Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 9

by Fujino Omori

  “Bell, Bell!”

  Wiene’s happy voice in my ears, I break out into a sweat when I see Haruhime’s tail swishing back and forth.

  The sun descends behind the city wall as night falls.

  Our goddess, Welf, and everyone else is home by the time the sky completely darkens.

  “I’m hooome.”

  “Welcome back, Goddess. Oh, hey, everyone. So, um…how’d it go?”

  “Horrible. Couldn’t find any leads at all.”

  “Many things happened to Lilly, but it was impossible to obtain any direct information concerning talking monsters…”

  “Lord Miach and Lord Takemikazuchi as well…They know nothing about this matter.”

  Lady Hestia drifts through the front door, tired after a long day at her part-time job. Welf follows her in, scratching his head. For some reason, Lilly looks even more tired than the goddess. Mikoto avoids my question altogether…No one seems satisfied with their day as they step into the passageway.

  I know we only started gathering information today, and we’ll need an amazing amount of luck to strike gold on day one, but judging by their expressions, this could actually take a while.

  I mull over that thought as the three of us who had stayed home today go to greet everyone.

  “So, how was your day?” Welf asks.

  Everyone else is looking at the girl hiding behind my back, Wiene.

  She’s gripping my shirt, extra careful to not extend her claws. Haruhime walks up beside the trembling vouivre girl with a smile on her face and bends over at the waist before whispering, “Why not try doing it yourself?”

  She nods, and ripples run down her silver-blue hair.

  “…W-welcome back.”

  She steps out of her hiding place just enough to expose half her face. Wiene’s quiet voice fills the hall.

  The goddess, Welf, Lilly, and Mikoto watch in shock as Wiene quickly jumps out from behind me and hides behind Haruhime.

  Haruhime and I exchange glances and light smiles.

  “She certainly…got used to you.”

  While Lilly and Mikoto continue standing in stunned silence, Welf breaks the ice, though he isn’t sure what expression to wear.

  He’s right. Wiene is finally opening up to Haruhime. Her blue frame is pressed against the renart’s back, forehead between her shoulder blades. Meanwhile, Haruhime is gently patting her on the head with her golden fox tail.

  It must tickle, because Wiene is twitching like she’s fighting back a giggle. Haruhime glances over her shoulder and smiles along with her.

  Lilly still hasn’t recovered from the shock of a greeting from a monster. She’s standing there with her mouth hanging open. My goddess is next to her, arms crossed over her chest and grumbling.

  “Well, well, Haruhime. You’ve got the makings of a great mother. No doubt at all.”

  Maybe she’s still sore about being rejected point-blank last night?

  “It’s delicious…! Mikoto is amazing!”

  “Th-thank you…”

  Everyone has gathered in the dining room after changing clothes.

  The first thing Wiene says after taking a bite of dinner causes Mikoto a great deal of turmoil.

  A wide array of food, including meat and fish, covers the table in front of us. Tonight’s menu isn’t too intricate, everything lightly cooked and seasoned only with salt. Thick slices of ham have been cut into small pieces for convenience. There’s a plate topped with whole grilled fish and bowls of vegetable soup. The only trace of Mikoto’s Far Eastern traditional cuisine on the table tonight is a dish of sweetened fried eggs. Apparently, Wiene approves.

  “Haruhime said so. Mikoto is amazing. Makes good food.”

  “N-no, there is so much I can do to improve. I’m vegetarian after all, and…!”

  Mikoto is flustered at Wiene’s glowing praise—well, just embarrassed, really.

  Not sure what to do with herself, Mikoto sways her black ponytail from side to side as her face reddens.

  I realize we’re not feeding an animal at a zoo here, but…Wiene’s voice is louder than usual. Maybe the tasty meal is exciting her? “Ahn!” She opens her mouth and waits with pure bliss for Haruhime to feed her a thick chunk of steaming-hot fried eggs.

  Even the garnet jewel on her forehead is twinkling along with her amber eyes.

  “Uh, wah…I’ve spent all this time wondering how to approach her. How laughable…” The vouivre girl’s innocent smile seems to have disarmed Mikoto, who’s hanging her head low.

