Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

  ‘Yeah!’ me ma said. ‘I was just thinkin the same. Ye never know, maybe we might get the chance of findin someone te let us slip on.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said happily. ‘We have te try everythin.’

  We sipped the tea slowly, makin it last. Then me ma said, ‘I think it must be nearly time te go.’

  ‘Yeah, Ma,’ I said, feelin me heart flutterin.

  We walked slowly down te the ship, watchin it. People were slowly makin their way up the gangplank, stoppin an handin their tickets te the man at the entrance. Then suddenly more people began te arrive, an I felt me heart begin te race. ‘Ma!’ I suddenly said. ‘Quick! Let’s get on the ship.’

  Me ma looked at me, starin. ‘Here’s wha we’ll do. I’ll run on, an you keep right behind me back. If I’m stopped, I’ll say I’m lookin fer you. He’ll be so busy mindin me, he won’t notice you, so just keep goin, an if he calls ye back, don’t look, lose yerself in the crowd, an I’ll come an find ye. Now if he stops you, say you’re lookin fer me, an I’ll be watchin, an leave the talkin te me. An go along wit everythin I say. But we’ll have te be fast, Ma. Right?’

  ‘Right!’ me ma said, lookin very nervous an beginnin te shake. We watched, holdin our breath.

  A big crowd was swarmin aroun the ticket collector now, an he was on his own. ‘Come on, Ma!’ I grabbed her coat, pullin her wit me. I rushed up the gangplank, rushin past people quietly, an when I got te the ticket collector, wit the crowd aroun him, I squeezed past them, mutterin, ‘Ma! Mammy, wait fer me!’

  I was on! I looked back te see me ma comin up te the ticket man, an she was lookin in his direction an then saw me on the ship wavin down at her. ‘Come on. Come on,’ I was whisperin. She laughed at me nervously an then slid past the man while he was checkin someone’s ticket, an she was up an on the ship. I grabbed her coat, an we disappeared inta the crowd, only stoppin when we were well away from the ticket man.

  ‘Oh, Jaysus! We made it,’ me ma said, laughin.

  ‘Yeah, Ma! Yeah! We’re on the ship. We’re goin te England!’ Me heart was flyin wit excitement, an I stood up an watched the seagulls flyin aroun the ship. An they sounded as excited as meself. ‘Oh, Ma, we got away from Jackser. I can’t believe it. We’re on our own again after all tha time.’ I ran up an down on the seat, feelin I could do what I liked. ‘How are ye’s, Mister?’ I shouted te a gang of fellas standin by the rails lookin at the water, feelin miserable in themselves. They took no notice a me.

  ‘Let’s get downstairs an get ourselves a seat before they’re all taken.’

  ‘Yeah, Ma!’ an I jumped down an followed her down inta a room wit cushy seats. We sat down an rested ourselves, content te take it easy now an just watch the other people comin an feelin we were the same as them. All startin a new life. An the lovely quiet an peace tha came over me was like I’d died an gone te heaven. I never felt so happy before. I wasn’t worried or afraid any more. Oh, God must be lookin after me. Maybe he likes me after all.

  I sat back watchin the people, lookin at their faces. One aul fella was sittin next te his wife, an she had a babby of about nine or ten months sittin on her lap, an another one of about two lyin on the seat beside her wit his head slumped against her. The aul fella kept fixin their two huge suitcases beside him te make sure no one robbed them. None of them looked happy. ‘When are we goin te get movin?’ he kept mutterin te the wife. She said nothin. Just looked at the little fella lyin beside her.

  I watched his eyes, hard as nails, slidin aroun the room, landin on the women an lookin up under his eyebrows te check the men weren’t watchin him. Then slidin back te the wife, givin her a dirty look. An seein her move nervously, lowerin her eyes down te the child on her lap. Not lookin anywhere, in case he might accuse her of lookin at other men. An then, satisfied she’s not enjoyin herself, he looks away te take in the room again an say, ‘See! Lookit me, I’m a big man. I keep me wife an kids under control, an they know wha’s good fer them. I’m yer man fer handlin women an childre. But I’m not interested in gettin inta a fight wit men, cos I couldn’t handle tha, tha’s why I don’t look them in the eye.’

  Another fuckin Jackser! I thought. But the woman annoyed me more. Why is she so afraid of him? Just like me ma! Why can’t they wait their opportunity an then pick up somethin when he’s sleepin an split his head wide open. An when he wakes up shocked, scream, ‘Ye can hit me, but ye’ll fuckin have te kill me, cos every time ye touch me, I’m goin te cripple ye until ye stop! Do ye understand?’ I think them cowardly bastards would back off quick enough. Cos they don’t like ye playin them at their own game. Me heart was flyin wit annoyance.

