Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

I shook me shoulders, not knowin anythin about pop groups.

  ‘Do you like films?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said, feelin shy.

  ‘What film stars do you like? I like Tony Curtis!’

  I said nothin. I wanted te say Shirley Temple, but she would have said I was foolish. The young one looked at the woman, an they kept givin each other looks, wonderin wha te make a me. ‘Up to bed with you, Nettie. You’ve stayed long past your bedtime,’ said the woman.

  ‘Yes, Mam! G’night, Mary.’

  ‘Night!’ I muttered, an she rushed outa the room.

  ‘She’s disappointed you’re not a big girl. She was hoping for someone her own age,’ said the woman.

  I said nothin, feelin foolish.

  ‘Follow me, and I’ll show you where you’re sleeping.’

  I followed her up the stairs an along a passage. She opened a door an switched on a dim light. ‘Over here,’ she whispered, bringin me over te a corner bed under a winda. ‘Here’s a nightdress. Get changed and be quiet! Everyone is sleeping.’ Then she left.

  I woke up te shoutin. I shot up in the bed, an two young ones were fightin. ‘Oh, give it back! That’s mine,’ said a young one of about eight, tryin te pull a teddy bear off another one of about ten. ‘That’s my Paddington Bear!’

  ‘No, it ain’t! You give it to me, or I’ll bite you!’ screamed the younger one.

  A woman came inta the room. ‘Come on, down to breakfast, now!’

  ‘Auntie! She’s got my Paddington Bear!’

  ‘Katie! Give Renee back her bear,’ an the woman snatched it off Katie an pushed her out the door. Katie looked back, stickin her tongue out at Renee. I got outa bed an started te get dressed. ‘Come on, Renee,’ shouted the woman up the stairs.

  ‘What’s your name?’ asked Renee, lookin at me.

  ‘Mary,’ I said, thinkin first.

  ‘How old are you?’

  ‘Thirteen.’

  ‘You don’t look that!’

  I said nothin.

  ‘Where are you from?’

  ‘Ireland!’ I said. ‘Dublin!’

  Then the auntie put her head in the door an said, ‘Come on, slow coach! Mary, come for your breakfast.’

  I followed them down the stairs an inta a big kitchen wit two long tables full a childre.

  ‘You sit here,’ a baldy man sittin at the top of the table said te me, pointin at an empty chair. I sat down, an he closed his eyes an joined his hands. An everyone started te sing, ‘Thank you, God, for the food we eat, for the flowers that grow, for the birds that sing’. Then everyone started te eat. I put the knife in me mouth, eatin me sausage. An he let a roar at me. ‘Take that knife out of your mouth!’ I jumped, an he looked at me sayin, ‘Never put a knife in your mouth! You will slice your tongue off! Sarah!’ he roared at the other table. ‘Elbows off the table and sit up straight. And stop giggling, Rebecca.’

  Everyone was quiet, an the man an woman talked, eatin their breakfast. Then it was over, an everyone rushed off te get ready fer school. The man got up an left, then everyone disappeared. An I was left at the table listenin te the noise comin from somewhere in the house, an the bangin an thumpin of feet on the ceilin, an then the slammin of doors. An then the house was quiet.

  The two women came inta the kitchen an started talkin. I didn’t look at them, an they ignored me as if I wasn’t there. I wondered what I should do. So I waited, but nothin was said te me. Then they started te clean the tables, an the auntie told me te go outside an play, an she opened the back door inta a yard. ‘Sit on that bench,’ she said, ‘and don’t move.’

  I went outside an looked aroun. There was only a high wall wit a bench against it facin the kitchen winda, an a concrete ground. I sat on the bench, not movin. An I saw her at the winda washin the dishes an preparin the dinner, peelin the vegebales an keepin her eye on me. I had nothin te look at, an she was watchin me. I had the feelin they didn’t like me. An I couldn’t understand their ways, either. Me stomach keeps churnin at the thought of me an me ma in trouble. Where is she? An wha’s happened te her? An wha’s goin te happen te me? Will I ever see me ma again?

  All mornin I’ve been sittin here now, an me legs are stiff, but I’m afraid te move. The wall is high, but I’m sure if I stood up on the bench an had a leap at the top of the wall, I could get up there an take me chances jumpin down on the other side. I could try it when the auntie turns her back. But even if I got away, how would I find me mammy? I wouldn’t know where te start lookin. No! It’s best I stay here an wait. She’ll know where te find me. But then tha’s only if they tell her. Maybe they won’t tell her where I am! An if they do catch me tryin te escape, they won’t give me a second chance. They’ll probably lock me up somewhere else or watch me even more closely. No! I’ll wait te see wha happens. More time passes, an the watery sun is movin away. It’s gettin very chilly here now, an I can’t stop meself worryin.

