Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

  ‘OK, Ma.’

  ‘Good girl!’

  Charlie scrambled outa the bed, an I turned over, hurtin everywhere, an started te doze again.

  I woke up again, an it was evenin. The neighbour was bendin over me wit a cup of tea. ‘Come on, love, try an sit up an drink this, ye need it.’ I closed me eyes, it hurt too much te keep them open. Even the movement hurt me head. ‘Come on, I’ll help ye.’ An she put her hand under me back an lifted me. Everythin started te swim, an me head was like a ton weight. The pain was terrible. She held the cup te me mouth, an I took two sips an started te gag.

  ‘No, no,’ I said. ‘I can’t!’

  ‘All right, then. Tha will do. We’ll put ye lyin down again, an ye can get some rest, ye’re too sick fer anythin.’ I lay back down in the bed, an me head was on fire. I eased back inta sleep.

  When I woke again, it was mornin. The watery sun was shinin inta the room. I slowly lifted me head an looked aroun the room, wonderin where I was fer a minute. Charlie an Teddy was sittin on the floor wit Ellie, an she was playin wit Teddy’s toes an then ticklin Charlie, makin them roar laughin. ‘More, more!’ Charlie was shoutin, an Teddy was squealin wit excitement.

  An then it all came back te me. Me head an back felt like someone had bashed me wit a concrete block, an me face was very sore. But the pain was eased an awful lot, an I felt OK when I lay down an kept still. I was content te lie there very quietly an take in the room. It was heaven on earth. The fire was banked up an glowin red, an there was a red an blue china dog sittin on the mantelpiece, an a lovely big clock tha chimed every fifteen minutes an bonged every hour. I liked the sound of it tick tockin. An over tha, on the wall, was a big picture of two soldiers in uniforms holdin guns. An they had bags on their backs. The picture looked very old. There was a small armchair wit cushions beside the fire, an a round table wit a heavy cloth an tassles hangin from the bottom, coverin it. An a lovely lace cloth lay on top of tha. An it was sittin under the winda, which had lovely white net curtains an heavy red ones, wit big yella flowers, tha ye close at night te keep out the dark, an the wind, an anyone tha wants te look in. An there was oil cloth on the floor, an ye could see yer face in it from the shine.

  I could hear the mammy bangin pots an singin te herself in the scullery. There was a lovely smell of somethin cookin, an I wondered if I could stay here fer the rest of me life. I’d never complain again.

  ‘Ah, ye’re awake,’ Mrs said te me, bendin down an smilin at me. I was a bit worried she might tell me te get up an go inta me own room an mind me brothers.

  ‘Yeah,’ I croaked shyly, wonderin wha’s goin te happen now. I lifted me head te sit up, an it hurt like mad. But I didn’t want her te think she had te put up wit us. I don’t like te make a fool of meself, an maybe she hasn’t enough food te stretch fer everyone, cos she’s on her own.

  ‘How’re ye feelin?’

  ‘Eh! Not too bad.’

  She looked at me. ‘Ah, yer poor face is very swollen, an ye must be very sore. Are ye?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said.

  ‘Right! Let’s get ye sittin up an more comfortable, then we’ll see about gettin ye a nice cup a tea. Wouldn’t ye like tha?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, lettin out a big sigh.

  She lifted me up an fixed a long sausage pilla behind me, an another one on top of tha, an I sank meself back, restin against the headboard. Then she went off te the scullery, an I heard her rattlin the cups. Oh, if only this would last for ever an me ma could be like her!

  ‘Now, mind ye don’t burn yerself wit tha tea. It’s very hot.’

  I tasted the tea, an the steam was hurtin me face, but it was lovely. Loads a milk, an it was very sweet. I supped away, an Mrs waited an then took the cup from me. ‘Ye’s won’t have te wait long fer yer dinner. It’s nearly done.’

  ‘Oh, great, Ma! I’m starvin,’ Ellie said, an she looked over at me. ‘We’re havin coddle. Do ye like coddle?’

  ‘Yeah!’ I said, not knowin wha coddle was. But it smelled lovely.

  ‘Yeah, we’re very lucky,’ the mammy said. ‘The St Vincent de Paul called last night. An when they saw me plight, wit the extra mouths te feed, they gave me an extra voucher fer ten bob an the bit of extra turf fer the fire. So now I’m well away! Ellie, run out an find Jimmy. Bring him in fer his dinner. He better not be gone far! I told him not te stray, I was doin a bit of dinner.’

  ‘OK, Ma!’ an she was out the door.

  I could hear bangin plates, an then the mammy came in wit two steamin plates of stew. ‘Now, babba,’ she said te Teddy, who was standin himself up an sittin himself down an wavin his fists in the air wit excitement, an nearly suffocatin himself swallowin his spits. ‘Sit down an I’ll feed ye this.’

