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Finally, after several seconds which felt like years, Shaun turned to Adam and her heart may as well have joined the destroyed wine glass that had just slipped from her fingers. Never again would those beautiful green eyes look at her quite the way they were now. So concerned, so pure, so full of adoration for her. Never again.
“I’m sorry,” she finally wheezed, not even realizing she was crying until the first tear fell.
His eyes grew wide in hers before scrunching tightly as his thumbs continuing swiping at her cheeks, batting away each tear that fell.
“It’s just a little broken glass.”
Somewhere deep in his eyes, though, it was clear that he knew this had nothing to do with the glass at their feet.
“I’m so sorry. You’re going to hate me.”
Adam’s face remained strong, but something in his eyes shifted. “I could never. Not even if I wanted—“
A knock on the door shook them both and, after throwing him one last look, Shaun stepped out of his grasp and hurried towards the door with trembling legs.
Two uniformed police officers greeted her on the other side. Her eyes broadened at the sight. One brawny, one thin, the officers were a human study in contradiction--such polar opposites it was almost comical, but Shaun wasn’t laughing. She felt Adam come up behind her.
“Shaun Green?” the more heavyset of the two asked.
Shaun blinked. “Y-yes.”
“What is this?” Adam asked.
“We’re with the Los Angeles Police Department. We need to ask you a couple of questions.”
“O-okay?”
“Exactly where were you on Thursday night?”
Shaun’s mouth was agape. “I was… I was… I was at work. In my office.”
Adam’s eyes flew to her. “Your office?”
“Ms. Green, we’re going to have to take you down to the station for some questioning.”
Shaun’s eyes fell closed. Veronica. “You can’t arrest me for letting myself into my own office.”
“Nobody is under arrest. We have reason to believe that you broke into the office of…” The officer took a quick glance at the pad of paper in his hand. “Jackson Hayes and attempted to infiltrate the confidential files on his computer?” The officer fingered a pair of handcuffs from his belt. “We can do this the easy way or…”
Shaun reluctantly allowed him to take her arm, turning back to Adam as they dragged her out of her apartment.
Adam quickly followed, taking the officers arm in his hand. “Hey, easy. Wait a minute. What the hell is going on?” He removed his hand quickly when the cop threw him a look. “Shaun,” Adam demanded, his eyes flying to her.
“I’m sorry, Adam.”
“Can you just wait one damn minute?” Adam asked the cop. When he got no response Adam turned helplessly back to the open door of Shaun’s apartment.
Wanting to lock the door to her apartment before he followed them to the station, he turned to Shaun. “Where are your keys?” When she didn’t answer he couldn’t help his voice rising a few octaves. She had been acting insane for the past few minutes and it was quickly beginning to alarm him. “Shaun, where are your keys,” he shouted.
“The kitchen. The kitchen counter,” she finally sputtered as the officer cradled her head and helped her into the back of the squad car.
“Adam, I’m so sorry.” She watched him race back into her apartment just as the door to the squad car closed in her face.
--
At the station, Shaun was rolling her eyes as she watched the grainy black and white video showing her in Jackson’s office the night before. The woman in the security footage was definitely her and it definitely looked suspicious. She’d never imagined that it would be enough to put her behind bars, but in hindsight, she understood. As she continued watching on the iPad of the police officer who was sitting across the table from her in the interrogation room, she was forced to raise her fists to her lips to hide her smile. A couple of months ago the biggest problem she had in her life was what brand of conditioner to buy at the drugstore. Now she was sitting in a police interrogation room watching a video of herself breaking into her boss’ office. How the hell had her life spun so far out of control?
“This funny to you,” the young officer asked.
Shaun’s eyes met his and she removed her fists from her mouth, smile gone. “No, I don’t think this is funny. I think my life is funny. The complete and utter mess that I’ve managed to make of my life in such a short amount of time is, frankly, incredible. Laughable. Hilarious, actually.”
“Well let me list off all of the hilarious charges that are going to be brought up against you if you don’t give me a damn good explanation as to what you’re doing in this video. Attempting to destroy private property, that’s a hilarious misdemeanor. Breaking and entering, that’s a really hilarious felony. If you’re found guilty of these two things you’ll be spending, at minimum, a hilarious 5 years in federal prison. Isn’t that all so hilarious? I’m in stitches myself.”
“I didn’t break in. I have a key. I work at that office.”
“And you’re telling me that Jackson Hayes would be totally fine with the fact that you were in his office, attempting to infiltrate his computer?”
Shaun covered her forehead with her hand. “Even if I did tell you everything you wouldn’t believe me, anyway.”
“Try me.”
“I’m an intern at a magazine. Studying journalism at UCLA. I’m not a criminal.”
“These images tell a different story.”
Shaun took a moment, then held out her hand to him. “I was writing an article for Jackson that he was going to publish in the next issue but I changed my mind, and didn’t want it published anymore. I tried to tell him that but he wouldn’t listen.”
“So you decided your best course of action was to break into his office?”
“My only course of action. I just wanted to delete my article from his cache so he couldn’t publish it. An article that I wrote and is therefore mine.”
