Elements 2 - Shifting Selves

by Mia Marshall

  “It doesn’t stop, you know.” The words were spoken so quietly I wasn’t sure they were intended for my ears. Even so, I paused by the door, waiting to see if she would continue.

  She did. “You don’t stop loving someone just because they go away, or because they hurt you. You don’t stop even when you don’t trust them anymore. Give me whatever title you want, but I was never her ex, not really.”

  Simon didn’t look at her, but I knew he was listening. I could almost see his ears twitch in her direction.

  “You couldn’t have said this to her before?” I asked.

  “I didn’t say I was without regrets. I said I loved her. I imagine those things aren’t often mutually exclusive.”

  I wanted to dislike her, just on principle. I wanted to be harsh and cruel to this woman who’d caused Vivian, kind and gentle Vivian who’d only sought to protect her, a moment of pain. And yet, I sometimes felt like I’d been formed from a mix of magic and regret, and I could not fault her for admitting her own weaknesses.

  “I wish it didn’t take something like this to make us realize what matters.” Her eyes were on Vivian’s face, traveling slowly over her bruised features, and the glow that lit her face told me she saw nothing but Vivian’s beauty.

  “Maybe the odds are more even than I thought,” I whispered. I followed Sera and Mac outside and slid the door closed, leaving Simon and Olivia to sort out the rest themselves.

  Sera and I walked in silence down the hospital’s long, white corridors. It was already late afternoon, and most visitors had gone home. The only people that passed us were nurses and orderlies, all walking with purpose, their rubber-soled shoes providing the only whisper of sound. We stopped at the nurses’ station for an update, and they confirmed what we already knew. Vivian was healing quickly enough to surprise the doctors, but not so fast that they’d attempt to make her their next case study.

  Mac waited for us downstairs, not wanting to linger in the building after seeing Vivian. Sera thought the sterile world of the hospital was simply more than his bear could handle, and I could believe it. I’d already noticed he started twitching if he was in a room without windows, or too high above the ground floor. Vivian was much the same way. They functioned, but they didn’t like it.

  “Does she have enough soil?” I asked, thinking of her second floor room. “I know they say love’s the greatest cure, but I’m not sure even Olivia and Simon can manage that. Plus, with the glances they keep giving each other, their animosity might cancel out the love.”

  “She has an entire garden underneath her bed. And isn’t laughter supposed to be the best medicine? I thought love made us sick.”

  “That’s just you, you cynical creature. And Vivian didn’t look like she was in much mood to laugh. I think...” I paused, reluctant to articulate my concern. “I think she meant what she said.”

  “She did.” Sera’s face transformed, hardening into that expression of pure determination I knew and loved. “Good thing people change their minds, isn’t it?”

  I reached out a hand and gave hers a quick squeeze. We didn’t touch often. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d shown overt affection. But she was my best friend and my sister, and we’d nearly lost each other. She squeezed back, not offering a single quip in deflection of the honest moment.

  We stepped into the stairwell and worked our way toward the lobby, both lost in our own thoughts. Vivian and Sera weren’t the only ones I’d nearly lost. It was pure luck and the grace of his remarkably hearty bear constitution that had kept Mac here with us. I knew he was beaten and bruised, and he was walking stiffly, but he was still walking.

  So easily, it could have been otherwise. A piece of glass piercing his heart, a tree trunk crushing him, metal sheets slicing through his skin, and I wouldn’t be at the hospital. I’d be at the morgue or, more likely, I’d be curled up in a ball, feeling my entire world freeze with the knowledge of what I’d lost.

  But I hadn’t lost anything, not yet. I’d screwed things up, but as long as he was here, I could try again. Sure, I might screw things up in a whole new way, and the smart money would be on me doing just that, but I still had the chance. I couldn’t waste it.

