Little Miami Girl: Antonia and Jahiem's Love Story

by Diamond Johnson

  We drove the rest of the way to her house in complete silence, except for my phone that kept going off in my pocket every five minutes. I knew for a fact that it was one of my hoes, and I knew that Antonia heard the vibration because she kept looking at me and shaking her head. We pulled up to her apartment complex a few minutes later and I parked the car in the middle of the parking lot like I always did. She picked up her purse and her papers from the floor, opened the door, got out and made sure to slam the door.

  I couldn’t even be mad at her because I knew she was pissed. I was going to give her space for a while, and then I would come back and apologize because I was a nigga who was man enough to know when I had fucked up.

  Chapter 17: Antonia

  I knew this shit was way too good to be true. Jah tried to act like he gave a fuck about me, knowing he really didn’t. Although he didn’t come right out and say it, I knew that he was with another girl earlier today. I didn’t care about that because he makes it very clear to me that we aren’t together, but I hated the fact that he felt the need to lie to me. I wanted Jah and I to be together, but I was not about to beg him to be with me.

  It’s been five months and I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that maybe he just doesn’t like me in that way or something. I was tired of the damn forehead kisses. I wanted him to take things with me to the next level, but honestly, at this point I didn’t think that it would ever happen. Maybe Tacarra was right after all, I was gullible as hell to think that this fine ass man would ever see anything in me.

  I used the key to my aunt’s apartment and let myself in. Porsha and my aunt were in the same spot that they were in when I left an hour ago. I really thought that I would be spending the rest of the day with Jah, but I couldn’t stand to be around his lying ass for another minute.

  “Aww, what happened? I thought you were spending the day with your man? What happened, he wanted to be with his other bitch today?” Porsha taunted from the couch.

  “Porsha, shut up because you don’t know what you’re talking about!” I told her.

  She jumped up from the couch so fast and rushed over to me then slapped the shit out of me.

  “Bitch, who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Get a lil dick in your life and you lose your damn mind! I’ll still fuck your ass up,” she said to me.

  “You’re just going to let her hit me like that?” I asked my aunt as I held my cheek.

  I don’t know why for a second I thought that my aunt would save me from this battle, hell she never has saved me from shit else in life.

  “Antonia, sit the fuck down talking to me, little girl. Damn, I’ll be so glad when you get your ass out of my house,” my aunt huffed.

  Fuck it, I’d had enough. “And what about Porsha? Will you be glad when she leaves too? Or will she ever leave? She’s twenty-four years old, still living with you, with no job, yet I don’t hear you asking her to leave!” I spat.

  I was just that pissed off with Jah that I was talking crazy to my aunt, knowing that she would beat my ass in the end. I watched as she stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. She came back a few seconds later, holding onto a wooden broom, with this crazed look on her face.

  “What the fuck did you just say to me? Repeat that shit again,” she said.

  I tried to walk around her but I was too slow because before I knew it, she swung the broom and it connected with my knees, sending a burning sensation through me. This was a wooden broom that she was about to whoop my ass with and I would have preferred the leather belt over this any day. I was so scared that all of a sudden I looked down and pee was literally running down the side of my leg. She swung the broom again and I wailed in pain, falling down to the floor. She had hit me so damn hard that the broom had split in two.

  “Don’t you ever question the way that I run my fuckin household! Porsha is my daughter and she could stay here as long as she wants to! I should have kicked your slut ass out of my house the minute you turned eighteen,” my aunt said.

  I lay on the floor, holding onto my legs because they hurt like hell.

  “Get your pissy ass up and go take a damn shower. You’re obviously smelling yourself because I don’t know who the fuck you think you’re talking to,” my aunt said.

  I stood up from the floor and ran to the back, going into my room. My little cousins were in their bed knocked out, so I had to get my pajamas out of my drawer quietly, so that I wouldn’t wake them. It didn’t matter how any good things happened to me, whether it be getting accepted into the college of my dreams or being awarded with the scholarships, my aunt still had a way in her to tear me down and make me feel like shit. The hateful things that she said to me were enough to make me hate myself.

