by Maria Monroe
“Claire, I have to tell you something. And don’t judge, OK?”
“Uh oh. You’ve got me worried. And intrigued.” Claire set her phone down and rubbed her hands together excitedly.
Bella took a deep breath. “OK. So you remember how I spilled that bottle of expensive scotch and wrote that check to Kane?”
Claire nodded.
“Well, he didn’t cash it.”
“What did he do with it?”
“Well, here’s the weird part. Remember how you said I should just ask him to spank me instead, and you were totally joking?”
“Oh. My. God.” Claire’s mouth dropped open as she stared at Bella. “He didn’t. Did he? I can’t deal! Seriously!”
“I don’t even know how to say this!” moaned Bella. “We worked out an arrangement. Five sessions and we’d be even.”
“Wait. Sessions? What does that even mean?”
“He gets to punish me five times.”
“Jesus, Bella! Like what kind of punishment? Does he seriously spank you? Like, hard? What’s going on?”
Bella put up her hands in defense. “It’s… it’s hard. But really? I like it.”
Claire shook her head. “I don’t even know what to say. My mind? Blown.”
“The problem is that I kind of like him now, Claire. I mean, we have this agreement, which I know is weird and unconventional, but I have actual feelings for him suddenly. I don’t want to, but I do.”
“Unconventional? Uh, yeah.”
“Forget about that part, Claire! I just don’t know what to do. We’ve actually slept together too. Twice. But it’s really physical. It’s fucking without a trace of making love. Which is fine, if that’s all there is to it. But I’m having a hard time separating my attraction to him from my feelings for him. I like him. A lot. Even though he’s distant and arrogant.”
“Oh, Bella, I’m sorry.” Claire’s eyes were filled with sympathy. “What happens if you end the agreement early? Get out now to save your feelings?”
“He’ll cash the check.”
“Can you just get through the rest of the agreement, which I think is really weird, by the way? Put up, I don’t know, barriers around your heart or something?”
“I guess that’s all I can do.” Bella sighed and sipped some more of her coffee.
“Or. You could tell him how you feel.”
Bella almost spit out her coffee. “Oh, my god, no. That’s the last thing I would ever do. He’s so… Honestly? He’s really an asshole. Charles, his business partner, told me that Kane’s never had a serious relationship with a woman. He sleeps with them, and plays with them, but that’s about it. He doesn’t do relationships. And he’d probably laugh in my face if I told him how I feel. So you’re right. I’ll just finish the agreement and move on. Buy the house. Be happy.” Except she didn’t feel happy as she said it. She felt numb and sad.
“Oh, Bells. You don’t deserve to get hurt. If there’s anything I can do, tell me, OK?”
“I’m fine, Claire,” said Bella, forcing a smile onto her face. “Seriously.” But she wasn’t at all sure that was true.
* * *
On Friday, Bella put on one of the dresses Kane had bought for her. During the week, his driver had delivered all the clothes and shoes to her apartment. This dress was a simple dark blue, with a filmy skirt and fitted top. Bella noticed that all the dresses and skirts were fluttery, and she guessed it was because they’d be easier to lift up for a spanking than a tight skirt would be. Thinking about that made her heart pound, as it always did when she thought about Kane spanking her. Like he undoubtedly would tonight.
She headed over to his house and rang the bell. He opened the door, and Bella couldn’t help the small gasp that left her lips. Although she’d seen his chest before, it was hard to ignore how sexy it was, muscled and hard, his six-pack of abs so perfect. He was wearing a shirt, but it was unbuttoned, giving her a perfect view of his gorgeous body. Today he had on a pair of jeans that rode low enough so she could see the beginning of the trail of hair leading down…
“Hi,” she said, trying to rid herself of those thoughts.
“Bella. Come in.” He closed the door behind her. “Let’s go to the office.”
She followed him down the now familiar hallway and into the office.