  When we stepped into the hospital lobby, I saw Mac through the automatic glass doors. He waited by the car, leaning lightly against the hood. His weight was more than enough to cause the metal to droop toward the asphalt. There was a slight breeze in the air, and it whispered through his hair, causing the dark brown strands to dance in the wind. It was nearly nighttime now, and chilly enough that a family scurrying past were bundled in wool coats and scarves, but he wore only his usual untucked flannel shirt, red plaid this time, and a faded pair of jeans. He looked relaxed and unbothered by the weather, though his eyes were still sharp, constantly scanning and reading his surroundings.

  He took my breath away, as no one had ever done before. I could use logic to explain my attraction to him. He was handsome and kind, determined and intelligent. He demonstrated a sense of honor rarely seen outside films featuring men at war. He liked me despite my faults and, in some cases, because of them.

  And yet, that was only part of the truth. There was something else, something that logic and reason could never touch. I wanted him because some voice deep within was certain I belonged with him, though I could never say why, and because I thought he might belong with me, too.

  He turned toward me and promptly stilled. I don’t know what he saw in my face, but it was enough to bring heat to his eyes. He didn’t move a muscle, and yet from a hundred feet away I felt him tense with awareness.

  “Sera?”

  “Hmmm?” Her tone was non-committal, but her mouth twitched with suppressed laughter.

  “Stay here for five minutes, would you?”

  “Just five? I know it’s been a long time, Ade, but it usually takes longer than that.” She smiled brightly at me, obviously giving up on the suppressed part.

  “We’re not going to... Well, not in the parking lot. I just need a moment.”

  She nodded and moved toward one of the lobby waiting chairs. One that, I noticed, faced the glass doors.

  “Ahem.” I indicated a seat facing the opposite direction, which she took without further protest.

  “Go get him, tiger,” she called over her shoulder.

  I had no plan whatsoever. I only knew that whatever was between us, it wasn’t going away. Whatever reasons and excuses we wanted to offer for why we shouldn’t, whatever barriers he put up and whatever neuroses I needed to battle, whatever was between us was real.

  I couldn’t change the past. I couldn’t alter my actions or his reaction to them, but I could damn sure stop pretending we were just friends and I was okay with that.

  The doors slid open slowly, and I stepped through them. The cold night hit me instantly, the air sweeping over my exposed skin. I ignored it. I took long, deliberate steps toward him, never wavering. Mac rose slowly, a questioning look appearing on his face. I ignored that, too. I kept walking, one sure step after another, until the hundred feet that separated us disappeared.

  “Aidan, I—” he began.

  I didn’t let him finish. Before I even came to a stop, I reached both hands to his face, feeling his rough cheeks beneath my fingers. I tugged gently, and he didn’t fight me. He bent slightly and I met him, my body falling into his and my lips finding his own.

  Our first kiss had been gentle, an exploration and query that barely hinted at the heat that could exist between us. This kiss was nothing like that.

  This was a claiming. I used my lips and teeth and tongue to tell him I wanted him, that I could be his. I nipped at his bottom lip and ran my tongue against his, pulling him further into me, demanding. His surprise lasted only a moment before he met me in kind, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against him. He lifted me off the ground until I stood on tiptoes, my face level with his.

  He bit me back, then soothed the sting with his lips. We kissed with no slow finess
e, no planned seduction. It was desperate and angry and possessive, both of us aware of how close we’d come to never having this moment. I threaded my fingers through his hair, holding him tightly. I needn’t have worried. He was going nowhere. One arm wrapped around my waist, keeping me pressed against him, while the other slid under my shirt, his callused hand against the smooth skin of my back.

  Everywhere he touched, he pressed me closer, until every inch of my body rested against his. I felt him everywhere. In my arms and legs, in my chest and core, I felt him, and warmth bloomed throughout my body, pulsing and hungry.

  At last, we stopped using words to resolve our distance. We relied on lips and tongues and hands instead, telling long, timeless stories. With our bodies, we made fervent declarations and promises we’d not soon forget.

