So, here I am, at the age of twenty-three with the luxury of having my own business, which was very successful, by the way. I grew up right here in Miami, Florida, where I attended Carol City High school. I had the two most beautiful women in my life, so there was no need for me to look for another woman. Meaning that I would never take these bitches out here serious. I couldn’t respect these bitches out here because they didn’t respect themselves. I felt as if the only reason they were actually trying to get with a nigga was because they knew that I had a whole bunch of damn money, and word around town was a nigga had a big ass dick, which wasn’t a lie at all.
As far as looks, I wasn’t no conceited ass nigga, but I knew I was a true gift from God and he had taken his time when he made me. Bitches loved my hazel eyes and shit, but the only thing I loved about them was what they could offer me, which was some pussy and head. I don’t think that I want to be a dog for the rest of my life, but I damn sure wasn’t about to stop doing the shit that I was doing until I met someone who I felt loved me for me. Living in this day and time, that shit was going to be very hard, so until then I was going to keep sticking and moving.
Right now, I was at Aventura mall with my sister, Shaniqua. I felt like I owed it to her to take her shopping because I felt bad that that nigga had put his hands on my sister. As the man in her life, since our father wasn’t here physically to protect her, I had to step up to the plate and always be there for her, and I felt like I had fucked up in a way. I knew the nigga my sister was dating, and I couldn’t stand his ass, but my sister was a grown ass woman and I couldn’t tell her what to do with her life. Hell, she was older than me, and wasn’t going to listen to my ass no way.
Shaniqua was dating some nigga name Travis, and he was a good dude and all, but clearly he didn’t know how to keep his hands to himself, and he liked to flex too much. Meaning, the nigga would go buy a damn Ferrari right now and drive the shit up and down the city so that everybody could see what the fuck he was riding in. I respected niggas who made their money in silence and didn’t have to make a scene all the damn time. If you know you’re making money, then why the fuck should you have to prove that shit to anybody? Besides, I felt like when he did reckless shit like that, he was putting my sister in a fucked up position because niggas knew that she was his girl, and to fuck with him, they would come for my sister. That’ s when we were going to have a damn problem.
Prior to the ass whooping that I gave dude last night, I fucked with him off of the strength of Shaniqua, but now the fool was dead to me, and it was Shaniqua’s decision to make if she still wanted to be with him.
“You done now? Damn we done went in just about every store in this bitch,” I said to my sister as we were walking out of the Louis Vuitton store. This girl had me going in all of these girly ass stores and I was ready to go and sit my ass down somewhere. I loved the mall and shopping myself, but damn, Shaniqua’s ass was on a whole other level.
“Yes, let’s just go to Chick-Fil-A and get something to eat, and then we can leave,” Shaniqua said, smiling.
I looked at my sister and just admired her beauty. I couldn’t see how a man would ever raise his fuckin’ hand to hit such a beautiful person. Shaniqua was tall like me, but she was about 5’7” and she had the body of a model. A few years back, she had cut her long hair and now she rocked a permanent short cut, similar to the one that Keri Hilson used to wear. She had the same hazel eye color as me, and often times we were mistaken for twins, that’s just how much we resembled each other.
“Alright because fuckin’ around with your ass, I’m hungry too,” I said and we made our way over to Chick-Fil-A as I held all of Shaniqua’s bags in my hands.
“Welcome to Chic-Fil-A, I’m Antonia, how can I help you?” the cashier asked, as she looked from me to Shaniqua.
I watched as the beautiful smile that she originally had on her face was replaced by a look of sadness. It was the girl from last night who I had helped get up because Lord knows I would have felt like shit if one of those bullets had hit her. Only reason the cops had started shooting in the first place was because of the shit that I was out there doing, so even though I didn’t know her, I didn’t want anything to happen to her off the strength of my shit.
I smirked as I watched her. Clearly, she had changed up her facial expression because she thought that Shaniqua was my girl, instead of my sister.
