The Merchant's Love

by Antonia Aquilante

  “Faelen!” Maxen stood, a brilliant smile on his face, and came to him. He took Faelen’s hands and leaned down to kiss his lips. Mild surprise washed through Faelen, but it didn’t stop him from lacing his fingers through Maxen’s.

  “Hello, Maxen. Am I interrupting?”

  “No, not at all. This is Valentin. I’ve told you about him, I think.” He stood back but didn’t let go of one of Faelen’s hands. “Val, this is Faelen.”

  Valentin stood. “Lord Faelen.”

  “Oh, no, don’t worry about the title, please.” He was in Maxen’s parlor meeting one of his closest friends from all Maxen had said. His title shouldn’t be in the way tonight. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  “And you. Maxen speaks of you all the time.” Some significant look that Faelen couldn’t decipher passed between Valentin and Maxen. Unease made Faelen’s stomach churn.

  “What shall we do? Cook probably has dinner on, but we could go out somewhere after?” Maxen asked brightly. “I’m sure we could find something even though the Midwinter entertainments have all ended.”

  “Actually, I wouldn’t mind staying in, if you don’t.” Faelen glanced between Maxen and Valentin. “It’s sleeting out and really rather unpleasant.”

  The look on Valentin’s face at the mention of sleet had Maxen laughing and Faelen stifling a laugh—it didn’t seem right to laugh at someone he’d just met, even if the distaste was written so clearly across his face as to be comical. Valentin glared at Maxen and flopped back down on the couch.

  “You could have stayed up at the palace if you didn’t want to come out in it. I’d have been disappointed not to see you, but I would’ve understood,” Maxen said when he finished laughing, and warmth swept through Faelen.

  “I wanted to be here with you, but I wouldn’t mind not going out until morning.” He wasn’t sure where his boldness was coming from. Normally, he wouldn’t have said anything like that in front of someone he’d just met—or most people, really—but there was something inside him that needed to…what? Stake some sort of claim? That wasn’t right. To make sure Maxen’s friends knew they were together?

  Maxen’s eyes flashed with heat. He lifted Faelen’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “That sounds perfect.”

  “I’ll leave you to your evening,” Valentin said, rising again.

  “You don’t have to go. Stay for dinner,” Maxen protested.

  “Yes, do stay,” Faelen said. He needed to talk to Maxen, but he wanted a nice, normal evening with the man he loved. He’d happily accept Valentin’s visit as part of that normality and squash the little voice telling him he couldn’t put off the conversation forever. “At least have dinner with us before you go out in the weather.”

  Valentin glanced back and forth between them. “I…all right. Thank you.”

  They played cards until dinner. Valentin blamed his poor playing on the lingering effects of a late night and too much to drink, to which Maxen responded with skepticism and gentle teasing. Faelen loved watching them together, seeing a new side of Maxen as he got to know his friend.

  Their relaxed mood lasted through dinner, which had been filled with stories and laughter. Afterward, Valentin insisted on taking his leave, though both Faelen and Maxen urged him to stay and play a few more hands.

  “You just want to win more money off me!” Valentin shrugged into his coat near the front door.

  “You’re the one who thought it would be fun to play for money,” Maxen pointed out with bland logic that only made Valentin scowl. This time, Faelen felt comfortable enough to laugh. It helped that he knew by now that Valentin would be laughing with them despite his glare.

  Something about the way they said goodbye to Valentin—promising to see each other again and waving him off from the doorway—seemed so settled. As if he and Maxen lived there together and were saying good night to a mutual friend, as if they did this all the time. Faelen was struck by the certain knowledge that he wanted them to have the kind of life where they could entertain together.

  With the door shut behind Valentin, Faelen hurried back to the parlor, rubbing at his arms. Even those few moments in the open doorway had been enough to chill him. The sleet was still coming down, and he shivered harder at the thought of Valentin out in it. He’d reiterated their invitation for him to stay when they’d seen the weather was still bad, but Valentin hadn’t been swayed.