  Then I heard noise in the house. The sound of the childre comin back from school. The back door opened, an the mum put her head out. ‘Come in, Mary!’

  I got up from the bench, an me arse was creakin from the stiffness. ‘Oi! Here’s the Irish girl,’ an three girls, about eight an nine an ten, were starin at me.

  ‘You’re not big! I’m bigger than you!’ The ten year old said, comin over te stand next te me an measure herself. ‘Look, Mum, I’m bigger than the new girl.’

  ‘Yeah! Look, and I’m nearly as big as her,’ roared the eight year old.

  I stood there not knowin wha te say or do. ‘Yes! Mary is small for a thirteen year old,’ the woman said, lookin at me like there was somethin very suspicious about me. Then she went back te settin the knives an forks.

  ‘Mary is a midget! Mary is a midget!’

  ‘How old are you?’ I asked the one tormentin me. I felt like givin her a box.

  ‘I’m eleven,’ she smirked. ‘And I’m bigger than you.’

  I looked at her. She’s my age, an, yeah, she’s definitely bigger. An fatter. An she has lovely long curly hair past her shoulders. But if she keeps on tormentin me, she’ll be sorry. An fuck tha aul one! I looked at her te see if she was goin te tell them te stop, but she went on about her business, gettin the dinner ready, an wasn’t even listenin.

  ‘Oi! You’re a Paddy!’ the nine year old said te me.

  ‘Yeah! An you’ve no mammy!’ I said, wantin te hurt them back.

  ‘Stop that at once!’ A roar came from the baldy aul fella comin in the door. He marched over te me an barked, ‘You will call me Dad, and you will call my wife Mam, and you will call the other lady Auntie! Is that understood?’ He stared down at me.

  ‘Yes!’ I mumbled, lookin down at the floor.

  The other three witches sniggered behind their hands. Then he roared at us, ‘Upstairs and wash your hands for dinner. Hurry! The lot of you.’

  They rushed out the door, an I followed behind them. Like hell I will, call them Mum an Dad! I thought te meself. Then it was back down te the tables, an when everyone was sittin down, it was the ‘Thank you, God’ prayer again.

  I looked aroun, an they were all sniggerin at me, the bastards. There must be about sixteen childre here. An they’re all ages. From about six te sixteen. I looked at me dinner – green peas, potatoes an a chop. I started te eat, watchin te see how ye use the knife an fork. Ye hold the meat down wit the fork, an ye saw wit the knife. OK, I’ve got tha. I made sure te keep the knife away from me mouth an watch the aul fella, who was keepin an eye on everyone an lets out a roar if ye do somethin wrong.

  ‘Oh, you rotter! That hurt. I’m telling!’

  ‘Quiet over there!’ roared Baldy at the other table, an he stopped eatin te glare at Renee an Sarah.

  ‘Dad! Sarah was in very big trouble today for throwing water at everyone and flooding the bathroom floor.’

  ‘Liar!’ screamed Sarah.

  ‘Yes, Dad!’ puffed Renee. ‘Miss Pennyfeather grabbed her ear and marched her off to Mr Jones, the janitor, to get the mop an
d bucket. And she was made to clean it up.’

  ‘No, Dad! It was Renee. I was trying to stop her,’ screamed Sarah.

  ‘Shut up!’ roared the dad.

  ‘And Renee bit me on my arm,’ shouted Rebecca, sidin wit Sarah.

  ‘Quiet the lot of you!’

  ‘No, she did not, Dad! Rebecca was pulling my hair, and Sarah ...’

  ‘Shut up!’ screamed the dad at a little fat young one sittin next te me. I dropped me eyes, cos he was lookin at me te see if I was joinin in the fight.

  ‘You’re a beast,’ whispered Sarah, givin Renee a slap.

  ‘That’s enough,’ roared Auntie, sittin opposite them. Renee started cryin.

  ‘That’s it!’ roared the dad. ‘One more word from anyone, and you will go to bed early without supper!’ An he glared at everyone, snortin an flickin the bit of hair tha flew inta his eye. An he took a stab wit his fork at the chop, an it shot off the plate. There was a silence as he watched it land on the floor an muttered as he bent down te pick it up. ‘My sainted grandmother!’ an everyone started sniggerin, then he flung it on the plate. An the laughin got louder. I buried me head in me plate, not wantin him te see me laughin.

  ‘Dad’s got a flyin chop,’ roared the fat one sittin next te me.

  ‘Dad’s got an empty tummy,’ muttered Baldy.

