by Cary Hart
“Not a chance.” He tosses me into the car, climbing in right behind me. “Take us back to the hotel.”
I want to fight him. Demand to go back to Gamms’ house, but a part of me wants to be wherever Colin is. Being near him reminds me how much I’ve missed being around him.
So much has happened in the past few weeks and now with my dad showing up, I don’t know how much more I can take. Maybe I will have a massive hangover and I can cancel lunch with him tomorrow.
Giving in, I settle myself against the door and place my face against the cold glass window, watching the Santa Barbara night life pass me by. Closing my eyes, I will sleep to come.
“Nat?” he whispers, but I don’t have the energy to speak. “Are you OK?” Still no energy. Feeling his hand brush away the hair that worked its way into my eyes, I open them. Emerald green to ocean blue, we silently communicate. I nod and the next thing I know I’m in his lap.
It seems like hours before I speak, but I know it has to have been just a few seconds. “I’m sorry.” Those words speak so much. I’m sorry for ruining your night. I’m sorry for accepting the job. I’m sorry for taking that scholarship…I’m sorry for leaving.
“Me too, sweetheart!” He tucks my head under his chin, wrapping his arms around me. This time, when I close my eyes, I sleep.
**********
Colin
When I watched Natalie through the window of my office, I never expected to see her again tonight, and I sure as hell didn’t expect to see her in my bed.
After a brief moment of understanding she passed out on my lap, only to wake once, to drink water and take some Tylenol so she doesn’t wake with a massive headache in the morning.
Looking back to my bed, I debate on whether I should take the pull out or just hop in next to her. Convincing myself she needs me to look after her, just in case she gets sick, I strip down to my underwear and climb in.
Mistake. Even though she is passed out, her body just comes to life. Lying on my back, ignoring the movement next to me, I will myself to sleep, but it doesn’t come.
Her leg is smooth and shaven, something I shouldn’t know, but she threw it over mine when she rolled to her stomach. My hand instinctively reaches for it. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. Grabbing her leg, I tug it over further and scoot closer than I should. No one said I was the good guy.
I’m restless. My dick aches. Neither problem is going to resolve itself anytime soon with Nat lying next to me. Correction, lying on me.
“Please…” Moaning, she drapes her arm over my chest and digs her nails into my skin.
Damn…she must be having one hell of a dream. Stiffening at the sound of her voice, I list all the reasons why I should move to the couch, but none of them are louder than her voice.
“Colin…” I want to answer her, wake her and do all the things to her she is begging for in her dream, but regret would come for both of us in the morning. Maybe she wouldn’t remember.
“Fucking shit!” She has me so hard, I can’t lie here and not touch her. Siting up on my forearms, I take one last look before I climb out, but long slender fingers stop me.
“Don’t go. I need you.” She pauses and I wonder if she is just talking in her sleep again, but then she continues. “Please hold me. Just for tonight.”
Looking down at her beautiful face, eyes closed and mouth barely open, I adjust my pillows and take the position we had before, but this time she snuggles into my side. Barely opening her eyes she says the words I desperately needed to hear, “I miss you, Col.”
Chapter 11
Natalie
Awakening to the sound of my cell phone chiming, I look around and take in the room, remembering everything from last night. I had one too many at dinner, but nothing could make me forget lying in Colin’s arms.
I wanted him, mentally my body was on fire, but physically I could barely hold up my head. So, I compromised with myself and asked him to just hold me.
PING!
Another text. I’m sure it’s Gamms wondering when I'm going to be home. I reach over to the nightstand, grab my phone and check to see who the messages are from.
What? I look over at Colin, confused as to why I have a missed message from him and a couple from Gamms.
Colin: Please don’t wake up and hate me. I swear nothing happened last night. You had too much to drink and I wasn’t about to let you go home in that condition. I stripped you down, not looking. OK, maybe I looked…and maybe I copped a feel or two. ;) I wasn’t sure if you would kick my “axe,” but just in case, I wanted to explain what happened and I wanted to ask you to stay. Stay and have breakfast with me. Let’s spend the day together.