  Faelen walked directly to the fireplace and stood in front of it, letting the flames warm him. Maxen’s arms came around him, and Faelen let out a long, contented hum and leaned back into him, resting his head against Maxen’s shoulder. He smiled when Maxen tightened his hold. He loved this feeling, the love and comfort and safety of his embrace. It allowed him to trust, to be himself and to dare so much with Maxen, to feel so much that he’d never felt before.

  But as wonderful as it was to be in Maxen’s arms this way, there was a tension between them that wasn’t normal or pleasant. Faelen closed his eyes and sighed. He couldn’t avoid it, and he shouldn’t. “Alexander said some things to you today.”

  Maxen tensed against Faelen’s back. “He did.”

  “Then he and I had words, and I guess you and I should talk.” Did any of that make sense? He could be so articulate at court, wending his way through situations that called for a fair amount of verbal dancing, but this…this was personal and so important. He wasn’t certain he could get this one right.

  He had to.

  “Yes, I think we need to.” Maxen was quiet for what felt like a long time. “I’m not sure where to start. I just want to lie down with you in my arms and stay that way all night.”

  The temptation to give up and do just that was almost overwhelming. “I want that too, but before we get there…”

  “I know. I’m not upset with Alexander,” he said quickly.

  “I am, and I don’t think that’s going to change quite yet.”

  “He loves you.”

  “Yes. It doesn’t give him the right to attack you that way.”

  “I love you too.”

  The words were quiet but vibrating with emotion, and there was no mistaking them. Faelen sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re telling me this now?”

  “It seemed like a good place to start. I’m not sure why I haven’t told you before.”

  Faelen turned in Maxen’s arms and clutched both hands in the wool of his tunic. “I love you too.”

  Maxen closed his eyes and let out a long breath. Then he bent his head and kissed Faelen, long and slow. The kiss seemed to vibrate with emotion, and Faelen clutched at Maxen harder. “I’m very happy to hear you say that,” Maxen gasped out when he broke the kiss.

  “So what are we going to do?” Faelen smiled, but he couldn’t hide the worry or the sadness in it. “Where do we go from here?”

  “Bed would be my first choice, but I know that isn’t what you meant.”

  “It isn’t, though I’d like it too.” He smoothed a hand through Maxen’s hair. “You still want to leave and go traveling.”

  “If I did, would you come with me?”

  He’d been dreading the question. “I want to say yes because I want to be with you so much, but I’m not built for living out of trunks and not knowing where I’m going next. As much as you could be home for me, I need a place too. I’m sorry.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I thought I knew the answer already.”

  Faelen shook his head. “You can always ask me anything, tell me anything. I need to be able to do the same. I want to be with you, to tell you everything and plan a life.”

  “There are things you haven’t told me?” Maxen was teasing, but Faelen couldn’t find an answering smile.

  “Yes. There are things I can’t tell you, things that can’t be shared outside the family.”

  Maxen’s face went blank for a moment, and then he shook his head. “I should have assumed. All right, let’s put that aside for a moment.” He took a long breath.
“I want to be with you too. The thought of not being with you hurts.”

  Hearing of Maxen’s pain shouldn’t have caused a kindling of warmth and happiness in Faelen’s belly. But it did. “So what do we do?”

  “What if I didn’t leave, didn’t go off and travel indefinitely?”

  Faelen straightened. He forced himself not to give Maxen a shake. “But it’s your dream. You’ve been planning forever. I won’t let you give that up for me. You’ll only end up resenting me in the end, and that would be worse than if you just left. At least I’d know you were happy.”

  “But I wouldn’t be happy without you.” Maxen shook his head forestalling Faelen’s words. “Perhaps there’s a compromise.”

  He seized on the idea of a compromise, a way for them both to be happy and together. “What are you thinking?”

  “Leaving with the idea that I might not return for years on end doesn’t appeal anymore. I’ve been thinking of family and the business as obligations and burdens I need to bear with Tristan, but they aren’t only that. I love my family, and I’m proud of the business we’ve built. And I love you.”

