by Grace White
“It will be fun to all go together,” Lacey added, probably sensing the tension between Laker and me. “You could even ask D-”
“I don’t think so, L.” I shot her a grim smile, and her cheeks flamed with embarrassment. I didn’t blame her for trying. No one had been entirely convinced it was over, not with the way I’d been the past few weeks. My Daiya stalker mode hadn’t gone unnoticed. Especially by my friends.
“Oh, okay.”
“Well, I intend to dress up, get wasted, and get laid,” Laker announced to the table.
“You’re such a pig,” one of the girlfriends said. I didn’t know which one because I was too busy trying to ignore the urge to get up and go over to Daiya.
Isaac had said it would calm the hunter part of me, but he hadn’t really known what to expect with regards to my connection to Daiya. I felt it now, the invisible thread flowing from her to me and back again.
“You sure you’re okay?” Laker waved his hand in front of my face, and I batted it away.
“Yes. I’m sure, jackass.”
He threw up his hands. “Just checking. I’m glad you’re back; just don’t start hulking out on me again, yeah?” Laker didn’t go into detail, but he didn’t need to. He was relieved to have his old friend back, but what he didn’t realize was behind the façade, I was still different. Intrinsically altered. Something lived within me now, something that craved more than just hockey and parties and girls.
A higher purpose called to me. Even if I didn’t want to answer.
Not to mention the gaping hole in my chest where Daiya was supposed to be. So here I was, smiling and laughing and joking around with the guys, and they bought it because that’s how it had to be. But on my own, when no one else was there to witness the cracks, I could let myself daydream about her. About the life we could have had together.
“We gotta go.” Laker was staring down at me. I hadn’t even felt him move.
“Yeah. I’m coming.” I followed him to the trashcan where we dumped our lunch wrappers and then headed toward school. Before I could stop myself, my eyes sought her out. Sitting wedged between Poppy and another girl, Daiya smiled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Sensing me, her gaze lifted, and for just a second, our eyes connected.
She smiled.
And damn if it didn’t shatter something inside me. Even now, after everything, she could still find it in herself to smile at me.
I felt like complete shit.
I didn’t deserve her love or her forgiveness or smiles.
I blinked, the truth of our situation seeping into my bones like poison, and turned back to Laker.
It was better this way. With time, it would get easier; she’d move on and forget all about me.
And if I kept lying to myself, maybe one day they’d come true.
By the time I walked through the front door, I just wanted to be alone. The day had only gotten harder. The reality of what I’d promised Isaac too much to bear.
“Kai, please come in here.” Mom’s voice floated through the hallway, and I groaned. I didn’t want to do this, not yet. But I couldn’t avoid her forever, which was exactly what I’d been doing ever since Isaac told me the truth about everything.
“What’s up?” I went straight to the sink, avoiding eye contact, and helped myself to a glass of water.
“We need to talk. Sit, please.”
I leaned back against the counter with a heavy sigh. “I’ll stand.”
She tilted her head with a sigh. “Isaac stopped by.”
“What?” My eyes went wide, my pulse ratcheting.
“He told me that he’s helping you? That’s good.” She nodded as if she was trying to convince herself as much as me.
“Seriously? We’re doing this? Now?”
“Kai.” She sighed. “Please.”
“Please what, Mom? You lied. All these years, I thought he was just some deadbeat father who wanted nothing to do with me. You moved us to a new town to get away from the memories. Pulled me out of my team, uprooted me from my friends.”
“I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life.” Her fist uncurled, flattening against the table.
“Did you know?”
Confusion clouded her eyes. “Know?”
“When you married him, did you know?”
“I knew.” Her eyes dropped away, lost in the memory. “Isaac was always honest with me. He said he didn’t want any secrets between us, and that I deserved to know exactly what I was getting into.”
“And you still married him?”
“I loved him.”
I scoffed. Look how well that ended.
“And me? What did you think would happen when you had a kid?”