  “Her crackhead ass mother should have still been here to raise this dumb ass little girl. I swear, I really be having to calm myself down because I really be about to kill this little bitch in here. Antonia never used to talk back, now all of a sudden she talking to me like she lost her damn mind in here. I promise you, she got one more time to come out of the side of her neck to me and she going to be joining her damn mama,” I heard my aunt say as I stood in the middle of the hallway and listened to her talk to Porsha.

  “You never say why you hated her mother so much, what did she do to you in the first place?” Porsha asked my aunt.

  I stayed in my spot because I really wanted to hear her answer. For as long as I can remember, my aunt has always talked down on my mom without giving me any sort of explanation and I wanted to know where all of that came from.

  “I could never stand that bitch. Grace was two years older than me and we only had the same mother. My father wasn’t around to do shit for me, but Grace’s father would get her every weekend and take her out. The bitch would always come back with some sort of new clothes and toys or some shit.

  “When we got in high school, it was this fine ass senior and his name was Tory Taylor. Tory was mixed with black and Indian. He would always wear his hair in these two big braids that went down to the middle of his back. Everybody in school wanted him, but I promise you that I was in love with this man. Not only was he fine as hell, but he also had money because word around school was that he used to sell drugs and shit. I believe it too because we were in high school and this man was driving a damn BMW.

  “Anyway, to make a long story short, Grace got with him, had a baby by him, and I’ve hated her ass ever since. She knew damn well how I felt about that man because I would talk to her about him almost every damn night,” my aunt said and I could tell that she was still hurt.

  “Wow, so that’s how Antonia gets that long pretty hair. She gets it from her father. What happened to him? Is he still alive?” Porsha asked.

  “No, he was murdered by some niggas when Antonia was only a month old. I’m guessing he must have left Grace stupid ass with some money because she up and moved to a nice apartment in Miramar. I honestly don’t know how she started with the drugs, but I’ve always assumed that she missed him so much that she just lost her damn mind. I hated that bitch so much that I would go over and support her damn habit. I was bringing cocaine, anything she needed because I hated that bitch and I felt like she was getting everything that she deserved,” my aunt said and a tear fell from my eye.

  This lady had played a huge role in the death of my mother. Instead of helping her, she supported her habit, which killed her in the end.

  “Damn. You hated her mama so much, so why did you volunteer to take Antonia in when her mom died?” Porsha asked. She was asking all of the questions that I had been dying to know ever since I was six.

  “I wanted to make sure that Antonia got what the fuck I got growing up. I didn’t live in a household where I had both parents, and my mom used to beat my ass for every little thing I did, but she never beat Grace because she knew that Grace had her father and she would tell him. Everything that I’ve done to Antonia, was something that was already done to me,” my aunt finished. There was a pause for a few
minutes and then Porsha continued.

  “Why didn’t you just put her in the system if you hated her that much? You didn’t think that she would have suffered enough there?” Porsha asked.

  “Yeah, she would have gone through some minor shit, like jumping from house to house, but I wanted her shit to be major and I wanted it all to be done at my hands. Believe it or not, Grace hurt me by getting with Tory and I wanted to hurt her daughter in the end. Dog eat dog world, and karma is a motha fucka,” my aunt said in closing.

  With my towel and pajamas in hand, I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I sank my body to the floor and cried my eyes out. I cried for a father who I now knew loved me and I cried for my mother. My aunt had instilled these negative thoughts in my head throughout the years, like my mother was some hoe who went around sleeping with random men, when all along my mother knew exactly who my father was and so did my aunt. My aunt took my life as a game and she passed the hatred that she had toward my mother down, and treated me this way for all of these years. I never knew that a person could be so hateful, especially toward their own flesh and blood.