  I shook meself, te get rid of the feelin, an looked at me ma. Her eyes were closed, an she was dozin. Me poor Ma, she’s too soft an doesn’t know how te work her way aroun anythin. A lot of women are like tha, waitin fer the men te tell them wha te do. I’m not goin te let any man tell me wha te do. Nobody’s ever goin te get the better a me.

  Me ma stood up an whispered, ‘Martha, I’m just goin out te the tilet. I’ll be back in a minute.’

  ‘OK, Ma. I’ll go wit ye.’

  ‘No! You stay an mind the seats. I won’t be long.’ An she headed off out the door. I took me shoes off an wrapped me feet under me, gettin more comfortable. Then a man poked his head in the door, wearin a cap pulled down over his eyes an a big overcoat wit a belt tied aroun it. An grabbin a tight hold of an aul suitcase under his arms tied shut wit string, he crept inta the room on his toes, wit his arse still out the door, an looked slowly aroun. An then his shifty eyes lit on me ma’s seat. An before I could open me mouth, he was over an dropped his arse down on the seat an put the suitcase down beside him, an stretched his legs out, an slid his head an neck down inta his overcoat, an pulled the cap down restin it on his nose, makin himself very comfortable.

  I shot up in the seat an roared, ‘Hey, Mister! Tha’s me ma’s seat!’ An he didn’t move an inch! ‘Hey! I’m talkin te ye, Mister!’ An I shook his arm. He lifted his head an looked at me under his hat fer a second an went back te his comfort as if I hadn’t said a word. I looked aroun me at the other people, an they acted as if nothin was wrong. I sat gapin at him, ragin. Then I used me two hands an tried te push him offa the seat. ‘Are ye bothered or wha?’ I roared.

  He shook me off wit his elbow, liftin his head, an muttered outa the side of his mouth, ‘Whist! Go away outa tha!’ an settled himself back inta more comfort. Then me ma appeared in the door, an I saw her face begin te shake an her eyes blink at the cheek of someone takin her seat. She walked over slowly an looked at me, blinkin an coughin. ‘Wha happened?’ Cough! Blink! ‘Wha’s this man doin in my seat?’

  ‘He won’t get up, Ma! An he’s pretendin not te hear me.’

  Me ma coughed an blinked. ‘Eh! Excuse me, Mister! But tha’s my seat ye’re sittin in,’ an she poked his shoulder wit her finger. ‘Do ye hear me? Jaysus! He’s not takin a blind bit a notice a me! Come on! Get up!’ me ma said, shakin him.

  An he looked up at her fer a second an said, ‘Find somewhere else! I’m here now,’ an he nodded his head te the door an then dropped it back inside his overcoat.

  Me ma looked aroun in desperation, an a woman nodded her head at me ma, mouthin, ‘Keep away from him, he’s not all there.’

  I stood up. ‘Ma! Leave it, you sit here, don’t mind him,’ an I headed fer the door.

  ‘Where are ye goin?’ me ma asked nervously.

  ‘I’m not sittin beside him, but there’s nowhere decent left te sit.’

  ‘Jaysus! Tha’s an awful pity we lost the seat. We’ll never get a bit a sleep now!’ me ma kept sayin.

  ‘Look, Ma, go on, sit down. I’m just goin te take a wander. Ye’ll be all right.’

  An she looked at the seat an said, ‘Well, don’t be gone too long, then.’

  I wandered aroun, feelin the boat rockin, an heard singin an laughin. An I followed the noise up the stairs an saw a crowd a men drinkin an laughin. The room was blue wit the smoke. I looke
d aroun an saw a gang a fellas hangin onta the counter an throwin back glasses a porter, an shoutin at each other an laughin. ‘Go on there, me boy! Give us another belt.’ An a big roarin red-neck culchie threw back his head an roared in a hoarse voice, ‘When Irish eyes are smiling’.

  ‘Tha’s it! Tha’s it!’ roared a mallet-headed fella wit a flat nose, an threw back his head an lowered the glass a porter down his neck, an slammed the glass back on the counter, wipin his mouth wit the sleeve of his donkey jacket, an slammin his hobnailed boot hard down on the floor, an givin a scream like a red injun. ‘Tha’s the stuff!’ he roared, lowerin his head an shakin his fist in the air.

  I pushed me way through the crowd an stopped beside him. ‘Hey, Mister!’ I said, tappin yer man on his arm.

  He looked down at me. ‘Wha?’ he barked.

  ‘Isn’t he a lovely singer?’ I said, pointin at yer man croakin his lungs out, nearly stranglin himself throwin his head back, an the veins on his neck blue an stickin out.