Tears pooled in her eyes, and I knew I had my answer. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. It was just another betrayal to add to a long list.
“I was a mistake.”
“Kai, we were young. Swept up in a whirlwind of love and infatuation. Starting a family wasn’t something we had really talked about. But I wouldn’t change it. None of it. The second I laid eyes on you, I loved you. As did your father.”
A strangled laugh tumbled from my lips, and I set down the glass and folded my arms over my chest. “Did the man you claimed loved me so much tell you his conditions of helping me?”
Lips pressed into a tight line, she nodded.
“And you’re okay with that? With him blackmailing me?”
Because that was what it boiled down to.
“It’s probably for the best. You’re going through some huge changes, and you have an important year coming up. Your life is just beginning, Kai. Isaac never wanted this life for you. He left to give you what he never had. A normal childhood. You have so much to look forward to, baby. You’ve worked so hard to get to this point. Is it really worth throwing away?”
Her question hung in the air. I could read between the lines. Was it really worth throwing away for Daiya?
“You’re young, Kai; there’ll be other girls. Other girls you’re more compatible with.”
My eyebrow arched. She knew? Knew what Daiya was? I hadn’t considered that. But then, what did she think my father was out hunting when he wasn’t home with us.
She smiled sadly. “Of course, I know. I know far too much about this world. Things I’d rather forget.”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
Mom pushed her chair back and stood. “Sometimes, the hard choice isn’t fighting for the things we love; it’s letting them go.”
I was still standing there long after she’d gone as her words played over and over in my head. Sometimes the hard choice isn’t fighting for the things we love; it’s letting them go. Was Mom right? I knew I couldn’t continue as I had been; one minute, wanting to love her, and the next, wanting to hurt her. I had already put her through too much. Walking away was the only option, the only choice I had. Wasn’t it? We were sworn enemies, pitted against one another whether we liked it or not. People from opposites side of the line fell in love all the time. And most ended in tragedy.
If anything happened to Daiya because of me, because of what we felt for one another, I couldn’t bear it. But if I walked away—if I made the hard choice—she would be safe. Isaac had promised me. My compliance in return for Daiya’s safety. It was the right decision. The only decision.
So why did it feel like a huge mistake?
DAIYA
“This was a bad idea.” I clutched Poppy’s arm as we made our way across the gymnasium. The dance committee had transformed it into a winter wonderland—complete with fake snow blowing out of fans above the gym entrance and a full-size Devils ice statue next to the photo area. Under different circumstances, I would have appreciated it for what it was, the senior winter formal—a rite of passage as Poppy liked to keep reminding me—but the huge knot in my stomach refused to let me relax.
Poppy slid her arm through mine and whistled through her teeth as she took in the scene before us. “It’l
l be fine. Stop worrying.”
That was just it, though; I was worried. Kai would be here. Laker would be here. So would Tamara and her minions and the rest of senior class. Everyone would be here. Watching. All waiting to see what drama would unfold next.
“Oh look, there’s Jess and the gang.” Poppy pulled me in the direction of a table full of her friends. The friends she’d dropped as of late, but if they cared, they didn’t let on as we reached them. Jess smiled and said hello, introducing me to the others. I felt rotten. I’d been at Decker County almost four months, and I didn’t even know half the people seated around the table. We sat down, and a guy named Ross offered to get us drinks. Poppy nodded, reassuring me that he could be trusted, so I went with it.
“Two mocktails at your service.” Ross handed each of us a plastic cocktail glass complete with snowflake stirrer. We said thank you, and he took his seat next to Poppy. I glanced over at the dance floor, already half full of bodies dancing to the music from the band. “They really went all out, huh?” I mused, and Poppy laughed.
“It’s winter formal, Daiya, a rite of passage. I swear sometimes it’s like you’re from a different time.”
If only she knew.
“Look at Tamara. Could her dress be any shorter? It’s borderline hooker.”
