A Breath of Innocence

by K. A. Merikan

  He undid the buttons and was about to banish the shirt to the deepest depths of his wardrobe when someone knocked. He invited Nisha in without thinking but froze when it wasn’t his best friend who entered. Suddenly he wanted to cover his nipples.

  “Hey, I know I’m a bit early.”

  Leon smiled at Griff, leaving him at a loss for words. They’d first met last year at an event hosted by Griffith’s parents. Many prominent guests had been invited, including a high-level Greek diplomat, and Leon, his son. That was when the two of them had met and bonded over a shared love of scallops.

  One topic had led to another, and half an hour later, they’d snuck out with a bottle of prosecco Leon had gotten for them with ease since he’d been twenty-two at the time. It was the first time Griffith had ever had alcohol other than a sip of beer and wine here and there, and it unwound his tongue to the point where he complained about his home schooling, and just how much he couldn’t wait to go to university.

  But even then, Leon hadn’t seen him half-naked, which made the present situation painfully awkward. “Hi. You’re.... not dressed up,” he said, taking note of Leon’s outfit, which consisted of a red long-sleeved top and black jeans.

  Leon laughed and pointedly put a headband with plastic red horns on his newly shaved head. “Wow. Your conversation skills have really improved since the last time we met.” He winked at Griff and strolled through the room. Without asking for permission, he dropped to Griff’s carefully made bed. It had to be a Greek thing that he was so casual about someone else’s space.

  He looked classy, even though Griffith felt the slightest bit offended that Leon hadn’t made more effort with his costume. But then again, who was he to police other people’s choices if he’d much rather not be judged on his own? He looked back into the mirror and pulled off the pink shirt, nakedness be damned, because he needed to change before anyone else arrived.

  “Whoa! Undressing already?” Leon said and poked Griff’s shin with his foot.

  Griffith’s cheeks burned, but he just went with it and pretended nothing was amiss. It was weird to change with a hot older guy watching. Leon was a bit of a mentor for him, and since he also studied law, he’d shown Griffith around campus and given him some good pointers about cool restaurants, cafés and hangouts.

  “You caught me in the middle of things,” he said and quickly put on the white shirt he’d prepared for his Draco Malfoy costume.

  “I can help.” Leon got up and walked right past Griffith, opening his wardrobe without asking.

  Griff was close enough to smell his cologne, and he leaned half an inch closer to Leon’s back to try and recognize the scent. It was a game he liked to play around attractive men, and this time he was pretty confident Leon was wearing either Armani or D&G. Then again, his belt was D&G, so he might have chosen the same brand. He frantically put on his Slytherin tie, trying to rein in his visceral reaction to Leon’s presence in this closed bedroom.

  “What is this? Griff, you’re killing me!” Leon laughed out loud and pulled out a pair of orange shorts with a pheasant print.

  Griffith stiffened, for a moment unsure what to say. Those shorts were the coolest thing ever, and he’d bought them after seeing the same piece in an amazing magazine feature.

  He hadn’t worn them yet, for reasons similar to why he hadn’t yet worn the dachshund shirt. “It was a gift,” he said in the end, briefly glancing into his closet and already dreading the comments that would soon fly his way. He grabbed the woolen vest and was about to pull it over his head when Leon stopped him with a gesture.

  “Whoa, what do you think you’re doing?”

  Griffith opened his mouth like a fish. “Um... I’m Draco from Harry Potter. That’s the uniform.”

  Leon rolled his eyes as if he couldn’t get over Griffith’s geekiness. “Oh, come on, don’t tell me you were going to wear the robe too!”

  Griffith had planned just that. His robe was waiting at the very end of the rail inside the fitted wardrobe along with other things he only wore occasionally. But now, looking at Leon’s mocking smile, he was starting to doubt his choice of costume. Should he have chosen something way more casual, like the horns Leon himself wore with his simple yet sexy outfit?

  Leon spoke before Griffith produced an answer. “This isn’t Comic-Con. Nobody’s going to award you for looking the part. You need to be a hot Slytherin. Okay, now we’re talking,” Leon said, pulling out of the wardrobe a casual black suit jacket Griff had gotten from his dad before leaving for uni. “No vest, and wear this instead of the robe. It’ll be hot.”

