by Maria Monroe
“He just hides them.”
“He’s just an asshole.”
“He’s cold. It’s true,” replied Charles. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this. I should let you just move on and put this behind you. Because nothing will come of it. But Kane cared about you. Cares about you.”
Bella rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Charles.”
“I’ve known him for a long time. I’ve never seen him as preoccupied as I have since things began with you. And I’ve never seen him drop a deal like this without demanding full payment.”
“It’s just because he’s done with me. Bored with me.”
Charles shook his head. “I don’t know why, Bella. But I think it’s probably that he’s confused, though he would never, ever admit that.”
Bella didn’t respond. She didn’t know how to respond. Part of her hoped Charles was right, but a bigger part refused to even entertain the notion. She didn’t want to be disappointed.
“It’s funny,” continued Charles. “When he first told me about this agreement, I warned him that you would get hurt. I never thought he’d be the one getting hurt.”
“I didn’t do anything to hurt him,” hissed Bella.
“Oh, I know that. He’s hurting himself. He just doesn’t realize it. For someone so smart, he’s very uninformed when it comes to emotions, especially his own. The truth is, he lives a very lonely life. He had his grandfather. They were very close. And his mother, though she lives in Scotland and he sees her seldom. And me. Max, if you count that. Everyone else is simply a business partner. Or a sexual partner. He’s quite alone, when you really think about it.”
“By his own choice,” said Bella.
Charles shrugged. “True,” he agreed. “I hope someday he’s willing to take a chance. Open himself up. And you? You are an amazing person, Bella. You are going to rise above all this and shine. Got it?”
“Got it,” she managed, forcing a smile onto her face. Except she wasn’t sure she’d be able to do that at all.
* * *
Bella couldn’t stop thinking about what Charles had said, about Kane needing to take a chance, to open up. About Kane being vulnerable and sad. About the fact that he wasn’t close to anyone. She’d seen hints of that. He’d told her he didn’t have relationships; he had partners. And it occurred to her that the one person he’d been closest to, his grandfather, had recently died. She felt her soul constrict as she remembered how she’d spilled the Mortlach. It was just liquor, sure, but it had real meaning to Kane. Like her grandmother’s house had meaning to her.
It was stupid, she knew, after the way he’d treated her, but she couldn’t help doing a quick search for ‘Mortlach 70’ on the Internet. Pages of descriptions came up, including lots of information about the history of the distillery. But that wasn’t what she was looking for her. What she hoped to find—a bottle for sale—wasn’t there. Not that she was going to buy one. That would be a stupid waste of money, especially considering what an asshole Kane was. But what if Kane wasn’t the only one who needed to take a chance? She could do it too, right?
No, she argued with herself. Not to the tune of twelve thousand dollars, or whatever the bottle was worth. And it wasn’t like she could find one for sale, anyway.
Sighing, she clicked on one more link, promising herself it would be the last one she looked at. It was an online auction site, set up, it seemed, specifically for the sale of hard-to-find liquor. And someone was auctioning off a bottle identical to the one she’d spilled. The top bid so far was six thousand dollars with twenty minutes to go.
Shit. She wished she hadn’t found this site. Or that she’d found it twenty minutes later, when it was too late to even consider buying the bottle. Quickly she considered. Let’s say she spent seven thousand. She’d still have thirteen thousand left. It was sick to pay that much for liquor, but every time she thought of how much it meant to Kane she felt nauseous.
Hastily, she set up an account on the site, then, hands shaking, she typed in her bid. Seven thousand dollars. Her bid was the highest, and she sat back in her chair, her heart racing.
“What are you doing?” Claire came into the room and stood behind her, looking at her screen. Bella wanted to shut the laptop quickly, but she also didn’t want to lose the site she was on.
“Nothing,” she said casually. “Just looking at that expensive scotch I spilled.”
“You’re bidding on it?” screeched Claire. “Tell me my eyes are wrong, Bella! You cannot spend thousands of dollars on a bottle of liquor. For someone who treated you like shit!”
“I know. I know,” insisted Bella, but at the same time she was typing in nine thousand dollars since she’d just been outbid.
“Stop! Do I need to tie you up until the auction is over?” said Claire.
“No. I’ll stop at ten. I promise.”
“Ten fucking thousand dollars? Are you insane?” Claire sounded like she was the crazy one, yelling louder than Bella had ever heard.
“Probably,” she muttered. “Dammit,” she whispered. She’d been outbid again. With shaking fingers, she typed ten thousand dollars, knowing it was stupid, and half hoping she’d be outbid again.
“Jesus, Bella, stop!” Claire sat down next to Bella. “We’re going to make sure you’re outbid, and then I’m closing your laptop. Do you hear me?”
“Fine,” whispered Bella, staring at the screen.
Someone else bid twelve thousand dollars. Claire snapped the lid closed. “It’s over, Bella.”
“Yeah. It’s over.” Bella sighed. She was relieved she hadn’t spent a huge chunk of her savings on a bottle of scotch. But at the same time, there was disappointment. She’d wanted to do this for Kane. It was stupid and extravagant, but it would have meant something. And she’d failed.
