I leaned in and kissed him after we had sat for a bit in silence holding hands.
“How about I just order some Chinese for dinner, and we have a picnic in bed?”
“I can still cook something …” He responded even though his color had still not returned to his face. Ford had a gorgeous permanent tan that he had been born with. I had seen it myself in his baby pictures. The same tan, and the same smile since the first pictures taken.
“I have news, and I want to celebrate.”
Ford
It was the third seizure in the past month, and I knew things were only going to get worse. Even though I should’ve been telling her, I hadn’t shared with Elise that I was starting to feel worse and worse. It was too hard to put the words together, even harder to speak them… and furthermore, I didn’t want to see her in more pain watching me.
I had started to feel a feeling of doom, and although I resisted the pull, it didn’t work. Not only was this illness taking hold of my body, but mentally, it was destroying me. I didn’t feel like me anymore, and that scared me but not enough to admit it. I hoped it would take care of itself or the medicine would help, but unfortunately, that was not the case.
Elise would change her approach, especially now since she had seen it herself. Seeing me on the floor of our kitchen couldn’t have been assuring. I wanted to protect her and shield her as stupid as that sounded. And Elise would tell me how fucking stupid I was too.
I had questioned her regarding her good news, but she was hesitant to share, insisting we wait for the arrival of our Chinese food. I didn’t want to tell her I felt tired from my episode; therefore, I played along and waited for her to share her news.
We kept a bottle of champagne in our fridge for special occasions. Growing up, my parents had always done that, so it was a small part that I copied from their lead.
My mother would say, “Always be prepared for a celebration.” She thought if she was always ready for a celebration, then she wouldn’t be met with a depressing state of affair. Looking back, I didn’t ever recall seeing my mother upset. If she was, it was usually pertaining to me, and you can guess it, yes football, and my father.
My arm was around Elise’s shoulder on the couch, and we had our feet kicked up on the coffee table that looked like it was part of Humble. Carol had found it at a rustic store when we were moving out, and it felt perfect to keep us feeling like we were at home. Elise loved it, so I loved it. I was looking over at her sporadically, watching her take in her favorite TV show and seeing the smile on her face before she laughed.
When the doorbell rang, she jumped up, indicating she was hungry. I heard her sweetness with the deliveryman as she talked to him like he was someone she had seen numerous times. This was how Elise was with anyone as long as she knew she was in control.
We sat back in our spots after making a quick pit stop in the kitchen to grab the champagne. As she sorted through everything, making sure the meal was correct and pouring some champagne, she took my hands.
“Ford …”
“Yeah …?”
“Today, I got my final grades. I am officially done … and now we can move back to Humble and start our official lives together.”
She held up her glass for a toast, and I followed suit.
“Congratulations, sweetheart.” I took one sip of the champagne, not really pleased by the taste. I was proud of her. She really wasn’t set on going to college and honestly probably would have skipped it if it wasn’t for the money Thad had gifted her. Don’t get me wrong; she would get what she wanted out of life, but it would be done her way. She would have been happy staying in Humble and getting a job that she loved and would work hard at.
I found myself getting lost in a trance before Elise’s voice awakens from it.
“Ford … are you okay?”
“Yes, yes, I am okay. Just tired is all.”
I knew as soon as I lied to her that she would recognize it. This was about her successes tonight and not what I was going through anyhow.
“Not to mention I was just thinking about how you looked last week in that bikini.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her, trying to play off my comment and attempting to change the subject.
“Let’s eat and get to bed then. Tomorrow is a fresh day, and I can’t wait to call Carol and Terry and tell them the good news.”
“They will be just as proud of you as I am.”
“You know I didn’t want to go … and felt like it was more something to do because Thad would’ve wanted me to, but in all truth, I am glad I did it. I feel like it is something in my life I set my mind to and accomplished. Like finally Elise 2 world 10. I’m catching up.”
“Nah, I think you are more than a two, Elise.”
“No, I’m not, but that’s okay.”
“So if school is number two, does that mean I am number one?”
“Absolutely, Ford Kelly.”
Instead of digging into my Kung Pao chicken, I leaned over to kiss her as she pulled me to lay on top of her on the couch.
Maybe dinner could wait … I wasn’t hungry anymore. Not for Chinese anyway.
*****
My neurosurgeon had warned me that I could start feeling down in the dumps, and that was exactly what happened. Dr. Chen had seconded that, ensuring that it was normal but to let either of them know if I was feeling thoughts of suicide. I smirked at his remark, thinking that would never cross my mind. They had warned me of the potential to fall into a hole and not able to dig myself out. Yeah … I understood that now. I felt like total shit, and it was hard to even go about my daily schedule. The steroids had a lot of negative effects, and he was right. Not to mention the reality that I had a tumor in my brain. Yeah, that would depress anyone. I had no energy and dragged ass but had to at least walk to the park today. I had to get out of the apartment; otherwise, I would just sit and wallow.
