The Red Letter Plays
Page 6
Jabber gets tagged.
Jabber
1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi, 5 Mississippi. Yr it.
Hester gets tagged.
Hester
Hester
Jabber
Mommie?
Hester
What.
Bully
Whasswrong?
Hester
You think I like you bothering me all day?
Hester
Jabber/Bully/Trouble/Beauty
(Rest)
Hester
All yall. Leave Mommie be. She cant play right now. Shes tired.
Hester stands there looking up into the sky.
The kids play apart.
Bully
Lemmie see it.
Trouble
What?
Bully
Yr pee.
Trouble
Bully
Bully
Dont got no hair or nothing on it yet. I got hair on mines.
Look.
TROUBLE
BULLY
Trouble
Jabber. Lets see yrs.
Trouble
Jabber
Bully
Bully
Its got hair. Not as much as mines though.
Beauty
I had hairs but they fell out.
Trouble
Like a bald man or something?
Beauty
Yeah.
Trouble
Trouble
Bully
Dont be touching yrself like that, Trouble, dont be nasty.
Trouble
Trouble
Jabber
You keep playing with it ssgonna fall off. Yr pee be laying in the street like a dead worm.
Trouble
Mommieeee!
Hester
Dont talk to Mommie just now.
Bully
Shes having a nervous breakdown.
Hester
Shut the fuck up, please.
(Rest)
(Rest)
Jabber
When I grow up I aint never gonna use mines.
Trouble
Not me. I be using mines.
Jabber
Im gonna keep mines in my pants.
Bully
How you ever gonna get married?
Jabber
Im gonna get married but Im gonna keep it in my pants.
Bully
When you get married you gonna have to get on top uh yr wife.
Jabber
I’ll get on top of her all right but I’ll keep it in my pants.
Trouble
Jabber, you uh tragedy.
Bully
When I get married my husbands gonna get on top of me and—
Hester
No ones getting on top of you, Bully.
Bully
He’ll put the ring on my finger and I’ll have me uh white dress and he’ll get on top of me—
Hester
No ones getting on top of you, Bully, no ones getting on top of you, so shut yr mouth about it.
Trouble
How she gonna have babies if no one gets on top of her?
Hester
Dont make me hurt you!
Hester raises her hand to Trouble who runs off.
Bully starts crying.
Hester
Shut the fuck up or I’ll give you something to cry about!
The kids huddle together in a knot.
Hester
Jabber/Bully/Beauty
Hester
Jabber/Bully/Beauty
Hester
(Rest)
Hester
Bedtime.
Beauty
Its too early for bed—
Hester
BEDTIME!
They hurry off.
Hester goes back to contemplating the sky.
Hester
Hester
Hester
Hester
Big dark thing. Gods hand. Coming down on me. Blocking the light out. 5-fingered hand of fate. Coming down on me.
The Doctor comes on wearing his “SPAY” sandwich board.
He watches her looking up. After a bit he looks up too.
Doctor
We’ve scheduled you in for the day after tomorrow. First thing in the morning. You can send yr kids off to school then come on in. We’ll have childcare for the baby. We’ll give you good meals during yr recovery. Yll go to sleep.
Yll go to sleep and when you wake up, whisk! Yll be all clean. No worries no troubles no trials no tribulations no more mistakes. Clean as a whistle. You wont feel a thing. Day after tomorrow. First thing in the morning. Free of charge. Itll be our pleasure. And yours. All for the best.
In the long run, Hester. Congratulations.
The Doctor walks off. Hester is still looking up.
Chilli walks in with his picnic basket on his arm.
He pauses to check his pocket watch.
Hester lowers her head.
The sight of him knocks the wind out of her.
Hester
Oh.
Chilli
Ive been looking for you.
Hester
Oh.
Chilli
Ssbeen a long time.
Hester
I—I—.
Chilli
No need to speak.
Hester
I—
Chilli
Yr glad to see me.
Hester
Yeah.
Chilli
I been looking for you. Like I said. Lifes been good to me. Hows life been to you?
Hester
Ok. —. Hard.
Chilli
Hester
Hester
I was with the Welfare and I seed you. I called out yr name.
Chilli
I didnt hear you. Darn.
Hester
Yeah.