Me: K!
PING!
Gamms: Natalie and Colin sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Gamms: Did my premonition come true? Just testing out the waters for my new (900) hotline. I watched those infomercials and those beotches don’t have nuttin’ on your Gamms.
Gamms: Don’t forget lunch with your Dad. Love you sweet girl.
“Dang it!” I slap my forehead.
“We didn’t have sex. Go back to bed.” Colin pulls me closer, his morning voice husky and raw.
“I know, I got your text.” I run my fingers through his already mangled bed head. “I didn’t plan on leaving, but I do have to go visit my dad."
Colin’s eyes open wider, aware now. “Well, that is a mood killer.” He pulls me in too close for morning.
After a night of drinking, I’m suffering from a serious case of cotton mouth and probably bigger case of morning breathe. Covering my mouth, I rehash the day Gamms told me about my dad coming around. Nodding and chiming in when he feels necessary, Colin listens, just like he used to, taking it all in.
Pulling my hand away, he gives me a quick peck on the lips, then jumps out of bed and pulls on the gray sweats lying on the chair. “Well, let’s get going. We have a busy day ahead of us and we still need to eat.” Heading towards the door, he looks back. “Chocolate chip pancakes with bananas?”
“Sounds perfect.” Smiling, I get up and head for the bathroom. Maybe today won’t be so bad after all.
**********
“Gamms! I’m home!” I shout as Colin follows me into the house. Looking around I see no signs of her. Not finding her downstairs, I holler for her again. “Gaaaaaamms!”
“Are you sure she is home?”
“She has to be. Her scooter is out front…” A light bulb goes off in my mind as I’m responding. “Hey! Check the back yard. She may be in The Coop or messing with her garden.”
Colin does as I ask and checks outside, but yells back, “She’s not out there, but the door was open.”
Thump! Thump! Thump!
“Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
Thump! Thump! Thump!
“Stay here!” he demands while he takes off for the stairs.
“You’re not going up there. What if someone is up there?” Grabbing hold of his belt loop to keep the connection, I follow him up the stairs.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
“Colin, what if someone is attacking Gamms?” I panic, pushing him out of the way and grab the candle holder from the table at the top of the stairs, ready to defend myself. The sounds are getting louder.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
“It’s coming from Gamms’ room.” I stop, placing my hand on the handle. I prepare myself to open the door, afraid of what I may find. Taking a deep breath, I decide to go for it and burst into the room. “OH MY GOD!”
Colin pushes past me, ready to tackle the intruder and save us both. “WHAT THE FUCK?” He stumbles back, trying to escape.
“She's a maniac, maniac on the floor and she's dancing like she's never danced before.” Gamms bursts out singing, while she is dancing…NAKED! “She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor and she’s dancing like she’s never danced before.” She runs in place turning around in circles, headphones on and iPod in hand.
&
nbsp; “GAMMS!” I can’t un-see this. “GAMMS!” I run and grab her robe. “GAMMS!” she turns to me, unfazed.
“Baby girl, it’s about time you make it home,” she huffs as she walks toward me. I turn my head and cover my eyes. I hear Colin gagging. He must be down the hall in the bathroom.
“What are you doing? You are going to hurt yourself.” I’m angry, holding the robe out to her.
“Water.” She passes by, accidently knocking the robe to the floor as she grabs the water from her nightstand. Still naked, she continues. “So, did you have a nice time with Colin?” Gulp. “He seems like he turned into a nice young man.” Gulp. Gulp. “Very responsible too, unlike yourself.”
“Gamms, you are still naked. Can you please get dressed?” I plead.