  I stood in the shower, letting the water take me and my thoughts away. I thought about how my life would have been had my father still been here with me and my mother. I knew that the three of us would have been the perfect family. Sadly, I couldn’t remember any good experiences that I had with my mother. Like my aunt said, my father died when I was only a month old and I could remember things as far back as four years old, watching my mom sit on the floor, sniffing white stuff, that I used to think was baby powder. So, pretty much my whole life, my mother had lost her damn mind over the death of my father.

  It felt good to have some clarity, but it only made me long for my parents that much more. I wondered where my grandfather was or maybe even my grandmother. My aunt did say that my mom’s father would pick her up every weekend, buying her toys and stuff. It’s crazy because how would I even start the search for them?

  After showering and washing my hair, I stepped out of the shower, dried myself off and threw on my pajamas. I made sure to straighten up the bathroom and then I went back into my room and threw my clothes in the dirty hamper. I grabbed my phone from under my pillow and I went onto the internet. I typed in “Tory Taylor’s murder” and almost immediately, I was brought to all type of resources.

  I clicked on the first link, which was posted November 17th 1996. A picture of my father holding me as I slept in his arms was on the article, and as I looked at the picture, I noticed a tear fall onto the phone screen. I quickly wiped the phone with my shirt. He had his hair in those two braids like how my aunt said he used to wear it, with a smile on his face, as he held onto his baby girl. I hadn’t even read the article yet because I was so intrigued with the picture and amazed by how much I looked like him. I took a screenshot of the picture and scrolled down, to read the article.

  A Miami Gardens man, Tory Taylor, was shot to death in front of the Walmart Supercenter, while making a quick stop to pick up some milk for his newborn baby girl. Witnesses say that the 18-year-old young man was getting into his vehicle when they noticed two men get out of a car wearing ski masks and shot Mr. Taylor to death.

  I continued to shake my head because who the hell would do that? I clicked out of it and went to another link and after reading over five articles, they still didn’t find the men responsible for my father’s death. After staring at my father’s picture in my phone for about another two hours, I finally put the phone down and cried myself to sleep that night.

  Christmas Day

  I woke up the next morning to the sounds of my little cousins screaming to the top of their lungs as they opened their gifts in the living room. I got out of the bed and followed their happy voices. Even though I knew I would be waking up this morning to no gifts under the tree, I still loved to see other people happy, especially my three little cousins.

  I walked into the living room in a tank top with no bra on and a pair of shorts that I’ve had since like the fourth grade. When I rounded the corner and saw that Rick was sitting on the couch with my aunt, I quickly went to my room to put on something else. He hadn’t been back into my room in months messing with me, but he was still giving me these lustful stares. I threw on a sweater and some pants and walked back out.

  “Girl, you didn’t have to change. Nobody wanted to see shit your skinny ass got,” Porsha said.

  I waved her off because it was Christmas morning and I didn’t feel like dealing with her or her negativity at all today.

  I took a seat at the dining room table, hugged all of my little cousins and continued to watch them play with their new toys that they thought Santa had brought them. If we really wanted to be technical about the situation, I pretty much bought them these gifts from the money that I was giving my aunt every two weeks. Let’s be clear here, we were on section 8, so her rent was probably 100 dollars, if that a month, plus she got food stamps, so I know for a fact that my hard earned money paid for these gifts. I didn’t mind though, as long as they were happy but I did take offense to seeing Porsha sit with her new pair of shoes from Steve Madden, with the matching purse.

  “Tonia, look at my bike,” PJ said excitedly as he rode his Spiderman bike throughout the house, with the training wheels on them.

  “I see it. You’re a big boy,” I told him, as he rode the bike in the living room.

  Ciara and Allison were too busy playing around with their Barbie dream house to pay me any attention. What was so sad about this day was that I’ve never had a Christmas where I woke up to something. I remember being a little girl and I would ask my mom how come she didn’t get me anything, and she would always say that she had to spend all of her money on her “medicine”. So, for the past eighteen years, Christmas has been just another normal day to me. I would have been thankful for just a card, shit, anything.

