Darcy's Passions

by Regina Jeffers

When she left, Darcy collapsed into the chair she vacated. Lady Catherine gave him hope; where days before he resolved to put distance between him and Elizabeth, now he thought only of returning to Netherfield and to her. He would have done so immediately if he was not to dine with Edward this evening; also he reasoned he needed time to reflect on what his aunt said and what he should do next. Edward was the perfect person with whom to discuss this encounter for besides Edward’s clear thinking, what Darcy chose next would affect both of them.

  Darcy most welcomed Edward’s arrival at Kensington Place that evening. He needed his cousin’s advice because his own emotions were far too out of control for him to think sensibly. The gentlemen took dinner leisurely, stopping several times for intense conversation and then returning to the meal to “chew” over the ideas as much as to consume the food. Darcy updated Edward on the pleasure of finding Elizabeth at Pemberley, sharing many of the intimate details and asking for Edward’s astute interpretation of what Elizabeth said and did. When Darcy told how Elizabeth thwarted Miss Bingley’s attempt at a cut and maintained Georgiana’s secret, the news astounded Edward. “I always found Miss Bennet to be most engaging,” he said with a smile.

  Next came the story of George Wickham and Lydia Bennet’s “arranged” marriage. “Now you understand why I purchased the commission,” Darcy related.

  “In some ways I wish Miss Elizabeth realized the depth of your love, Darcy. Only a man as good as you would help his worst enemy to secretly save the woman he loves. My estimation of you has increased substantially, and it was always of the highest regard.”

  This brought Edward to the news of Darcy’s return to Netherfield. “I went with Bingley when he called on the Bennets the first time. I hoped to be able to talk to Elizabeth, but she barely looked at me. Her needlework was never as beloved as it was that day.”

  “Darcy, she had not seen you since sharing her sister’s shame with you. She must be confused. Why would you come there? Elizabeth has to know how you feel by now, but she must wonder how you could renew your affections to her with George Wickham as her brother.”

  “What you say is so reasonable when you say it but not when I am living it,” Darcy chuckled ironically.“But things did not change at the dinner two days later. I spent the meal seated next to Mrs. Bennet; she spent the evening surrounded by other ladies, and we were unable to talk at all.”

  “Again, Darcy, was that Elizabeth’s doing or Mrs. Bennet’s?”

  “Why would Mrs. Bennet want to keep me from Elizabeth? If she threw Elizabeth at Mr. Collins, my wealth should earn me a right to court her daughter. The woman may dislike me, but her only goal is to marry off her daughters to well-suited matches. She would not keep me from Elizabeth!”

  “Mrs. Bennet, I doubt, realizes your interest in Elizabeth. If what you say about the woman is true, and she knew how you felt, Elizabeth would be sitting on your lap. Instead, I think Mrs. Bennet was trying to keep you from Mr. Bingley. The Bennets must know of Miss Bingley’s cut in London of Miss Bennet by now.You and Caroline are intimates in the Bennets’ opinions. Keeping you from stopping her plans to marry off Jane Bennet to Mr. Bingley seems a more likely explanation of what happened. Did Miss Elizabeth not say anything?”

  “She only asked about whether Georgiana was at Pemberley.”

  “Cousin, Miss Elizabeth asked about Pemberley because it was the place where you shared something special. If you do not stop second-guessing everything, you will lose this woman.”Ashamed at how easily Edward saw what he did not, Darcy dropped his head. “Now,” Edward rubbed his hands together in anticipation,“tell me what our dear aunt had to say today. If she said what I hope, both of our loves may be soon achieved.”

  “Our aunt heard from her favorite gossipmonger Mr. Collins that Elizabeth started a rumor of our impending marriage, and Lady Catherine demanded it be universally denied. Lady Catherine went to Longbourn to confront Elizabeth.”

  “That must have been some conversation! I cannot imagine Lady Catherine displaying much civility.”

  “Our aunt was quite frank about what she said to Elizabeth. I kept myself in check to ascertain the extent of the accusations and the exact discourse, but it was difficult. She reminded Elizabeth of her connections, berated her for her insolence, and demanded Elizabeth honor my pledge to Anne.”

