Shaun took in every word Celia was saying and couldn’t argue with any of it. She was right. There were plenty of men in the world. Plenty of fish in the sea.
But none of them were Adam.
Seventeen
Two weeks later, Shaun was turning the key to her very first Manhattan apartment.
She stepped into the empty studio with excited, expectant eyes, the rickety wood floors creaking beneath her feet. She dropped her bags and looked around her slowly before walking over to the windows where sunlight was spilling in from the outside. Her mother and father followed behind her, arm in arm.
“This is it?” her mother asked, taking in the small space and even smaller kitchen with judgmental eyes. “It’s a little small.”
Shaun turned to her parents just in time to see her father give her mother a gentle shake.
“It’s perfect,” her father corrected, before looking over to Shaun and smiling proudly. She was finally doing what she loved, and he couldn’t have been more proud of her. He didn’t say it out loud, but it showed on his face and in his eyes.
Tears pooled Shaun’s eyes. She was doing what she loved. Finally. But somewhere deep down, she still felt incomplete.
Knowing that her parents had spent enough money to buy a small country just to get her into this apartment, she forced a smile on her face, hoping she could pass off the moisture in her eyes as tears of happiness before whispering shakily, “It’s perfect.”
--
Tonight was the kick-off show of The White Keys’ 16-city tour and Adam, Yoshi, Jon and Noodle were all in their dressing room backstage, waiting for the opening act to finish up their last couple of songs.
Noodle downed what had to be his fifth beer of the day and turned to Adam, who was sitting in a make-up chair with his head in his hands. Adam always did need time to himself right before he went out on stage and now was no exception.
Noodle, however, had also never had a problem bombarding his way into Adam’s ‘me time.’ “Yo Adam? You still don’t drink?”
Adam took his head out of his hands and looked at his friend through the mirror’s reflection. “No, Noodle, I still don’t drink. Just like I didn’t drink yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that one too.”
It had been two weeks since the blowout between Adam and Shaun and he was positive that he would never take another sip of alcohol for as long as he lived. He’d been drunk when he’d done the awful interview that had sent his life into a complete spiral, and he was sure that interview was just the first of many on a long list of fucked up things he’d done in his life. It was about time he started taking responsibility for his actions and, for the first time in his life, he really felt like he was on his way there.
“You know… I think Molten liked you even when she knew you were a total drunk,” Noodle chimed in.
Adam covered his face with his hands. “This isn’t about Shaun.”
“No?” Yoshi jumped in.
Adam’s gaze flew to Yoshi, his blood beginning to boil. “No.”
“Okay…” Yoshi nodded. “It’s just that, you’ve never even entertained the thought of not drinking anymore and--in extension—making yourself a ‘better man’, until she came around.”
Adam’s gaze narrowed.
“I mean, you’re sure as shit not doing it for us,” Jon, the guitarist, jumped in with a laugh. “Look man, I never met her, but I know you and… you’ve been different since she came around. In a good way.”
Noodle nodded and pointed to Jon. “Yep, what he said bro.”
“It doesn’t matter, you guys. It’s over between us.”
“Adam it’s obvious you love her, for fucks sakes…” Yoshi yelled. “We really don’t want to deal with you moping around all over the place for this entire tour so please, for the love of god, just fix whatever you broke.”
“What the hell makes you think I’m the one who broke anything?”
“You love her, dude. Even if she is the one who fucked up–which I highly doubt--it doesn’t matter. You’re gone!” Jon stood tall, taking in the sight of his best friend damn near falling apart before his eyes. “You’ve been gone. How long are you going to fight it?”
Adam looked back and forth between all of his bandmates, his lifelong friends. They were the people who’d known him his entire life, they knew him better than he knew himself. He looked at them all, one by one, before standing up and leaving the room.
All the guys groaned and hissed.
“Great--”
“Yeah walk away, buddy--”
“That’ll solve everything!”
Adam slammed the door shut behind him.
As he stepped out of the dressing room and into the backstage area, he held a hand up when he saw Janelle coming up next to him. “Not now.”
Janelle was unfazed. “Well good evening to you too, Sunshine. That’s certainly not the face of a man who’s headlining his own tour.” She reached out and poked her finger into his cheek, laughing softly when the action caused him to stop walking completely and face her.
“How’s Shaun?” he asked.
Janelle was both surprised and not surprised by the question. She jutted out a leg and crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t know. She’s not my client anymore, so…” She looked off.
Adam was taken aback. “What do you mean she’s not your client?”
“Adam… Shaun was bringing in almost as much money as you okay? As far as I was concerned we were partners for life.” Janelle paused. “I didn’t leave her, she left me.” It was clear that those words were hard for her to say. “She said that modelling wasn’t for her, which is ridiculous because she was going to be fucking huge but… Whatever…I digress. Now the only model I have on my client list is Veronica…”
Adam had to roll his eyes. “Sorry.”
“Not as sorry as I am. She’s completely dried up. Nobody wants to work with her anymore. I couldn’t even get her booked with Victoria’s Secret this year, and that was her territory.” Janelle sighed. “I might have to drop her.” She continued to think out loud. “Fucking Shaun. I would have made her rich!”