“Sorry, dear, I’m not use to having people here.” She turns, bending down to get the robe as we hear Colin walking back down the hall, but she doesn’t react fast enough. He walks, in wiping his mouth with a towel. Just as I go to stop him he looks up, catching Gamms, bent over, bare as the day she was born. Showing him all her glory.
“OHHHH…OH NO!” Turning as quickly as he entered, he gags, making a mad dash back to the bathroom.
“Crap!” I stand there looking from the now empty doorway back to Gamms, pointing. “You! Clothes now.”
**********
Colin
This day has suddenly turned to shit. No man my age should ever have to visualize that. With Nat changing, I decide to go downstairs and face the situation head on. The longer I wait the more awkward it will be.
“Colin? Is that you, dear?” she calls as I reach the bottom step.
“Yes, ma’am,” I respond as I round the corner.
“You really shouldn’t sneak up people like that. You never know what you may be walking in on.” Transferring the fresh eggs from a basket to the saved cartons on her counter, she narrows her eyes at me.
“Sorry, ma’am.” I look away, not able to hold her gaze.
“Nonsense, its fine.” She pauses as she moves around the kitchen, cleaning and putting things away, making me nervous. "But we need to have a talk.” She moves in closer. “What are your intentions with my granddaughter?”
“Ma’am?”
“Gamms. Call me Gamms.”
“OK, Gamms, you're aware I’ve known Natalie since junior high. I would never do anything to hurt her.”
“You so sure about that?” She inches even closer, now making us face to face.
“One hundred percent!” I say defensively.
We have a staring contest, neither of us willing to break eye contact.
“And that is why I called you to pick her up from the bar.”
“Speaking of which…how did you get my number and how did you know she needed a ride?”
“A fairy godmother never reveals her secrets.” She pats me on the back, now fixing a drink. “Scotch?”
“Gamms? It’s only 11 a.m. don’t think you it’s a little too early to have a drink?”
“Said no man ever.” She sighs. “Fine, bloody Mary?” She opens the fridge to get the tomato juice and celery. “Sissy boy,” she mutters.
“Hey guys! Sorry I took so long, but Lexi called while I was changing.” She runs, hitting the wood floor and sliding until she hits the counter. “She couldn’t help but go on and on about this designer gown Marco had shipped from Italy.”
“Lexi, is such a sweet girl. Tell her she needs to come visit and bring some of those brownies I love so much. The ones with nuts in ’em.” She takes a pull of her scotch, and her brain starts to wander off.
I know this look. I experienced it a few times, when we would come up for an overnight trip when Nat needed a break from life. If we don’t get out of here now, we will be stuck for hours. “Nat, we better get going if we are going to beat the lunch crowd.”
“You’re right.” She grabs a light sweater. “Let’s get this over with.” Dread fills her voice.
Opening the screen door, she heads out first. We get to her car, which I had delivered last night, and she climbs into the driver’s seat.
“What are you doing?” I ask, confused. “I thought we were going together?”
“Colin…I have to do this for myself.” She closes the door, turns on the car and rolls the window down. “My dad has been in and out of my life for years. Everyone makes decisions for me, but never ask me what I want.” Looking up at me, squinting, she holds a hand over her eyes to block the sun. “This time, if he has changed, I need to make the decision to let him back in.”
“I respect that, but let me be there for you.” I kneel down to make us eye level, helping her keep the sun out of her eyes. “For the good or bad.”
“We aren’t kids anymore,” she says sadly. “You don’t have to save me.”
“What if I want to?”
Staring through me, she says, “Somewhere along the way, I learned to save myself. I have to do this alone.” She throws on her shades. “See you later?”
Damn! Her words were laced with hurt, but her actions packed a punch, my heart taking the impact. She puts the car in reverse and starts to back out. Something tells me I need to stop her…but I don’t.
Chapter 12
Natalie
Trying to find a parking spot close to the diner around lunch time is almost impossible. Since it’s a nice day, I park in the lot a few blocks down and walk.