  We broke apart reluctantly, and only a slowly-dawning awareness of our location kept us from undressing and continuing what we’d started on the hood of Sera’s car. He moved his hands gently to my cheeks, holding me in place as I’d held him at first. We stared at each other, unable to look away while we found our breath again.

  “In the future,” I told him through heavy breaths, “I’m the one who decides when I’m ready to be kissing someone. Understood?”

  “Understood.” He spoke with mock solemnity, but he didn’t fight the slow, unimaginably sexy smile spreading across his face.

  “We still need to ride with Sera back to the cabin,” I said, lest he was considering the same plan I was, which involved finding the nearest motel room, locking the door, and not reappearing for a week. He nodded.

  “But I think it’s time for you to take me home,” I told him, thinking of the enormous bed in his Airstream trailer. If possible, his smile became even more devilish. He nodded again.

  CHAPTER 16

  There has never been a longer car ride. Road trips across the continental United States have taken less time than that single ride from South Lake Tahoe to the cabin. If possible, Mac might have grown in the time between our ride down and the one back. He now seemed to take up the entirety of the car, his presence expanding in every direction until I could think of nothing but his scent, his skin, the solid weight of his body against mine. Even the dangerous stretch of road where we’d had our accident failed to distract me for long.

  Regardless of my parentage, most days I still felt partly human. Chalk it up to too many years believing I had a human father and my deep yearning to live a life beyond the elemental island on which I’d been raised. I still felt comfortable in the human world, despite what I now knew about my heritage.

  At that moment, however, my perceived humanity was on holiday. All I felt was magic. It flew through my body and danced on my skin, charging everything it touched. It was strong and all-encompassing, and I feared my water side wasn’t dominant enough to create such a powerful sensation of pure, unadulterated magic. Somewhere, deep in my rational brain, I felt a small voice attempt to assert itself, to warn me that something was off, that I was touching something unsafe.

  I glanced toward Mac. He was in the front seat, so I could only see the back of his head and his shoulders, but that was enough. Even that sight called to me, their width and strength promising a safe haven. I couldn’t lose that, not yet. I took a quick look within, checking for any wayward fire magic trying to sneak through, and I crammed everything I found in the deepest part of my core, imagining it trapped in a metal box with a thick padlock. It was all I knew to do.

  Despite my fears and Sera’s flat denials, everything I’d learned from Josiah and my mother, and from the actions of Brian and Trent, told me insanity was inevitable. If that’s what my future held, then I was taking everything I could get while I still had the chance. Whatever happened, I would at least have this time with Mac.

  So far, Sera had shown remarkable restraint. She’d given us the five minutes I’d asked for, plus a few more, and when she joined us, she’d somehow done so without comment. At one point, I thought I caught her humming a decidedly boom-chicka-wow-wow type melody, but when I met her eyes in the rearview mirror, she’d only offered me an innocent smile. Worryingly innocent.

  The longer we drove, the more charged the silence became. I knew the others felt it too.

  Finally, at the halfway mark, it was too much. “We need music,” Sera announced. She leaned to her right, fumbling in the glove compartment while keeping her eyes on the road. The Mustang’s stereo had received one upgrade in its life, to a radio-cassette player, and the glove compartment spilled over with cassettes you could no longer find anywhere but the deepest reaches of ebay. She pulled one tape after another from the mess, glanced at it and tossed it to the ground until she found the one she wanted.

  The tape fell into place with a decisive click and she promptly cranked up the volume. Sera did not believe music was good until it was destroying someone’s eardrums.

  She sat back in her seat, a satisfied smile on her face. A second later, the whine of electric guitars pierced the speakers and we were hit with the punk onslaught Sera so favored. It wasn’t for me, but it was still a better option than awkward silence.

  Then I realized which song she’d cued up. I met her eyes in the rearview mirror, trying to let her know with no words that I would kill her for this one, and I might even speed up my induction into the cult of the criminally insane just to bring that event about sooner.