Every night, I struggled with insomnia as I thought about all the things I hadn’t yet done, and all the things I wanted to do.
Then it turned into the things I had done in my life.
When I finally fell asleep, the same dream played over and over on repeat. Elise standing over my coffin begging for me not to be dead.
Every time, I woke with a jolt. Reaching for her, I’d pull her near and pray that the reality of that was later rather than sooner.
The mind was a strong trick player, and when it wanted to think something, it did it.
I began to avoid being outside, avoid leaving our apartment, even refusing to go to dinner or out to Terry and Carol’s. We had planned to start looking for a place in Humble, but now … it might just be easier to stay here. I really didn’t have the energy, and Elise was getting more and more frustrated with me. She didn’t understand how the normal outgoing person who always wanted to be outside had been reduced to someone who barely left the bed.
I didn’t expect her to understand, and I couldn’t find the words to make it make any sense. She was trying her best to do whatever she could but was failing miserably. I couldn’t tell her what I needed her to do because I didn’t know.
My life had started to slip away, and I began to withdraw from anything breathing.
And that was when the thoughts started. I had seen the change in my body and felt the pain that had begun to take over. The very same headaches that I couldn’t show Elise because let’s face it, my poker face was worse than any gambler.
If she saw me suffer, she would suffer.
I would not heal from this, no matter what my wife’s hopes were, and it was time to prepare her for a future without me.
And that killed me.
I didn’t want to leave her. That thought hurt me more than any amount of pain my body was physically going through. Leaving her was punishment enough although I didn’t understand why I was being punished. Didn’t really matter because I was.
I’ll be damned, though, if I would punish the one person who had never stopped loving me.
Chapter 9
>
Elise
After a shower, I walked out, ready to face the day. Coffee was already waiting on the vanity counter in my favorite mug, a large white ceramic with my initials . A little cream, no sugar was how I took it.
I wrapped myself in the towel and took a few sips of my coffee before opening the door to walk into the adjoining room to get dressed.
I stopped when I heard voices, trying to determine who was over.
It was my Uncle Terry. He didn’t come to Rockwell very often, and if he did, he always called beforehand, so I knew something had to be wrong for him to visit. It was only twenty miles from the farm, but as it was known as a college town, Terry had little patience for this area.
I heard him talking to Ford.
“I hate to bring this here, but it was sent certified in the mail today, so I thought it was important.”
“It’s okay, sir. I am sure it is nothing … They send all kinds of things through certified now.”
“Terry?” I called, letting them know I heard them.
“Hey, sweet pea,” he hollered back.
“I’ll be out in just a sec.”
I closed the bedroom door and threw on my pajama bottoms and one of Ford’s t-shirts that I wear every night to bed.
As soon as I was face to face with my aging uncle, I hugged Terry and stood next to Ford, waiting to see what was so urgent.
Ford handed me the envelope, and I saw it was from Liberty but didn’t recognize the address.
“This came today?” I asked.
“Just a while ago. Carol insisted it could wait, but I didn’t want to just in case…”
I tore it open and unfolded the nicely folded papers shocked to see the letterhead on top of the first page. The documents were so crisp; they looked as if they had been ironed.
“Law Office of Liberty County.”
I froze, trying to understand what I was reading. My eyes were seeing a cluster of words, but nothing was computing.
I started to panic, wondering why I would be getting anything from Liberty, much less a letter from a lawyer’s office.
“Ms. Elise Riley,
Subsequent to Ms. Lisa Riley’s request, we are inviting you to a meeting to discuss the lawsuit being brought upon you per Ms. Lisa Riley. She is attempting to resolve this matter out of court but will have no reservations about taking it to the next step should you not agree. Subsequent to the lawsuit, you will also be responsible for all legal fees.
Regards,
Garrett Walker”
I read it, taking it in as I tried to figure out what she could be possibly be wanting to “settle.”
“What is it, Elise?” Ford asked with Terry by his side, trying to decipher my face as well.
“My mother seems to be suing me.”
I continued reading, trying to see what I was missing.
“Monies given to you by the unrightful owner, Thad Johnson, without permission from the said owner.”
I moved the paper away from my face in a state of shock. How could this woman be doing this to me? Thad had that money put away for me … and she wanted it. She wanted to take anything that Thad gave me away. How did she know about it anyway? It was never discussed.
I swallowed, trying to understand why she couldn’t just leave me alone. Both men stared at me, waiting for an answer by the look on their faces. They knew my past hadn’t been easy on me, and now, the she witch would try to ruin my future. She had wanted me out of the house for how long, and I have been … and she was chasing me, trying to wreak havoc on my life further. Hadn’t she done enough?
“Lisa wants the money that Thad left me …”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” Ford responded, just as angry as I was.
“Why now? Why after these couple of years would she come after me for it?”