* * *
The next few weeks passed quickly. Somehow, Bella was able to put Kane out of her mind, for the most part at least, and focus on classes and her internship. She’d taken on extra jobs walking dogs too, mostly to stay busy. Anything to occupy her time and her mind so she wouldn’t wallow in self-pity over the house and Kane.
She was heading home one day, passing The Castle, when she heard it. Kane’s voice. Low and harsh and unmistakable.
“Bella.”
She froze, then turned her head toward his house. There he stood, in an exquisite suit, his dark eyes piercing as they looked into hers.
“Kane.” The word sounded cold, and she was glad. She wanted to keep all her emotion hidden. Just like he did.
“I, um, would like to speak with you,” he said.
Bella was surprised by the ‘um.’ Usually everything he said was spoken with such confidence. For the first time ever she heard uncertainty in his voice.
“Go ahead,” she said.
“Would you come inside? Please?”
She stared at him for a moment, taking in his suit, his face, the hard planes of his jaw. The body she thought of more often than she wanted to admit. “Just for a minute,” she finally conceded. She followed him into the house.
“Sit, please,” he said in the living room, gesturing at the couch.
“I’m not staying,” she said, but still she sat, right on the edge.
Kane sat in a chair facing her. He looked tired, his face haggard, though he was as always impeccably dressed in a perfectly tailored suit. Bella noticed that the check was missing from the coffee table, obviously, since Kane had torn it up and given it back to her. The bottle still sat there, though. Was he ever going to get rid of it?
“What does smelly belly mean to you?” asked Kane suddenly.
“Smelly belly?” asked Bella. “It’s what my grandma used to call me when I was really little, but how would you know that?”
“When I was in Scotland, I decided to try to find another bottle of Mortlach. I came across one available on an auction site.”
Oh, crap! Smellybelly was the screen name Bella had used when she
registered for the liquor auction website.
“I wish I’d realized sooner who smellybelly from Chicago was before I kept trying to outbid her.” Kane stared at Bella, his eyes intense, but a smile gentler than she’d ever seen before graced his face.
“I, um, yeah.” She wasn’t sure how to respond or even what, exactly, she wanted to say. “How did you know it was me?”
“The name. The location. And don’t forget, I’m a man of means. And ways.”
She didn’t want to ask if he’d tracked down her IP address or whatever it was people did.
“So is that the new bottle?” she asked, gesturing at the bottle on the table.
“It is. Although I ended up paying more for it that I would have if nobody else was bidding.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Bella, I…” His voice broke off, and he looked down at his hands, big and strong, in his lap. “To know you even considered buying the bottle, let alone actually tried to, means more to me than you know. I’m accustomed to deals. Arrangements. In my world, nobody does things for free. Nobody does things without wanting a favor in return. It’s rare for somebody to do something for me and ask nothing in return.”
He got up suddenly, returning with two glasses. He set them on the table and poured some of the amber liquid into each, then handed one to Bella.
“To you,” he said. “And your generosity.”
“Well, I didn’t get the bottle. And I ended up costing you more money. Again.” She rolled her eyes.
“Drink.” His voice suddenly took on an edge of command, like it had done when they were in their sessions.
Bella sipped the scotch.
“I have something for you,” said Kane. “Wait here.”
He left once more, then returned with a manila envelope and handed it to her.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Open it.”
She did, pulling out a stack of papers. Quickly she scanned them, realization dawning as her body began to tremble. It was the deed to her grandmother’s house. In her name.
“Kane, what did you… why… I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either,” he said with a wry laugh. “I am not one for grand gestures like this. But I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to buy your grandmother’s house for you, before it was too late.”
“Because I tried to buy the scotch for you?”
“No, Bella. I bought this before I left for Scotland.”
Bella glanced at the date. He was telling the truth. This had nothing to do with her attempt to bid on the Mortlach. She had so many questions, but before she could ask any of them, Kane grabbed her hands and pulled her up.
“I don’t know what happened,” he whispered, staring into her eyes. “I wanted you from the first second I laid eyes on you. And I loved punishing you from the very beginning. But at a certain point my feelings changed, and I’m sorry I didn’t know what to do with that. How to express it. I’m not good with feelings, Bella. I don’t usually know what to do with them. But I know I want to do this.”
Slowly he bent his head toward hers, and with a rush Bella realized what was happening. He was going to kiss her. Their first kiss. Which seemed weird considering the fact that so much had already happened between them. Still, it felt brand new the second his lips met hers, brushing over them so softly she could barely feel them. His arms went around her, pulling her body toward him. He kissed her harder, their mouths opening, their tongues finding each other. Bella was breathless, her entire body filled with passion and wonder that this was really, actually happening.
Kane stopped then, pressing his forehead lightly against hers. “Bella,” he whispered. “I think I love you.” He sounded surprised.
“You think so?” she said with a laugh.
“Yes. I think so,” he said with a chuckle.
“You’re not sure?” She didn’t want to press him, didn’t want to make him angry.
But Kane didn’t get angry. Instead, he held her face in his hands, staring into her eyes. “I would let you take that brand new bottle of scotch and pour it down the drain if it would make you happy,” he said. “I would let you read the first editions of all my books of poetry, while eating an ice cream cone. I would let you leave your clothes in a heap on the floor if that pleased you, Bella.”