  Griffith’s mouth dried out as if the heat in his face were the sun, making all his saliva vaporize. Did Leon just call him hot?

  Probably another Greek thing?

  “You think? Won’t it look formal?”

  “Nah! I’ll show you.”

  Leon stood behind Griffith and helped him don the jacket, but when their gazes met in the mirror, nothing seemed obvious anymore. How hadn’t Griff noticed before how green Leon’s eyes were? Choked by the intense scent of cologne, he gasped for air when Leon turned him around. They stood way too close, and when large hands rested on Griffith’s hips, hot frost turned his muscles into ice. Leon smiled, seemingly unbothered by how boldly he was invading Griff’s personal space. “And now we’ll make it more casual by rolling up the sleeves.|

  The unexpected touch burned Griffith through the clothes, and he still felt it when Leon took hold of the fabric of his jacket and proceeded to efficiently roll up one sleeve. His fingers were thick, and every time they as much as brushed Griffith’s arm through the thin shirt, the temperature around them went up.

  Finding it awkward to stare into the muscular chest, Griffith looked up, mortified when Leon met his gaze with a wide smile. His dark stubble and sharp, handsome features made him look more mature despite the small diamond stud he stubbornly wore in his ear.

  “I’ve always thought you are very handsome,” Leon said. He didn’t smile this time, but kept the eye contact, confusing Griff further.

  Griffith laughed, desperately trying not to make this weird. He liked Leon, and he didn’t want him to get ideas that would ultimately end up with their friendship crashing and burning. “So are you.”

  “I was hoping you’d think that.” Leon slipped his hand under Griff’s jacket, up his side, and before Griff could comprehend what was happening, Leon leaned in to kiss him on the lips.

  This was definitely not a Greek thing.

  Griffith’s heart stopped, only to then tremble in his chest. The spike in adrenaline left him with an empty mind and a sudden breathlessness when Leon pulled him in and slipped his tongue past Griffith’s lips. It felt oddly cool in the heat of Griffith’s mouth, and he rapidly pulled back, knowing only that this needed to stop.

  “No. I—”

  “Hm?” Leon raised his eyebrows and nudged Griff’s nose with his own while he wrapped his arms around Griff’s waist. “Nothing to shy away from, baby boy. I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

  No. He had definitely not been looking at Leon that way.

  Well, maybe he had. Sometimes. But he’d done it out of appreciation for a handsome face and an attractive, athletic body. He wasn’t in love with Leon or even aware of the possibility that Leon could be anything but straight.

  The arms, thicker than his own and holding him so securely, didn’t budge when he tried to pull back, and he took shallow, frantic breaths as he twisted his face away from the kiss that was almost as disappointing as that little smooch he’d once gotten in Kindergarten. “I... I’m sorry but this is a mistake.”

  Leon sighed deeply but didn’t seem particularly flustered over having just come out to Griff. “You haven’t told anyone yet, have you?”

  “Told anyone about what?” Griffith whispered, trapped in the firm hold, too close to a body that wasn’t familiar but which was already making him feel all kinds of strange. That cologne smelled really good.

  “That
you’re gay.” Leon raised his dark eyebrows expectantly, and Griff’s lungs constricted, making it impossible to breathe.

  He wasn’t even exactly sure himself of his own sexual identity, so how could Leon say that with such confidence?

  Griffith shook his head rapidly and pulled, but Leon didn’t let go, still keeping him entrapped. Griffith’s mind served up no suggestions for getting out of this conundrum with his dignity intact. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I won’t tell anyone about you. It’s a promise.”

  Leon eventually released him, casually as if none of this were a big deal. “I should hope so. I like to be discreet about my private life. Are you freaking out? It’s okay.”

  Griffith could roll up the other sleeve himself.

  “I think we need to help Nisha out with the food. She can’t do all the finishing touches on her own, right?” he asked, walking past Leon with a smile that made his face throb with discomfort.

