by Lauren Helms
I did a lot of research—well, as much as a 15-year-old boy could muster—and found that more than two million teens in the US suffer from some form of anxiety or depression. And that 40 million adults in the US suffer from anxiety. So, it’s freaking common. Reluctantly, she got the medicine but only took it when it was absolutely necessary.
“A twin? Gia. Why would you hide this from me?” Morgan asks still confused. I can tell by the way Dex has his arm around her and the look on her face that she is hurt and he’s trying to protect her even though there is no threat. And as much as I care for Gia, I understand Morgan’s pain and confusion. Gia will have a lot of explaining to do. But right now, I need to get her out of the spotlight and calmed down.
“I know Gia will explain everything, but right now, let's give her some time to process this,” I say to the group. I look around, and aside from Morgan’s obvious anguish, everyone else seems to be more concerned and confused.
“Come on, let's go back to your room,” I softly say into Gia’s ear. She barely nods as I guide her back to her room.
I close the door behind us and she makes her way to her bed. She sits down on the edge with her hands over her chest. Her breathing starts to become more rapid and shorter. Her eyes dart around the room and tears begin to flow down her face. I kneel in front of her and grab her head in my hands to force her to look at me.
“Gia. You need to breathe. Having an anxiety attack is not going to help you right now.”
“I … I … I …,” she stutters between breaths.
“Where’s your anxiety medicine? Do you still have that?” She nods her head and points to her nightstand. I head over to it but I don’t see any medication, so I open the drawer. There isn’t a lot of stuff in there, so it’s easy to find the small prescription bottle. I take a quick check of the label to see what I’m about to give her, Xanax, then empty out one into my palm. I hand it and the water bottle that was on her desk to her, and she washes it down.
I sit next to her and pull her back onto the bed. I wrap my arms around her and her head falls against my shoulder. Feeling her breath on my neck, I notice she is starting to calm down.
The tears are still pouring but at least she regains control of her breathing. I whisper more calming words and kiss her forehead. I’ve done this plenty of times in the past. I was always who she came to when she needed comforting. I’d hug her and tell her everything was going to be alright. My heart hurts for her knowing that once I was no longer in her life she didn’t have anyone. How did she deal with Todd’s issues? How did she handle her mom always making her out to be the one with the problems? Not having someone to lean on? Why didn’t she let Morgan all the way in? I feel bad for her, bad for the damage control that this whole mess will need. Lying to your best friend about such a massive part of your life, and for so long, is bound to have some fallout.
We lie there for a while. I’m not sure how long. But a small tap comes at the door and Gia is almost limp in my arms. I know she is awake, but the medicine has fully kicked in and she is as calm as she’s going to get.
I gently move her aside so I can get up and open the door. Ruby stands there with concern sketched on her face.
She holds out a phone while trying to look past my shoulder. “Her phone has been ringing. It took us a minute to find it. Her mom’s been calling.” She bites her lip and asks, “Is she OK?”
“Yeah, she took some medicine, she’s kinda out of it right now. She’ll probably fall asleep soon. I’ll come back out in a bit.” I take the phone from her as it starts to ring again. I start to turn away and close the door when Ruby grabs my arm.
“Simon. Thank you for being there for her. We had no idea, and she clearly needs someone right now.”
I just nod and close the door. Walking over to Gia, I sit down next to her, little hiccups of tears still breaking free from her eyes.
I place a hand on her arm and squeeze. “G. Your mom has been calling. I think you should probably call her back.” She wipes her tear-stained face while nodding her head and rolling over then scooting up to lean against her pillows. She takes the phone right as it starts to ring again.
With a deep breath she answers the phone. I rest my hand on her knee but I’m wondering if I should leave and let her have this moment with her mom. I move to get up and as quick as a cat, she darts forward grabbing my hand and pulling me back to her. She shakes her head and she moves to the center of the bed. So, I take the spot next to her.
She puts the phone on speaker and leans into me. Her mom is frantic, as is to be expected. She tells Gia about what happened, most of which the news report didn’t report.
According to some voicemails he left on their dad’s phone, he was having a powerful delusional manic episode. He thought he was being followed and that he was going to be sent on a top-secret mission. In his delusional state, he at some point knew he needed to get to a hospital but drove his car into the side of the building because he thought he was being followed. When he stumbled into the building, he started spouting off that he was being followed and at any moment he was going to have to start obeying his government-issued orders or he would be taken out. Since he reeked of alcohol the staff thought he was also high as a kite due to the things he was saying. He wasn’t high, though. They attempted to sedate him but that's when he started attacking some of the staff.
The fact that her mom already knows this much detail boggles my mind. Then she tells us that there was an extended play-by-play voicemail. Todd was so worried he was going to die he needed someone to know what was going on.
Her mom goes from hysterical to calm back to hysterical throughout the whole conversation. Gia says very little. I can’t believe that after all these years, Gia is still dealing with the drama that Todd leaves in his wake.