“Sit down,” he said, gesturing at the couch. He sat in the armchair across from her. The same one, she realized, that she’d been in, legs spread wide, last week. “This is the second to last session we’ll have. And it’s occurred to me that although I’ve been punishing you, you’ve been enjoying these sessions. Is that true?”
“Well,” she said, “the punishments do hurt…”
“And yet you’ve orgasmed every time, have you not?”
Bella felt her cheeks grow warm. “I have.”
“Tonight, Bella, you will not orgasm. Do you understand? I will punish you. Hard. And there will be no pleasure.”
Bella felt stricken, but she managed to keep her face as calm as possible. “I understand.” It was his right, she knew, yet it felt so cold. So mean. Worse than the fact that he was going to spank her.
“Strip and lie face down on the bed,” he ordered.
Bella stood, turning away from Kane as she began to unzip the dress.
“Face me.”
Head down, she turned to face him, then continued unzipping the dress. She let it fall to the floor, then picked it up, hastily folded it, and set it on the coffee table. She unclasped her bra, folding it on top of the dress. Finally, she stepped out of her panties. She didn’t look at Kane the whole time, but kept her eyes on the floor. When she was done, she walked to the bed, aware that he was watching, and climbed up onto it, then lay down.
She could hear him go through a drawer, then felt him grab her right hand. He began to tie something silky around it. “I’m going to restrain you tonight, Bella,” he said, his voice low. He gently tugged on the silk tie, and when she glanced up, she saw him tying the other end to the metal eyelet at one of the corners.
“I’ll hold still for you, Kane,” she whispered.
“Perhaps,” he said. “Your punishment is going to be particularly hard tonight, though.”
She shuddered at the thought, but despite the fact that his actions confused her, despite her mixed-up feelings, heat rushed hard and fast between her legs.
He secured her left hand next, then her legs, which he tied to the ends of the bed so they were spread wide. She felt his fingers playing softly between her legs suddenly, making her jump in surprise.
“How does it feel, Bella, to know that you’re not going to come tonight?” he whispered in a low voice.
“Um, not good,” she managed to say.
“You like to come when I spank you, don’t you?” he asked, his fingers moving more quickly.
Bella squirmed as he massaged her clit. “I do,” she moaned.
“Tonight I won’t let you,” he said, withdrawing his hand suddenly. “Now let’s begin your punishment.”
Without warning, his hand landed on her right cheek, and she jumped and cried out, more in surprise than in pain. He spanked her left cheek next, then began alternating between the two, moving higher and lower as he left stinging redness all across her ass. He kept going, spanking her butt hard and fast with his hand, until she was moaning and whimpering in both pain and desire. But try as she might, there wasn’t enough friction between her clit and the silky bed to bring her anywhere near orgasm, as turned on as she was.
“Bella, my hand is getting tired,” said Kane suddenly. “I think I should switch to the leather paddle. What do you think?”
“Um, yes?” she said.
“Good then.”
She felt him drag the leather over her already sore ass a few times, and she quivered in anticipation of how it would feel. She didn’t have to wait long. In a few seconds he slapped it down, right in the middle of her butt. Then he began a slow bu
t steady rhythm of spanking her with the paddle, moving over her entire ass, not missing a single spot.
“Ow, Kane! That hurts!” she cried out.
“You know, by now, that it’s supposed to,” he replied, his voice so calm it almost made the punishment worse, or more embarrassing, at least. Then he stopped. “Ah. I almost forgot.” His tone let her know he hadn’t forgot anything, that this was all planned out.
A second later, she heard a buzzing sound. “Lift up,” he urged her, and she felt his hand near her right hip. Although it was hard to maneuver her body while stretched out, she managed to lift up her hips. He reached underneath her, and she felt a vibrator against her flesh as he nestled it right over her clit.
“Back down,” he ordered.
She let her body lie flat once more. “I can’t, Kane,” she mumbled. “I’ll come this way.”