  “Miss Mikoto, that is a monster. Please go easy on yourself.”

  “Why so uptight, Supporter? Keeping an open mind and mending bridges is very important at times like this…and that’s why I’m going to do that with Wiene right now.”

  “Please do not compete with Miss Haruhime! How can deities act so carefree?!” Lilly issues another warning, but the goddess waltzes over toward Wiene like it’s a day at the beach. “Mark Lilly’s words, this is a dangerous time for our familia!” Lilly raises her voice further still, but to no avail.

  Haruhime smiles at Mikoto and invites her over; the goddess is hell-bent on bonding with our houseguest, and Lilly is equally determined to stop her. Wiene is in the middle of all the fireworks.

  “Is it okay for them to get attached? Not worried about Li’l E but…is this a good idea?”

  “Um, are you…nervous around Wiene, Welf?”

  “I’d rather avoid her, to tell the truth.”

  The goddess asked me to give up my seat next to Wiene, so I’ve left the women’s conversation behind to sit down beside Welf as he eats.

  Having taken refuge, I ask for Welf’s opinion, but he forces an awkward smile and shrugs.

  “Still, it must be nice to escape for a bit. She hasn’t left your side for two days, right? Don’t tell me you’re feeling lonely now that she has other friends?”

  “W-Welf!”

  I know he’s just teasing, but I still snap. At the same time, I can tell I’m blushing, so I don’t blame him.

  I’ve figured out that no matter how startled or scared Wiene is initially, she becomes friendly when she knows that you mean her no harm.

  The scene unfolding around the table is proof enough. It’s all thanks to Haruhime assuring Wiene everything is okay, and now she’s talking with everyone without fear.

  I don’t know how long she was alone, but I think she’s trying to put that frightening solitude behind her by becoming friends with us—with people.

  Our noisy dinner continues with the men and women on different sides of the table. Wiene is happily and contently eating alongside everyone with an indelible smile.

  “Lilly, Lilly.”

  “L-let go of Lilly! Why would you want to hold her like this?!”

  After our lively meal comes to an end and the dishes are put away, we move to the living room.

  Wiene suddenly takes an interest in Lilly for some reason and wraps her arms around her. Much smaller than the vouivre girl, the prum disappears into her embrace.

  “Aww, she likes you, Supporter.”

  “And whose fault is that?!”

  Lilly has made her stance toward Wiene very clear, but the girl must’ve been entertained by their hilarious argument earlier and let her guard down. A vein pops out on Lilly’s forehead, her face turning crimson in frustration as she glares at the goddess from Wiene’s arms. Thoroughly enjoying the moment, Lady Hestia strokes Wiene’s long silver-blue hair.

  “A-and she really stinks! Lilly noticed it before, but our ‘monster friend’ has a definite smell to her!”

  Lilly yells once she breaks free of Wiene’s embrace.

  The vouivre girl mournfully watches her go as Mikoto and Haruhime nod at each other.

  “Yes, that is true…”

  “I wiped her down with a moist towel this morning, but…”

  Wiene hasn’t had a proper scrub since coming out of the Dungeon yesterday. She’s been wearing the same salamander-wool robe, t
oo. It’s been absorbing all her sweat over the past two days, so it probably smells worse than she does…Then again, it’s not as if I can talk. Being glued to her all this time, I haven’t taken a shower, either.

  As I suddenly become self-conscious of my own stench, our goddess’s eyes light up as though a magic-stone lamp came on inside her head. “All right, then!” she says with a smile.

  “Why don’t we all take a bath together?”

  The smell of cypress trees wafted in the air as white steam rose to the ceiling.

  “Ooo…This is…bath?”

  “Yes, it is. It feels nice to soak in the bathtub.”

  Haruhime smiled at the completely naked Wiene while holding a thin towel over her plump breasts with one hand.

  A spa-like bath was located on the third floor of the manor. The women of Hestia Familia left their clothes in the changing room and let the warm steam wash over their healthy, vibrant skin.

