A Breath of Innocence

by K. A. Merikan

  Griffith chuckled, and his cheeks, which were pink from the cold anyway, shone even brighter. “Don’t check. Just wait until I’m back.”

  Mark shook his head. “I’ve got my eye on you.”

  Griff just laughed it off and joined the crowd. He was most likely heading off to get Mark a Christmas gift. Which reminded Mark he didn’t have one for Griff yet. He’d been mulling over getting something special—but not too romantic, not too practical, not boring, not cheap, not too expensive. The complicated nature of choosing something exactly right was messing with his head.

  He needed a distraction, so after a quick stop at the bookstore, he got himself mulled wine, sat in a booth with a view on the moving moose figure above the bar, and called Seth, hoping to catch him in these few minutes he had to spare.

  Seth answered after just two rings , and a moment later, Mark’s screen filled with a beautiful sun-kissed view from their Buenos Aires terrace. Seth winked at him from behind a white cup, that likely contained coffee, considering that it was morning there.

  “Wow, you must be freezing!”

  “It’s cold, but I’ve got a hot wine drink. And this.” He pulled the Secret Chef book and showed it off.

  Seth’s smile got so wide it barely fit on the screen. “Oh, my God! That’s so cool. We worked so hard to get it done so quickly. Dom had to pull a few strings to make it in time for Christmas. And it’s released in more countries than I remember. I’m already working on the book to come out in spring.”

  “Yep, your abs are everywhere. I bet it’s gonna be a staple in every gay man’s kitchen.” Mark moved his phone around to show his surroundings. “I’m at a Christmas market. They even have a whole stall with Italian sweets.”

  Seth sneered. “Oh, no. Don’t buy that. I bet it’s the kind of mass produced stuff that’s not even fresh. I’ve seen something like that in Paris.”

  Mark rolled his eyes. “It’s sweets. How bad can they possibly be?”

  “Barf-worthy,” Domenico said, emerging in front of the camera, so close that his long hair obscured Seth for a moment. Topless, he wore only his golden cross and chain, and also had a cup of steaming coffee. “Go to a café.”

  “There’s a really good one just around the corner from where I live. It’s got all those artisan cakes. You would have loved it. We go there all the time.”

  Seth paused and cocked his head. “Who’s we?”

  Domenico’s eyes narrowed, and he sipped his beverage with a deep frown. “Out with it. You finally met someone. I see it on your face, so don’t try to deny it.”

  Mark groaned and was about to do just that, especially that there wasn’t actually anything going on between him and Griff since the gigantic cock-up, but he’d taken too much time with the answer. They’d know he was lying.

  “It’s not really going anywhere.” He had some more wine to warm himself.

  Domenico shrugged. “What does that even mean? I don’t recall you ever having trouble with men or women.” He stilled. “Is it a woman? Is that why you don’t want to tell us?”

  “Domenico’s over this already,” Seth said reassuringly.

  Mark leaned back against the wooden bench. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just window shopping anyway.”

  “You did say ‘we’. You mean you’re sampling all the goods on offer and that café is your favorite trap?” Domenico asked, laughing as he nudged Seth with his elbow.

  Mark smirked and shook his head at the sight of Seth sniggering. Those two were ridiculous at times. “No, I mean I don’t know if what’s err… on offer, wants to be bought.”

  “Are we gonna be doing riddles now?” Seth asked.

  Domenico finished his coffee and pulled a plate full of pastries into Mark’s view. All homemade. “Go on, tell us. Are you two in class together?”

  Mark glanced into his cup, itching to tell them everything—since he had no one else to confide in—but dreading what they would think if they found out whose brother Griff was. “No, I may have jumped the gun a little. I messed it up. But he’s so fucking sweet he still wants to see me all the time.”

  Seth wiggled his eyebrows. “So it’s a guy…”

  Domenico tapped his finger against the table and spoke with his mouth full of pastry. “Hang on, you tell me what it means that you jumped the gun. Is he a breeder?”

  Mark sneered at the horrible term. “Definitely not. He’s just… a bit inexperienced. I pushed things too quickly, and now we’re just friends.”

