Changing Us

by Brooklyn Taylor

  I didn’t wait for an invitation. Instead, I took the hint and laid down on the makeshift bed.

  He joined me, but before leaning down for another kiss, he stopped. “Baby, you sure you are …?”

  I kissed him while moving my hand into his jeans to show him I was ready. I was scared but so confident at the same time.

  This was Ford. My Ford.

  He unzipped his jeans after unzipping mine, and we both wiggled to move them down lower on our bodies. Mine came off, but he just pulled his down.

  He kissed my lips then pulled my shirt up and began trailing kisses from my neck to my breasts to my belly button and back to my breasts. My body was his amusement park, and I was more than willing to let him ride as much as he wanted.

  “Elise … I need to hear again that you are ready for this.” He froze over my face, sweetly concerned for my well-being.

  “I have never been so sure about anything in my life,” I said with certainty.

  We continued to profess our love to each other while we made love. He was tender, slow, gentle, and passionate the entire time.

  With that, he finally took me, making me a woman. And I had never been so pleased.

  We laid still afterward with me in his arms, settling our breathing.

  “So was it worth the wait?” I ask, hoping that I pleased him as much as he pleased me.

  He leaned up on his elbow. “Absolutely. I have dreamed of being inside you for… well … let’s just say a long time, and it was better than I could’ve ever imagined.”

  I smiled and was glad to hear that.

  “Thank you, baby, for choosing me,” he said sweetly, kissing me softly.

  “I just wish …”

  “Don’t … Don’t say that.” He knew exactly what I was going to say because I was thinking it. He was reading my mind, or maybe he just knew what I was thinking by the look in my eyes.

  The tears started to fill my eyes, and he brushed away the hair that had fallen on my forehead.

  “I hate that this was stolen from you, and I hate what you have gone through. If I could do anything to make it better, I would in a heartbeat … I don’t like to see the girl I love to …”

  “I hate it too.”

  “But … you know making love is just that. Making love. What he did to you wasn’t love … and what I just did to you was nothing but love. I love you more than anything, Elise, and that will never change.”

  “You’re right, Ford. And I love you more than anything.”

  I was a victim, but Ford had changed that hurt into something much more powerful. I just hoped Bryan was out of my life because I think I have finally kicked him out of my thoughts. The rape—the way someone who I trusted had treated me when I was sixteen—was forever etched into my mind. But falling in love and trusting a man replaced that hurt. The feelings of being a victim after being forced to do something I didn’t want to no longer drag me down. That very weight had been lifted.

  Chapter 2

  Ford

  I was sitting in my truck with the windows down, waiting for Elise after her classes. So much had changed in the past couple of years—some good and some bad. In Elise’s words, “Good always overrides the bad.” Although I wasn’t sure I believed that, I would go with it anyway. Elise always had a way of putting things into prospective. She didn’t have the easiest of childhoods so was able to appreciate the things that needed appreciating. She wasn’t one to take anything for granted, which just made me love her more.

  The last time on the field at TMU stadium was the end of my football career for me. I had wanted it to end sooner, after high school graduation, but I had been offered a full scholarship to TMU to play running back.

  After much debate and support from Elise, I decided to go for it. If only I hadn’t … She graduated just a year behind me and started college there as well, keeping us close to Humble.

  My college savings would be mine, so by my way of thinking, it was a win-win. I could use that money for our future—whatever our hearts desired. A man had to think about how he would support his wife. And Elise Riley would be my wife. I wanted to make a play for her.

  Before graduating from TMU, I had also been scouted for pro but had zero interest in playing professionally. It wasn’t for me. I knew what I wanted out of life, and it wasn’t that. Everything had become so clear to me, and I was in charge of my own future, not anyone else.

  All our plans seemed to be put on hold. At least for me, anyway. I had kept Elise in the dark … and yes, I regret that at times, but I did what I had to do to protect the one I love.

  We were only in the second half, the third quarter when I looked up and saw my opponents, the defending Bears. My team had already scored, and they were pissed, to say the least. I was just as pissed, but with the adrenaline flowing and acknowledging this was my last day in cleats and pads, nothing would stop me from playing my best and going out with a bang. I didn’t ever want to look back on this day and have any regrets.

  Right before I went back out on the field, I looked up to find Elise Riley sitting in the exact spot where I had become accustomed to seeing her. She hadn’t missed a single game, always sitting there cheering me on or holding her breath when I got knocked down. Shit, I didn’t blame her because I did the same thing. Sometimes a player just knows he was going to get the hell hit out of him. From all the years I had played, I could read it, and I would be lying if I said that didn’t make me want to call a time-out sometimes. Nope, not the way it went. Man up, right? I had been hit harder than I could ever imagine, and I rolled with it. But I couldn’t deny the way my body was starting to hurt, to show its age. At twenty-two, my head was always hurting, and I felt like I was in constant vertigo anytime I attempted to stand. Luckily, it usually leveled out after a few minutes.