  ‘Ah, by Gawd, he’s tha all right,’ he agreed, noddin his head up an down, nearly tears in his eyes, an lowerin another pint a porter down his neck. ‘Where did you come out of? Are ye lookin fer someone? Is it yer father ye’re after?’

  ‘No, Mister! I’ve got no father! He’s dead.’

  There was a silence while he tried te figure this out. I wasn’t goin te tell him I had none, cos he wouldn’t have any time fer me knowin I was a bastard. ‘Tha’s terrible!’ he said. ‘When did he die?’

  ‘Eh! Before I was born!’ He looked at me. ‘Yeah! Me ma said he was drownded at sea, on the way back te Ireland.’

  ‘Oh, tha’s shockin! Shockin altogether!’ he said, shakin his head an thinkin about it.

  I looked closely at his face, an he was studyin mine. He’s a boxer, I thought, makin me face look very mournful. ‘An what are ye doin in here?’ he asked me. ‘This is no place for you,’ he said, lookin aroun at all the men drinkin.

  ‘I lost me seat, Mister! I was sittin down beside me ma, ready te go te sleep, an a man came in an pulled me offa me own seat an took it fer himself, an me ma is nearly cryin. An the man won’t take any notice of us when we tell him te give it back. An everyone is afraid te say anythin te him.’

  ‘Is tha right now?’ he said, his eyes narrowin.

  ‘Yeah!’ I said, shakin me head up an down sniffin. Me eyes was very sad altogether, lookin inta his face.

  He tightened his jaw an took hold of me arm an said, ‘Show me where this bowzie is!’

  I rushed out, makin sure he was followin me. ‘Go on, I’m right behind ye!’ he said, in a hurry te meet the robber.

  ‘There he is!’ I pointed, pointin me finger at yer man stretched out in me ma’s seat.

  The boxer took a short run at yer man an lifted him by the coat an dragged him te his feet. Yer man’s eyes swung aroun in his head, not knowin wha was happenin te him. His hat flew off, an he shook his head, ‘Me hat! Where’s me hat? Who are you?’

  The boxer grabbed him by the arse of his trousers, an had another hand grabbin his coat tight aroun his neck, an rushed him out the door. ‘Go on, ye blackguard! Pick on someone yer own size!’

  ‘Me case! Gimme me case!’ An the boxer dropped the man, who staggered, still tryin te figure out wha was happenin te him.

  Then the boxer lunged in an grabbed the suitcase an smacked him wit it, sendin him flyin back up the passage. ‘An don’t be back here botherin people!’ he shouted.

  I stood stock still, an me ma’s eyes was blinkin like mad. People were starin wit their mouths gapin open at the suddenness of it all. ‘Are ye all right now?’ he came steamin back inta the room an looked at me ma.

  She nodded her head up an down, smilin, an said quietly, ‘Yes! Thanks very much, I was afraid a me life a tha fella.’

  The boxer looked aroun the room, an people who caught his eye nodded at him, sayin, ‘I’m glad he’s gone.’ The hard man wit the nervous wife puffed out his cheeks an rolled his eyes. He said nothin but was lookin te say, ‘I’m glad tha’s over.’

  ‘Ah, ye’re all right now,’ the boxer said te me, pattin me on the top of me head. ‘He won’t be back in a hurry.’ Then he put his hand in his pocket an took out a roll a money, an peeled off a ten bob note an handed it te me. ‘Here! Take tha fer yerself,’ an he was gone.

  I stood lookin at the red ten shillin note in me hand. An me ma said, ‘Jaysus Christ! Who was tha, Martha?’

  ‘Oh, just someone I met, Ma.’ An I handed her the ten shillins an sat down in me ma’s seat.

  She laughed as she put the money wit the rest of it. Then me ma started te roar laughin. ‘Yer man didn’t know wha happened te him!’ an she bent over, tryin te get the big laugh outa her.

  Other people started laughin, an the woman who nodded at me ma said, ‘Is he a relation of yours, love?’

  ‘No!’ I said. ‘I never met him before in me life!’

  There was silence fer a minute, an then everyone started te roar laughin. ‘Ah, Jaysus! Tha’s a good one! An tell us then, how did ye meet him?’

  I told her wha happened, an everyone was listenin an laughin in between me story. An when I finished, they were rubbin their eyes an sniffin from all the enjoyment. ‘Ah, but I think he was a poor unfortunate,’ another woman said. ‘He wasn’t weighted down too heavily up there,’ an she pointed te her head. People nodded their heads in agreement, lookin sad.