  “He is legal, right?” Seth asked.

  “Oh, my God. Yes, he’s legal. Jeez.”

  Domenico raised his arms. “I can’t believe this shit. Do you hear yourself, Mark? If he can’t make up his mind, you need to think for him. Push things where they need to go, because he clearly won’t.”

  Seth groaned. “I don’t know, Dom. Maybe he should give the guy some time.”

  Dom shook his head. “How much time can a man wait? No one died from a bit of discomfort.”

  Seth just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms on his chest.

  “He’s not like us, okay?” Mark had to take a deep breath to not raise his voice. “He’s sweet, and shy, and nervous, and I can’t just lead him where he doesn’t want to go yet.”

  Domenico sighed. “Why not? You know what you’re doing. He’ll like it.” His gaze briefly moved to Seth, as if in search of support, but there was none coming.

  Mark sighed. “I don’t know anymore. I may have done something… weird, and scared him off.”

  That did peak Seth’s interest. “What did you do, Mark?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” What was he to tell them? That he spontaneously decided Griffith’s toes were so cute he wanted to worship them, so he’d sucked them? He still wasn’t sure where that urge had come from, but now it kept invading his mind. It went so far he’d dreamed of Griffith getting him off with his foot just last night.

  “Now it’s getting good. What kind of freaky shit did you get into now that you’re in a big, sinful city?” Domenico asked, clearly so amused he’d get some popcorn if he didn’t have a whole plate of sweet stuff in front of him.

  “I said it doesn’t matter. But… I’ll be staying here for Christmas. Hope you don’t mind? I kinda want to see what happens.”

  “But you have to come for Angelica’s birthday, okay?” Seth asked.

  Domenico shook his head with a mocking smile. “Nothing’s gonna happen if you don’t make it happen. I’m telling you this, because I know,” he said and put his arm over Seth’s shoulders.

  Seth gave Dom a peck on the cheek. “I won’t deny it, I can be pretty indecisive. If he’s giving you those long looks and keeps going out with you even after some kind of sexual fiasco, I’m betting he’s into you. What do you have to lose?”

  Griff. He had Griff to lose.

  “I’ll sleep on it.”

  Dom grinned. “Better yet, sleep on him.”

  Mark shook his head. “Byeee!”

  He finished the call but Seth tried calling him back right away. Mark picked it up with a deep sigh.

  Domenico knocked on the table in front of him. “Earth to Mark! If you really want to be a gentleman, invite him for dinner. Two glasses of wine should loosen him up enough. Can’t believe you’re allowing some kid to make those decisions. Fuck him or move on. You need for something to happen in your life, or you might be stuck in limbo for weeks.”

  “You give the worst advice, you know that?”

  Domenico leaned back. “Okay. If you really like him, you need to invest. Treat it like a business. Instead of carefully treading around him like a girl, make your move. Launch a campaign. Be aggressive.”

  “What if this business is like… artisanal, you know? Doesn’t want to be bought out by the big bad developer?”

  Domenico frowned. “Everyone has a price. You just need to guess right.”

  Mark finished his mulled wine, wondering what Griff’s price could be. Maybe there was a bit of truth in wh
at Domenico said? What would Griff want in a boyfriend? “I’m not a mind reader. How do I know what the price is? I’ve already bid too low once,” he said grimly.

  Domenico massaged Seth’s nape absent-mindedly. “You say he’s not experienced? That’s easy. If bidding low didn’t work, you need to bid high. Lure him, dress to impress, surprise him, be his Prince Charming.”

  Seth rubbed his chin against Dom’s shoulder and kissed his fingers. It was hard to deny that no matter how messy their relationship sometimes was, they did make it work, so maybe they’d found the recipe for love.

  Seth laughed and pointed at Mark. “Look, he’s thinking. He’s gonna do that.”

  “Stop teasing me! This is serious.”

  Dom nodded. “If it’s serious, then put in the work.”

  The gray blot of Griffith’s coat made Mark look up and then frantically switch off the conversation. Griffith gave him a wide smile as he happily walked in his direction, his long, lean legs in skinny jeans.

