Filthy Little Lies

by J. S. Cooper

  I sat there with my fists clenched. Everything was spinning out of control. I didn’t know what to do. Most people would say that now was most probably the time to step back. I mean, I was up shit’s creek without a paddle and the alligators were on their way to get me. I had no idea what to do. It seemed as if Saskia and I were doomed.

  However, I loved Saskia. My heart beat for her and her alone. I couldn’t imagine living the rest of my days on the earth without her. I had to take drastic measures. Only I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew that she wouldn’t trust me if she knew I was the guiding force behind her relationship with Aiden and even I knew how fucked-up it was that I got my uncle to date her and now she was married to my cousin.

  It was a Jerry Springer kind of fucked-up. It was the kind of fucked-up that made people never talk to you again. It was the sort of fucked-up that sparked violence in some people. I couldn’t afford for Saskia to find out. I couldn’t afford for her to know I’d killed the grandmother that had pimped her out. She wouldn’t understand the rage I’d felt. Only three other people knew: Aiden, Natasha, and one other. Unfortunately, there was one of them I trusted to give away my secret if I didn’t give her what I wanted.

  But I needed to be with Saskia and my son. To know that the fruit of my loins was out there and being raised by another man was almost too much to take. I knew that I was having irrational thoughts when I was standing in front of the building Saskia now lived in with Dominic. I sat in my car and stared at the doormen and wondered how easy it would be to get into the building, blindfold Saskia and kidnap her. I sighed when I realized I didn’t have a mask or a scarf to put on myself or Saskia. I was starting to think crazy thoughts. I couldn’t kidnap her. That just wouldn’t be okay. I couldn’t kidnap her. I just couldn’t. A small part of me didn’t care though. A small part of me wanted to run inside of that building, grab her and never look back.

  “Hello?” I grabbed my ringing phone without looking at the screen.

  “Why are you outside my building?” Saskia’s voice was low, and I felt my heart melting at the sound of her voice.

  “What are you talking about?” I muttered.

  “You’re standing outside of my building.”

  “No, I’m not.” I shook my head in denial and then laughed as I realized she couldn’t see it. “I’m not.”

  “You are.” She laughed and then there was a tap on my shoulder. I looked to the side and there she was. My beautiful Saskia.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “The question is what are you doing here?” The smile left her face. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  “I shouldn’t be doing a lot of things that I do.”

  “What do you want, Brad?”

  “You know what I want.” I grabbed her by the arms and pulled her to me.

  “Please.” She shook her head. “I… we, can’t do this. Not now.”

  “What do you mean, not now?”

  “I just got off the phone with Natasha.” She looked away from me. “She wants us to make up.”

  “What? Why?” I dropped her arms in shock.

  “She’s pregnant, Brad. She’s pregnant, and she wants me to be the godmother.”

  15

  Have you ever been angry? Have you ever been so angry that your whole body has tensed up so still that you’re not sure if you are still in control of your own body? That’s the way I felt when Saskia told me about Natasha. I was positive it wasn’t mine; if she was even pregnant, of course.

  “So what are you going to do?” I asked her softly, barely able to look her in the eyes.

  “I’m going to say yes.” She bit her lower lip and grabbed my arm. “You know that’s all I can say.”

  “You can say no. You can say I don’t believe you and then you can run away with me. That’s what you can do.”

  “I’m not going to do that. I’m a married woman.” She looked down at her lap. “And Natasha is my best friend.”

  I clenched my fists at her words. “You’re married to Dominic as much as I’m married to Natasha.”

  “Then I guess we’re both extremely married.” She cracked a smile. “And congratulations.”

  “Congratulations?” I frowned and fisted my hands at my sides. “It’s not mine.”

  “Whose is it then?” She made a face. “An alien’s?”

  “That would be the most likely answer.”

  “From what planet?”

  “I’d say Pluto, but it doesn’t exist anymore.” I paused. “That’s what happens to planets that get to know Natasha, they disappear.”

  “Brad.” She shook her head. “I have to go.”