  ‘Would you like some cheese, dear?’ asked his wife, smilin.

  ‘No, I won’t bother. I’ve lost me appetite.’ An he stood up an lifted his newspaper from the little table by the fire an sat himself down in an armchair an started te read.

  Everyone started te move, bringin their plates over te the sink, an the mother shouted, ‘Get your schoolbooks out! It’s time for homework!’

  ‘Mum! Mum! Someone pinched my pencil case. My treasured one,’ whined a young one, openin the belt of the mum’s bib tied behind her back while she was tryin te wash the dishes.

  ‘It was Tracy who pinched your pencil case!’ said Ida.

  ‘Out, now!’ screamed the mum, pushin Ida away an grabbin anyone she could get her hands on te push them out the door. ‘Homework! Bring your schoolbag now,’ she roared.

  Baldy lifted his head over the newspaper an barked, ‘Brush your teeth!’ an looked at everyone, droppin his readin glasses down on his nose, an then shook his newspaper an buried his head in it again.

  I headed te the bathroom, but it was crowded, wit everyone pushin an shovin te get at the sink.

  ‘Oi, Paddy!’ a young one said te me wit a toothbrush stickin outa her mouth.

  ‘Shut up! Don’t call me tha or I’ll stick tha brush down yer neck.’

  ‘Ooh!’ screamed bloody Renee. ‘I’m goin straight to Dad to tell him what you said to our Sammy.’

  ‘Go on, I’m not afraid!’ I shouted, an she rushed out the door, an Sarah roared after her.

  ‘Yeah! Tell Dad wot she said.’

  ‘Shut up, you!’ I roared.

  ‘I’m telling!’ she screamed, an she rushed out the door after Renee.

  The little fat one slid out past me an roared, ‘You’re an Oirish Paddy!’ an ran down the stairs so fast she slipped an grabbed onta the banisters.

  I headed fer me bed, bumpin inta some young ones robbin Renee’s Paddington Bear. The two of them glared at me an then pushed past, laughin an sayin, ‘We’ll hide it in Sammy’s bed.’

  ‘Yeah!’ said the other one. ‘And she’ll get the blame.’

  I dived outa me clothes an jumped inta me nightdress, shuttin the door, an hopped inta bed, pullin the blankets over me head, hopin the dad wouldn’t come after me an I’d be in trouble. An hopin the others wouldn’t bother me, an I’d get a bit a peace.

  36

  I’ve been here fer weeks now, seven weeks, an I’ve had no word from me mammy. It’s gettin worse, the same routine every day. I sit in the yard on the bench every mornin after breakfast. I get a cup a tea an a sambidge at lunchtime. Then I have te sit on the bench again an wait fer the childre te come in from school. The heart is goin outa me. I’m not bothered about eatin. I don’t feel hungry. An the childre don’t talk te me, only te fight wit me all the time. An the people don’t bother wit me, except te side wit the childre when I fight back wit them fer pickin on me an callin me names. The English people don’t like the Irish. An I definitely don’t like the English.

  ‘Mary! Go and take your bath. I’ve run the water for you.’

  ‘OK!’ I said, followin the auntie te the bathroom.

  ‘Now don’t be long.’

  ‘No, OK,’ I said as she closed the door.

  I stepped inta the bath, dippin me toe in first an then lowered meself in. Lovely! I took up a huge bar of Sunlight soap an started te wash meself. Then I washed me hair. The door opened, sendin in a draft. An the auntie poked her head in. ‘Hurry up, Mary! Come out of the bath now and get dressed. Quickly!’

  ‘OK,’ I said, disappointed, enjoyin meself in the bath, cos this was the only place no one could get me an start tormentin me.

  I got dressed an was dryin me hair when the auntie rushed in an said, ‘Come quickly! There’s someone waiting to see you.’

  Me mouth dropped open, an me heart gave a jump. Me! I rushed out, followin the auntie up inta the parlour, an there was me ma! I gaped at her, an the auntie went out, closin the door behind her.

  ‘Quick!’ me ma said, openin the door quietly. ‘Come on!’ an she opened the front door an grabbed me. ‘Run, Martha!’ an she ran down the street an jumped inta a waitin taxi. ‘Go, Mister!’ An she poked the driver in the back, an he hesimitated te ask where to now, an she said, ‘The city. Hurry!’ An we took off just as the front door opened, an the auntie an the mum an dad an young ones all came rushin out te gape after us. Me ma looked back an muttered, ‘They won’t fuckin get us again!’

  I looked back, an the man was rushin back inta the house while the women stared. The auntie had her hand on her head, an the mum had her hand on her mouth. The young ones were runnin up an down the path laughin, an some were gapin.