  After the game, I had plans to ask Elise to be my wife. I wanted to walk up to her in the stands like I did that first night in Humble when she was being bullied by the trashy girls regarding yours truly. I was then going to take her hand after a kiss and bring her down to the field.

  Unlike a lot of football players’ proposals, I would not take her to the 50-yard line. I would simply stand her where I got used to seeing her from and point at where I saw her during every game. Then I would drop down to one knee, tell her much I loved her, and request she do me the honor of spending the rest of her life with me. I would tell her how I was closing this chapter and opening our new one; one I never wanted to end, till death do us part.

  I had a pretty good idea she would say yes, and then I would pick her up, spin her around, and promise her forever.

  I had the silver diamond ring in my bag that usually remained in my locker, but tonight, I brought it out on the field with me. I did not intend to step foot back in the sweat pit.

  But … as my life would have it, the universe had other plans for me.

  The crowd was extraordinarily loud tonight as it was the last game of the season. Our team being undefeated and facing our biggest challenge tonight kept the fans pumped up and excited.

  The announcer prompted the gentlemen to remove their hats for the anthem, and the entire stadium became silent. I turned around to look at the spot where Elise usually sat and saw her singing. She smiled at me as Terry and Carol stand beside her.

  I looked at the flag and remained in position with my hand over my heart until it ended, and then I turned back to my girl. She blew me a kiss, making me want to run up in the stands and lift her in my arms to announce she was mine and no one else’s.

  Tonight was it. This would all be behind me.

  During the third quarter without warning on the 3rd down, I was clotheslined harder than I ever remember being hit. My feet went flying out from under me, and the pain that spread through my entire body was electrifying. I remembered very little other than lying on the ground and not being able to see anything. I could hear voices, but nothing was clear; it sounded like a bunch of jumbled crackling that made absolutely no sense. I see
med to be sitting in a tunnel, and every voice echoed. Then it was silent other than the coach’s voice asking me if I could hear him. I could, but I wasn’t sure how to let him know because no matter how hard I tried, my eyes would not open. I was stuck in this black cloud that weighed so heavily on me, and gravity gave me no choice but to relent. I tried, so help me God, but I eventually gave up.

  “KELLY!!! If you can hear me, DO NOT MOVE. STAY STILL. Medics are on their way. If you can hear me, open your eyes.”

  I could hear him, but his muffled voice sounded as if he was talking from a distance. He was clapping his hands together over my face, attempting to wake me.

  I tried to make my body move, or at the very least, open my eyes and try to talk, but with all the effort expended, nothing came. I was void of any attempt.

  After a few minutes of being manhandled and lifted but not sure who or what was being done, I heard crying and felt someone taking my hand and begging God to let me be okay.

  My head had been throbbing painfully although the pains throughout the rest of my body were equally intense. I recognized the head pain as I had dealt with it most of my life; just not at this intensity. It was an old visitor that was never welcome. Over the past two years, the headaches had gotten far worse than I had ever expected them to, but I just contributed those to concussions or stress from school and then work.

  “Ford … I love you; please be okay. I can’t live without you.” I heard the same voice, and after concentrating harder than I ever thought possible, I recognized it to be Elise’s. She sounded like an angel. I tried to open my mouth to tell her I was okay and that I could hear her, but nothing came out. I couldn’t even say for sure that I spoke because I didn’t hear a response.

  I heard a motor and then loud clapping as an announcer seemed to be saying something that, again, I wasn’t computing. Pressure accompanied the pain now, an unrelenting vise grip on my head, tight and excruciating tension. I tried hard to focus on what was being said, but I couldn’t.

  Elise was by my side and holding my hand letting out light whimpers from fear and crying. I could feel her hand, so that was good, right?

  And then everything went black … She was with me, and that was all that mattered.

  *****

  “Ford, baby, you’re awake.” Elise’s sweet eyes appeared all puffy and red from endless crying. It felt like I hadn’t seen her in a decade.

  I didn’t speak but just looked at her, hoping my eyes would speak for me and say what I needed said. Growing up, my mom used to always say that my “baby blues” spoke volumes when I was upset or mad, and words weren’t needed. I hoped that was the case today. I needed her to hear what I was saying without me being able to get the words out.

  She leaned over to kiss my lips and touch my face like she needed to feel it to believe I was okay and then slowly pulled back before touching my forehead to brush back my hair. My head pounded as if it was being stuck with an ice pick, and the urge to close my weak eyes would keep this conversation short.

  I was still going to fight to say the one thing I wanted to say at my last football game. My plan had gone to shit, but I wasn’t going to let that discourage me. I was a man on a mission. Asking her to be my wife was all I could think about, and everything I remember dreaming while in my constant fogginess was about her—the woman who held my heart, the only woman for me.

  I made eye contact with her, counting on that she would be able to see the intensity of my thoughts coming from my eyes.

  I couldn’t wait any longer. “Marry me,” I muttered. My eyes began filling with tears, and this time, it wasn’t from the pain or the fight I was starting to keep my eyes open and focused.

  “Yes. Absolutely yes,” she answered immediately then kissed me softly, sensing my pain as I winced. “As soon as you are out of here, we will go to City Hall and get married.”