  Edward emitted a moan. “Please tell me Elizabeth withstood Lady Catherine’s demands. She is the only person who could be so defined.”

  “Elizabeth refused to say she would not marry me if I asked, but she also never said she would accept my proposal. How do I know she desires my affections? She could have been obstinate and disagreeable because of our aunt’s interference in her private affairs. I know the words Elizabeth said, but I still do not know the tone of those words.”

  “Darcy, she could have simply promised Lady Catherine to never marry you, and her ordeal would have been over. Instead, Elizabeth withstood all our formidable aunt issued to her rather than to promise she would not marry you. Darcy, do you not see Elizabeth will accept you this time?”

  “I am afraid to think as such; my heart cannot take such disappointment again.”

  “Then do nothing, but are you not the one who told Bingley his fate would be the same whether he chose to wait or not? You should heed your own advice, Cousin.”

  “I already told Lady Catherine I would not marry Anne even if Elizabeth refuses me.You need not push me toward Miss Elizabeth in order to earn your own love, Edward.”

  “It is true I wish you to no longer be an embracement in Lady Catherine’s mind, but it is truer I wish you happiness, Cousin. Elizabeth will be yours if your temperament will take the chance.”

  “I apologize, Edward; I should not have spoken so harshly; my emotions race about unchecked.You are right; I cannot give up my chance. If I am successful, I will send you word, and you may attend to our aunt’s vexations and plead for Anne’s hand before Lady Catherine realizes your title may be enough for Anne, but it will mean the dower’s house for her.”

  “It would be a pleasing vindication for both of us, Darcy.”

  They settled things; Darcy would return to Netherfield on Monday. His fate was in his own hands. As they parted that evening, there was genuine respect between the two gentlemen. Their lives had been intertwined since their youth, and if things went well in Hertfordshire, their lives would be changed but still bound to one another. As he left, Edward embraced his cousin and reminded Darcy,“Take the package of lace with you, Cousin. Miss Elizabeth will need it for her wedding attire.”

  CHAPTER 16

  “It jumps from admiration to love . . .”

  When Bingley returned to Netherfield on Monday evening, he found Darcy’s livery on the carriage in front of the house. Upon entering, he discovered Darcy in the library. “Darcy, you came back; I am so pleased to see you.”

  “I apologize for not sending ahead of my return; I hope I have not offended you by my presumption to be welcomed.”

  “Of course, not,” Bingley crossed the room to shake hands with his friend.“You did read my letter, did you not?”

  “I do not call four short lines a letter, Sir,” Darcy teased.

  “That is the length of my legible content.”The levity between them helped to alleviate the apprehension Darcy felt since leaving London.

  “Come, I want to hear what you said, what Miss Bennet did, and all the details of your upcoming nuptials,” Darcy led Bingley to a nearby chair.“You may even bore me with all Mrs. Bennet’s nerves if you so choose.” Bingley laughed at the references to his future mother’s silliness, but his happiness allowed him to find no fault even with Mrs. Bennet. Darcy’s true interest lay only in his friend’s happiness and in any references to Elizabeth’s reaction to the proposal.

  “Miss Elizabeth,” Bingley offered,“keeps her mother and sisters attending to other things so Jane and I may talk privately. Now you are here, you can help me entertain Mr. Bennet.We have agreed to go shooting later in th
e week; you are twice the sportsman as I; you could impress him, and maybe Mr. Bennet will not notice I am generally a terrible shot.” Darcy laughed, but undercurrents of shattered nerves hid in the layers.

  “You will join me at Longbourn tomorrow, Darcy? Miss Elizabeth deserves someone other than her mother to which to speak, and you and she got along well at Pemberley. Would you mind spending some time with Miss Elizabeth? Jane and I want to make plans for Netherfield without her mother’s input and before the arrival of my sisters. What say you, Darcy? We can walk out together—Jane and I can talk over what we need to discuss, and you can talk to Miss Elizabeth and maybe her sisters.” Darcy would not mind seeing Elizabeth alone. That would be perfect for what he planned. That evening images of Lady Catherine and Anne standing along the road to Meryton disturbed his sleep, and a clear likeness of Elizabeth’s face could not be had.