  She smiled back at me, this time with no attempt at innocence, while The Buzzcocks warned us of the perils of being an “Orgasm Addict.”

  If there was one thing in this world I could count on, it was finding a dark sedan sitting in our driveway at the least opportune moment.

  Mac saw the car at the same time I did. “No,” he announced. “No, no, no.”

  While I appreciated that he was, for once, willing to join me in denial, his fierce rejection of their presence had little effect on the current reality. As Sera pulled her car to the far right side of the driveway, Carmichael and Johnson unfolded themselves from the front seat of their sedan.

  “Damn,” said Sera. “I forgot Carmichael was trying to reach us. With everything that’s happened since yesterday, it completely slipped my mind. I’ll try to distract him for you.” I knew she meant it. She would tease me from now until the end of time about my love life, but she sure as hell wouldn’t let anyone else interfere. She walked toward the agents with great purpose, fully intending to head them off at the pass.

  I leaned forward, placing my head between the bucket seats so I could see his face. Mac was staring at the agents with an emotion weaker than hatred but still stronger than annoyance in his eyes. “Why is he always here?”

  “That’s rhetorical, right?”

  He slid his eyes toward me. “All we need to do is run into those trees there. It’s dark, they won’t see a thing. We circle around, and we’ll be at the trailer before they even know we’re here. Far away from any and all overbearing pretty boy agents.”

  I was torn between the desire to do exactly as he suggested and the desire to mock. As usual, the lesser desire won out. “Why, Mr. MacMahon. I do believe you sound jealous.” I batted my eyes at him for good measure.

  “Why would I be jealous of them?” he said, almost sounding like he meant it. “What do they have to offer other than some well-tailored suits, expensive haircuts, years of education, and gainful employment?” He abruptly stopped speaking. I thought something had gone awry in the middle of that sentence.

  There was a lot I could protest, but I began with the easiest to dispute. “You’re gainfully employed,” I argued.

  “Construction work isn’t exactly booming right now, Aidan,” he told me.

  “No, but you’re on the ski patrol.”

  He snorted and then let out a short laugh. There was a joke here I was missing.

  “How much time have you spent on ski slopes?” Mac asked.

  “You mean, actually going down them while on skis? Exercising?” He knew how ridiculous that idea was.

/>   “But you went to school with skiers. You know the basic body type, right? Several inches shorter than me and half as wide.”

  I thought I knew what he was telling me, but it didn’t make any sense. Mac wasn’t a liar.

  “I’m not a skier, Aidan. Never have been. That’s something Will and I came up with to tell people during the winter months.”

  “So, all those days you would head off to work, what were you doing, exactly?” I tried to keep the suspicion out of my voice.

  “Napping,” he said simply. “I was hibernating.”

  I stared at him, my jaw a full inch below its proper position. “You really are a freaking bear, aren’t you?” He gave me an exasperated look I fully deserved.

  “I work when the weather warms up, and pick up whatever odd jobs I can in winter. Mostly, though, I nap. I don’t need to vanish for months at a time, but I do need to spend most of the day asleep.”

  “But this house. How do you afford it?” Real estate in Tahoe wasn’t cheap, and a house like this, right on the river, was bound to be ridiculously expensive.

  From the corner of my eye, I noticed Carmichael and Johnson watching us impatiently, likely wondering why we were still in the car. I didn’t care in the slightest. They could wait.

  “It was in my mom’s family for years. I inherited it.” He watched my face intently, as if he was looking for a sign that I regretted my earlier actions. “That’s why I rent to Sera. It’s the best way to make ends meet.”

  “So, just to be clear. I was about to sleep with a man who won’t tell me his first name, who doesn’t have a full-time job, and is a lazy bum who sleeps through several months of the year?”

  He nodded, his face wary. “That’s about right, yes.”

  I pointed to the trees he’d indicated a moment before. “So, race through there and meet at the trailer? Last one still wearing clothes loses.”

  I was out of the car in a heartbeat, but not before I saw the grin crawl across his face.