by Lauren Helms
His hand slips under my shirt and his fingers nearly scorch my skin. But he doesn’t go any farther. While I’m turned on and want him to keep going in either direction, I know I don’t need this tonight. Even if I want it so badly.
Ugh. I have to get my mind off all the places I want his hand to explore.
“Is the team mad you left for a few days? Are you going to miss any important practices or anything?”
“Naw. We don’t have any tournaments coming up. Just a charity event. But no, I’m allowed time off,” he says with a laugh.
“Hey, sorry, I don’t know how the whole being a pro gamer thing works. Your job is to play video games all day so you can win lots of money. I was just wondering,” I defend myself jokingly.
“Says the girl who gets paid to watch TV all day,” he says.
“Touché,” I reply.
We find ourselves in another lull of silence. But I can tell he isn’t asleep this time because his thumb starts swiping back and forth on my waist. And damn it, heat is filling me up with desire.
Gah! I’m obsessing over a man’s hands and fingers and—Oh my God, I want to know what those fingers can do.
It’s got to be close to 2 a.m., if not past. My alarm is set for seven thirty. I need to go to sleep. Squeezing my eyes closed, I take a deep breath in and out. I try to relax and—hot damn! I want him so frigging much.
With another deep breath, I shift my head off his shoulder and angle toward the side of his face. I kiss him square on the jaw. Lingering just a moment, I press another, smaller kiss, and then another.
“Gia, what are you doing?” His voice is rougher than it was moments ago.
Stopping my assaults, I whisper into his skin, “I don’t know.”
I continue to slowly trail my kisses down his jaw and neck. Then I make my way back up behind his ear. Unable to reel myself in, I give his earlobe a quick lick, then a nip. I smile when I hear the hiss that comes from his lips.
“Gia,” he says, part question and part demand.
“Simon,” I reply.
I push myself up, so I’m propped up on my elbow, so I can continue my trail of kisses to the other side of his neck. After placing a soft kiss on his Adam's apple, I lightly drag my teeth across his skin. He turns his head into my neck to give me better access and I repeat the kiss, lick and nip to his other ear.
“Touch me, Simon,” I whisper when I’m done.
His hand reaches under and up my shirt. Finding my breast and squeezing. I moan and throw a leg over his, so I can get closer. I finally move to his mouth and we are a tangle of teeth, tongues, and moans. Our hands start to roam. Mine find their way under his shirt and then we break apart as his shirt comes off.
My God, his chest is a work of art. He’s always been in shape but holy mother of all things sexy, I could lick chocolate off this spectacular chest and die a happy woman.
I don’t know how long my hands stay preoccupied with all the hard planes of his chest, shoulders and arms, but eventually I move my hand to his pants. I skim a finger under his waistband and start my descent. My hand is almost to the goods when he grabs it and stops kissing me. He pants heavily.
“No, not tonight.”
I must let out a whine, because he adds, “You’ve had such a hard day. We can’t do this tonight.”
Jutting out my bottom lip I say, “You’ve had a hard night too, Si, let me take care of you.”
He chuckles and pulls my hand out of his pants and places it on top of his hard length.
“Yeah, and trust me, G, I want this too, but not tonight.”
I give him a squeeze before he lifts my hand and places it in the middle of his chest.
Argh. I want to cry at how badly I want him right now. I’m all keyed up and now he wants to stop. I must make another noise because his hand leaves mine and he tips my chin up to him.
“I’m sorry, I was unclear. We aren’t fucking tonight, Gia, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to take care of you.” Then he claims my mouth.
Holy shitballs.
Simon is a dirty talker. My “heat-o-meter” just hit the highest level with this new development.
He pushes me to my back as he leans over me, never breaking the kiss. The hand he used to stop my descent into his pants only moments before, now makes his own down mine.
My God, he has magic fingers. Those fingers turn me inside out in near record time before I find myself lying there, seeing all the stars and trying to catch my breath in the best possible way.