“Poppy,” I scolded. She wasn’t wrong, but people at the table next to us eyed us with interest. She might have been a Class A bitch, but Tamara was still one of the most popular girls in school.
“What? It’s the truth. Complete whore. You know she asked him, right?”
My eyes bugged at her. “What?”
“Stanton. She walked right up to him and asked him to take her to the dance.”
I didn’t know why I was so surprised. She couldn’t wait for me to be out of the picture. My gaze darted around the room. Was he here? With her? No. Poppy wouldn’t do that to me. She wouldn’t …
“Stop. He didn’t say yes. Do you really think I’d do that to you?”
Phew.
“Ugh, and shitface came.” Laker stood near the makeshift bar with some guys from the team. “Guess he missed the memo about it being a formal dance.”
I chuckled to myself. Poppy was practically salivating over the sight of Laker in black dress pants and a tailored black shirt that he’d rolled up to the elbows. He looked a lot less formal than some of the guys in their full tuxes, but he wore smart casual well.
“You want him,” I joked, trying to calm her down.
“Been there, done that, won’t be going in for round two.” She shot me a sideways glance.
“Whatever you say.” I stuck out my tongue.
For the next hour, we watched the dance unfold around us, commenting on people’s outfits and the lack of coordination of some the guys on the dancefloor. All in all, it was painless. Laker avoided Poppy, and she walked the long way around to the bathroom. And despite my eyes checking the crowd for him every now and then, Kai was nowhere to be seen.
“Come dance. I can’t bear to see you sitting there all miserable.”
“I’m fine. I promise. Go, go!” I shooed Poppy away. I didn’t want to dance any more than I wanted to be here in the first place, but she seemed to be having a good time, and I didn’t want to ruin her fun by skipping out early.
I twirled one of the purposely styled stray curls around my finger; my head bent on my fist propped up on the table by my arm. The music drowned out the excitement and laughter evident on my classmates’ faces as they danced, some in couples and some in large groups like Poppy and Jess and their friends. I was laughing at Ross building up the courage to try to corner Poppy into a slow dance when someone blocked my vision. Holding my hand over my eyes to block out the disco lights, I stared up at Kai. My mouth dried at the sight of him in a black two piece, a crisp white shirt hugging his torso, the top button left open.
“Dance with me?” His eyes asked a thousand questions I didn’t understand as he held out his hand.
Was this really happening? Weeks of playing games and hurting one another to asking me to dance at the winter formal? I swept my tongue over my bottom lip desperate to create some moisture.
“Daiya.” His voice slid over me like molten chocolate, and when I didn’t answer, he wrapped his hand around mine and pulled me out of the chair.
Kai led us to the middle of the dance floor. Like Moses parting the sea, people moved to make way for their star player. It was embarrassing, and I felt my skin flush at the gesture under the scrutiny of so many stares.
He finally stopped and turned, tugging me to him but not drawing me fully into his arms. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I gulped, craning my neck to see his eyes. His dark hair seemed to transform his eyes into two obsidian pools. Or maybe it was the hunter within him. Either way, I was lost in them.
“You look beautiful, Daiya.” His gaze slid over me like butter. Across the sweetheart neckline of my simple jade green dress that hugged my waist tight and then flared out into a calf-length skirt.
“Thank you.” I almost choked on the words. “You look good, too.”
You look good, too? The words rolled around my mouth like cotton wool.
Kai closed the space between us, holding one of my hands as his other arm swept around my waist to cement us together, and started to sway us to the slow beat. There, in the middle of our classmates, we danced in silence, holding on like we might never get another chance. At some point during the second slow song, Kai dropped his head beside mine, his mouth at my ear.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered; his words only meant for me. “I’m so, so sorry.”