  Prince Charming, Mark. Prince Charming.

  “Hi, hope you didn’t get bored.”

  “Nah, called my dads. You found what you were looking for?”

  Griffith shrugged but wouldn’t stop watching Mark with that irresistibly sunny smile. The black bag he was holding went behind his back. “Yes, I’m all yours now. Where do you want to go?”

  Mark hesitated over how much he should dial up the flirting. Keep it cool. “I’ll be staying here for Christmas, so I want to find some gifts. Will you help me choose something nice? You’ve got an eye for that.”

  Flattery was the right way to go, because Griffith pulled back his shoulders, focusing all his attention on Mark. “For your family? Of course. What kind of stuff are they into?”

  They started walking back toward the mall, along the street decorated with lights and filled with wooden stalls. Mark got the strangest feeling that this could have been a movie scene. He wasn’t the star—just an extra, somewhere in the background. Not the one in a car chase, not the one tracking someone down with a hunting knife while having to look out for security guards. Nope, just the most average man, out with his friend, hopefully soon-to-be-boyfriend, doing some shopping.

  They discussed gifts for Dom and Seth, and then ventured into stores where Griffith got lost in a shopping spree, but waiting for him was no chore. In fact, few things felt more peaceful than watching him focus on pretty things. And then Mark got to see Griffith showing off his new fashion choices as reward.

  The curtain moved, and Griffith walked out of the dressing room like a professional model, hands deep in the pockets of the chic dark blue coat. Slightly on the edgier side, it featured an asymmetrical zipper and a large collar that could be worn flat or fastened with straps to protect the lower half of the face from the cold.

  His eyes glinted when he spun around for Mark. “What do you think? I’m on the fence if it’s a bit too much or not.”

  “Too much what? Too much style?” Mark smiled from his spot on a little sofa in front of the changing rooms. The coat was short enough to show off Griff’s upper thighs, which in turn made it good enough for Mark.

  They were in a store that sold high fashion brands, and so there weren’t that many people around. On the backdrop of polished white surfaces, in clothes that so perfectly showed off his figure, Griffith was a sight to behold. He bit his lip in a way that was sexy and innocent all at once, pleased with the compliment. “You’re pulling my leg.”

  “No, I mean… I don’t really have a gift for you yet. Do you like this?”

  Griffith blinked and looked at the coat. He chuckled. “What? You can’t be serious. This thing costs almost three thousand pounds.”

  And with the way it looked on Griff, was worth every penny. For the smile it brought to Griff’s face, Mark would have even tipped. “I’ve got some savings.”

  Griffith’s face was a mosaic of emotion, and for a moment it seemed like he’d agree, but in the end he shook his head. “That’s very generous, but we haven’t known each other that long,” he said and pulled on the zipper, then froze when it stopped halfway down his chest. Face flushing a bright red, he cleared his throat and fumbled with the front of the jacket.

  Mark got up, alarmed to Griff’s distress as if he’d been getting more tuned into it every day. “Everything okay?” he whispered.

  Griffith stepped back toward the dressing room. “Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got this,” he said, pulling on the zipper that wouldn’t budge.

  “Okay, but I’ll be here if you need me.” Mark leaned against the door frame. He would be there for any problem Griffith might have.

  Griffith swallowed and looked up, chewing on those tempting lips as if he wanted them to pop with juice. “Actually... this is tight, so maybe it would be a bit easier if you had a look.”

  Mark wouldn’t say no to any invitation that involved getting into Griff’s personal space, so he stepped closer and assessed the zipper. A thread was stuck in it, so he pulled it out with care. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying Griff’s smell, or the hitched breaths he was making. One day, they would end up in bed, and Griff would be taking breaths like that out of excitement, not because he was embarrassed.

  His cheeks looked as if they were stained with raspberry juice, and all Mark wanted was a single lick. Griffith’s chest worked frantically against his hands, but when the zipper was finally dislodged, Mark ended up pulling a bit too hard, which thrust Griff into his arms.

