Willow that all her family were concerned, that they all loved her.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  “What’s this, the Taylor Annual General Meeting?” Willow snapped.

  They were all gathered in her sitting room; she was uncomfortable with them in her private space. Derek and Robert each sat in an armchair, Sally and Lacey were side by side on the sofa. Willow sensed a ganging up against her, so her defences were up.

  “Would someone care to tell me what’s going on? I hadn’t realised we were all such bosom buddies.” She threw a sneering look at Lacey, but the youngest Taylor didn’t take the bait.

  “Sit down, Willow. We are all here to talk about your behaviour lately. There is no point in beating about the bush, we’re worried and feel you need to seek help,” Derek spoke up.

  “Straight to the point, Derek, I like that. So what exactly is my problem then?” Willow walked around the room slowly. By remaining standing, she could look down on them, it gave her a sense of advantage.

  It was like a film scene, where the suspects of a crime were being interrogated. Only this time, it was the suspect who was asking the questions. Her hands tingled and a slight sweat broke out on her forehead. Her breathing quickened, and only by pacing the room could she keep it under control.

  “We think you need counselling. Since Mum died, you’ve lost it a bit, coupled with th
e extra drinking and–” Rob looked sheepish, like he was telling tales out of school.

  “And what, Robert? I’ve gone crazy? It’s called grieving. But then, none of you loved Mum like I did. She was my best friend. We did everything together, everything, and you expect me to live my life like nothing’s changed? A whole chunk of my life has been wiped out.” Her anger flared now.

  Sally stood up and placed a hand on Willow’s arm, but she shrugged it off like something filthy had touched her.

  “Sit down. We know you were the closest to Mum. It’s because you loved her so much that this is so hard on you.” Sally’s words soothed Willow a little bit. She allowed Sally to gently guide her to the sofa.

  Willow sat down and sighed. Sally sat on the armrest and kept an arm around her. “Willow, we are concerned, that’s all. Do you think you need help?” Willow saw the men glare at Sally, unhappy with the question, but she jumped at the chance to tell them her own view. It was the opening she had looked for to enable her to be honest.

  “Maybe, just a bit. I don’t like being angry. The pain never seems to go away.” Her voice broke as she started to cry and her shoulders shook. The room descended into silence as they all let Willow’s tears fall. The mantel clock ticked time by. A palpable relief settled in the room.

  Willow looked at Lacey, and spoke quietly. “Have you anything to say in all this?”

  Lacey got up and knelt before her eldest sister, then hugged her in a tight embrace. “I want my loving big sister back,” she whispered.

  Many hugs and tears later, it was agreed that Willow would book in to the retreat centre and receive help. The decision was made and they all appeared happy with the result. Her tears ran freely; it was good to let go in safe surroundings. Derek hugged her hard and kept whispering to her how proud he was of her, while Robert and Lacey tidied up the cups and plates and got ready to leave.

  Sally held her close and reassured her that she would pull through this; by Christmas, she promised, life would be brighter. Willow smiled, much weaker now. She looked at her family around her and knew they all wanted to help, but only she knew what truly lay ahead. This mess she found herself in would end soon – for them all.

  As they gathered in the hallway to leave, Willow called Lacey over. They stood awkwardly for a few moments before she opened her arms to her little sister.

  “I’m sorry, Lacey. I hope you find what you are searching for. Look in Mum’s metal box. We found it when cleaning out her room. It might help.”

  “What metal box?” Lacey asked, puzzled. But Willow turned away from her and stood apart from the group gathered on the doorstep. Derek thanked them all for their support and promised to put the wheels in motion first thing in the morning.

  Willow and Derek strolled back into the sitting room together, his arm around her.

  “Derek, I’m sorry. You do know I love you. Anything I said to hurt you was the drink spewing poison. Will you forgive me?” She could barely speak between sobs.

  “Of course I know you love me. And it’s because we all love you that we want you to get better. You can pull through this, Willow, I know you can.” Derek held her hands and looked into her eyes.

  She wondered if he could sense the fear she felt, the deep grief she had buried in her heart. “Can you forgive me, Derek?” she insisted.

  “I’d forgive you anything , Willow. I love you.”

  “Anything, Derek, do you really mean it?” she asked in a hushed voice.

  “Of course. Now, go up and have a rest. You have been so brave, Willow. This dark cloud will soon lift, I promise. Can you give me some time alone to sort some paperwork for meetings that are due, and then I’ll come up and see you’re okay?” He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and she nodded as he walked with her to the staircase.

  Willow walked slowly up the stairs and turned to smile at her husband, but he was already heading to the study to work. She was forgotten about already. Work would always win with Derek, she thought, bitter resentment returning.

  She went to the bathroom and stood by the door. She could hear Derek on the phone discussing meetings. So they thought they knew what she needed, did they? She needed her mum, not bloody therapy. They were all happy to have her locked up, out of sight, out of their hair. She had been happy to play their game, make them think she agreed.