  “Let’s run away together. Please. We can do this.” I grabbed her hand and we stood there for a second just staring at each other. For a second I thought she was going to say yes. For a second, I thought it was all over. Then the light left her eyes and she stepped back.

  “Goodbye, Brad.”

  “Saskia, please.” I closed my eyes. “Please stay.” I opened my eyes again and she was gone. The amount of anger I felt in the next minute was unparalleled. I felt like Mike Tyson in a boxing ring with Evander Holyfield and I was ready to do some damage. Some serious damage. I didn’t understand why life was once again playing this cruel trick on me. What was Natasha playing at? I turned around and pulled my phone out and dialed.

  “Hello, honey, to what do I owe this honor?”

  “You’re a bitch,” I spat out. “You’re a pregnant fucking whore.”

  “Is that any way to speak to the mother of your child?”

  “You’re not having my child.”

  “So, you did go to your slut Saskia then?”

  “What?” My voice grew louder in anger.

  “How else would you know I was pregnant?” She sighed. “I’d hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this.”

  “Just give me a divorce Natasha. I’m over this bullshit.”

  “I don’t think you want a divorce.” Her voice grew bitter. “Not when you know I have so much more to tell Saskia.”

  “Who’s the real daddy, Natasha?”

  “You.”

  “You know that’s not true.”

  “Are you so sure?” she whispered into the phone. “You might lie to Saskia and you might lie to me, but are you really going to try to lie to yourself?”

  I shut off the phone without answering and shoved it into my pocket. My face was hot and heated and I could barely focus. Natasha was right. There was a possibility that the baby was mine. Fate couldn’t be so cruel to me, could it? Was I being paid back for all the devious things I’d done? Was I destined to never be with Saskia? My darling Saskia. There wasn’t a time I couldn’t remember not wanting to be with her. My whole adult life had been based around manipulating people so that we could be together. It couldn’t all be for naught. I hadn’t gone through all this pain and bullshit to end up by myself. There was no way in hell that I was going to let it end this way. There was no way that I was going to play happy family with Natasha. There was no way that I could do it. Nothing was going as planned, but it was far from over.

  I went to the only person I had left. I knew he wouldn’t want to help me, but I knew that the alternative wasn’t great for him either. I walked up and banged on his front door.

  “Who is it?” Tom opened the door and frowned, his hair was in his face and his shirt was off.

  “You’re in bed?”

  “What do you want?” He scowled as I pushed past him and walked into his apartment.

  “We need to do something.”

  “Something about what?”

  “Saskia and Dominic.”

  “I don’t have to do shit.” He slammed the door. “I’ve done enough for you.”

  “You want me to go to the police?” I said softly, and he swore under his breath. “I wasn’t the only one there the day her grandma died.” I gave him a look, and he stared back at me as if he hated me.

  “You’re a fucking obsessed piece
of shit, Brad.”

  “I’m just doing what I have to do.”

  “Saskia doesn’t want you.” He rolled his eyes. “Leave her the fuck alone already.”

  “You think she wants you?”

  “She’s been in my life all these years, sucking my cock, not yours,” he said softly and my stomach rumbled as I stared at him.

  “You piece of shit.” I lunged at him, but he grabbed my arm and blocked my fist from connecting with his face.

  “Get a grip, Brad. Saskia’s not some innocent princess. She’s sucked more cock than I’ve seen in my life. You fall in love with a slut, that’s what you get.”

  “She’s not a slut.” I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

  “Dude, she’s fucked with every guy that gives her the time of day.”

  “That’s a great way to talk about the woman you love.”

  “I love her, but I also know who she is.” He shook his head slowly, his eyes looking at me sadly. “You don’t turn a whore into a housewife, Brad. Even if you get her away from Dominic, what do you think is going to happen? You think she won’t open her legs for me if I call her for a quick fuck? You think she won’t go giving some random jackass a boner in a nightclub or on the train? You think that she won’t still let Dominic hit that. Shit, I’ve watched her fucking Aiden from the closet minutes after she was fucking me.”