  But Maxen couldn’t stay just for Faelen. “Maxen—”

  “Wait. Hear me out. Maybe I don’t need to travel the way I thought. Maybe I could stay here, build a life with you and my family and work, and then travel sometimes.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “A trip somewhere new. Maybe once each year or two. Not for a long time, but long enough to see a new place. Maybe I can even combine it with business for the company. Maybe you’d even come with me for some of them—all of them, if you want. Would that be something you might consider?”

  Faelen looked up into Maxen’s earnest face. He was grateful for Maxen trying not to push or pressure him, because it gave him room to think. He couldn’t have lived the life Maxen had dreamed of for so long, but this? He could do this, and he’d enjoy it. He liked seeing new places, liked meeting people and getting to speak the languages he’d learned, but he couldn’t shuffle along never knowing where he would be next. Some travel, though—to visit, knowing home was waiting at the end—that he could do and happily. But could Maxen?

  “Would you really be happy with that? You wanted to go off on adventures.”

  “Who said I won’t have any this way?” Maxen grinned, lightning fast and dazzling. “I think you’re probably adventure enough.”

  Faelen laughed, louder than was probably called for, but relief made him dizzy, and joy had him so light he thought he might float away if he didn’t keep a grip on Maxen. “You’re something of an adventure too.”

  “Is that a yes, then?” Hope was shining in Maxen’s eyes. When had those eyes become so beloved to him? When had the happiness in them begun to fill Faelen will such delight?

  “Yes. It’s a yes.”

  Maxen laughed then and lifted Faelen up, spinning him around. Faelen yelped and threw his arms around Maxen’s neck, clinging even as he dissolved into giggles too. Effervescent joy buzzed through him. How had everything changed so quickly?

  Maxen set him gently on his feet and pulled him into a kiss. Faelen tightened his arms, pressing into Maxen. Pouring his happiness into the kiss, feeling Maxen’s in turn. They had plans now, or the start of them. They had a future, and the confidence Faelen had in that made all the difference.

  If Maxen had said he still planned to go, Faelen might have waited. In all his life, he’d never wanted anyone else, and maybe he never would again. But he wasn’t sure he could have waited forever, exchanging letters, wondering if Maxen would ever come back. He didn’t want Maxen to resent him if he stayed, but how long would it have taken for Faelen to start resenting Maxen? He hated to think it would ever happen, but they were only human. He suppressed a shudder.

  Faelen looked up into Maxen’s eyes when they finally ended the kiss. “You really won’t be disappointed?”

  Maxen smiled and used gentle fingers to smooth back Faelen’s hair, making him shiver. “I won’t. I clung to that dream for a long time, not realizing that it wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I’ve changed. Everything has changed. And that’s a good thing.”

  “I’m glad. I—” Faelen let out a strangled gasp.

  “Faelen? Are you all right?”

  He stumbled back a step from Maxen. A jolt had gone through his whole body, and now his magic was rising just as if he’d called it up himself. But he hadn’t. How was this happening? He’d never lost control of his Talent, not from the first moment he’d discovered it. Panic coursed through him, jangling his nerves and freezing his insides. He raised wide eyes to Maxen, who stared at him, his whole being vibrating with concern.

  Maxen didn’t know.

  There was nowhere for Faelen to go, and no time to get there.

  “What is it, Fae? What can I do?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want—”

  He got no further as the magic rose, overtaking him.

  When he opened his eyes again, he was a cat, and he looked even farther up into Maxen’s wide, shocked eyes.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Amory probably shouldn’t have shared what he’d walked in on between Faelen and Alexander. Well, sharing with Philip was one thing—probably—but speaking about it with Cathal, Flavian, Etan, and Tristan might have been too far. It had started when they met for dinner, and Cathal made the innocent observation that the twins weren’t there. Then Etan said that Faelen hadn’t looked quite himself that afternoon. And Amory felt compelled to say something. He’d have to apologize to Faelen and Alexander for it tomorrow.