As I get closer, I want to run, but I don’t. I’m facing my past head-on knowing a crash is inevitable. Reaching the window I look in and see my dad, sitting there drinking what I suspect is coffee. Besides wine, coffee was his other vice.
Deciding it’s now or never, I reach the door, the bell ringing as I open it. I hate this, it seems like everyone turns with the bell rings, bringing attention to me. Unwanted attention.
My dad slowly lifts his head. You can tell he wasn’t expecting me to be the one walking in. I look at my watch and see that that I’m right on time. He stands and now I’m right in front of him. He lifts his arms and reaches for me. I want to hug him, I really do, but I don’t. Instead I throw my purse in the booth and follow it down. As I sit I look up, waiting for him to do the same.
“Hey, Nattie Bug!” he says, careful with how he addresses me.
“Don’t call me that.” That was his name for me when I was little. When he was just my dad and I was his Nattie Bug. Back when we were a normal family, before the addictions, the rumors.
“Okay. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay, and you?”
“Your old man is doing pretty good.”
“Yeah?” I’m not sure what else to say.
“Yeah.” He nods. “Would you like something to eat?”
“No, thank you. I don’t feel much like eating.” I should have just told him the truth that I had a late breakfast, but I didn’t.
“Well, suit yourself. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday.”
“Why not? Eating is a choice and you chose not to eat. If you choose not to, don’t complain.” Geesh! Where did that come from? I’m being hateful.
“Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.” He chuckles. I don’t.
“Actually, I was in a fantastic mood when I woke up this morning, but then I remembered I had to come here.” And the witch is back. Wait? Did she ever leave?
I’m not being fair. Gamms said he has changed, that he sobered up. If this is true, I’m not starting over, I’m rehashing. Taking a deep breathe, I exhale. You can do this.
“Dad, I’m sorry.”
“Nattie, you have nothing to be sorry for.” He reaches across the table and grabs my hands. Part of me wants to pull them back, to protect myself from the loss of when they are gone, but I don’t move. “Baby girl, I screwed up. It was me, not you, not your mom.” He closes his eyes and breathes deep. “I was sleepwalking through life and forgot to wake up.” Gripping my hands he lean more toward the center of the table to look me in the eyes. “I’m awak
e now.”
I hear what he is saying, but I can’t look at him. His words kill me. Letting go of his hands, I excuse myself to the ladies room, waiting until I round the corner before the tears fall. I wish Colin was here.
Reaching the bathroom, I open the door and quickly shut it. Leaning against it, I slowly slide to the ground. This is all too much. Pulling out my phone, I text the one person I wanted the most, but pushed away.
Me: Hey, you busy?
Colin: Just shopping across town.
Me: I need you.
Colin: Be there in 20 min.
Thank God!
Righting myself, I head to the sink to wash up and splash water on my face to hide the evidence of tears.
Walking back out, I keep my eyes on him. I must have been in there for a while. He ordered and is now eating.
Reaching him, I plop back down.
“Dad, I just have two questions for you.”
“Ask away.”
“When is the last time you drank?”
“I haven’t had a drink since I found out your mom had cancer. So, four years ago.”
“When is the last time you gambled?”
“Three years ago.”
“Then why?” I’m confused as to why he hasn’t come to me before now. “Three years you have been totally clean, why not come for me?”
“Well, here is the thing.”
“What thing, Dad?” Here it comes. Something always comes.
“Seven years ago, I made a bad business decision and gambled everything we had and then some.”
“Then some, meaning Gamms’ and Gramps’ land and the only house I had ever known?”
“Yes, I made a bad decision and gambled everything. It was a smart decision, a solid deal.” He seems so sure. “But the investment went south and not all the money was returned.”
“Okay?”
“I had to borrow a fourth of the money from my old loan shark and well…he wants his money now.”
“How much, Dad?”
“I need the deed to your portion of the land.” He quickly follows with, “I’ll pay you back in payments.”