  She stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. A warm bath and a drink or two would do the job that lay ahead. She found the vodka hidden behind the bath panel, and then she collected up her sleeping tablets. Settling into the bath of bubbles, she raised her glass to the Taylor family. Then, without hesitation, she swallowed the tablets washed down with the vodka and fell asleep.

  Soon she would see her mum – they would be together again.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  Gathered around the graveside of their parents, this time it was Willow they lowered into the ground. By the time Derek had found his wife, it had been too late.

  It was a dry but cold day, and a stiff breeze whipped around them. Robert and Aoife stood on each side of Derek; Sally and Lacey hugged each other. The same murmurs of prayers said at Lillian’s funeral were being recited.

  Derek could not believe that his strong resilient wife was gone. When he had gone upstairs to check on her later that evening, he had thought it strange that she was still in the bathroom. He’d called out to her a few times and put his ear to the door, his armpits growing damp as anxiety crept over his body. He could hear no movement; something wasn’t right. The silence alerted him into action.

  He had shouldered in the locked door and found Willow motionless. The vodka bottle rested empty on the side of the bath, and the tablet container had rolled against the radiator. Lying in a bathtub of cold water, Willow had been pale, her face without expression. Her body had slipped along the enamel of the tub, leaving her half submerged.

  Frantic, Derek had clutched her as he lifted her out, hoping against hope she hadn’t meant to do this. Begging her to wake up, he rubbed her in the soft towels, arranged on the heated rack nearby. Making the 999 call would forever be etched in his mind. Watching Willow’s face being covered in the paramedics’ blankets on the cold floor would haunt him eternally.

  The sight of the pale oak coffin being lifted out of Willow’s home had shattered what remained of Derek’s broken heart. Willow was finally at peace. He had done his best, everyone assured him. He could not have known.

  It was Robert who had broken the news to Sally and Lacey, after Derek contacted him. Both men had cried without restriction or shame when they saw Willow laid out in the funeral parlour. Sally found the ornate mother-of-pearl box that Lillian owned and which Willow had taken as a memento. Placed inside were some of the pearls they had played with as children. With reverent silence, Sally positioned the precious memory into the coffin with her sister, before she said her goodbye.

  At the graveside, they were all lost in thoughts of sadness and despair. The day passed in a blur. Each compared it to Lillian’s funeral; only the weather had changed.

  A week later, Sally asked Lacey to move in with her. She didn’t like the empty rooms and the silence she woke up to each morning. Eventually they agreed that Lacey would sell her own apartment and live in the house. Sally explained she would not be settling there, but would like it to be kept within the family. Robert was happy to go along with both of them.

  Lacey had protested at first, but she felt nothing much any more. Her mind was numb. In the space of five months, her stepmother had died, she’d lost her sister, and seemed no further down the road to finding her birth mother. Willow’s mention of a metal box had been pushed from her mind by the past week’s events. They couldn’t get over the shock of Willow’s death, something none of them could have foreseen.

  It did, however, waken in Lacey a new determination to find her mum. Life was short and full of the unexpected, so she needed to seize these coming weeks and make them count.

  * * *

  Wh
ile both sisters were watching some late night telly, Lacey decided to broach the subject of the metal box.

  “Sally, the night over at Willow’s when we were all talking, she mentioned a metal box. What was she talking about, do you think?”

  “A box? I don’t know, Sis. I don’t recall her talking about it, to be honest.”

  “No, it was just to me. She hugged me and said Mum’s metal box might help me.” Lacey didn’t want to sound too enthusiastic; her sister had lost all sparkle and gusto since the second funeral.

  “Oh right.” Sally didn’t take her eyes off the television. Lacey fell silent. Maybe another day would be better to mention it again.

  In the morning she would visit Philip Sherman and enquire as to his health. He was still off work but he had phoned her and asked her to call for a chat. He had also attended Willow’s funeral, but the cemetery was not an appropriate place for a conversation about her dad’s letter.

  She went to bed that night wondering what both items might reveal – the letter and the box. She lay listening to Sally walking around in the bedroom next door. Sleep seemed to elude her, and she appeared to be taking their sister’s death the hardest.

  Lacey hesitated before turning off her bedroom light. Should she go and talk to Sally? Did she need company? She worried about her. Slipping under her duvet, she snuggled down and found comfort in the warmth of the covers. Lacey finally dozed off and her dreams were filled with reunions, but all the time the woman with no face was present.

  * * *

  Sitting at her bedroom window, Sally looked out at the back garden. The moon was almost full and it cast a silver glow over the flowerbeds. Lillian had loved the privacy it offered. The apple trees stood sentry at the bottom near the shed. How many times had they played their childish games in that garden? Swinging from the trees, planting flowers in the beds with Lillian, breaking other plants with footballs playing with their dad. They had enjoyed a happy childhood. Life hadn’t been so dreadful, had it? Had Sally missed something and let Willow down?