Mrs. Newman tells Gia that Todd is expected to be alright, but he is currently in surgery to remove the bullet from his left shoulder. She also informs Gia that she is expected to come home to visit Todd in the hospital within the next 24 hours. Out of all the information she has laid on Gia, this is the piece of news that causes her anxiety to skyrocket again. I put my arm around her and pull her in.
“I’ll go with you,” I whisper in her ear.
Because I will. I’m pretty sure after only a week of us back to being friends, that I’d do just about anything for her. Give me another week and I won’t even hesitate.
Gia hangs up with her mom and she buries her face into my chest. I don’t see any new tears, so that’s a good sign. I embrace her and slide us down on the bed.
The new position garners some excitement in my pants, which is ridiculous since this is clearly not the time for it. Her leg tangles itself over mine and … being this close—in her bed—this is new territory for us. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about our make-out last week, and I want it to happen again. Soon. If this whole mess hadn’t just happened to her brother, I’d be making my case for it to happen now.
“You’ll really come with me?”
“Absolutely.”
“Can we leave tonight? I’d like to get it over with sooner rather than later. Ya know, just rip the bandage off?”
“Yup. I just need to run home and pack a bag and let the guys know.”
“How mad are they?”
I don’t know what to say to this, because I’m not sure.
“That mad, huh? I knew it was going to be bad, but this whole thing … The way they found out is probably the worst way. I’m not sure Morgan is going to forgive me. Ruby probably will, but maybe not Morgan.”
“Hmm. I think Morgan loves you too much to not forgive you. I think she is probably just really hurt right now. It might take some time, but I don’t think you have to worry about losing her friendship. And Ruby just seems concerned with how you are doing.”
“I hope you’re right, but I’m not sure I have it in me to explain everything to them right now. I don’t think I can leave them hanging while I’m gone though.” She si
ghs.
I mull it over and I understand. I don’t think I’d have it in me either, plus, that anti-anxiety medicine probably isn’t helping. Though she may want to take some when she has that talk with Morgan.
“How about you pack up and I’ll go give them a quick update. Then we will head over to my place to get my stuff and head to Indy. It’s about a three-hour drive, right? You can sleep on the way.”
She leans away from me to look up at me. She gives me a sad, half smile. With watery eyes she thanks me, then stretches up and gives me a chaste kiss. I resist the urge to turn it into more and pull away. I crawl off the bed to go and tell the gang what’s up. And I hope like hell that they are going to be more understanding and less mad at the lies she’s spun to hide her Achilles’ heel from everyone she knows.
Chapter Nineteen
Gia
Getting from my apartment to Simon’s is pretty much a blur. Even if I hadn’t taken my emergency “make the anxiety go away” pill, I still wouldn’t have been able to function on my own. I’m still surprised that he is even here with me in this car.
My head is leaning heavily against the headrest. I try to keep my eyes open, but that will be impossible if I just sit here and stare out the window.
“What did you tell them? About what happened, I mean,” I ask, cutting the silence. He glances my way quickly.
“I just told them that Todd had some kind of mental episode where he was hallucinating and, because he wasn’t clear-minded, the hospital had no idea of his history at first,” he answers as he adjusts his position in his seat before continuing. “I told them that you needed to go home for a few days and that I was going to take you. Though, for some reason, no one seemed surprised by that,” he chuckles to himself.
I hum my reply turning to look out my window into the night. As we drive out of the city, the lights become fewer and farther in between. As much as I love Chicago and all the bustle and brightness of it, there is something to be said for the quiet darkness. I let a few minutes go by before asking my next question.
“Is she really mad?” I ask, still staring into the dark.
“I don’t think so. I think she is hurt and confused. I think she is also very worried about you and what’s going on. She wants me to keep her updated. And they all made it clear that if there is anything you need, we just have to let them know.”
Figures. They are all such wonderful people. Especially Morgan. She might not be mad now, but let it sink in and I’m going to have one hell of a time cleaning up this mess I’ve made.
He clears his throat and I look over at him. I can tell by the tick in his jaw that he’s not done. I know what he wants to say.
“You can ask,” I urge him with a sigh.
“Why didn’t you tell her about Todd? Or anyone, for that matter? How do you keep something like that a secret for so long, Gia?”
“When I started my new school, no one knew me or my story. Todd was not enrolled in school since he was in the hospital. So, it really felt like a fresh start. My dad’s company transferred him to the Indy office, so telling people that we moved here at the end of the year because of that was technically true.
“As Morgan and I started to get to know each other, I just never brought him up. And since I never told her about my family, other than my mom and dad, I let her assume that was it.”
“But how did she not find out? I don’t understand. I mean, he is always wreaking havoc on your life. It didn’t just stop, did it?” he asks.
“My parents were so wrapped up in Todd and getting settled in their jobs that our house never really felt like our home. There were no family photos and my parents were busy and gone a lot. We spent a lot of time at Morgan’s house since her dad was never around. And since I didn’t want to take the chance of something happening with Todd, I kept Morgan away as much as possible. And Todd was admitted to that facility for more than two years. He never came back home until I moved to college.”