  “Kids, put your toys up. We’re spending the day at Rick’s house for Christmas. He has a big pool, so pack your bathing suits,” my aunt told the kids and they took off running to the back. Even though it was Christmas and in the winter, that didn’t mean shit in Miami because it was still hot outside over here.

  Once the kids left, I stood up and placed my hands in my pants pocket. “Let me guess, I’m not invited, right?” I said, pretty much already knowing how this was going to go down.

  Laughing, my aunt said, “No wonder you got those scholarships, you are smart after all.”

  I nodded my head and pushed my chair into the table and made my way to the back of the room. Even though I hated my aunt for the things she’s done to me over the years and for the things that I found out weeks ago, it didn’t matter because no one wanted to be alone for the holidays. I didn’t have Tacarra to spend the day with, and Jah and I still weren’t talking, so it wasn’t like I could hang with him today. Well, he has been texting me lately, but I still wasn’t ready to accept his apology yet.

  I helped all of the kids get ready, putting their swim clothes in a duffle bag, and an hour later, everybody was out the door. I flopped down on my bed, and right when I was about to close my eyes, to sleep the rest of the day away, my phone vibrated. I looked at my phone and saw that it was Jah. I unlocked it and went to his message.

  Good morning, beautiful, and merry Christmas. You still mad at a nigga?

  Maybe I replied, even though I was happy he had texted me.

  I don’t know how many times I have to apologize, but I’m sorry for lying to you. Listen, I want to spend the day with you, plus I want to give you some gifts. Be ready in about another hour.

  Like the silly high school girl that I was, I jumped up out of the bed to find something to wear. All of the clothes that Jah had bought me for my birthday, I still haven’t worn yet because hell, I didn’t go anywhere, so there wasn’t anywhere for me to wear the clothes to. Since it was Christmas, I was going to go outside of my every day wear of sneakers and step my game up a little bit. I went into the closet that I share
d with my three cousins and went toward the back where I kept my clothes. I decided on an all-white, strapless romper, that was long pants and a pair of gold sandals. I laid the outfit out on the bed and took a quick shower.

  After I brushed my teeth and things, I decided to do something different with my hair. Since seeing the picture of my father, it made me fall in love with that man, so I switched things up a bit. I parted my long hair down the middle and did two big braids in my hair, like how my father used to wear his hair, only mine was longer.

  By the time I finished putting on lotion and getting dressed, I received a text from Jah, letting me know that he was outside. I wrote a note and left it on the fridge, letting my aunt know that I would be gone for the day, just in case they got back home before me. I knew that she wouldn’t give two fucks about where I was, but I still did it anyway.

  After locking up the door, I walked outside and took the stairs. I saw Jah standing there against the wall, talking to some of the men who were always out here. I stayed back and watched. A few seconds later, his eyes fell on mine. He smiled at me in appreciation, and I’m guessing that he liked the look that I had going on. I watched as he dapped his friends up and then he came over to me.

  All the anger that I had in my body floated away, once he flashed that smile at me, showing off those gold teeth. Jah looked very handsome in his all black polo sweat suit, with the red polo emblem on the jacket and a pair of red huaraches on his feet. He had his dreads pulled up in a ponytail and my God, he was just too damn fine for words.

  When he made it over to me, he pulled me into a hug, wrapping his strong hands around my waist and I wrapped mine around his neck. In that moment, nothing else in the world mattered to me as I stared into his hazel eyes. Before I knew it, my lips met his outside, in the middle of the day, for everyone to see. We kissed like two loves who hadn’t seen each other in years. I could hear his homies in the back yelling shit out and cheering Jah on, but I was trying my best to tune them out as I passionately sucked on Jah’s tongue, not caring who saw.