  Charlie was sittin on the floor an hammerin his heels up an down wit impatience. ‘Easy now. Easy, ye’ll choke yerself,’ she said te Charlie, who was coughin an splutterin, cos he shovelled too much in his mouth. Teddy screamed, cos she didn’t put the spoon fast enough inta his mouth.

  Ellie an Jimmy came rushin back inta the room an threw themselves at the table. Jimmy’s face lit up. ‘Coddle, Ma! Where did ye manage te get the money?’

  ‘From the Vincents,’ Ellie said.

  ‘Now!’ the mammy said te Teddy. ‘Did ye enjoy tha?’ an Teddy looked shocked at the empty plate an screamed fer more. ‘No more!’ the mammy said, laughin. An Charlie looked te see wha would happen next wit the empty plate sittin beside him an hoped Teddy’s screams might bring more.

  ‘All right! Take it easy. I’ll bring ye somethin.’ An she came back wit bread an soup poured over it. Teddy slapped his knees an roared, ‘Me! Me!’ until she sat down an fed him an gave the other plate te Charlie.

  When they were finished, they were still lookin after the empty plates, an she said, ‘Wait there, I have somethin nice fer ye’s.’ An she came back in an unwrapped two Sugar Barleys. ‘Now, tha should keep ye busy fer a while.’ An the two of them sat there suckin away on the Sugar Barleys, watchin each other take big noisy sucks, stickin out their tongues an slurpin back in again.

  Jimmy was playin wit them, sayin, ‘Give us a suck!’ an they went mad an roared at him in case he robbed their Sugar Barleys.

  ‘Ah, don’t be tormentin them!’ the mammy shouted from the scullery. ‘Let them have their little bit of enjoyment.’

  ‘I’m not, Ma!’ Jimmy shouted. ‘I’m only playin wit them.’

  ‘Well, go on out an play wit someone yer own age. Cos if I catch ye touchin them babbies’ sweets, ye’ll get the back of me hand on ye.’

  Jimmy jumped up laughin an gave a last look at the sweets an flew out the door, bangin it shut behind him. Me head leapt wit the noise, an the mammy shouted, ‘Jaysus, Jimmy Dunne, one of these days I’ll kill ye fer bangin tha door!

  ‘Now, chicken. Get tha down ye!’ an she handed me a plate a stew, wit sausages an rashers an black an white puddin, an carrots an onions, all floatin aroun in soup, an lovely bits of potatoes. I never tasted anythin like this before, an it was gorgeous. I ate it very slowly, cos me face hurt, but, more importantly, te make it last as long as I could. When the plate was empty, I held on te it as long as I could, te run me fingers aroun the few drops of gravy left, an only handed back the plate when it was snow-white clean.

  ‘Now, I needn’t ask, because ye certainly enjoyed tha. I was wonderin if ye was goin te eat the plate an all. Have a little sleep fer yerself. It’ll do ye good,’ an she pulled away the long sausage pilla, an I slid meself down under the warm blankets an felt meself dozin off inta a lovely sleep. Thanks, God, fer lookin after us. When I grow up, I’m goin te be just like Ellie’s mammy an have a lovely an peaceful home an feed me childre lovely stews.

  I woke up wit the sound of voices, an Maggie was in the room wit me little brother Harry. I sat up in the bed, an Maggie said, ‘Ah, look, Harry! Here’s yer big sister,’ an she plopped him down beside me on the bed. I laughed, delighted te see him, an he looked at me an wrapped his arms aroun me nec
k. I held on fer a minute an then took his hands, cos it hurt me, but I didn’t care. I grabbed him an gave him a squeeze, an kissed his face, an looked at him. He looked lovely an clean, an his hair was washed. Then I squeezed him again, an he had enough an tried te push me away, but I wouldn’t let go, an he grabbed a hold of me hair an pulled. I roared, cos it hurt me sore head, an he wouldn’t let go, an he was squealin wit delight, cos he thought it was a game. Maggie ran over an grabbed his little hands, an picked his fingers one by one outa me hair. An all the time I was roarin.

  ‘No! No, babba!’ Maggie was shoutin, an Harry gave a big squeal an a big yank before I got me head back. An I held me head, watchin as Maggie took Harry away, still squealin at me fer tormentin him wit me squeezes.

  Maggie held him up in the air an shook him, laughin, ‘Aren’t you the little demon?’ An he roared laughin. ‘Ah! I’m goin te keep you,’ an she shook him, an he screamed wit the excitement. Then she buried her face in his neck an blew noises at him. An he roared, an screamed wit laughin. ‘An yer poor mammy will cry without ye! Isn’t tha right?’ an she blew inta his neck again, makin suckin noises. He loved it.