“I guess you really do love me,” she whispered.
“I guess I do.” He brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, letting his fingertips linger on her neck.
“I love you too, Kane. I have no idea why, but I do.”
“Look, Bella, I’m a difficult person. I can’t promise things will be pretty. Or perfect. Or traditional.”
“I wouldn’t expect any of those things with you.”
“And I will still punish you, Bella. But I will always give you pleasure as well, pleasure like you’ve never felt before in your life.” His words were hoarse, and he whispered them into her ear.
“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” she whispered.
“I promise, Bella, I will never hurt you, at least not in ways you don’t enjoy. I will never lie to you. And I will do everything I can to show you how much I love you, even if the ways I do so are not quite conventional.” He pulled her toward him, putting his arms around her again.
When he hugged her, Bella felt like she was in a dream, like this moment was so perfect it couldn’t possibly be real. But the warmth and safety she felt was more authentic than anything else in her life.
“Now,” he said, “shall we go to my office?” His words sent tingles up and down Bella’s spine, and wetness surged between her legs. She’d missed this. She’d missed him.
“Yes, Kane,” she agreed.
They held hands and walked, together, down the hall. But when they got to Kane’s office, he stopped.
“What’s wrong?” asked Bella. Was he having second thoughts? What was going on?
In answer, Kane continued walking past the office door and to the stairs. Bella had never gone up them, had only seen the first floor of his house. They’d never spoken about it, but she’d known since getting caught in his office that being too curious in his home wasn’t acceptable. Now, though, he was leading her up the stairs, past black-and-white framed artsy photos that she was too nervous to really examine.
They continued until they entered a bedroom, which Bella assumed was Kane’s. In the center was a huge bed covered in crisp gray bedding, with gray and black patterned pillows. The wall behind the bed was done in black fabric, with swirled black designs scrolling across it. Bella’s feet sank into the plush silver carpet as she stepped inside the bedroom.
A walk-in closet was open, revealing rows of expensive suits and white dress shirts hanging up, and a warm glow emanated from the lamp on the silver bedside table. The room was modern and elegant yet comfortable. But Bella wasn’t sure what they were doing in his room. It was a huge change from where they usually went.
“Bella,” said Kane, stepping right up to her and taking her face in his hands. “Once you asked me if I ever have regular sex. Do you remember that?”
Bella smiled. “I remember. I also remember you didn’t answer me, Kane.”
“Yes, well,” he said, tracing her cheek and then her jaw with his index finger. “I don’t. Have regular sex.”
“Oh. OK.” For some reason Bella’s heart sank a little. She wasn’t sure why, since she enjoyed the sessions she’d had with Kane. Sexually, he more than satisfied her. So why did she feel deflated, even if just a little bit?
“I’ve never made love before,” he continued. “I’ve never loved a woman before.”
His lips on hers were so tender it almost took Bella’s breath away. She hadn’t known he could be this gentle. It was a new side of Kane, and she melted against him. Her body began to throb, and she could feel his cock harden, pressing into her stomach as their mouths explored each other.
“Do you know what I want to do to y
ou right now?” growled Kane, pulling her ass toward him abruptly, so his hardness ground into her.
“Um, spank me?” she asked. Wasn’t that what he always wanted to do to her?
Kane laughed out loud, the sound pure and happy. “No, Bella. I mean, part of me always wants to spank your luscious ass. But not right now.” He kissed her lips again, then her neck, his tongue rough on her delicate skin. When he gently bit her neck, she moaned, her head falling backward.
“What I want to do right now, Bella, is make love to you. You know. Regular sex.” He chuckled as he said it, lifting her up and depositing her on the bed. But deep down, Bella knew there would never ever be anything ‘regular’ about sex with Kane.
He undressed her slowly, taking his time, licking and kissing her skin until Bella felt like her whole body was going up in flames, until desire coursed through her veins like a drug, making her want more and more and more.
“Open, Bella,” he urged, pushing her thighs apart, and she obliged, heart thumping, entire body on edge. “I need to taste you,” he murmured, his breath hot between her legs.
His tongue flicked once over her clit, and Bella moaned out in pleasure. That. That was what she wanted. But he moved lower, dipping into her pussy, and she found herself writhing uncontrollably. His fingers toyed with her folds, finally separating them wide as he drove one finger deep inside her, his tongue moving back to her clit.
“Kane,” she whimpered. “Oh, god.”
“I want you to come like this,” he demanded.
“Yes,” she agreed, because her orgasm was growing already. It wouldn’t take long.
He sucked and nibbled on her clit while this time two fingers filled her, and when she felt a third finger pressing into her asshole, her entire body tightened, the pleasure growing until she was at the edge, falling over, coming hard and fast as she yelled out Kane’s name.
It was impossible. It should be impossible to feel like this. The orgasm lasted so long, longer than any she’d had before, and she was left weak and limp on the bed beneath Kane.
But it wasn’t over. Kane moved up along her body and kissed her lips. She could taste her own wetness on him, salty and sultry, could feel his cock, harder than steel.