  “Okay,” I said and then closed my eyes, falling into a slumber that felt like a soft, comforting cloud calling my name.

  I may have been semi-conscious, but I could hear her talking to someone else in the room. She informed who I assume is the nurse coming in of my waking for the short time I had. I was an observer in the room unable to pull myself out enough to speak, but for now, I would take it.

  Elise was here. And I would be a married man as soon as I could stand.

  Little did I know that last game and that last hit were going to be the biggest change in my life.

  *****

  A graying man came walking into my room wearing a well-worn white coat with a chart in his hands. He was reviewing it before speaking with me. His stance told me he had been at this for probably longer than I had been alive.

  When he reached my bedside, he put his hand out to shake mine.

  “Mr. Kelly, I’m Dr. Pelker, a neurosurgeon here at the hospital, and have been monitoring your condition since yesterday. I was called in for a consultation shortly after you were admitted.”

  “Nice to meet you, Dr. Pelker,” I said, but that wasn’t true. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say unless he was releasing me. I was ready to get out of this hellhole. The nurses had told me that I wouldn’t be released until the doctor had been by, so you can imagine my frustration. I felt like I had been waiting for hours.

  “I’d like to go over a couple of things with you. First, we performed an MRI when you came in yesterday. Do you remember that?”

  “Yes, sir,” I said, beginning to worry. I remembered parts of it but not all.

  “What we found, unfortunately, is a spot in your brain that presents as a tumor.”

  I didn’t respond because I didn’t know what to say. Tumor?

  “I see here in your chart that you have Elise Riley as your emergency contact. Can I ask if you would like to hold off on this conversation until she is able to attend?”

  I swallowed sharply. “No … it’s okay. Is it cancer? That is the only thing I have heard tumors associated with.”

  “It could be, but we aren’t really sure. It says here that you have had headaches quite frequently and also seizures recently?”

  “Yes, I was an athlete and have played football all my life.”

  “How many concussions would you say you’ve had?”

  “Too many to count. A couple a year.”

  The look of frustration lit up his face. “Sorry, it is just very upsetting that this is going on. The damage done to young men like you, time after time …” Dr. Pelker cleared his throat and began again. “Anyway, what we need to do next is biopsy the tumor and get a definitive diagnosis. Then we can move from there.”

  “What are the possible treatments, Doctor, just so I know what I am dealing with?”

  “Depends on the kind of tumor because several kinds form in the brain. We can develop a plan once we know for sure. Certain types can be removed completely with surgery. Sometimes, you have to have a course of chemo or radiation or both. Of course, as with every treatment, there can be side effects, and once we know what we are dealing with, we will go over all that in detail.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. No one ever expects to hear what I was just told, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to process it. I was just starting my student teaching and already had a potential job at Rockwall Middle School. I had already started to help coach the boy’s football team. I had become an official hollering hard-ass and whistle-blowing assistant coach and loved it. It was what I wanted to do. Well … not really. I loved the kids but thrived on getting to mentor them for the sake of being good men one day rather than just on how to succeed on the football field. They always seemed shocked when I got on the field and played with them, and I embraced it. I was getting a chance to not only teach them to love the sport but also to listen to their body. To have fun. I could never push these boys to the limit my coach had pushed me to.

  “Survival?”

  “Could be as little as six months or it could be years. Depends on the type of tumor, treatment, and response. We n
ever know how the body is going to respond. At this point, we don’t even know it is cancer or a benign tumor. Honestly, it could be a variety of things that could be occurring.” He paused.

  “Mr. Kelly, I know it is a lot of information at once … but please be rest assured that we will do everything we can in our power to find out what is going on and address it. Remember, I have been doing this for over thirty years, so I am pretty confident in doing what is best for you.”

  “Okay. Thank you.”

  “Here is my card. Please call me if you have any questions at all. We need to get that biopsy scheduled as soon as possible so we can decide on a game plan. The sooner, the better.”

  “I understand.”

  “I am also going to put you on medication to prevent the seizures and for migraines should you get them. If you have any questions on how to take them or if it is unclear, call my office.”

  “Thank you.”

  Chapter 3

  Ford

  It had been a week since Dr. Pelker told me about the brain tumor, and I have succumbed to every emotion known to man. I have felt sorry for myself, for Elise, hurt because I knew the promises I had made to the love of my life would more than likely not come to fruition. I was angry that I couldn’t tell her yet. Not yet.

  The fuckin’ anger that consumed me was beginning to attack me.

  I needed to blame someone! Why is this happening to me? How?

  I felt like I had a target on my back that seemed burned into my skin. It hurt far more than I could have ever imagined. Not that anyone ever wonders what if I have a brain tumor?

  I felt like everything was moving quickly around me while I was in slow motion. I was observing my life but not actually living it. There wasn’t going to be enough time …

  Pulling up to my childhood home with an abrupt stop, I barely have the truck in park before I’m jumping out. I wanted them to see what they have created; what they have done to me.