He lays his head in the middle of my chest, seeming as much out of breath as I am. I feel a chuckle rumble out of him.
“What?” I ask all breathy.
“You said I had magic fingers.” He looks up at me with his chin now resting where his forehead was. I feel myself blush and I’m sure he can see the glow of it through the dark.
“Maybe that, or I was just really, really close already once they finally got to work.”
“G, baby, my fingers make me a lot of money. Of course they’re magic.” As he says this, a devilish grin slides slowly across his face.
Chapter Twenty
Gia
My mom wakes us by calling me at a quarter past six in the morning. She wants me at the hospital by eight since that is when Todd can have visitors. I sit up in bed, surprised that I actually feel rested. I look over my shoulder and see him watching me through heavy, sleep-filled eyes. He quirks a smile at me and I can’t help but blush in response. He runs his thumb back and forth across the skin on my lower back, in the small gap between my shirt and waistband of my shorts. A shiver shoots up my spine with each stroke of his thumb.
After staring at each other with big goofy grins on our faces for far too long, we get up and moving. I can’t knock the giddy feeling that consumes me about what happened between us last night. However, the closer we get to leaving for the hospital, the all-too-familiar dread starts to claw its way through the happiness and lust, to take up residence in my stomach.
He can tell when my mood starts to shift, and he accommodates with less heated glances and lustful touches to supportive smiles and affectionate embraces. He holds my hand on the short drive to the hospital, and through the parking lot, and even when we find my parents in the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit on the third floor. He squeezes my hand in support when my mom barely even bats an eye at the fact that Simon Palmer is standing next to me. She finally gives him a sideways look.
“Simon, nice to see you. Gia, glad you were able to make it.” She leans in to give me a quick hug. I hug my dad before they walk us over to a small cove with chairs. Being in a hospital brings back memories of when I was in one not too long ago. I shiver at the memory and I receive a hand squeeze in return.
“So, Todd is going to heal just fine now that they got the bullet out. They currently have him here in PICU since he is mentally unstable. They are going to keep him here for a few more days to monitor his healing, and then he will be discharged. But instead of going home, he is being admitted to a hospital for psychiatric patients where he will stay for some time. His doctor says that Todd proved he wasn’t really ready to truly live on his own.”
“But he’s been living on his own for like two years now. He has an apartment, and a car, and a cat, I thought.” I break in here, as she hasn’t even taken a breath. My mom’s face saddens at my words.
“He had a cat but that didn’t work out. And yes, he has been on his own for two years now, but I guess he hasn’t been very forthcoming about the struggles he has been facing.”
I might not like being around my brother, but it hurts to know that he’s been struggling in silence for so long.
“We knew just recently that he was getting into some trouble, but he’s been spiraling for a while,” she adds. She leans back in her chair, looking at Simon for a hard moment.
“So, Simon, I was not expecting you to be here with my daughter.” She looks at him pointedly, like it’s his fault he hasn’t been in my life.
“Yes, ma’am. Morgan and my best friend are dating. Dex and I are on the same pro-gaming team, so Gia and I just kinda fell back into each other’s paths,” Simon tells her with confidence.
“I see,” she clicks her tongue, “well it’s nice to see you, dear. Can’t say that I ever thought I would again.”
I snap my jaw tightly shut and bite the inside of my cheek. Simon just nods his head and tells her and my dad that it’s nice to see them again too. But I don’t miss the flash of resentment in his eyes when he looks at my mom.
She gets up and walks off to check on Todd’s status, and my dad excuses himself to find some coffee.
“Wow, I’m really sorry about her. She is on edge, is she not?” I say as he chuckles.
“Yeah, but she has the right to be. Yesterday was a crazy day. I’m guessing you didn’t mention to her that I was hanging around?” He cocks his eyebrow at me in a knowing way. I sigh.