  “It’s been a long time since all of us shared a bath,” Mikoto casually remarked, the skin covering her arms and legs smooth enough to make women jealous.

  “Schedules for venturing into the Dungeon and my part-time job don’t really line up, do they?” Hestia responded, her shapely bosom jiggling as she spoke.

  Both the girl and the goddess let down their long black hair with blissful anticipation.

  “Using this bath one or two at a time is the very definition of luxury…More people using it at once saves money. Lilly thinks we should do this more often.”

  The cypress floorboards creaked under their bare feet as the women made their way inside the bathing room and Lilly offered her opinion on the financial benefits of the arrangement.

  This Far Eastern–style bath had been installed at Mikoto’s request. The lavish design and spacious interior impressed even Haruhime, who hailed from a royal family and had spent years with Ishtar Familia. The tub was large enough to easily accommodate ten people at once. With steam constantly rising from its softly rippling surface, there was nothing more enticing to behold. A steady stream of fresh hot water flowed out of the nozzle in the back corner, softly echoing in the bathroom. The wooden floor and ceiling framed the view of Orario’s nightscape beyond the window. If it weren’t for the white noise from outside, the ambience would be perfect.

  Wiene stared intently at her own reflection dancing on the surface of the hot water.

  “Lady Wiene? Let’s wash up before entering the bath.”

  Haruhime, who had always carried herself with purity and grace while being groomed as a prostitute, procured water from a bath with a bucket before pouring it over herself and guiding Wiene away from the shallow pool.

  Hestia and the other girls followed suit and began washing their bodies.

  “Bell’s not with us. Why?”

  “Mr. Bell is a boy! It’s common sense!”

  “Boys and girls have their differences, Wiene. That goes for monsters and deities, too.”

  Wiene had looked around the room as if something were missing. Lilly offered a retort, and Hestia provided an additional explanation while washing her arms. The vouivre girl had invited the boy to join them to the point of pestering. “Please no…” The boy turned her down every time, desperately trying to come up with an excuse as his face burned red.

  “Lady Wiene, please hold still.”

  “Th-the scales…”

  Instructing Wiene to sit down on a bathing stool, Haruhime knelt behind the girl and began washing her hair while Mikoto scrubbed her body from the front.

  The girl’s bluish-white complexion stood out even more in the steam-filled bathing room. The two girls were in awe of the monster’s smooth, shimmering skin. However, the scales clustered around her shoulders and lower back were a constant reminder that this girl was not a normal person but a type of dragon. These scales presented a serious challenge for Mikoto because their sharp, sturdy points tore the washcloth to shreds whenever it passed over a patch. Determined to complete her mission, Mikoto held Wiene’s limbs and carefully avoided the scales as she covered the girl’s body in a soapy lather.

  “That tickles!” giggled Wiene. She occasionally squirmed under Mikoto’s and Haruhime’s hands running over her skin and through her hair.

  “You have beautiful hair, Lady Wiene.”

  “I do?”

  “Yes. It’s like a stream of pure spring water.”

  Wiene’s face lit up when she heard Haruhime’s compliment behind her.

  The renart—her long golden hair, fox ears, and tail all dripping wet—carefully handled the vouivre girl’s silver-blue hair as if washing silk.

  “Shall we rinse?” said Haruhime, and she emptied a bucket of water over the girl’s head a moment later.

  All the dirt and grime flowed off her skin along with the suds. A now clean Wiene shook off before leaning backward into Haruhime.

  A soft plop filled the room when the girl’s head met Haruhime’s curvy chest.

  “Lady Wiene?”

  “…E-hee-hee!”

  The vouivre smiled up at Haruhime from her resting place on her chest.

  Meeting the girl’s gaze, the renart smiled down at her like an older sister.

  Mikoto couldn’t help but smile, too, her eyes narrowing as she watched from beside them.

  “She’s taken quite a liking to you, Miss Haruhime…Perhaps you might have the talent to become a tamer as well?”

  “It’s because Haruhime would make a good mother…Completely different from you, Supporter.”

  “Why drag Lilly into this competition?!”