  After breakfast, Darcy and Bingley rode to Longbourn. As usual, tender words of his worth greeted Bingley; Darcy, on the other hand, received a cold welcome; yet, he did not care what Mrs. Bennet said or did; his eyes searched Elizabeth’s face, trying to see what she must be thinking about him after being so chastised by his aunt. Before Mrs. Bennet had time to tell Darcy of Lady Catherine’s calling upon the family, Bingley said, “It is a beautiful day. May we take a walk and enjoy the weather?”

  “Oh, I am not in the habit of walking about, Mr. Bingley,” Mrs. Bennet fussed,“but the girls are quite good walkers.”

  “I would prefer to stay here, Mama, and address my studies,” Mary intoned.

  “Do be quiet, Mary,” Mrs. Bennet was quite rude. “No one cares whether you go or not.” She turned back to the others. “Girls, go find your outside things.”

  Soon the five set off together; Bingley and Jane lagged behind, allowing the others to outstrip them. Little discourse occurred between the three; Kitty remained in awe of the “haughty Mr. Darcy.” Darcy and Elizabeth each formed a resolution to speak what had not been said before.

  When they reached the path leading to Lucas Lodge, Kitty asked to be excused to visit Maria Lucas. Elizabeth agreed but warned her sister not to stay too long. After Kitty’s exit, they walked on in silence for a few moments. He tried to get the courage to approach her when she found her voice, “Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature; and, for the sake of giving to my own feelings, care not how much I may be wounding yours.”

  What was she saying? She did not care if she hurt his feelings? His aunt’s rebukes combined with his earlier insecurities showed her she wanted nothing of him.

  “I can no longer help thanking you for your unexampled kindness to my poor sister.”

  She was not talking about his aunt’s attack, but Elizabeth knew about his involvement in Lydia Bennet’s marriage. Now, as was customary, she would be obligated to marry him.

  “Ever since I have known it, I have been most anxious to acknowledge to you how gratefully I feel it.Were it known to the rest of my family, I should not have merely my own gratitude to express.”

  There it was—the dreaded word “gratitude.” I do not want her gratitude; I want her love.What can I say to her now? I never wanted her to know of my part in the wedding. Darcy stopped and turned toward Elizabeth. She stopped, too, and they faced each other for a few infinitely long seconds. Without planning to say so, her words of “gratitude” drove him forward.“I am sorry, exceedingly sorry, that you have ever been informed of what may, in a mistaken light, have given you uneasiness. I did not think Mrs. Gardiner was so little to be trusted.”

  Elizabeth glanced up briefly at him; the tension was so thick. Both knew what needed to be said, but neither could broach the subject. She tried to explain how Lydia’s foolishness let the news of his attending Wickham’s wedding slip out. Then she added, “You must not blame my aunt. Lydia’s thoughtlessness first betrayed to me that you had been concerned in the matter; and, of course, I could not rest till I knew the particulars. Let me thank you again and again, in the name of all my family, for that generous compassion which induced you to take so much trouble, and bear so many mortifications, for the sake of discovering them. It truly befuddles me why you would put yourself through all that trouble.”

  Elizabeth left him the opening. She could not understand why he troubled himself with Wickham. He loved her; that is why. His sister demanded it; that is why. “If you will thank me, let it be for yourself alone.That the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on I shall not attempt to deny. But your family owe me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you.”

  Silence enveloped them; he wanted her to say something or do something to let him know if he overstepped the limits. Yet, Elizabeth was never silent, he thought. If he offended her, her temperament would be to reprimand him. Dare he believe she would willingly listen to him? When he looked closely at her downcast face, he saw her embarrassment but not her disdain. He could contain it no longer, and he added,“You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on the subject forever.”

  Darcy waited, frozen in time, forgetting even how to breathe; his eyes searched her face, anticipating her answer. An eternity passed as he waited; finally, she raised her eyes to his. “Mr. Darcy,” she said the words slowly as if to convince herself as much as him, “my feelings . . . my feelings are so different from what they were last April. My sentiments have gone through a full array of emotions since the period to which you allude; I willingly receive your present assurances. The fact you still seek my love gives me great pleasure.”

