Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 9

by Fujino Omori

  A letter had arrived informing Hermes that one of his investigation teams would be returning from their mission tonight, and he went to greet them in person.

  “Every detail has been recorded here…Also, there is one more thing to report.”

  Laurier handed her god a rolled-up piece of paper, and as she continued, her pure-white complexion took on an ominous pallor.

  “Just as you mentioned before our departure…The sale of monsters has been confirmed.”

  “…And the buyer?”

  “Our inquiry led us to infiltrate an estate belonging to Elurian royalty…Further investigation revealed the possibility that nobility residing in other countries may also be involved.”

  The elf fought back a wave of nausea as memories of what she had witnessed flooded her mind. She pressed a hand to her throat to maintain composure and keep from vomiting.

  “Monsters were chained to one another in underground holding cells. We were unable to ascertain whether or not they had been tamed. However, they were violated…N-no, it was worse than that. It was treatment that I did not believe people were capable of inflicting.”

  As Laurier adjusted her choice of words, the elf’s golden hair swayed, and her pointed ears anxiously twitched.

  “They were on death’s door by the time we arrived…One asked us with its last breath—‘deliver this to my comrades’…”

  One of the animal people behind the elf stepped forward and held out an item wrapped in cloth.

  Hermes pulled back the covering to reveal a heavily scarred monster horn—a drop item.

  The deity narrowed his orange eyes.

  The message and the horrid condition of the horn left the surrounding members of Hermes Familia, including Asfi, speechless.

  The two animal people in traveler’s cloaks remained silent, their lips pursed into thin lines. The elf, on the other hand, could no longer keep her boiling emotions at bay.

  “—It spoke to me and asked for help! A monster!! It used words no different from ours, with tears rolling down its cheeks!!”

  Her breathing became ragged.

  Her right eye opened wide before she shielded it with her hand. She was on the verge of a breakdown.

  A shudder ran through the young elf, who always strove to uphold pure ideals. It was no hyperbole to say that she was experiencing a crisis. Her beautiful eyes blurred behind tears as she laid bare the pent-up emotions inside her for her god and all to see.

  “What was that?! Why did it look at me like that…?! …What should I—I…!!”

  Laurier was distraught.

  Not saying a word, Hermes stepped up to her and took the elf’s hand.

  “Everything you saw, everything you witnessed is now my burden to bear. Don’t let it trouble you any longer. Leave it to me.”

  Hermes pressed her hand against his chest so she could feel his heartbeat.

  The calming rhythm coursed through the palm of her hand; her breathing returned to normal.

  The trembling elf stared up at her god and saw his usual lighthearted smile. Then he removed his feathered hat before placing it on her head.

  “That goes for the two of you as well,” he said with a smile and patted the animal people on their shoulders. He then left the downtrodden trio in the capable hands of his other followers.

  Trusting them to take care of things, he sent all of them home.

  “…So what would you have us do, Lord Hermes?”

  Once her allies had disappeared into the night, Asfi spoke to her god with thinly veiled agitation at his condescending behavior.

  Sensing her half-lidded glare, the deity looked up into the sky in silence before turning to another of his followers who was still in the alley.

  “Lulune, you said you found a suspicious child?”

  “Yeah, I did, Lord Hermes. Some elf brat I’ve never seen before was asking around about ‘talking monsters.’ I tried to trail her but…she practically broke my nose with a stink bomb and got away.” The wheat-skinned chienthrope massaged her nose as if she were still feeling the effects. “Sorry,” she apologized through her cupped hands.

  Hermes glanced at her while she spoke but quickly returned his gaze to the night sky—or at least to the visible sliver of it directly above the alleyway.

  “The client’s request is absolute. All we can do is keep gathering information…”

  Hermes’s words hung in the air.

  “Haaagh, geez,” he whispered under his breath. “Well Ouranos, you certainly gave us one hell of a job…”

  The deity’s sharp eyes gazed into the moonlight. A long moment passed before he unrolled the parchment scroll in his hands and gave it a once-over.

  It was a list of all the merchant organizations connected with this smuggling ring, as well as who had bought and sold monsters.

  Tracing the route all the way back to Orario, he noticed the name of one specific familia:

  Ikelos Familia.

  Chains rattled from deep in the darkness.

  Rage-filled roars—and sometimes pained, mournful whimpers—accompanied the metallic clanging.

  Hair-raising howls of agony echoed through the dark abyss.

  “You let the vouivre cargo get away?”

  As if its owner was completely unperturbed by the noise, an irritated voice cut through the air.

  It belonged to a man with black hair.

  He wore goggles made from smoky quartz, though the tinted lenses were unable to completely mask the glare of the red eyes behind them. He was rather tall, and his dirty battle cloth was open at the top, revealing well-toned neck and shoulder muscles. A large combat knife long enough to rival most shortswords hung from his waist.

  He had situated himself atop the black bars of an empty cage, legs carelessly crossed, and the tone and quality of his voice suggested he was prone to violence.

  “We had it cornered on the nineteenth floor but lost track of it…S-sorry, Dix.”