“She must have known you had gotten it when you ordered the new headstone for Thad,” Ford responded.
Terry looked just as mad as we did. I was glad that Carol wasn’t here because it would have upset her too. She hated my mother for what she had done to me.
“Lisa, Lord knows she is my sister, but she is the lowest snake that I’ve ever known. Our mother is probably turning over in her grave …” He furrowed his brow with a disappointment on his face that read like a father.
I took a seat on the brown leather couch that Ford had bought for our apartment when we first moved in together.
I put my head in my hands, knowing I would have to go back to Liberty and deal with this. I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle seeing her after this letter, the final attempt to strip me of something that my brother wanted me to have.
Ford came to sit beside me and did what he always did. He would find a solution to what just happened and do everything in his power to try to fix it. Just like Thad.
But I knew that the chances of that were slim to none. My mother was trying to strip the one thing Thad had given me to start my adult life. It wasn’t enough that she had alienated me all my life, but now, she wanted to twist the knife she had placed in my chest. Smiling as she did it and pleased with the blood she would see dripping.
*****
On Saturday, the new headstone I had ordered for Thad would be set correctly. I knew it would be an emotional day, but for my dear brother, it would be worth it.
And now I had to go to the law office in Liberty to deal with another thing I didn’t want to face. I hoped that my mother stayed away, and I didn’t have to see her.
Lisa had already done her fair share to destroy what I had going good for me here in Humble, and I doubted she even thought twice about it. From what Terry and Carol said, she had moved on with a man, but they didn’t know anything about him. He couldn’t have been too good of a character to be with her, though, we all agreed.
I was thankful again for leaving Liberty as it was the best thing that ever happened.
Every time I drove into my hometown, I had flashbacks of my childhood and then the person who ultimately was the reason for my relocation. Bryan. I would be happy to never see him again. Four years had passed, but it was still a fresh bleeding wound that had never scabbed over and healed.
Ford went with me to file a police report not long after I had finally faced what had happened. It was more for me and for closure than to punish Bryan. I knew he would get away with it as he had with the majority of things in his life, and I also was cognizant of the fact I would be doubted and called a liar. And I was okay with that. The people who believed me were the people who mattered. Screw everyone else.
Ford had sat beside me the entire time I was in the room with the detective and then as I wrote my statement of my account of the events that occurred. I didn’t expect a response from the Liberty Police Department, and that was a good thing because that was what I got. Detective Hale said that he was sorry for what I went through, but it was his word against mine with no evidence or proof of the actions. I had been raped, and I was shipped off by my mother dearest without so much as a maternal moment. She wasn’t concerned it would ruin my life—the way I would think of myself and always have the memory, the unwelcome touch of his hand on my skin in my most intimate spots, the person it could have potentially transformed me into—but rather how Bryan the star football player would be affected.
Although the lack of actions by the authorities didn’t sit well with Ford, he sat beside me and lent me strength for only one reason. Yes, I wanted it to be known what he did to me, but I needed the closure more. And signing my name to that report gave me that. I was shutting that door, and I’d be damned if I let it destroy me. I promised myself as I signed the last curve of my last name that I would never let what he did to me take another second of my soul. It had taken enough. Karma would happen to him, and I had hoped it was tenfold.
When Thad had left that pot of gold for me, I was able to start college with it and then put the rest in savings. I had wanted to do something special for Thad, and it finally dawned on me to give him
a nicer place for his memorial.
“Beautiful, are you up already?” Ford’s voice was husky from just waking as he lightly lifted his head off the pillow, looking as gorgeous now as he did the moment I first laid eyes on him.
I nodded and started to get up to go start the coffee. Ford usually started it being as he was an early riser and would try to get a run in on most mornings before starting his day. Those days were long gone now as he struggled to get out of bed himself.
Since we read that letter, Ford had come back to me. I had become weak, and he was stepping up to the plate, sick or not.
He pulled me close, kissing me on the lips sweetly then moving to my right eye and then my left.
“Don’t worry about today, baby. It will be fine. We won’t run into anyone, and we will be in and out before you can blink. You know I can go for you, and you can …”
I didn’t answer, and he didn’t expect me to. He knew I would not let that happen.
This headstone was a gift I could give to Thad as the only piece I had with me still on earth.
I snuggled next to him, feeling him breathe and listening to his words. His words came off his tongue like silk, reassuring me that we had things under control. He was right, wasn’t he?
“I love you, Ford.” I laid my head on his chest and listened to his strong heart beat. His chest had gotten a little larger from the workouts he had to do playing college football but now was leaner. Bigger, smaller, I didn’t care as long as it was him.
“Elise, I love you.” He began stroking my natural blond hair lightly, letting it flow through his fingertips.
“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better before we get going?”
I giggled, thinking of what I wanted and needed.
“I want you to make love to me, Ford.”
He raised his eyebrows and smiled, showing his teeth that sparkled.
Changing Us Page 9