“No, I didn’t keep it from her on purpose. We don’t talk a lot. She mostly texts me. When she emails or calls, it’s only ever to talk about Todd. She hardly ever asks about me. When she does, it’s never been a good time for me to say ‘Hey, Mom! Guess who Morgan’s boyfriend’s BFF is? Simon! The boy you made me leave and suggested that I never talk to again.’” I roll my eyes and huff out a breath.
Putting his arm around me, he pulls me into his side.
“I understand, G. I really do,” he says as he places a kiss on the top of my head.
We sit there for a while, our heads leaning against each other, his arm around me, playing with each other's fingers in his lap. It's easy to forget where we are but then I hear doctors being paged overhead and I remember, and all I want to do is get out of here and be alone with Simon. As if she appears out of thin air, my mom stands before us.
“Gia, we can go back now. There is a two-visitor limit, and you can’t take anything back that could be used as a weapon, so I would just leave your purse and phone with Simon.” She turns on her heel and heads toward the double doors right past a small security station.
“Alright. Here goes nothing,” I say to Simon as I stand. He takes my purse and leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek.
“You can do this, I doubt you’ll have to stay in there for long.”
Nodding and giving him a small smile, I follow my mom, who is waiting for me at the door.
I let the security guard quickly pat me down and then my mother presses a call button and tells the answering nurse she is here to see my brother and gives him a four-digit code.
The doors pop open and she pushes through. I try not to drag my feet but I can’t help it. I don’t want to be here. She slows and puts her arm around my shoulder and gives me a side hug.
“You look happy, Gia. I’m glad you found your way back to him.” She gives me a rare smile and drops her arm.
I don’t get a chance to reply before we stop in front of a door with a small rectangular window. She places her hand on the latch and looks at me in warning.
“Don’t be alarmed if they still have him strapped to the bed. They’ve had to restrain him several times. Also … I know you don’t do it on purpose, but please don’t upset him.”
I sputter my reply, but she knocks and opens the door and heads inside.
“Hello, Todd. Good morning, dear,” she says in a clearly over-the-top tone.
He looks up at my mom. Then, instead of looking at me, he looks out the window. Wonderful. Already off to a good start.
He looks battered and worn. He looks drowsy, like he hasn’t slept in days. His eyes are droopy and bloodshot. His hair is greasy and hanging around his face, which is unlike the short length he usually wears. His left shoulder is wrapped in thick, white bandages which I can see through the hospital gown.
He refuses to acknowledge me. So, I stay planted next to the wall near the door. His room is bare and pretty much void of everything you’d normally find in a hospital room. I'm left to either stare at the unsightly vison of my brother or out the window like he is.
“Todd, honey, did you see? Gia came to see you,” Mom tells him with excitement. She is sitting in the single chair in the room that she’s pushed up near his bed. She is facing me, so I can see the pure delight on her face when she tells him. Still, he doesn’t acknowledge it.
“She came in late last night. Simon, remember him? He came with her.”
Still looking out the window, I see his eyebrow arch slightly. But this time he replies.
“How great for fucking Gia, Mom.”
To give my mom credit, she doesn’t react, but I see the slight look of worry in her eyes when they shoot across to me.
“Todd, she didn’t have to come but she did. Be nice,” she says with a lack of authority, apparently not wanting to upset him.
“I don’t know why she bothered. I don’t fucking want her here, I told you that already, Mom. Several times,” he says nearly growling it at her.
I don’t have to take this. I’m just going to excuse myself, but before I have a chance to say something, the door opens, and a doctor and nurse walk in.
“Oh, sorry about this, but we need to run a couple of tests on Todd. I’m sorry to cut your visit short, but they really can’t wait,” the doctor says to Mom.
“Oh. Well, alright,” she says, standing up from the chair.
“If you’d like, I will talk to the staff in charge of visiting hours and allow you a quick thirty-minute visit with Todd later. Maybe right before lunch?”