“Quite the contrary, Ms. Green. That article is technically property of Hearst Magazines. You may have written the words, but as an employee of the company they own all of the words you write.”
Shaun knew that, she just hadn’t expected him to. “Look, the only reason you even have this video is because some crazy girl is jealous and thinks I’m stealing her boyfriend.”
The officer looked like he was suddenly overcome with a splitting headache.
“Am I going to jail?” If she was being honest, jail seemed like a peaceful respite when put up beside the mess that her entire life was about to become.
A voice from behind her surprised them both. “Not unless Officer Jones is planning on charging you with anything, no.”
Shaun turned in her chair and took in the sight of a middle-aged man in a very good suit clutching a briefcase in both hands. She had no idea who he was, but somehow knew he was the man that was about to save her ass. She turned back to ‘Officer Jones’ and when she saw the exasperated expression on his face she knew the middle aged angel in the good suit was here to save her.
“What exactly are you charging her with Jones?” he asked.
Officer Jones rolled his eyes and held out his hands. “Nothing yet. We just had a few questions.”
Shaun raised her eyebrows. “So I can go?”
The officer motioned to the door. “You can go… for now.”
--
“Thank you so much for that,” Shaun sputtered as her savior held the door to the precinct open for her. “I never got your name.”
The man walked fast, making her almost skip in an attempt to keep up with him. “It’s Charles, and don’t thank me.” Without looking at her Charles motioned to the other end of the nearly empty parking lot, which was scattered with random squad cars. “Thank him.”
Shaun’s gaze followed his pointed finger. She slowed to a stop when she caught sight of Adam
leaning against a motorcycle at the other end of the parking lot.
“Adam.” When she turned back to Charles to thank him again she was surprised to see that he was already gone, grudgingly climbing into a beautiful black BMW. Clearly the man had been forced to come down here on his night off and he was none-too-happy about it.
Shaun couldn’t worry about that for too long, not knowing that Adam was so close by and would surely have a million questions after what had just gone down at her apartment. Even as her stomach rumbled with sickness at the thought of telling him everything, she couldn’t help but break into a run towards him and his motorcycle, throwing her arms around his shoulders.
“Adam, thank you so much,” she whispered into his neck, closing her eyes when he wrapped only one arm around her. Pulling away, she looked up at him. “Was that your lawyer?”
Adam pressed his lips together. “Charles.”
“Well…” She put her hands in her back pockets. “Thank you for sending him. He really shut it down in there.”
Adam didn’t respond, but continued to watch her quietly.
He’d never looked at Shaun quite the way he was looking at her now, and she had to close her eyes when the realization finally hit her. This was it. He would never look at her adoringly, again--if at all. He was going to hate her deeply, and probably for life, but she had to tell him. It was going to be the hardest thing she’d ever have to do, but she had to do it. Right now.
“What was real?” he asked.
Shaun’s eyes flew open and her heart stopped at the question. She blinked up at him for several moments. “W-what?” she sputtered, her entire body going cold.
Adam raised her laptop into the air, which he’d happened across in his search for Shaun’s keys earlier that night. Shaun hadn’t even realized he’d been holding it at his side. With his eyes still riveted to hers, he steadied the computer on his forearm and opened it, reading out loud, “How to Land a Rock Star in Thirty Days.” He looked away from the screen and back at her, his expression vacant.
“Oh my god. Adam… Christ…” Shaun felt like the ground had disappeared right from under her and she was in some terrible freefall with seconds to say something before she disappeared into a fiery hell of her own devising. She didn’t even know where to begin. “I didn’t send it.”
Adam’s eyes had grown wide with fury. His tongue came out to wet his lips, but he didn’t speak. His eyes glowed under the bright lights of the parking lot and the moisture rapidly building up in them glistened, nearly blinding her.
Shaun struggled to form one coherent thought. “I--I would have never… Celia is the one who sent it in to my editor.”
Adam’s chest heaved. “Your fucking editor,” he repeated.
Shaun cringed as the first tear fell. “I’m a writer. An intern at Cosmopolitan magazine. I was supposed to write an article on my time with you to secure a spot for myself at the magazine and to earn the internship credits to finish school. I’m a journalism major. Not a fashion major. Not a model. An aspiring writer who would have done anything to get a job, but I didn’t know you then, Adam. When I accepted the assignment you were just some racist jerk who I thought I could use to get ahead, but I didn’t know you. After all the time we spent together I knew I could never submit it. I almost went to jail just now because I broke into my boss’ office and tried to get rid of it. I was never going to send it, I swear to god.”
“But you wrote it.”
Shaun’s was dumbstruck.
Adam shook the laptop that he was still clutching. “You sat down and you wrote it. Right?”
“Yes.”
“From the fucking moment we met…” Adam turned away from her, running his hand through his hair, then turned back. “You were about two seconds from letting me fuck you tonight.”
Shaun’s face tightened as a pain so poignant swept across her bones it almost paralyzed her. “I wanted you…”
“When were you planning on telling me? Before? After? A week from now? Ever? Jesus…” He turned away from her, again, planning to listen to every bone in his body and walk away. Forget she ever existed. That they ever existed. “Fucking Christ.”