  She sat down in the armchair beside the fire an put Harry on the floor. Teddy an Charlie started chasin him aroun the room on their hands an knees. ‘Are ye feelin better?’ Maggie asked me.

  ‘Yeah! I’m much better, thanks.’

  ‘Well, ye won’t feel the time goin till yer mammy’s outa the hospital.’

  Then Mrs Dunne asked her was there any news, an Maggie whispered, lookin at me, an then turnin her back. ‘She’s lost it, the poor woman.’

  ‘Ah! Lord God, isn’t tha terrible.’

  ‘Yeah! He kicked it out of her, the animal!’

  ‘Well,’ Mrs Dunne said, leanin back in her chair an lookin over at the picture of the Sacred Heart hangin over the bed. ‘If there’s any justice, he’ll get wha’s comin te him. An he should be locked up fer life an let them throw away the key. I hope he comes te a bad end! God forgive me,’ an she blessed herself wit the sign of the cross. ‘Anyway, he won’t be comin back here fer a while, not where he is! Tha should put a stop te his gallop!’

  Me heart leapt. Locked up! Not comin back! I was afraid te ask, cos I’m not supposed te listen, but me mind started flyin. No more Jackser! Oh, God, let it be true, but I didn’t really believe it. It’s hard te stop Jackser, an they might let him go free. He can talk his way aroun anythin. I felt me heart sink. No, I’ll just have te wait an see wha happens.

  ‘Ye must be delighted at seein yer mammy.’

  ‘Yeah, Mrs Dunne, I am. I can’t wait. Is she all better now?’

  ‘Ah, she’ll be fine. It’ll take her a few days te get back on her feet, but she’s lucky te have you te help her.’

  ‘Yeah, I can’t wait te see her.’

  ‘What I’ll do is, light the fire. Oh, yes! I must see if I can get her a bit of turf, she’ll need tha te keep her goin. An I’ll pick up a few scrags a neck a lamb an put on a bit of a stew. It’s not nice te come outa hospital an be faced wit an empty cold room. Not after wha she’s been through. Now, let’s get these two little demons inta the bed, an we’ll have a nice hot suppa tea. Ellie! Will ye wet the teapot fer me? I’ll just throw me coat on. I want te run up te Maggie’s fer a minute, I won’t be long.’

  Ellie put down her pencil, she was doin her sums fer school tomorrow, an went inta the scullery. The door shut behind Mrs Dunne, an she was still mutterin te herself, ‘Now did I think of everythin? Did I leave aside the rent money?’ I smiled te meself. Mrs Dunne was always fixin things up in her head an rushin aroun worryin about everyone. An I’m definitely goin te be like her, cos ye always feel safe an happy when ye’re wit her. An she makes me roar laughin at the things she says te people when they annoy her.

  Today she sent me fer a packet of Bisto, an I was short of a ha’penny. ‘Would she not give ye the Bisto?’

  ‘No! It was the chinny aul one, an she said te tell ye she’s not standin behind the counter fer the good of her health!’

  ‘Is tha so!’ Mrs Dunne roared. ‘Wait till I see her! But I’ll tell ye this! Tha aul one is so mean she’d shoot her mammy just te go on the orphans’ outin!’ The picture of Chinny’s fat ma lyin plastered on the ground, an Chinny runnin off wit the orphans, on their day out, had me in stitches.

  23

  Me ma got her hands on another pram. I whipped it on a gang of kids who were pushin each other aroun in it. An I bet they robbed it from the second-hand dealers who sell up on the stones on a Saturday mornin. It’s just off Parnell Street. I was moseyin along when they came flyin outa the flats wit the pram, an a gang of young fellas hangin outa it. Me eyes lit up – just what the ma needs! Me head went inta action straight away. ‘Quick! Quick!’ I shouted. ‘Did ye’s not hear about the weddin?’

  They came te a standstill. ‘Wha weddin?’

  ‘Down on Sean McDermott Street!’ I screamed. ‘There’ll be a grushie.’

  Yer man pushin the pram hesimitated an looked at me suspicious.

  ‘I’m goin!’ an the three sittin in the pram threw themselves out an ran like mad, headin down te the church.

  ‘Yeah, wait fer me,’ an they were gone, leavin the pram.

  I looked at the wheels – grand! The springs – lovely! Just wha the doctor ordered. An off I flew in the opposite direction, turnin left an headin down past the Pro-Cathedral, an left again on te Talbot Street. But as I turned on te Corporation Street, I had te be very careful, cos they only had te look straight down an they would spot me. Te be safe, I turned right onta Foley Street an ducked left under the arch inta the buildins, an I was home an dry.