  “I didn’t even know Maxen planned to leave,” Tristan said. They’d gotten off the topic as they’d eaten, but it was obviously still bothering Tristan if he was bringing it up again while they relaxed with drinks after. “He always loved Father’s stories about faraway places and tracing the routes of our ships on maps when he was a child. But he never said anything about wanting to leave. I hate to think of him unhappy.”

  Etan put an arm around Tristan’s shoulders. “I’m sure you would have known if he were.”

  “He wants to leave.”

  “He wants to travel,” Amory said. “That doesn’t mean he hates his life here.”

  “I suppose.” Tristan frowned as he lapsed into silence.

  “What do you think will happen between him and Faelen?” Flavian smiled in thanks at Cathal when he handed him a drink and then leaned into him when he sat at Flavian’s side.

  “I don’t know,” Amory said. His heart ached for Faelen. “I hope they’ll be able to figure something out. It’s easy to see they love each other.”

  “You’re such a romantic,” Philip said quietly and pressed a kiss to Amory’s temple.

  “You love it,” Amory whispered in return.

  “I do.” Another kiss.

  The others ignored them, which was good. Philip wasn’t always so demonstrative, but he was relaxed tonight after an enjoyable evening with trusted family—two nights in a row, though last night’s holiday dinner had been a larger affair. Amory had enjoyed the holiday festivities and their anniversary celebration, but he’d be happy to settle back into regular life. He almost wished they’d gone to Alzata after all, at least for a few days.

  “Will you talk to Maxen?” Etan asked Tristan.

  “I suppose I’ll have to. If for nothing else than to make sure he knows he can come to me if he isn’t happy.”

  “You should, but let’s see what happens with him and Faelen first. What you say may change based on that.” Amory would have said more, but Philip stiffened at his side. “Philip…”

  Amory jumped from the couch as Philip became obscured from sight by the sparkling amber light of his magic. Why was Philip using his magic?

  “Philip?”

  A soft thud behind him had Amory turning to find Cathal standing, also obscured by the light of his magic, and Flavian on the floor, likely dumped there when Cathal sprang from the couch. A glance showed Amory that Etan was in a
similar state. What was going on?

  He reached a hand down and helped Flavian to his feet, though neither of them took his eyes off the worrying scene before them. As the magic slowly faded, three huge, dark cats became visible.

  No one said anything for a moment. Amory’s heart pounded in his ears. Philip, Cathal, and Etan looked befuddled, which did nothing to calm Amory. Because this wasn’t right. Then he heard something.

  “Is that Julien?” Of course, it was, and the crying was getting louder.

  “Go get him,” Flavian said, “before his nursemaid brings him here.”

  Amory cursed. That would be all they needed. He hesitated for the barest instant, needing to stay with Philip because something very obviously was wrong. But Flavian was correct.

  “I’ll be only a moment.” He ran through the suite to the nursery. Julien’s nursemaid had Julien in her arms, rocking him as he cried. Normally, she was slightly horrified at how involved Amory and Philip were in caring for Julien, but Amory only saw relief in her eyes now.

  “Your Highness.”

  Julien held his arms out, leaning toward Amory. Amory took him quickly, settling him against his shoulder where Julien snuggled closer. “What happened?”

  “I don’t know, Your Highness. Prince Julien was asleep, but then he sat straight up and started crying. Perhaps a bad dream?”

  “I’ll take him for a while. You can retire for the night if you like.”

  Julien was already quieting as Amory walked back to the sitting room. A bad dream? Perhaps, but Julien wasn’t prone to them.

  Everyone was on their feet in the sitting room—Philip, Cathal, and Etan still cats. Philip padded toward Amory as soon as he came in.

  “He seems all right,” Amory said with being asked. “I think he’s almost back to sleep anyway. Why did you change?”

  “We didn’t mean to,” Philip said, his voice a deep, rough rumble.