“Don’t.” His voice was harsh.
“I can’t help it,” she insisted.
“Resist.” He brought the paddle down again, harder this time.
“Ouch!” she yelped. It hurt. Her ass was so sore already, and he was spanking harder now, so hard that she jumped with the pain of each smack. But the vibrator he’d forced between her legs was making it worse. Worse because she felt the sensation growing, both the spanking and the vibrating increasing the feeling of desire second by second. She wasn’t sure she could stop the orgasm. Wasn’t sure she could hide one if it came. Wasn’t sure what the consequences would be.
“Oh, god, Kane. Please,” she moaned. “I’m going to come.” She was growing closer and closer.
And then he stopped spanking her. Roughly, he reached between her legs and pulled the vibrator away.
“The belt, now,” he said, and she could hear him unbuckling it, then pulling it out of the loops of his jeans. A second later, she felt the hard, sharp sting as the leather bit into her ass.
“Fuck,” she hissed at the pain, her body writhing on the bed, but there was nowhere for her to go. No way for her to stop the spanking.
He brought the leather down again. Hard. So hard it felt like it was cutting into her. She knew it wasn’t, because he’d said he never break skin. But the pain was severe and for once, she didn’t feel even a hint of pleasure.
He whipped her with the belt again and again. Mercilessly.
It was too much. Bella knew she couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t identify how, exactly, but the punishment had crossed over into a different realm, one of relentless torment without any bliss. Kane was hitting her harder than ever before, cruelly and viciously. And Bella couldn’t take a second more.
“Stop, please, Kane.”
Once again the belt fell.
“Whiskey!” she cried out, uttering the safeword she hadn’t used up until now. The word that, somehow, she’d trusted Kane wouldn’t ever make her use. She’d been wrong. And foolish.
He stopped. Silently he untied the silk from the eyelets at the corners of the bed. And he left the room, closing the door behind him.
Bella stayed where she was for a long time, moving only to use her right hand, the silk still tied around it, to rub her ass, which was so sore. He hadn’t broken the skin; she peered over her shoulder to check. But it hurt, the sting taking a long time to subside.
Eventually she sat up, cross-legged on the bed, working the silk ties loose and tossing them onto the floor next to the bed. She’d never felt so empty. So alone. Yes. This was a real punishment. Exactly what she’d signed up for. But for the first time it really felt like it.
“One more week,” she thought, as tears filled her eyes. “Just one more week.” She slipped under the covers and cried herself to sleep.
* * *
The bad feeling from Friday night lingered through the weekend, so that everything she did the following week was tainted by the sadness and anger she felt toward Kane. She wanted to hate him. And part of her did. But she couldn’t help the fact that she still felt something for him. Something dangerously close to liking him. Loving him, if she were being completely honest. How that was possible, despite the fact that he was, for the most part, a jerk, she wasn’t sure. He was so hidden. So closed. So arrogant and brusque and unkind. Yet the tiny glimpses she’d had into who he was as a person, into the sadness in his past, were enough to make her want more from him. And as her grandmother had always said, “Your heart’s going to love who your heart’s going to love.”
On Wednesday, she was walking home from class when her phone rang.
“Hello?” she asked.
“Bella, hello.” It was Mr. Joseph, the old man who currently owned her grandmother’s house.
“Hi, Mr. Joseph,” she replied. “How are you? And your wife?”
He sounded sad. “Not good, I’m afraid. My wife broke her hip, and we had to move into the assisted-living facility. Our son was taking care of the house, and I told him to call you about buying it, but I’m so sorry to say he didn’t listen to me. He sold it to someone else, Bella, before I even knew what he was doing. The papers are all already signed. I’m so sorry.”
Her heart sank. It couldn’t be. Not only had she lost the house, but she’d suffered because of her deal with Kane, a deal she’d made in order to be able to buy the house.
“I’m sorry about your wife,” she managed to say.