  We put Harry in the pram an Teddy sittin at the bottom, an hope it doesn’t rain, cos the hood is in ribbons. An we all set off fer the day. Me on one side of the handlebars, Charlie on the other, an the ma in the middle, pushin. Up the hill, onta Mountjoy Square. ‘Come on! Push the fuckin pram,’ me ma shouts. ‘Ye’s all have the heart pulled outa me!’

  ‘I’m pushin, Ma!’

  Then past Gardiner Street Church, turn right onta Dorset Street, over Binns Bridge, an up the Whitworth Road. Another hill! I look over at Charlie draggin outa the pram. Me ma’s gone red in the face tryin te push. I give a little push an get annoyed at Charlie. ‘Lookit, Ma! He’s pullin, not pushin.’

  ‘I’m not! Ye’re pullin,’ Charlie shouts back at me.

  ‘I’ll give ye’s both a dig if ye’s don’t push this pram wit me! I’m warnin ye’s.’

  ‘Right!’ I shout. ‘I’m not goin!’ an I stop dead.

  ‘Stay there, then!’ me ma shouts back at me.

  I’m ragin as I watch me ma keep goin. ‘Wait fer me!’ I scream after her, cos she’s gone miles up the road without me. An I run after her, cryin in temper.

  Me ma laughs at me when I catch up wit her, an I jump up an down in an awful rage altogether, cos she keeps gettin the better of me. ‘Ah, tha’s lovely, lovely, keep it up, an if they arrest ye fer makin a show of yerself, ye needn’t say ye’re wit me.’ An she started te hurry on without me again.

  ‘Ye’re a . . ! Ye’re a . . !’ I screamed after her. But I couldn’t think of any names te call her. ‘Fuck off!’ I finally screeched, lettin all the air outa me mouth an droppin me shoulders, feelin better.

  An aul one wit a black shawl wrapped aroun her head stopped te stare at me. ‘Ye’ll go straight te Hell fer carryin on like tha! Stop tormentin yer poor mammy. Go on. Look, she’s waitin on ye.’

  I took me eyes offa the aul one, an, sure enough, me ma was waitin. She laughed down at the aul one, an said, ‘These childre will be the death of me yet, Mrs.’

  ‘True fer ye, Mrs!’ the aul one shouted back. ‘Give her the back of yer hand, an ye won’t get any more lip from her.’ Then she galloped off.

  I glared up at the ma, an she said, ‘Come on. If we hurry, we might be in time fer somethin te eat.’

  I was appeased an raced up te grab hold of the pram. We were contented again,
an we raced down the hill, an then up again onta the Mobhi Road.

  When we got te the Cross an Passion convent, a lovely big red-faced nun answered the door. She was wearin a dark check apron aroun her habit. ‘And what have we here?’ she laughed inta the pram at Harry an Teddy. ‘And what age are you?’ she asked me.

  Me ma said I was nine an Charlie was four. ‘And two lovely babies,’ the nun said, bendin inta the pram an ticklin their chins. ‘Wait here, I’ll see what there is.’ An she swung off an banged the door behind her, leavin me ma an me holdin our breaths, wonderin wha she’d bring us.

  ‘She must be in charge of the kitchen,’ me ma whispered.

  ‘Yeah, Ma,’ I whispered back.

  Charlie went runnin off, chasin a black cat tha was sneakin through the trees an watchin us. Teddy roared, an me ma lifted him outa the pram, an he went after Charlie, tryin te hurry through the grass. He kept fallin down, but he picked himself up an kept his eye on Charlie an the big cat.

  I could smell the lovely fresh air, an it was so quiet, so peaceful. I let out a big breath an said te me ma, ‘I’m goin te run aroun the corner, an see what’s in the windas.’

  I was gone before me ma shouted at me te get back here, ‘They’ll see ye an give us nothin.’ I walked along the wall, lookin up at the windas. They were too high up fer me te see anythin. I hauled meself up onta a windasill an dug me toes inta the wall, an held on wit me elbows. The winda was opened a little, but ye couldn’t see in through the winda, cos the glass wasn’t clear. I heard somethin – runnin water. Then the back of a nun’s head appeared, an I heard a tilet flushin. I tried te look, haulin meself up higher, but me arms wouldn’t hold me, an I fell back inta a thorny bush.

  ‘Ah! Ah! Me legs, me arse, I’m caught. Ma! Mammy! Help me.’

  Ma put her head aroun the corner an waved her fist up at me an clenched her teeth. ‘Shurrup! Get back down here. I warned ye!’ she screamed in a whisper.