  He needed to address this but didn’t know how to. If Leon could read Griffith’s behavior so well, so would other people. Someone could make an insinuation to his parents, and he wasn’t ready to deal with any of this yet.

  Leon followed him to the door. “I might have jumped the gun, I get that. But for the record, I think you’re stupidly hot, so hit me up whenever.”

  Griffith laughed awkwardly, unsure what to say, but Leon’s words added spice to the blurry soup that was his brain. He didn’t have the time to consider any of that stuff right now. He did think of guys in a sexual way—yes, but he’d never had any desire to really go there. He wasn’t ready to confront what that meant, he didn’t want to discuss it with anyone, or think of how his sexual interests could affect his future. Most of all, he didn’t want to analyze what pushed Leon to make this move tonight after being a friend since they first met.

  And yet, the knowledge that this handsome older guy was interested in him had Griffith feeling both hot and cold. Leon was so available, in the same social circles, and if Griff only said the word, Leon would surely invite him to his flat where they would not be disturbed.

  Maybe this way he could put his fantasies to the test and see if the things he liked watching on free porn sites (he was too nervous to pay for dirty movies with a card) were something he actually enjoyed in real life.

  He could do it if he wanted to.

  But what would that mean? What if Leon became serious about Griffith, and the feeling wasn’t mutual? They could be heading for disaster and would have to continue living in the limbo of awkwardness.

  “I have paper straws. Apparently they’re better for the environment,” Nisha said with a grin the moment Griff and Leon entered the sitting room. It looked like she’d gone with the ‘slutty Hermione’ outfit after all. Plaid miniskirt, deep V-neck with nothing but a bra underneath and a slim tie in the Gryffindor colors.

  “Not too sexy?” She made a twirl, oblivious to the fact that Griff had just been kissed for the first time in his life.

  And he couldn’t tell her.

  *

  Griffith and Nisha had taken a cab from Marks & Spencer to transport all the snacks and appetizers they’d purchased for the party. A wide selection of canapés and other finger food would cater to all dietary needs. The food was appropriately labeled too, because nothing spoiled a party quite like an allergic reaction or a vegan who’d found out they had just eaten a ‘carcass’.

  To be perfectly honest, Griff wasn't entirely sure which one was worse.

  Since both him and Nisha had chosen to dress up as Harry Potter characters, the same book series had inspired most of the decorations. They’d had Nearly Headless Nick’s photo printed on a piece of fabric and had hung the fabric between the lamp and the wall in the dance studio, but all other decor they’d gotten from online stores and charity shops. They had gone all out and had even taken the batteries out of the smoke detectors to allow for candles on the mantelpiece, but an hour into the party, their guests weren’t quite the rowdy student crowd Griffith’s fantasies had promised him.

  Sure, people were chatting to each other, but their acquaintances from uni were quite conservative in their choice of costumes (so he was glad he hadn’t gone crazy with his), no one was playing darts, and hardly anyone was eating. It felt more like one of his parents’ parties, only on a budget.

  “People aren’t having fun,” he whispered to Nisha and tried to soothe his anxiety with one more mini-quiche.

  “I know,” she squeaked back to him. “But I’m working on it. I invited some of our friends from the dance classes. They’re in Bristol for the night. Maybe they can liven things up.”

  Griffith pressed his hand tightly against his chest and briefly met the green gaze watching him from across the room. He could still feel Leon’s tongue on his. God. He really wasn’t sure what to think about all this, so he distracted himself with more conversation.

  “We should have gotten more wine.”

  “I’d say more vodka.”

  Griffith rubbed his forehead and went for another round he felt obliged to do as a host. He talked to Red Riding Hood (a red cape worn over a little black dress) and The Wolf (fur hat), then exchanged a few words with a law school friend who came dressed as himself, which he seemed to find hilarious for reasons Griffith couldn’t fathom, and then fled from Leon into a circle of people who talked about some guy who’d come to class in a bathrobe as a prank.

  He listened, smiled, and made sure to offer everyone more drinks, cringing each time someone suggested the possibility of going out for cocktails ‘in an hour or so’. Even the guests hated his party.