When she hung up, she felt like throwing her phone onto the street and stomping on it. She wanted to break something. She’d never been so pissed—and sad and frustrated—in her entire life.
As soon as she entered the apartment, Bella burst out in tears.
“Bells! What’s going on?” Claire’s eyes were big with alarm as she pulled Bella into a tight hug. “Come here. Let’s sit down.” Claire led her to the living room couch.
“Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry, Bella!” said Claire after Bella had explained the situation. “I know how much that meant to you.”
“It makes it all so meaningless, you know? Everything with Kane, all the shit he’s put me through. It was for nothing!”
“Not nothing. You can invest the money. Or use it to buy another house.”
“I don’t want another house!”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Claire stroked Bella’s hair. “You could always end the deal. You’d lose the money, which would suck, but you could cut yourself loose from him.”
Bella was about to answer, when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” said Claire. A few moments later she returned with Charles. “I’ll be in my room,” said Claire, leaving the two of them alone.
Bella couldn’t help smiling at him, even though her most precious dream had just been crushed. And even though he was best friends with the biggest asshole she’d ever known. He swept into the room and sat down next to Bella.
“How are you, babe?” he asked. “Have you been crying?” He eyed her with concern.
She nodded. “Someone else bought my grandma’s house. Which is fine. It’s just a house.” Except it wasn’t. Still, she didn’t want to get mired down. It wasn’t worth it.
“It’s not just a house,” he said. “I’m so sorry.” He put his arm around Bella’s shoulders, and she leaned into him, enjoying the comfort.
“What are you doing here, anyway?” she asked.
“I’m not allowed to drop by on a friend?” he asked accusingly but with a grin. Then his face got more serious. “I have something for you. From Kane.” He handed her a plain white envelope.
“What is it?” she asked, taking it from him.
“Don’t know, babe.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t just have Bernie drop it off.”
“He did. But I told Bernie I’d take it instead.”
“You know he’ll be pissed when he finds out. He doesn’t like being disobeyed.” She rolled her eyes.
“Well, I can handle him. Plus he’s on a plane over the Atlantic right now. No worries.”
“Where is he going?” And why hadn’t
he told her he was leaving? Surely he wouldn’t be back by Friday. Didn’t she deserve notice that he wouldn’t be around?
“Back home. Scotland. It’s the anniversary of his grandfather’s birthday this weekend. He’s hurting.”
“Kane doesn’t hurt,” she mumbled.
“He does, though. He just doesn’t like to let on.”
“Could have fooled me,” she said under her breath. “Should I open this now?” She held up the envelope.
“If you want. Or after I leave. Whatever you prefer.”
Bella slid her finger under the glued-shut flap and gently unfastened it. She pulled out a sheet of white paper, folded in threes to fit into the envelope. When she unfolded it, pieces of torn paper fell out onto her lap. The check. It was the check she’d written him, ripped up. On the paper he’d scrawled, “I’m sorry for everything, Bella. Our agreement is over.”
She should be happy. It was done. The money was hers. Instead, though, all she felt was loss. Loss over the house, the money reverting back to her too late. And loss over Kane. Despite his gruff exterior, she’d seen something there, under it all, and she’d wanted to see more. There was no more chance, now, with him. Not that there had ever been. But in that instant she recognized how any other guy she dated, though she hadn’t been dating Kane at all, would pale, miserably, in comparison. Nobody would ever turn her on the way he did. Or make her soul break open, letting her emotions sore, like he had.
A tear slipped from her eye.
“The check?” asked Charles quietly.
She nodded.
“It’s a good thing, Bella. You’re free from him now.”
“Yeah. A good thing,” she muttered.
“You fell for him, didn’t you?”
Bella took a deep breath. “Yes. It’s stupid. I know that. But I couldn’t help it.”
“You can’t help how you feel, babe.”
“Kane can. He has, like, no emotions,” she said, her voice angry.