  For the briefest moment, time stood still. Griff’s pale fingers spread over Mark’s pecs as they stared at one another.

  “There we go,” Mark said, not daring to blink. Did Griff feel the sparks between them too? He had to, because his hands were still there. Was three weeks enough for him to get over what had happened? It wasn’t like they were the kind of friends who told each other about the people they fancied or dated.

  But just when the moment became so long and Mark felt like he might be kissed, Griffith pulled away with an embarrassed chuckle. “Thanks. You’re a lifesaver. Give me two seconds, and we can go look for that tie for your dad,” he said and disappeared behind the curtain.

  Mark took a deep breath to calm down. Pacing was everything. It didn’t mean he would wait forever. It was time to leave the friend zone and start flirting, but he could wait for Griffith to catch up with him.

  “And something for my sister.”

  Griffith’s head popped out from behind the curtain before the rest of him emerged with the few pieces of clothing he’d tried on. “You never said you had a sister!”

  Mark smiled when he thought about the video Dom had sent him of Angelica making Christmas decorations. “She’s almost three.”

  Griffith smiled. “She’d have fun with my little brother. He’s like... two and a half.”

  “So we’re even. You never said you had a brother.”

  Griffith hung the clothes on a rack by the fitting room and led the way to the accessories section. His smile faded somehow before he spoke. “It’s complicated. My parents adopted him after a relative couldn’t take care of him.”

  “Oh, that’s really kind of your parents. Angelica’s adopted as well. Duh. But my dads seem to forget about that all the time and say stuff like ‘she’s got my eyes’.”

  Griffith looked at the stand featuring silk ties. “Oh, my parents aren’t going to forget. They’re very responsible, but they didn’t appreciate how the whole thing went down. Anyway, what kind of stuff does your sister like?”

  The remaining shopping took longer than expected, and by the time they both got hungry, Mark led the way to a contemporary Italian restaurant he’d found online. Griffith loved the food, and when they shared a meringue with cream and maraschino cherry syrup for dessert, Mark couldn’t help the web or dirty thoughts that had overcome his brain. Once they finished their meal and went back into the cold, it was already dark outside, with the multitude of Christmas lights dispersing the gloom of the snowless city.

>   After having another drink at the Christmas stalls, they headed off toward the ice rink that had been set up just the previous week.

  “You won’t be able to stand straight on the ice after that beer.” Mark mocked Griff and playfully pulled him closer to ruffle his hair.

  Griffith gasped, looking up at Mark, but then pulled away and grabbed Mark’s wrist. “Oh really? You want to bet?”

  “Always,” Mark said although he was slightly tipsy himself. The day had been so peaceful he let himself relax and avoided thinking about spies hiding in dark alleyways. He was safe here. And Griffith was safe too—sincere, a bit naive, and without any capacity to hurt Mark other than through rejection.

  “What do we bet on?” Griffith asked as they entered the dressing area with lockers after paying at the entrance.

  “Loser has to pretend they’re proposing on the ice.” Mark wiggled his eyebrows with a wolfish grin. Whoever were to lose, Mark would be a winner. Though he’d never skated in his entire life, so the result was easy to predict.

  Griffith hid his face in his hands. “Oh, my God! Propose to who? Any girl in the rink?”

  Mark started laughing. “No, silly! To the other person. You can’t be pulling some poor stranger into it.”

  Griffith stared back at him as if a car had just stopped inches away and was still blinding him with headlights? “Us? With other people around? Wouldn’t it... make some people uncomfortable as well?”

  Mark patted Griff’s cheek, revelling in how soft the skin was. “I don’t care. It’s their problem if they mind two men madly in love.”

  Griffith chuckled, looking away. Mark waited, but Griffith’s lips stretched into a mischievous smile. “Okay, let’s do it.”

  Mark tied his other skate. “You sure you’re ready?”

  Griffith laughed dismissively. “You are going down on that knee so fast.”

  Mark raised his eyebrows as he got up, unsure about balancing on what essentially was thin metal stilts. “Wait. You’re not a figure skater on top of being great at horse riding and dance, are you? ’Cause that would be ridiculous.”