Adam chuckled softly.
Janelle continued, clearly still reeling at the potential millions she’d lost when Shaun peaced out. “I never saw it coming. I didn’t even make her sign a contract.” She chuckled. “What is it about her? You didn’t even make her sign that confidentiality agreement way back when, remember?”
“She’s just so damn innocent,” Adam said. “What I always thought was her biggest weakness turned out to be her biggest strength. You look at her and you see this sweet, wide-eyed angel who would never dream of fucking you over and them wham—“
“She brings the dagger down.”
“Right between your fucking eyes,” Adam finished. “Yeah. I just trusted her completely. Right from the beginning. The craziest part is, even with a dagger between your eyes, you still can’t hate her.”
Janelle guffawed. “Speak for yourself.” After a moment’s pause she sighed. “Nah, I don’t hate her. I just don’t understand her.” Money was all powerful to Janelle, and anyone who was so willing to throw it away for “happiness” boggled her mind completely.
“Do you know what she’s going to do? Did she tell you?”
“Why don’t you ask her yourself,” Janelle questioned tentatively. She still had no idea what had happened between Adam and Shaun but a part of her had always secretly rooted for them. Probably because Adam was so much more tolerable when he was happy, and it was clear that Shaun had made him happy.
Adam shook his head. “I can’t.”
“So you guys are really done now? Because I was under the impression that you were done with her before the fashion show but Noodle and Yoshi seem to think differently.”
Adam clenched his teeth as he thought of his loudmouthed friends. “I told you I didn’t want to do that damn show in the first place.”
“Well what happened? Did you s
peak to her?”
“Oh, I spoke to her.”
“Are you going to keep speaking to her?”
“Janelle what is this? Why are you giving me the third degree?”
Janelle shifted. “I just want you to be happy Adam.”
“I am happy,” Adam insisted. “I’m famous. I’m good looking. I’m rolling in money.”
Janelle had to roll her eyes as he zoomed down his list of qualities.
“I’m about to go perform for twenty thousand people who adore me. I’m happy.”
Janelle squinted an eye. “Are you?”
“Yes,” Adam yelled.
“Okay!” She held her hands up. “I’m just saying… I’ve let my pride get in the way of my life more times than I can count Adam. Now I don’t know what went down between the two of you but if there’s even a chance of you forgiving her for whatever the hell she’s done you should. Don’t saddle yourself with a weight that doesn’t have to be on your shoulders.”
Adam hated this conversation.
“Anyway.” Janelle sighed. “Like I was saying, she didn’t go into specifics about why she left the business. She just said she despised modeling and didn’t want to do it anymore.”
Adam didn’t say it out loud, but he was relieved.
--
Later that night as Adam took the stage for the final song of the show, he really did feel like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. It was the first performance of the tour and, as the strings of ‘Stereo’ wafted through the speakers and into the screaming crowd, he wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through to the end.
It hadn’t occurred to him until he was halfway through the show that every new song he’d written somehow mapped back to her. A lyric, a tone and, in this case, the entire song—all lead back to Shaun. It had been like slow torture, being reminded of her, when all he wanted to do was forget. Being reminded of her even as he sang, the one thing he’d always felt safe doing, was sobering.
The crowd naturally loved ‘Stereo’, they always had. It was the biggest single on the album, but Adam could barely get through it. He wrestled through the lyrics from behind his mic stand, and the thousands of fans before him sang along to the words they knew so well.
Suddenly Adam had to stop singing, shocked when tears came to his eyes and stole his voice completely. Thankfully, his audience swooped in and picked up his slack, finishing the string for him.
Grateful for the fan support, Adam took a deep breath and went back to the microphone, able to make it through the next few lines before the bridge blew him clear back, again. His stomach turned as he thought of Shaun’s face on the night he’d left her. He’d taken her virginity and walked away like it was nothing. He closed his eyes and willed the image of her pained face away, but she was right there behind his eyelids, grabbing him, shredding him. He fought to continue, but his voice cracked. He leaned away from the microphone completely, turning his head away from the crowd as tears stung his eyes. Once again, his fans were right there with him, singing the lyrics for him, finishing several of the lines perfectly, happily.
Adam turned away from the crowd completely so the tears falling from his eyes wouldn’t be caught on the Jumbotron behind him. As he locked eyes with Noodle, Yoshi and Jon--who were all clearly wondering if he was going to have the audience sing the entire song for him, he reminded himself that this wasn’t all about him. He had to support his band. After pulling himself together he turned back to the crowd and, as he sang the next lines, zeroed in on a head of curly hair poking out from the first few rows. He couldn’t see the young girl’s face past his blurry vision, but her big curls and brown skin grabbed him and pulled him in.
Adam couldn’t finish as a spotlight illuminated the audience and he took in the face of the curly haired girl in the front row. As always, he was thankful to his fans for continuing on with the lyrics and melody as he realized that it was Shaun looking back at him from the crowd with a sweet smile on her face. That same sweet smile that she’d had the night they’d made love. The night he’d walked away. A pit in the bottom of his stomach so heavy he felt like it could drag him clear into the earth seized him and, as he made eye contact with her, he was panicked to see her turn away from the stage and begin fighting her way through the crowd.