“Order what you want, baby girl,” I told Shaniqua, and when she finished ordering hers, I placed my order next. When we finished, we stood off to the side and waited for them to call our name.
Five minutes later, we were sitting down at one of the tables in the food court. I had pulled one of the chairs from another table and set all of Shaniqua’s bags down on it.
“Lil mama wasn’t feeling me being with you. You know her or something?” Shaniqua asked, putting a forkful of her salad in her mouth.
“Nah, I saw her yesterday and I helped her with something. Only encounter I had with her,” I told Shaniqua, as I put a shit load of ketchup on my fries.
“She’s beautiful, though, but she looks like a little ass girl,” Shaniqua said.
I didn’t even look at lil mama like that, but something told me to pause for a second and take her in. She was in her work uniform and had on the hat to match, where I could see her long hair pulled up in a ponytail. I watched as she never really made eye contact with any of the customers who approached the register. Lil mama had a story for real, and from her lack of confidence in herself, I could tell that she was going through some shit at home. It was like I was just able to see right through her. Shaniqua was right, she was beautiful, but she looked like a damn baby. I wasn’t about to get charged with no damn statutory rape. Hell nah, I was good on that one.
Chapter 3: Antonia
It was Saturday morning, and I was on the way to the bank to take out the money that I made while working and give it to my aunt. Only this time, I was taking a huge chance and keeping thirty-five dollars of it to myself. Not so I could go get my hair or nails done, or any of that shit that I didn’t care about, but I needed the money to pay for my application fee to the University of Miami.
I knew for a fact that if I wanted to go to college, I had to do the shit on my own, which is why every Saturday morning, I got my ass up and took my ass down to the Dade county library and applied for scholarships. That was the only way that I would get into college because I didn’t live in a household where I had parents who would pay for my tuition. I already knew that my aunt was going to want to know why my check was short this week, but I would just let her know that I was late one day to work because the bus came late, which caused for me to lose out on a few of my hours. Most likely she would buy it. It’s cray that I couldn’t even do what I wanted to do with my own damn money.
After I had taken the money out of my account at the ATM and left the thirty-five dollars that I needed, I was on my way to the library. I had faith in myself that I would get into UM, even if no one else did because most of my classes were Advanced Placement. Currently, I held a 4.3 GPA, and I had completed all of my community service hours last year by staying after school and helping teachers grade papers.
UM was the school for me because I was interested in their school of arts and sciences. I wanted to be a psychologist. Nowadays, I felt like kids didn’t have anyone to talk to about the problems they had at home, and I just wanted to be that escape for them. I had a story to tell, but I just didn’t have anyone I felt comfortable enough with to tell because I was afraid of their judgement or their retaliation. I was afraid that if I let a person in on too much about my life, they would have something to hold over my head, meaning if I were to ever fall out with that person, they would use my personal secrets against me.
Tacarra knew a little bit about the problems I faced at home, but I didn’t let her in on everything. Not because I didn’t trust her, but honestly I didn’t know whether she even cared to know.
About twenty minutes la
ter, I walked into the Miami Dade County library and went over to the back to use the computers. I had done my research, and today would finally be the day when I actually applied to my dream school.
You gone be just like us when you get older. What makes you think someone would accept your dumb ass into their college? You just need to give all of those dreams up, because it’ll never come true. You’ll probably fuck around and become an addict just like your damn mama. My aunt’s voice kept replaying in my head as I filled out my admission form. It’s like whenever I would sit down to do something big, I would always hear her negativity in the back of my head, trying to bring me down. It’s like those hateful words were embedded in my brain, and I couldn’t seem to get them out.