“Wow. It sounds like you got lucky. How’d you keep your mom from talking about Todd in front of Morgan? She is pretty obsessed with all things Todd. There’s no way you kept Morgan and your mom separated,” he asks, generally interested. I hate that he seems impressed with my lies. Because I’m ashamed of myself and he should be too.
I cringe as I tell him the worst part. “I told my mom. I told her that since she made me leave you, she owed me Morgan. She wasn’t terribly mad when I told her early on that I did not tell Mo about Todd. She said she was disappointed, but she’d give me the fresh start she promised I could have.”
Risking a glance at him, I can really only see the shadow of his profile. There are barely any lights on the highway when we aren’t close to rest stops. I just get glimpses of his face from the oncoming headlights.
He doesn’t say anything for a few beats and now I’m worried it’s all settling in. He should hate me. Morgan should hate me. They all should.
Finally, he nods his head, like he’s made up his mind about something. “I get it. I don’t agree with it, but I get it. And I’m glad that your new life worked out for you.”
I can’t hold back the snort.
“No, I’m not being a dick. Maybe it sounds that way, and I’m sorry about that. But really, your life in Wisconsin was stressful. Everyone knew your story. You had a chance to start a new book—not just a new chapter—and you took it. I just wish I could have edited it a bit and maybe written myself back in.” He quirks a smile at me and reaches over to grab my hand. I let our clasped hands rest on my thigh.
“I get it, Gia.”
And I can’t help but smile back.
We don’t talk much the rest of the drive. He tells me to get some sleep and turns on some music. The darkness and sound of his low voice singing to the radio lulls me to sleep. And so I’m in and out of sleep the rest of the way, for what it’s worth. I never get anything from car sleep but a sore neck and possible embarrassment of my mouth hanging open.
It’s past midnight and since my parents are at the hospital, we head straight to their house. He parks the car in the drive and I slowly unbuckle and get out of the car. He grabs our bags and I head up the walk to the front door. As I punch in the code to unlock it, I feel like I’m going to pass out from exhaustion.
The house is dark, and I turn on as few lights as needed on the way back to what used to be my room. It’s still how I left it, which was pretty bare. Once we moved here, I didn’t have it in me to really make it mine. I flip on the light and toss my overnight bag on the bed. I open it and grab my pajamas. I turn to Simon.
“I’m gonna go to the bathroom real fast. You can change in here if you want.”
I head back out the door and into the bathroom right down the hall. I take my time changing and grimace as I stare at my red puffy eyes and disheveled appearance. Lovely.
I pad back into the bedroom as Simon is folding his jeans and tossing them over his bag on the floor. He’s in a pair of PJ pants and a white fitted undershirt. He’s also got his black plastic-rimmed glasses on, which sparks an electric jolt deep in my tummy. Dang, I love this look on him.
He takes a slow, long look my way starting from my bare feet to my short shorts and bright, yellow tank top until he gets to my face. This is where I figure the appreciative once-over will stop; when he sees the weak, rumpled girl he used to know. To my surprise, I only see heat in his eyes. His gaze lingers at my mouth and I can’t help biting my bottom lip.
Clearing his throat, he asks, “Hmm. Do you want me to find a couch or can I just crash here on the floor?” He’s looking around my room. “I just need a pillow and blanket and I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t be silly, Simon, you’re staying with me, in the bed.” I toss my clothes on the floor and walk to the bed, grabbing his hand as I pass him.
Pulling down the covers I crawl in toward the wall that my bed is pushed up against. He follows me in without questioning my decision. We silently pull up the comforter, settle into the fluffy pillow
s and, without any words, snuggle into one another. He’s got one arm wrapped around me, pulling me close into his side. I inhale deep and slow, breathing him in. I realize at this exact moment that nothing else in the world matters. I could spend the rest of my life in this space between real life and my dreams. Because being in Simon’s arms like this has only ever happened in my dreams.
Content as my mind may be, my body gets restless as I lie here in his arms. It gets worse with every passing minute. I tell myself to go to sleep, I need my rest if I want to mentally get through tomorrow. The yearning to have his mouth on mine only grows as the minutes tick by. I don’t even know if he’s asleep or not. I don’t want to risk checking in case he is. Or if he isn’t, I don’t want it to be awkward.
I’m waiting for things to be awkward honestly. We’ve fallen so seamlessly back into our relationship, even if it feels new and more significant than it was before. It almost feels too good to be true. Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I can practically hear the wheels turning in your head right now,” he whispers.
I readjust my head on his shoulder when I ask, “How did you know I wasn’t asleep?” He chuckles at me.
“Because I can feel the tension rolling off you. You aren't relaxed at all.” I feel him tense. “If this isn’t comfortable for you, I can move.”
I snuggle into him more and tell him no. The arm that is wrapped around my body pulls me in tighter. I might as well climb on top of him if I want to get any closer. Of course, that’s what I want to do. To feel his body against mine as I lean down to kiss his amazingly soft but commanding lips. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t daydreamed about all the ways he could put those lips to use.