  “You realize what we could’ve had? Those freaks in charge of Eluria would’ve paid a fortune to get their filthy hands on a live one.”

  The goggled man, Dix, didn’t even bother looking at the four adventurers below him while he spoke. The men and women hunched over in disappointment as he raised his head toward the ceiling.

  The stone canopy was shrouded in darkness, giving the room an oppressive atmosphere. A few magic-stone lamps illuminated a great many black cages, as well as the faces of the numerous demi-humans walking among them. The incessant howls and clanging chains all came from inside those cages.

  The man wearing goggles spat at the adventurers’ feet before standing.

  “If only we could find their nest…It’s somewhere in the Colossal Tree Labyrinth for sure, so we can’t be far.”

  Grabbing a red spear propped against the wall, the man approached one of the cages in the densely packed array.

  The spear’s blade was an odd shape, curved and incredibly sharp. Rather than lethal efficiency, this weapon had been designed with the pain of its victims in mind.

  “And none of these bastards’ll say a stinking thing…damn it all!”

  The red blade flashed between the bars of the cage. A dark shadow flailed inside, howling as the spear plunged into its flesh.

  The weak, almost pleading whimpering turned to high-pitched screams and ear-splitting squeals. Chains rattled as a crimson fluid splattered across the floor.

  The man’s face was devoid of emotion as he watched the dark shadow writhe in pain before pulling back the spear.

  “Then again, a female vouivre, eh…Now that’s a treasure I’d like to get my mitts on.”

  Tapping the weapon’s shaft against his shoulder, the man narrowed his eyes behind the goggles.

  “The nineteenth floor, you say? Tell me the details.”

  “Ah, s-sure…Rivira’s adventurers were on a quest to hunt some firebirds when we found it. The place was crawling with them.”

  A disturbed adventurer responded to the man f
idgeting with the blood-covered spear.

  “There was some elf rambling about a monster that talked to her, but nothing else. No one took her seriously. I bet the vouivre is still in the Dungeon…if the other monsters didn’t do her in already.”

  The man in the goggles listened to his underling deliver the difficult news. He considered the matter for a moment and then opened his mouth.

  “So a bunch of people raised a fuss, yet no one claimed the kill…Could be that some idiot is trying to hide the monster.”

  The man’s lips curled into a smile before the stunned adventurers, but immediately after, he burst into laughter.

  “From what I hear, the vouivre’s got one hell of a pretty face, yeah? Wouldn’t surprise me if some adventurer got carried away and did something insane.” With a grin, he added, “Monster fetishes are a thing, after all.”

  Knowing how adventurers think, no one would pass up the chance to brag about slaying a talking vouivre. Stories about the strange monster should be spreading through Orario like wildfire. The man explained his theory.

  “Of course, other monsters could’ve finished it off, the way you said. And there’s still a chance it’s wandering around down there. I’ll go have a look myself…Also, find out who took part in Rivira’s quest—all of them.”

  Orders received, the adventurers gave him a curt nod before leaving as quickly as they could.

  After watching them go out of the corner of his eye, the man in the goggles turned the other way.

  “And there you have it…Lord Ikelos, may I rely on your cooperation once more?”

  “—Hee-hee, is that how you ask your god for a favor, you arrogant little shit?”

  Before the man in goggles was a lone god.

  With eyes and hair of the same cerulean shade, the deity wore mostly black clothing over his dark-brown skin. A fake smile was etched upon his graceful features, which served as proof of his divinity.

  The deity, who resembled a young man, had said nothing during the previous exchange so he could better enjoy the spectacle. He sat atop a stone pedestal, legs crossed.

  “Gods can see right through our lies. I’d like you to check out any suspicious individuals I happen to find.”

  “That sounds absolutely mind-numbing…I’m a god, and you’re sending me on an errand?”

  The deity—Ikelos—sneered, eliciting a low chuckle from Dix.

  “I think you’ll find a way to not be too bored, no?”

  “…Guess I got no choice, then.”

  After speaking to his follower, Ikelos put on a grin peculiar to gods starving for “entertainment.”

  “You better make me laugh this time as well, Dix.”

  “By your will, My Lord.”

  Two shadows stretched far into the darkness under the magic-stone lamplight.

  Amid the smell of stone and the constant bestial roars echoing in their ears, god and man shared the same thin smile, as though they were reflections of each other.

  CHAPTER 3

  THE WORLD AND REALITY AND MONSTERS

  “There’s a big difference between hearing about it and seeing it with my own eyes. It’s a real shock.”

  Lady Hephaistos says this as she scratches at the patch covering her right eye while inspecting Wiene.

  Hearthstone Manor’s living room is bathed in morning light. Three deities have come to our home: Lord Takemikazuchi, Lord Miach, and Lady Hephaistos. Their stunned gazes are focused on the vouivre girl hiding behind my back.

  “A monster that doesn’t attack people…and is capable of communicating.”

  “This could rewrite our understanding of the mortal world, perhaps even change what we once considered to be common sense.”