  The prum and the goddess watched the affectionate pair’s interaction from a short distance away. Once their brief argument died down, they followed the other girls into the bath.

  Small waves crisscrossed the surface as everyone got settled, piping-hot water lapping against their shoulders. Mikoto’s sigh of pleasure was closely followed by several more.

  “Feels good…”

  “Yesss, it’s because your muscles have worked so hard all day and now they can finally relax.”

  The words slipped from Wiene’s mouth as the warm water embraced her body. Hestia, also very much enjoying the bath, looked up at the ceiling and explained to the vouivre girl.

  Several bathers had tied their long hair above their heads, but all their faces were relaxed and at peace.

  “……”

  “Lady Lilly, is something troubling you?”

  At about the time that everyone’s skin had taken on a pink sheen…

  Mikoto tilted her head and inquired as to why Lilly was brooding quietly by herself.

  “…There are too many well-endowed ladies in this familia.”

  Lilly’s chestnut-colored eyes were focused on Mikoto—specifically, her torso.

  Her gaze shifted across the various figures of her peers, somewhat obscured beneath the surface of the clear water, and her goddess’s enormous breasts. Lilly sank deeper into the bath and blew frustrated bubbles in the water.

  There was no point in comparing herself to the deity dubbed “Loli Big Boobs,” but she definitely ranked lower than Haruhime and Mikoto in terms of breast size, too. Leaving out the young prum, the average size and shape of Hestia Familia’s feminine curves was almost intimidating—and the biggest shock came from Mikoto, who normally kept herself literally under wraps. The up close and personal view was a bitter pill to swallow.

  Mind racing, Lilly turned her attention to Wiene and was filled with a sense of relief that she wasn’t at the bottom of the hierarchy. However, that relief was instantly followed by a twinge of self-loathing for thinking such a thing. Splash! Her head disappeared beneath the surface of the water.

  “—Being with Bell is better.”

  One heartbeat later.

  Wiene sprang to her feet, her light-blue skin tinted pink by the hot water.

  Lilly and the other girls were caught off guard by the vouivre girl’s swift movements and were late to react. With the speed and dexterity of he
r dragon lineage, the girl climbed out of the bath in the blink of an eye.

  “—No, don’t get out!!”

  “Please wait, Lady Wiene!!”

  “Sh-she must be stopped!!”

  “E-everyone?!”

  The bathing room descended into an uproar as Lilly, Haruhime, and Hestia raced after the stark-naked monster girl. Mikoto called out after them, a moment too late.

  Lilly led the charge of mostly naked women, carrying washcloths to cover what they could, into the passageway in pursuit of Wiene, but to no avail.

  “GAH!” A boy’s startled yelp reverberated through the manor.

  …After the dust settled, everyone finished bathing, then changed into pajamas and went to the living room.

  All of us are looking at Welf and Wiene sitting on the floor in the middle of the room.

  “Okay, hold out your right hand.”

  The vouivre girl cautiously sticks out her hand—and Welf goes to work on her claws.

  He’s brought a few tools in here from his workshop, including a grinding stone. Except this time he isn’t sharpening a blade but blunting keen edges.

  His skills as a smith are on display as his steady hands move with purpose. Dragon claws are extremely valuable drop items sharp enough to inflict life-threatening wounds on upper-class adventurers as is. As carefully as possible, Welf removes each spear point with ease.

  Thanks to him, no one has to be afraid of her claws.

  “All right, that should do it.”

  Welf releases his grip on the girl’s light-blue wrist.

  Wiene’s eyes go wide as she gazes at her perfectly rounded fingernails. Her lips curl into a smile.

  “Thanks, Welf!”

  “…Don’t sweat it.”

  A few moments pass before Welf acknowledges her appreciation with his own smile.

  Wiene jumps to her feet and rushes to my side.

  Eyes brimming with a mixture of hope and fear, she reaches out to me.

  First to my left hand, then my arm, and finally my chest.

  Her new “fingernails” are so smooth that they don’t even snag on my shirt, let alone pierce my skin.

  Tears of happiness glisten in her amber eyes as she realizes her hand isn’t covered in blood.