  The conviction with which she said the words made the dream real, and he slowly lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. “Elizabeth, I have imagined this moment so many times, but never once did I feel such contentment and exhilaration at the same time.”Transfixed, they stayed that way for a long time fighting the urge to smother each other with kisses. “You are beautiful, Elizabeth.” She started to drop her eyes, but he lifted her chin with his finger. “If you plan to drop your eyes each time I tell you how much I love you, my dearest Elizabeth, you will forever be looking at the floor.You need never to look down again.” Elizabeth rested her hand on his chest; he wondered if she felt the faint trembling and the erratic beating of his heart. He closed his eyes, and her nearness consumed him. “Elizabeth, you have stolen my heart; I cannot live without you. Please say you will be my wife.”

  “I can think of nothing more perfect than our matrimonial felicity. Being forever known as Mrs. Darcy would be my happiest desire.” Darcy’s breath caught in his throat; Elizabeth was finally his. Now so close he could feel her breath on his cheeks, his arms enveloped her as she offered her mouth for their first kiss.

  “I have been waiting for you,” he whispered into her ear. The passion in his voice made her body tremble, and Darcy instinctively moved in closer to support her. They separated reluctantly and started to walk; only this time she wrapped her arm through his. He cupped her hand with his free hand.The realization of the last few minutes sustained them at first, but they both possessed a nature to analyze every aspect, which brought them to their present understanding.

  Elizabeth paused briefly and looked up at Darcy; he was lost in the revelry of their combined touch. “Mr. Darcy,” she stumbled over the words, “the honor you bestowed on me today cannot be expressed in words. I feared you would not renew your proposal; I thought I lost your love forever.”

  Darcy took both of her hands in his and held them next to his heart. He turned and said, “At Pemberley, I hoped to show you how much I changed. I came to Lambton that last day with the intention of asking you to ride out with me before dinner. I wanted to take you around the grounds; I decided within a few moments of finding you on the lawn of my estate, I would not be able to live without you in my life.”

  “When you left the Royal Crown that day,” she nearl
y whispered, “I told myself I would never see you again. My chances of your renewing your proposal I hoped of once we were together at your home, but when you left so suddenly, I believed you could never love me after the shame Lydia brought on our family. The realization of Mr. Wickham becoming your brother, I thought, would keep you from me. I could not fathom why you followed them to London; I hoped I was the source of your action, but I could not believe my heart.”

  “I did talk to Georgiana before I left, not for her approval but out of respect for her guidance; but, from the moment I departed the inn, I had no other purpose in mind than to protect you.” Darcy reached out to gently stroke her cheek.“Images of your face sustained me when I negotiated with Mr.Wickham for your sister’s wedding. I concocted a lie of how your family sent me there. If Mr. Wickham knew my real purpose, he would have extricated a larger payoff.”

  “Then it will be pleasurable to send my sister news of our engagement. Besides placing her family’s reputation in jeopardy, Lydia flaunted her ‘well placed marriage.’ She even demanded to take Jane’s place in our home. She and Mr. Wickham are of the same mind; when Mr.Wickham realizes you did all for me, it will be a punishment for their follies.”

  As they continued to walk along a path leading through a wood, Darcy told her, “Sending Mr. Wickham to Newcastle to a hard-nosed commanding officer was part of my revenge.”

  Elizabeth laughed, “He deserves worse than that,” she taunted, and he marveled at the irony of the similarity of their minds.“Will Georgiana be able to manage having Mr. Wickham as a brother? She has a delicate temperament.”

  Darcy smiled down at the concern in Elizabeth’s face. “As you misjudged me when we first met, I fear my dearest Elizabeth, you misjudged my sister. She is a true romantic! When she found out Mr. Wickham ran off with Lydia, Georgiana demanded I do something to protect you.You will make great friends, and I will pay the price of having two spirited females under my roof,” he chuckled. “Georgiana wanted to protect you even if her reputation was brought under close inspection.” Elizabeth could not hide her surprise at having earned Georgiana’s respect in such a short time period.