  “I don’t think we can neatly sweep this under a rug by just calling it ‘Irregular’…”

  The gods don troubled expressions as we, Hestia Familia, observe from the sidelines.

  “So none of you have any experience with this, I take it?” Lady Hestia takes a step closer to her friends and asks one more time, but Lady Hephaistos just shakes her head from side to side.

  To disturb even the gods…Wiene’s very existence must be extraordinary.

  “If anyone were to have any information…wouldn’t it be the Guild, I wonder?”

  Their conversation continues until Lady Hephaistos’s suggestion sends chills up everyone’s spines.

  Even I react after she brings up the Guild.

  “…You may be right. There is a possibility they know more than we do now.”

  “But do be warned, going to the Guild for information is dangerous.”

  The Guild acts like the governing body of Orario in addition to its role in managing all Dungeon-related activity. Chances are good that they’re more knowledgeable about the current condition of the Dungeon than our lone familia. On the other hand, there’s a good chance they’ll withhold proprietary knowledge. Low-ranking employees like Eina and others don’t know about a lot of things—for example, the top-secret information about our fight with the Black Goliath.

  But then again, we’d be in a bad spot if they find out about Wiene. Our familia would obviously be in an incredibly dangerous position if word gets out that we’re harboring a monster. Especially Wiene, the epitome of Irregulars. In the worst-case scenario, she could be taken away for experimentation or who knows what…

  With all these frightening ideas running through my head, I can’t help but agree with Lord Miach and Lord Takemikazuchi’s assessment that it’s too risky to consult the Guild. My goddess crosses her arms, a sour look on her face.

  In the end, Lady Hephaistos says she can’t make any promises, but she’ll look into this herself and inform us if she comes across anything important.

  “As for what we do from here…I’d like for Bell and the others to take a trip to the Dungeon.”

  After the other deities leave, our goddess faces us as she broaches the topic.

  “It’s painfully obvious that there’s a limit to how much we can learn on the surface. The only option now is to expand our investigation into the Dungeon.”

  Six days have passed since I met Wiene.

  Reviewing all we’ve learned over those days, the goddess asks us to return to the spot on the nineteenth floor where I found Wiene and search for clues.

  “As Lilly mentioned before, we’re not the only ones investigating talking monsters. The situation could change at any moment…If we want to make a move, the sooner the better.”

  “…Yeah. We gotta go.”

  Mikoto and Haruhime tense up when Lilly reminds them of her first day searching around the city. Welf voices his agreement.

  We’re just standing around right now. At this rate, the situation might get away from us.

  Exchanging nods, we decide to expand our search into the Dungeon.

  “Sorry about this, everyone…I want to know what’s happening, too. I’m counting on you all.”

  The goddess looks at all of us in turn.

  Remembering the shock of Lady Hephaistos and the other deities after our goddess’s earnest intent, I realize all over again that we’re entering unknown territory, where even the gods don’t know what’s happening. My skin is crawling.

  “Bell…”

  “…It’s all right. I’ll be back before you know it.”

  Wiene anxiously glances up at me. I say the usual reassuring words and do my best to smile.

  “It’s been a while since just the three of us roamed the Dungeon.”

  “That’s because we haven’t been shorthanded recently.”

  I walk out the manor’s front gate with Welf, greatsword over his shoulder, and Lilly, backpack strapped behind her.

  The ones heading to the Dungeon are Lilly, Welf, and myself. Mikoto and Haruhime are staying behind to take care of Wiene and look after our home.

  It’s our original three-man cell. How nostalgic. I share a smile with my two friends who’ve fought alongside me since before they joined my familia.


  “Bear in mind that our destination is the nineteenth floor…Honestly, Lilly is concerned about the three of us going on our own. The journey to and from the site plus our investigation might take well over one day.”

  “Good point. I don’t want to be away from home any longer than we have to be.”

  “Yeah…True…”

  Lilly voices her concerns as we head to our home’s closest city avenue, Southwest Main Street.

  We made it down to the eighteenth floor the other day, but that was as a five-member party. Not to mention Mikoto and Welf had the benefit of Haruhime’s Level Boost.

  Having traveled to the safe point a few times already, we’re quite familiar with the Dungeon layout as well as how to deal with the monsters that spawn on the intervening floors. Getting down there as a three-man party shouldn’t be too much of a problem. The only worry is that it might take us a fair bit of time to do it.

  Without Mikoto and Haruhime, it’s only natural that the danger increases—and relying too heavily on Welf’s magic swords and Lilly’s stink bombs, which both have a limited number of uses, would be a pretty terrible plan—so we’ll have to be more careful and slow down.

  And a sappier reason is that I don’t want to be away from home for a long time, since we left Wiene and the others there.

  Though before I met everybody, I used to go into the Dungeon alone all the time, so I’m fortunate to have these worries at all, but…

  As a side note, whenever I visit Rivira, I often hear about solo specialist upper-class adventurers who regularly travel to and from the safe point floor all alone, especially those who are Level 3 like me.