  “What’s your point?” My brain grew fuzzy. I didn’t want to think of Saskia like that. I didn’t want to think of her being with so many men. It made me furious with her and myself. It made me want to punch a hole through the wall.

  “I’m saying give it up.” Tom sighed. “Move on. Divorce Natasha. Go find yourself some nice wholesome girl in the Midwest.”

  “They’re the biggest freaks,” I muttered.

  “That’s good then.” He grinned. “A freak in the bedroom and a faithful wife outside of the bedroom. That’s what you want.”

  “I’m not going to the Midwest to find a girl I don’t want. I want Saskia.”

  “Why?” he asked me seriously. “I know why I love her. And I know why I’ll never have her. Why do you want her so badly, Brad? What do you think can come of this?”

  “You don’t know the meaning of love, if you’re willing to give up so quickly.” I looked at him and wondered how I could have even equated his love for Saskia to mine. There was nothing similar. He would never talk about Saskia like that if he truly loved her. He would never call her a slut. He would never judge her for sleeping with different men. Especially as he was even worse. He’d slept with more women than I could count. He didn’t love her at all. All this time, I’d been worried that he was the real threat to our being together, but I knew now I had nothing to be worried about.

  “Love is just a figment of our imaginations after hot sex.” He opened the fridge. “Want a beer?”

  “No.” I shook my head and looked around his apartment. It was then that I heard the noise coming from his bedroom. “Is someone here?”

  “What?” He frowned and took a swig of beer.

  “Who’s here?” I could feel my heart beating rapidly as I walked to the bedroom. Please don’t let it be Saskia was the only thought running through my brain. Please don’t let it be Saskia. Anyone, but Saskia. I stopped at the door and I knew as I saw her blond hair that it was Jessie.

  “Imagine seeing you here.” She licked her lips slowly as she stared at me from the bed. I turned away without speaking and walked back to the kitchen.

  “Really, Tom?”

  “What? You think you and Dominic are the only ones that get to have fun?” He shrugged, his eyes looking at me shrewdly. “You talk about love, Brad, but would you still be fucking Jessie if you loved Saskia so much? Would you still just be moping around? True love deserves a big gesture, something grand. What are you doing?” He took another sip of beer.

  “Good question.” I nodded and left his apartment without saying anything else. What was I doing? Was I going to keep playing this cat and mouse game? Was I going to just wait for something to happen or was I going to take my destiny into my own hands? Was I going to prove to Saskia that I couldn’t live without her? I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure how.

  The Moment That Changed Everything

  “Fuck me harder,” I heard Natasha screaming as I walked into our apartment. It was the first time I’d heard her so passionate in the bedroom.

  “Do you like this, bitch?” He grunted, and I walked to the bedroom, feeling oddly shocked at the sound of his voice. I didn’t think there was much that could shock me at this point.

  “Don’t stop.” She moaned. “Just like that.” I watched as her fingers dug into his shoulders. “Yes, like that.” She cried out, as he slammed into her repeatedly. I watched his back moving back and forth as she bit down into his shoulder.

  “Just like that?” I spoke softly and walked into the bedroom, alerting them to my presence. He froze before he turned to look at me. For the first time ever, I saw dismay and shock in his eyes.

  “You’re not meant to be here.” He jumped off of the bed.

  “Why?” I laughed and ran my hands through my hair. “Does it matter?”

  “I…” He paused and looked back at Natasha. “She came on to me.”

  “Do you think I care?” I looked at Natasha’s smug face and I knew that she thought that this was some sort of big moment for her. If she only knew how little I cared.

  “It wasn’t supposed to happen.” He looked pissed off at himself and I wasn’t sure if it was because he’d committed a cardinal sin or just because he’d been caught. I was almost sure it was the latter.

  “It doesn’t matter.” I paused as an idea hit me. “Though, there is one thing you can do for me.”

  “Brad,” Natasha spoke up and I could see the red in her face as she pulled the sheets up over her. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

  “It’s exactly what it looks like.” I smiled at her. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you?” She frowned in confusion and looked at him.