“It took me forever to come to my senses but somewhere deep down I always knew I wasn’t going to submit it, Adam. Every day that I spent with you that became clearer and clearer.”
He turned back to her. “But you managed to finish it didn’t you, Shaun?”
She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came.
Adam’s voice rose. “You managed to type the entire thing and god damn if it's not well written. Congratulations, you’ve certainly found your calling.”
As he spoke he couldn’t shake the images of Shaun from his mind. Tripping in every high heel she’d ever dared to put on, looking like a lost puppy whenever someone commented on her beauty, and succeeding at being the worst model that had quite possibly ever graced the planet.
“What was real?” he asked again, as images of her shot through his mind—her laugh, the smell of her hair, the sight of her eyes fluttered closed, head tilted and lips parted as her tongue tasted his. He jammed his own eyes shut, willing the thoughts away. “Wow,” he whispered. “Wow.”
“Adam, it was all real…”
He slammed the laptop shut. “You know what? Don’t even answer. After a month of faking it with me the lies must be running pretty dry at this point, and to be honest I’m going to fucking lose it if you tell me one more so… You’re out of jail, you’re welcome, have a great fucking life.”
“Adam please.” Shaun tried to take a deep breath, but her body was shaking so wildly that the simple feat seemed impossible. “If you would just let me explain. I can explain everything.”
“There’s nothing to explain. You lied to me. Every second we’ve had together… how can I trust anything you say? You’ve conned me right from the start. I’d have to be an idiot to ever believe another word that comes out of your mouth.”
“I didn’t have a choice. My editor was threatening my job—“
“I don’t want to hear it.” He held up a hand. It shook in the cold air. “I don’t want to fucking hear it, Shaun. It means nothing.” His eyes finally met hers and the moisture in them nearly boiled over. “I guess this is my payback, huh? This is how I pay… For all the fucked up shit I said. Is that how you justified this?” he asked, lifting the laptop high. “Is that how you fucking slept at night, Shaun?”
“It was at first, yeah… but it’s different now. And even though I wrote that article every second we spent together was real for me. I never lied to you about who I am deep down. Never. I really, really cared about you. I still care. I care about you so much.”
She gasped when Adam hurled the laptop out of his hand, not even looking as it crashed onto the pavement. He zeroed in on her.
“I loved you,” he screamed, his skin bright red as they came nose to nose.
Shaun was struck speechless at his words and the pure anguish in his eyes. She didn’t miss the way he’d used the past tense when saying those beautiful words and, as her heart split in two, she realized that she felt the same way. She wanted to tell him but knew the words would mean nothing now. They would be no better than poison to him the moment they left her lips. It was too late.
Adam’s breathing remained labored, but had relaxed considerably. It was as if the admission had somehow freed him. Calmed him. “I never want to see you again.”
Shaun watched him climb back onto his motorcycle, unable to move.
As he tore out of the parking lot, tires screaming the entire time, she couldn’t remember a time when she’d ever hated herself more.
--
A week later Shaun had finally managed to unpeel herself from her bed, take a hot shower and leave her apartment. It was a beautiful day in Los Angeles and as she walked along the busy streets of Downtown L.A. that Monday morning, she couldn’t stop the hot tears from falling down her face. She swiped them away absently. In the seven days s
ince she’d last seen Adam she’d grown used to the tears and was sure she’d made a few permanent wrinkles for herself with how violent she’d become at swiping them away.
Her phone vibrated in her back pocket but she didn’t bother to answer. She knew it would be either Celia or her parents, the three people in the world she wanted to speak to the least. She hadn’t seen or heard from Adam since that night in the parking lot, and as the realization that she probably never would again hit her, it made her feel like she was being slowly torn in two.
She had to take responsibility for how enormously she’d hurt Adam, a man who wasn’t perfect, who’d had one foolish slip of the tongue. An interview he’d given before he’d even known her was the only thing Adam had ever done to hurt Shaun, and he’d done nothing but express his regret over it ever since. The list of things Shaun had done to hurt Adam, however, could have probably filled a scroll, and she’d done it all knowingly. Intentionally. She wasn’t sure how she would ever forgive herself. Sure, she’d been much more naïve and innocent when this entire debacle had begun… but she hadn’t been stupid. She’d been a grown woman who made a choice. She’d chosen to listen to Celia, to lie to Adam, and now she would have to pay the price.
It was a lesson learned, a huge lesson that Shaun couldn’t imagine ever forgiving herself for. She realized now that she had been a fool for listening to her equally foolish friend because, yes, Celia had many suitors, but none who had ever loved her.
None who had ever loved her the way that Adam loved Shaun.
Shaun swept away more tears. She would give anything up for a chance to go back and change everything with Adam. To do it all differently.
She missed him so much. Fresh tears sprung to her swollen eyes, a sensation that had become very familiar to her after a week of crying in bed. She willed them away as she approached the shining glass doors of Cosmopolitan Headquarters, took a heaving breath, and stepped inside.
--
Jackson and Shaun had been in the midst of a staring contest since the moment she sat down across the desk from him in his office.
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