“Oh, that would be lovely. Thank you.” My mother smiles kindly at the doctor. She breezes past me, but I’m frozen to the floor where I stand because I’m being pinned with a pair of eyes that are just like my own.
“Come by yourself,” he says, then turns back to face the window.
I hear my name from the hall, my mother calling me out of the room.
Shit. He is being fucking creepy.
~~~
Returning to Simon, immediately walking into his embrace, I relay the details of my visit to him. He agrees with me that the ignoring and then the near threating command did seem creepy.
“You know you don’t have to go back in there,” he says. “And you don’t have to go in there alone. Just because he is in this,” he uses air quotes, “‘fragile state,’ doesn’t mean he gets to call the shots.”
I nod and worry my lip. His “fragile state” is how Mom referred to it, as though she was defending his reaction to my visit.
“As far as I’m concerned, you call the shots. We can leave whenever you want.”
I cup his stubbly cheek and thank him as I lean in to kiss him.
“You know what? I call the shots. Let’s get out of here,” he says against my lips.
“And what would we do?” I whisper back.
“I can think of several things I’d like to do with you,” he says before placing another kiss to my lips.
“Oh?” I say on a low moan.
“Come to think of it, I don’t think we really need to leave. I’m sure we can find a secluded place somewhere in this giant building.”
“Oh, right. Not happening,” I tell him, laughing.
“No, really, every doctor show ever made has plenty of dark, secluded rooms for fuckery. You should know this,” he pleads, resting his forehead against mine.
“Yeah, but those rooms are made for hot doctor sex. We are not hot doctors.”
“Maybe not, but I’m a hot gamer and you’re a sexy-as-fuck writer. So, I think it’s gravy, baby.”
I snort. I can’t hold it back and I let out a real, actual belly laugh.
“What?” he acts appalled.
“You’re cute.” I pat his cheek.
“Pfft. I’m not cute. I’m a hot gamer,” he pouts. “And I’m serious.” He wiggles his eyebrows.
I lean in, whispering in his ear, “So am I. Our first time isn’t going to be in a hospital broom closet,” I say as I place my hand on his thigh. “I want to be able to scream your name without w
orrying about getting caught.”
I lean back and stand. He adjusts himself and jerks his head like he’s clearing away the sexy haze in his eyes. He clears his throat and looks up at me.
“Where you going?”
“To find a restroom. I’ll be back.” I wink at him and head off down the hall. I get all of about ten steps away from him when I remember that I’m on the psych ward of the hospital because my twin was shot yesterday while having a psychotic breakdown.
I’ll just head back to my Simon bubble now.
Chapter Twenty-One
Gia
Hours slowly tick by as we wait to go back to visit Todd. My heart is being pulled in several directions over his request. I’m anxious beyond control, since we have never been good at communicating. He has never been nice. Despite what history has taught me—to be wary of anything he wants to tell me—I’m still interested in why he would want me to come back to visit him. There is also a part of me that hurts to see my twin—the person who should truly be my other half but isn’t—in this hospital.
Simon and I lean back into our chairs sitting next to each other watching a Netflix Original on his iPad Air. I was surprised to see him pull out two pairs of Bluetooth earbuds. While it’s proven to be challenging to pay attention to any kind of mindless entertainment when I’m with Simon, I’m also dwelling on what my brother could possibly have to say to me. Whatever it is will probably break me down and destroy all the patches I’ve used to mend the holes in my heart. Holes that he put there.
A hospital staff member approaches my mom, who’s been at a nearby table working on her laptop. Mom waves at me to get my attention.
I pull out the earbuds and get up to go talk to her, leaving Simon as he pauses the show.
“They said we can go back to visit now if we’d like. He is done with his tests,” she says while closing up her laptop and collecting her paperwork.
“Actually, Mom, I thought that I would just go back by myself to visit him this time. Simon and I are going to have to head back to Chicago tomorrow, and I’d like to get my visit out of the way now.”