(Rest)
I woulda run after you but—
Chilli
But you were weak in the knees. And you couldnt move a muscle.
Hester
Running after you woulda gived you away. And Welfares been after me to know the names of my mens.
Chilli
Mens? More than one?
Hester
I seed you and I called out yr name but I didnt run after you.
(Rest)
You look good. I mean you always looked good but now you look better.
(Rest)
I didnt run after you. I didnt give you away.
Chilli
Thats my girl.
(Rest)
Welfare has my name on file, though, doesnt she?
Hester
From years ago. I—
Chilli
Not to worry couldnt be helped. I changed my name. Theyll never find me. Theres no trace of the old me left anywhere.
Hester
Cept Jabber.
Chilli
Who?
Hester
Yr son.
Hester
Chilli
Chilli
Guess what time it is?
Hester
He takes after you.
Chilli
Go on guess. Betcha cant guess. Go on.
Hester
Noon?
Chilli
Lets see. I love doing this. I love guessing the time and then pulling out my watch and seeing how close I am or how far off. I love it. I spend all day doing it. Doctor says its a tick. A sure sign of some disorder. But I cant help it. And it doesnt hurt anyone. You guessed?
Hester
Noon.
Chilli
Lets see. Ah! 3.
Hester
Oh.
Hester goes back to contemplating the sky.
Chilli
Sorry.
(Rest)
Whats up there?
Hester
No
thing.
Chilli
I want you to look at me. I want you to take me in. Ive been searching for you for weeks now and now Ive found you. I wasnt much when you knew me. When we knew each other I was—I was a shit.
(Rest)
I was a shit, wasnt I?
Hester
Chilli
Chilli
I was a shit, agree with me.
Hester
We was young.
Chilli
We was young. We had a romance. We had a love affair. We was young. We was in love. I was infatuated with narcotics. I got you knocked up then I split.
Hester
Jabber, hes yr spitting image. Only hes a little slow, but—
Chilli
Who?
Hester
Jabber. Yr son.
Chilli
Dont bring him into it just yet. I need time. Time to get to know you again. We need time alone together. Guess.
Hester
3:02.
Chilli
Ah! 3:05. But better, yr getting better. Things move so fast these days. Ive seen the world Ive made some money Ive made a new name for myself and I have a loveless life. I dont have love in my life. Do you know what thats like? To be alone? Without love?
Hester
I got my childr—I got Jabber. hes my treasure.
Hester
Chilli
(Rest)
Chilli
Im looking for a wife.
Hester
Oh.
Chilli
I want you to try this on.
Chilli takes a wedding dress out of his basket.
He puts it on her, right over her old clothes.
Hester rearranges the club, still held in her belt, to get the dress on more securely.
Hester
I seed you and I called out your name, but you didnt hear me, and I wanted to run after you but I was like, Hester, if Welfare finds out Chillis in town they gonna give him hell so I didnt run. I didnt move a muscle. I was mad at you. Years ago. Then I seed you and I was afraid I’d never see you again and now here you are.
Chilli
What do you think?
Hester
Its so clean.
Chilli
It suits you.
Hester gets her shoes.
Hester
I got some special shoes. Theyd go good with this. Jabber, come meet yr daddy!
Chilli
Not yet, kid!
(Rest)
Lets not bring him into this just yet, K?
He fiddles with his watch.
Chilli
14 years ago. Back in the old neighborhood. You and me and the moon and the stars. What was our song?
Hester
Chilli
Hester
Huh?
Chilli
What was our song?
(Rest)
Da dee dah, dah dah dee dee?
Hester
Its been a long time.
Chilli
Listen.
Chilli plays their song, “The Looking Song,” on a tinny tape recorder. He sings along as she stands there. After a bit he dances and gets her to dance with him. They sing as they dance and do a few moves from the old days.
Chilli
Im looking for someone
to lose my looks with
looking for someone
to lose my shape with
looking for someone
to-get-my-hip-replaced with
looking for someone
Could it be you?
Im looking for someone
to lose my teeth with
looking for someone
to go stone deef with
looking for someone
to-lie-6-feet-underneath with
looking for someone
Could it be you?