  ‘Wha’s happenin, Ma?’ I turned te look inta her face, an she winked at me not te say anythin in front of the driver.

  She leaned forward an said, ‘Can ye go a bit faster, Mister? I’m in a hurry!’

  He shot forward, an we fell back in the seat. Then we hit the city centre, an me ma looked aroun. ‘Pull over there, Mister!’ an she pointed te a big shop. The man pulled in, an me ma said, ‘We’re gettin out here.’

  I jumped out, an me ma paid the driver, an then we rushed inta the big shop an out through another door, an walked through crowds a people. An then she said, ‘Come on in here!’ an we went inta a café, an she ordered a pot a tea. ‘Them bastards wouldn’t tell me where ye were. I couldn’t find out where they’d put ye. They said I could visit ye when I had a place of me own an I could be classed as fit te take care of ye.’

  ‘So how did ye find me, Ma?’

  ‘I met a very respectable man who took pity on me. I was sittin on a bench in a park cryin. An when he heard I’d lost you, cos I had no home of me own, he said I could stay in his home. An he’s willin te take you. He’s a real respectable gentleman. So then I was able te tell them I had a home fer you. An they gave me the address after checkin wit the home ye were in. An they said I could come an visit ye. I told the taxi man te wait fer me, an I left him a few houses down so they wouldn’t see him. Tha way we were able te get away quickly before they knew wha was happenin.’

  I looked at me ma. Her eyes was shinin, an she was very happy. But she looked very tired, too. It’s only hittin me now. I’m out! Back wit me ma, we’re together again! Me heart lifted, an me belly gave a jump wit gladness. Me ma stares inta me face. ‘Wha happened te you? You’re lookin very white, an ye’re still very thin.’

  ‘Yeah, Ma! I’m white from all the washin I got. An I didn’t like the food any more.’

  ‘Yeah!’ me ma said, starin inta me face. ‘Were ye frettin?’

  ‘Yeah, Ma! I was. I missed ye somethin terrible.’ An
I felt me chest fillin up. I wanted te start cryin.

  ‘Well,’ me ma said, lookin away from me. ‘Them bastards won’t get a second chance te do tha te us again. We’ll keep away from the authorities!’ Me heart jumped in fear at even the mention of tha word.

  ‘Come on,’ me ma said. ‘We’d better get movin.’ Then she headed inta the tilet, an I followed her in. Another woman was there wit a young one about my age, an I watched the mammy comb the young one’s hair. It was lovely an shiny an straight, parted down one side an a big clip in it. I stared while she buttoned her coat up wit the navy-blue velvet collar an a half-belt at the back. An the young one stood still while her mammy fussed aroun her. She looked lovely, an I wished I could look like tha. Me ma came outa the tilet an said, ‘There’s no paper in there,’ an laughed at the woman, but the woman ignored her.

  An I said, ‘Never mind, Ma! The English don’t shit, tha’s why they look as if they’re in pain all the time.’ I stared at the woman, feelin fire in me belly. An she turned the young one te the door an flew out.

  Me ma laughed an looked at me. ‘Wha happened? Why did ye say tha? Did she do somethin on ye?’

  ‘No, Ma! But people seem te think we’re dirt.’

  ‘Ah, fuck them!’ me ma said. ‘Let’s go.’

  We walked through a big shop, an I stopped te look at the childre’s coats. I tried on a pink coat wit brass shiny buttons an a half-belt, an wandered down te show me ma, who was lookin at jumpers.

  ‘Look at this, Martha! Isn’t it lovely?’

  ‘Yeah, Ma,’ I said, lookin aroun te see if anyone was watchin me.

  ‘Come on, I’m goin,’ me ma said, an headed fer the door. I followed her out slowly, ready te roar, ‘Wait, Ma! I want ye te buy this coat,’ if I was followed. Tha way no one could say me ma was robbin, an I could play the innocent. But no one followed. An I rushed off, catchin up wit me ma an havin another look aroun before I started te walk wit her.

  We got off the bus an walked te the man’s house. The house was huge, an I stood on the step while me ma rang the doorbell. An I was delighted wit me new coat. I looked very respectable. The door opened, an an elderly man, he could have been in his forties, or even in his fifties, smiled at us an said, ‘Come in!’ An he stood back, holdin the door open, an we stepped inta the long hall wit a shiny mahogany table an a big statue sittin on it of a woman wit an arra in her hand. I could smell furniture polish an food cookin. An there was a lovely rug hangin on the wall wit old pictures, an a carpet runnin down the centre of the polished floorboards.