The air left my lungs as he continued to sway us; our bodies pressed together like two pieces of the same puzzle. I turned into him slightly, our lips almost touching. “Kai, I—”
He nudged me away. “No, let me finish. I love you, Daiya. I never stopped loving you. Not when I discovered what you are or who am I. I still love you. But sometimes you have to set free the things you love the most. Something dangerous lives inside me, and I can’t risk you. I won’t. You set it off, Daiya, like a match to a flame. It’s drawn to the demon inside you. It senses the challenge, the power, and I don’t know how to control it. I’ve tried.” His hand slid up my back and buried itself into my hair anchoring me to him. “Christ, I’ve tried. I want nothing more in the world than you, but until I know it’s safe, I can’t be around you.”
It had started out like a dream. Kai appearing out of my deepest most secret desires, asking me to dance. Everything had paled into significance. Our friends, our classmates. The band playing the perfect song. But all too soon, the dark shadow that followed us around grew bigger, twisting and turning into something ugly; pulling the hope and comfort and happiness from the moment, and replacing it with something black and dirty and painful. He’d said goodbye before, but it hadn’t felt final then. It had felt like a challenge. It had felt like he was saying ‘fight for us’ … ‘fight for me.’ But as I drew back and stared up at him with tears already welling in my eyes, I knew he wasn’t asking me to fight for him this time. He was asking me to let him go. He was asking me to let us go.
The first tear fell, taking a piece of my heart with it. Kai didn’t speak; he simply tucked me back into the crook of his neck and kept swaying us. My hand came around to his chest, pressing right above his heart. I could feel it beating, the rise and fall of each breath. The heart that was supposed to be mine.
“I’m glad we had this. I’ll never regret anything, Daiya. Every laugh, every kiss … I’ll keep them with me always. I loved you then, I love you still, and I’ll love you for a long time to come. But I’m not the one.”
He wasn’t the one?
How could he say that?
I felt it.
I felt it with every fiber of my being that Kai was the boy of the prophecy, just as I was the girl.
“In another life, Daiya.” The unspoken promise wrapped itself around me, doing little to ease the pain splintering through my c
hest. Through my heart. What had begun as a dream was ending a nightmare. The demon inside me roared, thrashing violently, refusing to believe his words. I inhaled sharply, focusing on Kai’s touch and using the feel of him close to ground me.
His final touch.
And then it came.
The closing beats of the song played, and Kai’s lips pressed against my head, lingering. When he pulled back, gazing down at me, his eyes were filled with such regret, such heartache, I knew it was over.
“Goodbye, Daiya.” His mouth moved, but the words rolled off me. There was nothing I could do to stop it. The thread binding us snapped clean in two. It was done.
Kai left me standing there. Maybe the moment was too hard for him, or maybe he couldn’t stand the attention we had attracted. But as I stood there, tears rolling down my face, he didn’t come back.
I was alone. It was over.
And this time, I knew it was for good.
KAI
“Is she okay?” I grabbed Poppy’s arm and yanked her back. She flashed her teeth, and I released her, holding my hands up in surrender. “Sorry, okay. I’m just worried. It’s been four days now.”
Poppy opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it, shaking her head. “I don’t know, okay.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“Well, after you completely humiliated her and broke her heart in front of the entire senior class, she went dark.”
“Dark?” I spluttered. What the hell did she mean Daiya had gone dark?
“She won’t answer my calls or texts.”
“Have you tried going to the house?”
She sighed heavily, her whole upper body oozing with frustration. “Stanton, you dumped her, and then, in front of our entire class, you asked her to dance. You gave her hope—hell, you gave me hope—and then you drove a stake right through her heart. So I’m only going to ask you this once; why the hell should I believe that you care if she’s okay or not?”
Ouch. That hurt. But it was no less than I deserved. I hadn’t planned for it to go down like that, but when I saw her sitting there—so innocent, so beautiful—and the thought of never holding her again, never kissing her soft lips again hit me, I was done for. I had to have one last dance. To feel her in my arms one more time. But with the death stare Poppy was sending me, I knew I’d messed up big time.