They say, “Seek and ye shall find”
so I will look until Im blind
through this big old universe
for rich or poor better or worse
Singing:
yuck up my tragedy
oh darling, marry me
let’s walk on down the aisle, walk on
Down Down Down.
Cause Im looking for someone
to lose my looks with
looking for someone
to lose my teeth with
looking for someone
I’ll-lie-6-feet-underneath with
looking for someone
Could it be you?
Theyre breathless from dancing.
Chilli
This is real. The feelings I have for you, the feelings you are feeling for me, these are all real. Ive been fighting my feelings for years. With every dollar I made. Every hour I spent. I spent it fighting. Fighting my feelings. Maybe you did the same thing. Maybe you remembered me against yr will, maybe you carried a torch for me against yr better judgment.
Hester
You were my first.
Chilli
Likewise.
(Rest)
He silently guesses the time and checks his guess against his watch.
Is he right or wrong?
Chilli
“Yuck up my tragedy.”
Hester
Huh?
Chilli
“Marry me.”
Hester
Chilli
Hester
K.
Chilli
There are some conditions some things we have to agree on. They dont have anything to do with money. I understand your situation.
Hester
And my—
Chilli
And your child—ok. Our child—ok. These things have to do with you and me. You would be mine and I would be yrs and all that. But I would still retain my rights to my manhood. You understand.
Hester
Sure. My—
Chilli
Yr kid. We’ll get to him. I would rule the roost. I would call the shots. The whole roost and every single shot. Ive proven myself as a success. Youve not done that. It only makes sense that I would be in charge.
Hester
—K.
(Rest)
I love you.
Chilli
Would you like me to get down on my knees?
Chilli gets down on his knees, offering her a ring.
Chilli
Heres an engagement ring. Its rather expensive. With an adjustable band. If I didnt find you I would have had to, well—. Try it on, try it on.
Chilli checks his watch. As Hester fiddles with the ring, Bully and Trouble rush in. Beauty and Baby follow them.
Bully
Mommie!
Hester
No.
Trouble
You look fine!
Hester
No.
Beauty
Is that a diamond?
Hester
No!
Baby
Mommie!
Hester recoils from her kids.
Hester
Bully/Trouble/Beauty/Baby
Bully
Mommie?
Chilli
Who do we have here, honey?
Hester
Bully/Trouble/Beauty/Baby
Chilli
Who do we have here?
Hester
The neighbors kids.
Chilli goes to look at his watch, doesnt.
Chilli
Honey?
Hester
Bully, wheres Jabber at?
Chilli
Honey?
Hester
Bully, Im asking you a question.
Chilli
Honey?
Trouble
hes out with Miga.
Chilli
So you all are the neighbors kids, huh?
Trouble
Who the fuck are you?
Hester
Trouble—
Chilli
&n
bsp; Who the fuck are you?
Bully
We the neighbors kids.
Chilli
Hester
(Rest)
Chilli
Honey?
Hester
Huh?
Chilli
Im—. I’m thinking this through. I’m thinking this all the way through. And I think—I think—.
(Rest)
(Rest)
I carried around this picture of you. Sad and lonely with our child on yr hip. Stuggling to make do. Stuggling against all odds. And triumphant. Triumphant against everything.
Like—hell, like Jesus and Mary. And if they could do it so could my Hester. My dear Hester. Or so I thought.
(Rest)
But I dont think so.
Chilli takes her ring and her veil.
He takes her dress. He packs up his basket.
(Rest)
Hester
Please.
Chilli
Im sorry.
Chilli looks at his watch, flipping it open and then snapping it shut. He leaves.
FIFTH CONFESSION: CHILLI
“We Was Young”
Chilli
We was young
and we didnt think
we didnt think that nothing we could do would hurt us
nothing we did would come back to haunt us
we was young and we knew all about gravity but gravity was a law that did not apply to those persons under the age of 18
gravity was something that came later
and we was young and we could
float
weightless
I was her first
and zoom to the moon if we wanted and couldnt nothing stop us
we would go
fast
and we were gonna live forever
and any mistakes we would shake off
we were Death Defying
we were Hot Lunatics
careless as all get out
and she needed to keep it and I needed to leave town.
People get old that way.
(Rest)
We didnt have a car and everything was pitched toward love in a car