Adam felt his heart stop.
“Shaun,” he said into the mic, watching her curly head continue to move away from him. He couldn’t let her go. Not this time. With the strings of ‘Stereo’ still playing behind him, he jumped off of the stage and into the crowd, eliciting deafening screams and chaos as he approached the safety barrier that was keeping his thousands of fans at bay. He was vaguely aware of Jon’s voice picking up the rest of the lyrics, but he couldn’t focus on that as he saw the last hint of the curls he loved disappear into the crowd. He couldn’t let her go. As he waved away security, who attempted to pull him to a safe distance, he grabbed the rails and climbed over, immediately getting pawed by screaming fans.
“Shaun,” he screamed, pushing his way through people left and right as hands clawed at him from every angle. He should have felt nothing but fear for his life, but he wasn’t afraid. He was awake for what felt like the first time in weeks. He was determined.
When he finally made it up to her, he reached out, his voice lowering considerably. “Babe?” Adam took hold of her arm, stopping her. His face fell in shock when she turned to him and he came eye to eye with a woman he’d never seen.
He immediately released her, his face wracked with disbelief. It wasn’t Shaun. Realization crashed down on him like a ton of bricks as he stared at the curly haired stranger who was, naturally, now in no hurry to go. Almost instantly she was hysterically screaming and wrapping her arms around his neck. Adam didn’t even have the presence of mind to be concerned by how potentially dangerous it was for him to be caught up in the middle of a crowd of people who worshipped him.
He was too alarmed by the realization that, two weeks ago, he’d made the biggest mistake of his life.
He allowed himself to be pawed at by the thousands of people who loved him, but even as affection and devotion was bestowed on him from every angle, all he could feel was regret.
--
“So do you want to talk about what just happened back there or…?” Katie’s question slowed to a stop when Adam wouldn’t so much as look at her.
They’d just left the arena and were supposed to be on their way to meet their father and the crew for an after party dinner, but instead they were charging down the 405 freeway. Adam was breaking every speed limit in existence.
“Not really,” he answered absently.
“Where are we going?” Katie asked when he pulled off onto Florence Avenue. For a moment she thought they were on their way to the airport before Adam made a turn in the complete opposite direction of LAX. Katie’s wide blue eyes took in the sights. “Ew! Are we in…” She threw a look to Adam. “Are we in Inglewood?”
“Yes,” Adam answered, turning another sharp corner.
“Why?!” Katie looked back out of her window, taking in the sketchy neighborhood that was a far cry from the one she’d grown used to in the Hollywood Hills. When Adam came to a stop on a block where every single house had bars on the windows, she instantly took hold of the ‘oh shit’ handle on her door. “Why are we stopping?” She almost screamed when Adam opened his door and stepped out of the car. “What are you doing?” she cried.
“Stay in the car. Keep the door locked,” Adam demanded, before slamming the door closed and running up the driveway to the apartment he’d pulled up to.
Katie slammed her finger on the door lock button, sighing in relief when the familiar clicking sound confirmed that the doors were, in fact, locked. She leaned over the gearshift of the car and frowned as she saw Adam running into the open front door of a small apartment. Confusion seized her.
Her brother had officially lost his mind.
--
“Shaun!” Adam ran into the open
door of Shaun’s home and was stunned at the sight that greeted him. Her apartment was completely empty, all of her furniture was gone, and boxes upon boxes were scattered across her wood floors. Adam froze in disbelief.
She was gone.
A couple of men came into the room from the kitchen lugging a box, caught sight of Adam, and gaped at him silently.
Adam gaped back, and then shook himself back to reality. “The woman who lives here… I mean lived here… Where did she go?”
“Uh….” The movers looked at each other, then back at Adam. “No idea man. We just move the boxes.”
Adam ran his hands through his hair and turned toward the door, immediately rearing back when he was met with Katie’s unimpressed face. “Jesus,” he breathed. “I thought I told you to stay in the damn car?”
Katie stood with her arms crossed over her chest. “Is this Shaun’s apartment?”
Adam threw his head back. “Yes. This is her apartment. Or it…” He looked over his shoulder. “It was her apartment.”
“Well where is she?” Katie demanded.
Adam turned back to her and threw his hands out at his sides. “I know as much as you do, baby, I’m standing right here next to you.”
“So that’s why you had that freak-out on stage today and nearly killed us in your speed-demon race to get down here? You’re looking for her? You screwed something up?”
“Yes. I screwed up. I fucking screwed up,” Adam admitted.
“Jeez, Adam, what did you do?”
“Whose side are you even on? You didn’t even know her.”
“I don’t have to know her, Brother. I know how blissfully happy you were during that short time that she was around. I know that you just jumped into a crowd of people who could have easily killed you because you thought you saw her face at the show. I know you, Adam, and I know that you need to fix what you broke with this girl before it’s too late!”
Stereo Page 31