Thirty minutes later, I was finally able to finish the application, now all I had to do was get my transcripts when I went back to school on Monday. Now, this was the part where I waited. There was no need for me to stay at the library any longer because I had just about filled out all of the scholarships that I saw on the site. I stood up from the chair and put my book bag on my back and made my way out of the building. After I finished giving my aunt the money, I was going to head over to Tacarra’s to tell her about the good news. I knew she was putting in her application for Bethune Cookman, and I was so proud of her and hoping that she got in. I just hoped that she was just as excited for me as I was for her.
The apartment complex that I lived in with my aunt was only about five minutes away, but I was walking, so it took about fifteen minutes. It was the usual outside for a Saturday morning. Kids riding their bikes, men posted up on the wall smoking weed, and women walking around dressed half naked. I shook my head at the place that I called home and walked into the apartment, using my key. When I got inside, I noticed that there were two big suitcases by the front door. I looked around the room and saw my cousin, Porsha, sitting on the couch like she was about to go somewhere.
“Hey, you’re leaving or something?” I asked as I took my book bag off of my back and placed my key inside it. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. She hated my ass just that much.
‘Yes, Mama’s new boyfriend is about to take us all to Orlando,” she said.
A smile quickly formed on my face because I had never been to Orlando before. I had always seen pictures of the amusement parks, but to actually go there, I was way too excited. Hell, I would be excited just to go down to Deerfield beach because my ass had never stepped foot out of Miami.
“You can wipe that ugly ass smile off your face because you’re not going,” Porsha said with a chuckle.
I didn’t believe her, so I went in the back to find my aunt. I knew they weren’t going to take this trip and just leave me here by myself. I walked the hallway to my aunt’s room and knocked on the door.
‘Who is it?” she barked, causing me to jump at the sound of her voice.
“It’s me,” I said.
A few seconds later, she came and opened the door. She didn’t have the satin cap that she always sported on her head. This time, she had her hair in a wrap and was dressed nicely in a pair of jeans and a shirt. I looked at her with hopeful eyes, praying that what Porsha had just said wasn’t true.
“Where is my damn money?” she asked me.
I reached down in my pocket and handed her the money. I worked at Chic-Fil-A Monday through Friday, from 5 p.m. until 11 p.m. We got paid biweekly, so pretty much every two weeks, I was bringing home to my aunt about four hundred dollar bills. But this week, it was thirty-five dollars short. I watched as she counted the money and then looked down at me with a scowl on her face.
“Where is the rest of the money, little girl?” she asked and I knew that question was coming next.
“I was late the other day to work because the bus didn’t come until two hours later, so I didn’t get paid what I normally do,” I said, hoping it sounded convincing enough to her.
“Yeah, whatever. Your ass lucky I’m in a good mood today, or else I would have beat the fuck out of you for playing with my damn money. Get the hell out of my face before you make me change my damn mind,” she said.
I couldn’t just walk away. I wanted to know whether or not I could go on this trip to Orlando with them.
“Okay, am I going with you guys on the trip too? Because Porsha said that I wasn’t,” I said, twiddling with my fingers.
My aunt looked down at me and laughed, as if I had just told the biggest joke. I cringed because I didn’t know what hateful words were about to come flying out of her mouth.
“And bitch, she was telling the damn truth. My man said that he would take me and my damn kids to Orlando. Not the damn crackhead’s daughter who I had to fuckin’ raise because she couldn’t put the damn crack down. Get the hell out of my face, Antonia, and those crocodile tears aren’t going to change shit. Go sit your ass down somewhere!” she barked and slammed the door in my face.
I turned around and Porsha was standing there cracking up, holding onto her sides from laughing so hard.
“Did you think that I was fuckin’ playing with you?” she asked, still laughing.
I pushed past her and made my way to my room. My little cousins were all excited, jumping up and down on the bed, ready for Orlando. I got in my bed and pulled the covers over my head, silently crying. A few minutes later, I head a car horn blow outside, and that’s when everybody in the house started to hurry up and get ready to leave. I’m guessing that was my aunt’s boyfriend coming to take them to Orlando.