  “You’re really nice… for a Malfoy,” Tim laughed. At least he guessed what Griff’s costume was.

  Nisha rushed past him, and whispered into his ear. “They’re here.”

  Could this possibly save the night? Griffith didn’t have all that much hope anymore. He was a bundle of anxiety despite the drink he’d had earlier.

  But even still in the corridor, the fresh blood was already louder than the stiff group of law and business students gathered in the dance studio.

  Now that Griff thought about it, there were fun people in his classes he could have invited instead, but he hadn’t since he didn’t associate with them for fear of getting distracted from his studies. Yet another mistake added to a long list of bad choices.

  But when he spotted Kenneth in the doorway, his face brightened at the sight of his old friend. Holding one arm over his girlfriend’s shoulders, Kenneth showed him the shaka gesture, stepping inside in just a pair of swimming shorts, and with a miniature surfing board hung from his neck. “Aloha, my friend!”

  Griff smiled and pointed his wand at Kenneth. “Alohamora!”

  Kenneth’s girlfriend started laughing hysterically, and her red face suggested she’d gotten merry at their previous pit stop. “What are you trying to open? His trousers?”

  Griffith’s fingers twitched, and he almost dropped his wand, but being among people he danced with made him feel much more at ease. “I’m opening all those bottles Nisha told me you’re bringing.”

  That comment made their guests livelier. In the end Nisha also managed to talk Griff into changing his ‘spooky’ playlist to a more generic ‘Top Pop’ station. The party lost a bit of its atmosphere, but since everyone seemed to enjoy themselves more after the changes, he wasn’t bothered anymore. The treats began disappearing from platters, and everyone had a drink in hand. Most importantly - no one was leaving.

  With a bit of a lighter step, Griffith walked up to a small group consisting of people he didn’t know well (or at all) and joined them with the smile of a self-satisfied host.

  “...I asked him if I could try it on, but he said it was real,” a girl dressed up as Black Swan—black tutu included—spoke. “I didn’t believe it, so I asked him how he lost his eye, and he told me he fell off a boat. I was so embarrassed when he got so serious.”

  Griffith’s heart stopped. Had those people met Mark somewhere on
the way? He glanced toward the window, in hopes of spotting their neighbor across the courtyard, but the flat was drowned in darkness.

  Had Mark decided against coming over after witnessing the slow start of the party? Was he having fun at some club instead?

  “I asked him too,” said a guy dressed in Wally’s stripey red-and-white getup. “He said he was attacked by a crow when he was eating a Greggs sausage roll.”

  Griffith looked around, his heart beating faster until it stopped once he spotted Mark lounging on the sofa. With one arm laid along the backrest, hands clad in black leather, he spoke to a pretty girl from Griffith’s law course, Chiara. Mark’s hair was slicked back, and paired with the black turtleneck and narrow trousers in the same color gave him the look of... What was his costume actually? Mark even had a plastic gun sticking out of a holster under his armpit.

  And when a third person said Mark had told them yet another version of the origin of his eyepatch, shame twisted Griffith’s guts. It was such a disaster. Everyone just assumed Mark wore it as part of his costume, and they didn’t know how rude a question it really was.

  Leon and a girl he was chatting to obscured Mark from Griff’s view when they too sat by the coffee table, so Griffith quietly backed out of the conversation and headed that way. It was only polite to go greet Mark.

  As soon as he approached, Mark’s gaze met his, sending a hot shiver down Griff’s spine. It was as if he hadn’t just gotten noticed, but seen. Mark even smiled at him, as if they had never been mortal enemies.

  Griffith waved at him instead of saying hello. “I thought you wouldn’t come,” he said, leaning toward Mark so that they could comfortably hear one another. Maybe it was his imagination, but he could sense the heat radiating off Mark without even getting all that close. The simple black turtleneck Mark wore was tight enough to emphasize his figure, and Griff forced himself to stop thinking about the abs hidden beneath the fabric, because tonight’s fiasco with Leon had been enough. He needed to stop perving on Mark.