  “What are you talking about, Brad?”

  I turned away from her then as an idea hit me. I knew exactly what I had to do now. And I knew who was going to help me. It didn’t matter what he wanted to do. “Did you know that Natasha was pregnant?”

  “What the fuck?” He froze, and I saw the blood draining from his face.

  “Yes, what the fuck indeed.” I looked at the two of them and shook my head slowly. “And I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time is it?” I looked back at him. “I can make things very difficult for you.” I stopped and let that sink in and I knew he knew he was cornered. There was no way he wanted that coming out. It should have been black and white then. I should have been able to call Saskia and tell her the truth about her “friend” Natasha and the truth about who she was, but I didn’t know if it was going to be enough.

  I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I should just divorce Natasha and wait to see what happens with Saskia. I can’t afford to take that chance. Not with someone like Saskia. You see, the last thing she cares about is her own true happiness. The last thing she wants is to fight for us. That’s the very last thing that she wants. Even if she didn’t know it. I was going to show her. I was going to make her see. I looked in front of me and smiled. And now I had someone that was going to help me, whether he wanted to or not. He had no choice. If you didn’t know it by now, I don’t play fair. If you didn’t know by now, I’m a little bit crazy. If I could have gone back, I wouldn’t have made the same decision. But we all do crazy things in times like this. At least that’s what I tell myself. I wasn’t to know what was going to happen. How could I have known? I assumed the old adage that all was fair in love and war was true. I had no idea that I was up against someone who was the puppet master and not the puppet.

  “So what do you want?” He looked at me with a pissed and surly expression.

  “I’ll let you know, Uncle Aiden,” I said softly. “I
’ll let you know very soon.” I smiled to myself as my plan started to come together in my mind. I should have known years ago that there was only one way that I was going to get Saskia. There was only one way that I could make her mine and now I knew what I had to do. I knew that I didn’t have to worry about Natasha telling on me anymore. I knew that Aiden would make sure to keep her mouth shut.

  16

  Love can turn into obsession quite easily. Very easily in fact. It’s a thin line between adoration and obsession. I know, I walk the line between both quite easily. So, you should know that my son’s name is Braydon and he looks just like me. He has my eyes and my hair, but he has his mother’s smile. We all live together now, in a beautiful log cabin in the woods of Oregon on a one hundred acre piece of land. I can’t tell you much more than that. I can’t even tell you if I’m lying about living in Oregon.

  You see, I can’t have anyone knowing my exact location. I can’t have anyone finding me and Saskia. It was easy to take her. I always knew I could take her, I just didn’t know how and when. And I didn’t think I could leave Natasha and be with Saskia, not without breaking Saskia. Of course, I could have told her the truth about Natasha, but that would have broken Saskia’s heart. She always believed in Natasha. I hadn’t protected her for so long from the truth to break her heart into a billion pieces. And I would be lying if I wasn’t also protecting myself.

  Could Saskia really forgive the man that had killed her grandma and brought both Aiden and Dominic into her life? Sometimes I thought that maybe she could, but then I thought about Jessie and the blond twins she’d given birth to a few months ago. The twins with the same eyes as me. Could Saskia forgive me for that sin? I knew how much she hated Jessie. It would kill her to know that not only had I fucked Jessie but I’d made her pregnant as well.

  So I’d convinced her to go on a picnic with me and to bring Braydon (I’d lied and said that Natasha was coming). And then I’d put a crushed up sleeping pill in her wine and taken Aiden’s private jet to Oregon. When she’d woken up, we’d already been at the farm. She’d asked to leave the first couple of weeks, but then she’d accepted that this was her new life. I’d told her I’d divorced Natasha and that all I wanted was her. She’d protested at first, but then I’d stuck my tongue inside of her and sucked on her clit until she came and she’d stopped asking to leave. Sometimes she woke me up by riding my cock and sometimes she woke me up by sitting on my face. I didn’t care how she woke me up; I was just grateful to have her and all of her with me, finally.