“And you better not have nobody in my fuckin’ house. We’ll be back Wednesday!” my aunt said.
I felt a body come and wrap their small arms around me and kiss my cheek. I knew it was my little cousin, PJ. I sat up in the bed and looked at him, wiping my eyes. I could tell that he was excited for Orlando, but could also see that a part of him felt sorry for me. I didn’t want him to spend his vacation worrying about me, so I had to say something that would get him to forget about me not going.
“Don’t worry about me, PJ, I’ll be okay. You just go to Orlando with your sisters and mom, and enjoy yourself. I’m pretty sure I’ll get to go the next time,” I said, hugging him and then kissing him on the cheek.
“I love you, Tonia,” he said and kissed me back.
“I love you more, now go have fun,” I told him, and he jumped off the bed and left the room.
A few minutes later, I heard he front door close. I jumped out of the bed, looked out the window, and watched as my family climbed into a black Escalade truck. A few tears fell from my eyes when the car pulled away. I just wished that I was able to be in that car with them. I would have felt a little bit better if my aunt had let me go and just made me stay back at the hotel or wherever they would be staying, while they went to the theme parks. This isolation that I was feeling right now, hurt more than any beating or any names that I had been called over the years. This right here really let me know that my aunt really didn’t give a fuck about me.
I closed the blinds and got my key from out of my book bag. I was just going to go and hang with Tacarra for a few and then I would head back home. Lord knows if I stayed in the house all day, I would walk around miserable and crying, and I didn’t want that. After I made sure that the apartment was locked up and everything, I was out the door.
I wanted to make sure that my appearance was somewhat decent when I came around Tacarra, now that I knew that she would put me on blast if I was looking crazy. It wasn’t much because I didn’t have much to choose from, so I had on a pink tank top from Aeropostale and a pair of denim skinny jeans, with a pair of pink sandals. I kept my hair in a long ponytail like how I always wore it and walked.
Tacarra didn’t stay far, so about ten minutes later, I was walking up to her house. Tacarra stayed with both her mother and father and she had a little brother, named Malik, who was in the fourth grade. They stayed in a single family, three bedroom, two bath home, the complete opposite of my living arrangements.
I knocked on the door and Tacarra’s
mother, Mrs. Scott came to the door with a smile on her face. Tacarra was the spitting image of her mother. They both had this rich chocolate skin, and boy were they thick.
“Hey, Antonia, how are you doing this morning?” Mrs. Scott asked me as she pulled me into the house for a hug.
I flinched and pulled back when her hand touched the sore spot on my back where my aunt had struck me with the belt the other morning.
“I’m doing okay. Is Tacarra here?” I asked her.
“Yes, she’s back there in her room. How’s your college application going? Did you put in your application yet for UM?” she asked me.
I smiled proudly, knowing that I had just done it this morning. She wasn’t even related to me, and this lady cared about me way more than my own flesh and blood did.
“Yes, I sure did. I went down to the library this morning and completed it,” I beamed.
“That’s great and I know that you’ll get in. Go ahead on to the back, Tacarra is back there,” she said.
I knocked on Tacarra’s door and she yelled for me to come inside. She was lying on her back, with her Mac laptop on her stomach as she listened to music. Every time I came into Tacarra’s room, I would always fall in love with it. She was so lucky to have not only her own room but also her own bathroom in it as well. Her room was painted pink and white and she had pictures of August Alsina all around and pictures of her and her other friends. I always wondered why there weren’t any pictures of me hanging up on her wall, but I never got around to asking.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Tacarra asked me as I took a seat on the chair that was pulled in at her desk.
“I just figured that I would stop by since everybody in the house went out of town to Orlando,” I said and she sat up in the bed.
“And they didn’t take you?” she asked me.
“No, but it’s fine,” I said, waving it off like it didn’t mean anything to me, when it really did.
Little Miami Girl: Antonia and Jahiem's Love Story Page 2