  ‘I don’t know about tha!’ me ma said. ‘He was mad in the right way te pick on her,’ an me ma pointed te me.

  ‘Oh! I don’t know about tha,’ the woman said. ‘He certainly picked on the wrong one when he picked on tha child.’ An everyone started roarin laughin again. An people started talkin te each other an tellin their stories, about why they were leavin Ireland, an who they were goin te stay wit until they got settled. Me ma listened, an I felt very tired an started te nod off, very content in meself.

  34

  I woke up, an me ma was shakin me. ‘We’re here, Martha!’ she said quietly. I looked aroun, an everyone was gettin their things together an movin off. ‘Come on!’ me ma said. ‘We have te try an get on the train.’

  We followed the crowd off the ship an inta the station. ‘Now boarding, the London for Euston,’ the voice said comin outa the loudspeakers.

  ‘Hurry,’ me ma said. An I rushed after her through the crowd, listenin te the whistles blowin an the roar an the steam puffin outa the steam engines. An the noise of people’s feet runnin on the platform, tryin te make it onta trains. An the different voices of the culchies, an the Dubliners, an the English, all mixed together. An the air smelt different. An the excitement ran through me. Nothin bad could happen te us now. We were on our own. An we didn’t have te worry any more. Me ma jumped on the train, an I hesimitated, lookin down at the tracks, afraid I’d fall down. Then I gave a jump, an I was up. An the whistle blew, an the train shook, an the noise was deafenin, from the roar of the steam. An I followed me ma down the train, lookin fer a seat. ‘Sit down here!’ an we sat down next te the tilet. ‘We’ll stay here,’ me ma whispered. ‘An when we see the ticket collector comin, we’ll hide in the tilet.’

  ‘OK, Ma,’ I said slowly, not sure. ‘Ma! Won’t he knock on the door te check if anyone’s there wit a ticket?’

  ‘We’ll just have te take tha chance,’ me ma said, lookin worried.

  After a while, me ma got up an looked at me te follow. We went inta the tilet an locked the door. ‘We’ll stay here,’ she said. ‘It’s safer.’ I held onta the sink, an she stretched her back against the wall. The train was rockin like mad an flyin. Nothin happened fer ages. An we just stayed quiet, waitin an listenin. Then there was a knock on the door, an we stared at each other, tryin te judge if it was the ticket collector. We heard the feet movin off after knockin again. Me ma raised her eyes te heaven an puffed out her cheeks. ‘This waitin would kill ya,’ she mouthed. I nodded me head, wishin it would end. Then the train stopped, after hours an hours of bein locked up. An we opened the
door very slowly, puttin our heads out te see wha’s happenin.

  ‘Changin at Crewe for the London train!’ an English voice was announcin.

  ‘Come on, quick!’ me ma said. ‘We’re gettin off. When’s the next train fer London?’ me ma asked the man in a uniform.

  ‘Not for another forty minutes, Madam!’

  ‘Grand!’ me ma said, smilin te me. ‘Come on, let’s get a cup a tea.’ We went inta the station café. ‘You sit down over there, an I’ll get us a sup a tea,’ me ma said, headin over te join the queue at the counter. I watched me ma movin up the queue, an when it was her turn, an the woman handed her two cups a tea an saucers, I rushed over, takin the tea, an she carried over a plate a bread an butter. The bread was gone in no time. We were starvin. ‘That’ll have te do us,’ me ma said. ‘We have te go easy on the money.’

  ‘Yeah!’ I said, feelin very hungry after the lovely tea an bread.

  We headed out onta the platform an climbed up onta the train fer London. ‘Come on,’ me ma said. ‘We have te go easy on the money. We won’t bother sittin down.’ An we went straight inta the tilet.

  It didn’t take long fer people te start bangin on the door. ‘Who’s in there?’ a woman’s voice roared in, but we stayed quiet an listened te people complainin te each other outside.

  ‘It’s been locked for a long time. I’m sure there’s someone in there! Open the door!’ Someone banged wit their fists, but we didn’t move an inch, just stared at each other, wonderin wha was goin te happen. Then the noise stopped, an we let out our breath.

  ‘Jaysus!’ me ma whispered. ‘I can’t take much more a this!’

  We waited, wit the guts gettin shaken outa us from the rockin of the train, afraid te breathe too loudly. Then there was a big bang on the door, an a man’s voice shouted, ‘Tickets!’ We held our breaths, afraid te move a muscle. Then another bang. ‘Tickets, please! I’m waitin to check your tickets.’ We opened our mouths, lettin air in an out without makin a sound. Then it went quiet, an we waited again, droppin our heads from one shoulder te another, afraid te make a sound.